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My daughter just heard today that a friend of hers from college killed herself a week ago. They had been friends since freshman year when they lived in the same suite. She had transferred to a different college at the end of sophomore year to be closer to her family. My daughter said she nor her other close friends had any idea that she was having any issues of any kind. I am still in shock. 21 years old, smart, beautiful, funny, a lovely girl, with a family that loved her. It just hurts to think.

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My 19yo son’s close friend and next door neighbor died in June from an unknown heart condition. It was horrible. It still is horrible. He was his mother’s only child, and she is shattered.


For my son, he appreciated hearing about grief and what to expect. He’s more of a practical guy and needed to know that. I also reminded him that it might be tempting to self-medicate the feelings, but that is a terrible idea. He’s going to hurt and it’s going to suck, but that’s okay - he just needs to hurt for awhile without trying to run away from it. He’s not much of a talker, but he has other friends who also knew the deceased and they have helped each other. He said he is realizing in ways he didn’t anticipate that life might be shorter than he thought. That translates in good ways like he is more affectionate with us, and not so good, like he almost didn’t leave for college in the fall because he could die tomorrow and didn’t want to be spending his time at college (he’s not an enthusiastic student).


I am still struggling with my own grief. His mother is a “chat now and then and catch up†kind of friend, and every time I look out the window at their house, I am punched in the gut. At the open casket funeral, she stood there greeting people, and every once in awhile, she’d reach down and stroke his hair absentmindedly while talking to the mourners. I cannot get that image out of my head, and it just shreds my heart. She is so lost as he was her life. Leaving my son at college was that much harder, and him being out driving at night makes me pace. Just like he realizes his life could be short, I realize young adults die and I can’t make that seem as unrealistic as I used to.


So, just want to say I understand, and I’m so sorry your daughter is experiencing this. It’s tough.

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