What do you do with a picky eater?

[mo2]

My 6yo daughter is such a picky eater! She always has been, and I thought she would outgrow it eventually, but instead it seems to be getting worse. I could literally list for you here all the foods that she will eat...and there's not a fruit among them and only 1 vegetable that I can think of. Hubby wants to stop fixing her alternative meals and make a policy that if she doesn't eat what we eat, then she goes hungry. MIL, who we live with, thinks it is wrong to let a child go hungry and will go out of her way to fix something special for dd that she will eat. My feelings are somewhere in the middle.

 

I'm sure someone here has experience with a picky eater...Would you care to share what has worked for you?

[fshinkevich]

I agree with the "You get what you get and you don't throw a fit" policy. Also the "no eats no treats" policy :)

 

Here are my tips, although I'm sure you have tried a lot, if not all, of them already!

 

I make one meal, no more. I make them try one bite of everything, but will not force them to eat all of it. They have to eat a significant amount in order to get any sort of dessert or non fruit/veggie snack. I know it's hard to watch, but they really won't starve themselves. Although they may want to visit MIL more :tongue_smilie:

 

Even my super picky son who will not touch anything other than a blood orange will drink smoothies. I can sneak SO much into them: spinach, "weird" fruits flax seed, vitamins, soy protein and they never know!

 

I also do sneaky recipes wherever I can, like super finely chopping green veggies and mixing them in with spaghetti sauce. I will also serve the veggie on the side and make them try it whole, but at least they are getting something in the mean time. For example the other night we had tomato sauce with finely chopped spinach and zuchinni on whole grain noodles, I served steam broccoli and a fresh salad on the side.

 

Kids love to dip things so try small sized fruits and veggies with different dips, maybe you'll find something she likes.

 

Kids love to cook and will often eat "gross" things if they were the chef.

 

And my last tip is to not make a big deal out of it. Like I said our table rule is one bite of everything but if they don't want to eat that's fine, no stress or pressure for the child. I don't get angry, they just don't get any treats. If they eat something they normally wouldn't I don't heap praise on them, just act like it's the normal thing to do. Because it is!

 

Good luck!

[Angel]

My picky eater has sensory issues. It is directly related. She has had many ups/downs in what she would eat, but 4yr-7yr was probably the worst span. I know that many on the board do not believe in fixing separate meals, etc. but truly there may be a reason they don't eat everything, especially if she's always been this way. I would explore and see if there is a reason there before deciding that she eats what there is or that's it. Mine is now 14 and though she is more willing in the past year to at least try something new, there are things that she just can't, she has separate food when we eat those things. For her, eating something she cannot tolerate is torture.

 

I just had to jump in here before all the "make them eat it" threads began. I have a friend like that. Truly, until you deal with it, sometimes people don't understand that there is more to being a picky eater than just being rude or ungrateful.

 

:rant: Stepping off the soapbox now :blush:

[Renee in NC]

I have one who is picky despite my best efforts (he gets it from my dh) and he chooses to go hungry sometimes. I try not to make any meals where there isn't *something* that he will eat, but the reality is that we cannot afford for him to be picky. Generally that means he cannot have "seconds" of the things he does like because there isn't enough to go around, KWIM?

 

So, I guess my answer is that I would only allow her to eat what we eat, but not *make* her eat anything, while at the same time not letting her pickiness affect the rest of the family's portions.

 

ETA: Mine does this because of texture mostly - he can't stand the way some things "feel" so I don't make a big deal about it. Unfortunately, our family situation does not allow for me to let him even make his own alternative.

[Anne]

Some children have serious sensory issues which must be dealt with differently. I have no experience with those but I am sure you will get some good advice about that here.

 

Assuming no sensory issues, I absolutely would not fix something special or interesting for a child that won't eat what I prepare. At most, I would allow the child to get something very boring for herself after dinner.

 

No snacks before dinner. Serve "one bite" portions. Try to have something she does like for part of every meal. I would have desirable desserts available after dinner for those who had eaten their dinners (if you're not hungry enough to eat dinner, you're not hungry enough for dessert!).

 

Talk about nutrition - there are good kids books which talk about eating different foods. Discuss the fact that you often have to try a new food 20 (I think) times before you like it. Talk about foods you and your dh didn't like as children, but like now. Let her know that it's normal to dislike something sometimes - but it won't always be that way - part of growing up is expanding your food choices. Involve her in food buying and preparation - let her choose something new to cook and let her help. The more ownership/input she has, the more willingness she might have to try something new.

 

Above all, it should not turn into a fight. Be very matter-of-fact about the whole thing. Remember that you cannot control what she eats and if it turns into a battleground, she will win - but ultimately, lose.

 

Another thing is that, whatever you and your dh decide to do, your mil must back you up! Your dh may have to deal with her on this one.

 

Hope this is helpful!

 

Anne

[Country Mouse]

My picky eater has sensory issues.

 

Same here.

 

I fix him healthy, nutritious meals that he will eat.

 

My son is so small that he is not even on the ped's growth chart. I just can't let him go hungry. But I definitely don't feed him junk.

 

I just got the book The Sneaky Chef (on the recommendation from this board) and she has LOTS of good ideas on making meals more nutritious but palatable to kids. For a non-sensory kid, you might try that.

[runamuk]

I give my kids two choices at dinner - take it or leave it. I do, however, make sure there is something everyone likes.

 

I involve them all in the menu planning and the making of dinner. They seem to be more open to trying new things if they've helped make it. We also look for recipes that use the "icky" ingredient in different ways.

 

I keep healthy snacks in the house, too. My son has food dye sensitivities, so we're a bit limited on the processed foods we have on hand. It was hard at first for the kids to switch to healthier snacks and there was a great deal of whining. But when they saw that I wasn't going to be offering anything other than fresh fruit, veggies, or string cheese, they learned to eat - and like - those things.

 

I've heard it said that a child needs to be exposed to new food up to 15 times before s/he will like it. I don't know if that's true, but I do know that once my kids become accustomed to seeing a food on our table, they're more likely to eat it.

 

My oldest has some sensory issues when it comes to food textures. If I served a food that she couldn't eat, she was welcome to substitute extra veggies or fruit for that food. Many times, she was able to come up with a way of preparing something that didn't set off her gag reflex. She couldn't eat mashed sweet potatoes, but if I cubed and roasted them, she was fine. She couldn't eat smooth mashed potatoes, but if I left the skins on and mashed them with a hand masher, she could eat them. She can't stand to eat broccoli tops so she trades her tops to her sister for the bottoms, which she can eat. Not everything can be resolved like this, but she took charge of her diet and her sensory issues and found what works for her.

 

My middle child is the pickiest of all my children, but she is slowly growing out of it. She's willing to try new things (our rule is that you can't say you don't like it unless you've tried it) and is starting to try foods she's not liked in the past. She surprised me last week by eating polenta, something she's hated from day one. She said that she still doesn't like it but figured she better learn to like it 'cause it was looking like I'd keep making it. LOL

 

My son is the adventurous eater. The only thing he doesn't like is celery.

[Adrianne]

I agree with the "You get what you get and you don't throw a fit" policy. Also the "no eats no treats" policy :)

 

Here are my tips, although I'm sure you have tried a lot, if not all, of them already!

 

I make one meal, no more. I make them try one bite of everything, but will not force them to eat all of it. They have to eat a significant amount in order to get any sort of dessert or non fruit/veggie snack. I know it's hard to watch, but they really won't starve themselves. Although they may want to visit MIL more :tongue_smilie:

 

Even my super picky son who will not touch anything other than a blood orange will drink smoothies. I can sneak SO much into them: spinach, "weird" fruits flax seed, vitamins, soy protein and they never know!

 

I also do sneaky recipes wherever I can, like super finely chopping green veggies and mixing them in with spaghetti sauce. I will also serve the veggie on the side and make them try it whole, but at least they are getting something in the mean time. For example the other night we had tomato sauce with finely chopped spinach and zuchinni on whole grain noodles, I served steam broccoli and a fresh salad on the side.

 

Kids love to dip things so try small sized fruits and veggies with different dips, maybe you'll find something she likes.

 

Kids love to cook and will often eat "gross" things if they were the chef.

 

And my last tip is to not make a big deal out of it. Like I said our table rule is one bite of everything but if they don't want to eat that's fine, no stress or pressure for the child. I don't get angry, they just don't get any treats. If they eat something they normally wouldn't I don't heap praise on them, just act like it's the normal thing to do. Because it is!

 

Good luck!

 

:iagree:

 

These things work for us too. Both of my boys are allowed to have things they simply will not eat, like cabbage or my ds 6 does not eat meat, and that is OK. But they are encouraged to try what we are eatingand no other meal is made.

 

Only one meal is made and I try to include something they will eat. But if they choose not to eat, then no big deal but no treats or seconds of what they like.

 

My hubby tries to encourage them by having a "clean plate club". At the end of dinner, we all look to see if we are members of the clean plate club that night. (no real reward - just for fun). He also encourages them to eat a small bite of everything.

 

Studies show children (and adults) need to be exposed to a food 10 to 15 times before they will like it. One little taste every now and then works!

 

Good luck!

[Kris]

My 6yo daughter is such a picky eater! She always has been, and I thought she would outgrow it eventually, but instead it seems to be getting worse. I could literally list for you here all the foods that she will eat...and there's not a fruit among them and only 1 vegetable that I can think of. Hubby wants to stop fixing her alternative meals and make a policy that if she doesn't eat what we eat, then she goes hungry. MIL, who we live with, thinks it is wrong to let a child go hungry and will go out of her way to fix something special for dd that she will eat. My feelings are somewhere in the middle.

 

I'm sure someone here has experience with a picky eater...Would you care to share what has worked for you?

 

As long as your Hubby and your mother-in-law on on opposite sides of this issue, I don't see that you're going to accomplish much, other than maybe having the adults fighting with each other while your daughter enjoys her special meals. :lol:

 

If she doesn't have sensory issues, there would be no special meals at *my* house. The thing is, Grandmas are supposed to spoil kids and indulge things like this. It's written in the Grandma rulebook some where.

[NevadaRabbit]

I absolutely and wholeheartedly disagree with the "let 'em starve till they eat what's in front of 'em" approach. This is akin to tossing a non-swimmer in the deep end and letting them flail till they reach shore.

 

Picky eaters are not manipulative, bad, spawn of poor parenting, nor evil. There are many, many reasons a child (and adult!) might be picky. Please investigate to see why your child is picky before you draw a line in the sand. My "picky" husband was finally diagnosed at age 43 with reflux - well, lookie there. Eating actually was painful for him. For 4 decades. Before you assume that this is purely behavioral, assess carefully.

 

Sensory issues: difficulty sensing hunger/satiety signals, sensing food in mouth, gag reflex, texture sensitivity, prior experiences with certain foods causing a gag/choke, painful reflux after eating, etc

Sensorimotor issues: difficulty maneuvering food within the mouth, uncontrollable gag reflex, difficulty coordinating chew/swallow/breathing (dysphagia). These issues are best treated by a speech or occupational therapist who is trained/experienced in this area.

 

Jill's Theory: some kids are more accepting of new stuff. They read any book around, join in any sport, make new friends wherever they go, taste anything, jump into new stuff readily. Other kids have a narrower comfort zone. They read the same books over and over, hang back for a long time before tentatively stepping into new situations, are comfortable with a small circle of friends, and are perfectly content with a narrow circle of foods, too. Is this bad? wrong? manipulative? I don't think it is.

 

What has worked for us (we have one picky eater and one child who will eat anything):

*don't make mealtime a battle. Mealtime is pleasant and fun and all about nourishing our bodies. Want an eating disorder? Go ahead and make mealtime into a battle of wills - you might teach your child to despise food for emotional reasons or to seek emotional comfort from food.

*teach, teach, teach. Help your child recognize hunger cues, teach about nutrition, teach her how to make acceptable alternatives if she doesn't care for the family meal. In other words, help her learn how to shoulder this aspect of herself, herself.

*to encourage variety, use a muffin tin and have her load it each morning with foods she enjoys, something different in each cup (use a slip of paper to write the name of something you can't put in a muffin tin). Let her choose from the muffin tin at mealtime.

*give her recipe books with pictures and let her choose something. Let her pick something new at the store. Let her create her own sandwich.

*even the narrow-zone kids go through phases of expanding their zone. Take advantage if she's in an expansive phase - and if she's not, let it be.

*write this mantra inside your eyelids: my child is not doing this to vex me. This one too: I am not going to insist that my child's food choices please ME. :)

[OnTheBrink]

I think finding out why she's picky might be a good first step. If it's texture that bothers her, that's easy enough to get around. If it's the fact she doesn't want to try something new, then that's a different thing.

 

I used to baby sit two girls who's mother informed me they'd eat only chicken nuggets, fries, chips, hot dogs and macaroni and cheese. They wouldn't eat fruit or veggies. (the reason was the mother never cooked and this was all she'd make them!)

 

Well. At Miss Michelle's house, we have fruit and veggies and not so much of the fried and processed foods. I started out slowly. Hot dogs and applesauce, then maybe macncheese and mixed veggies. Slowly but surely, these girls ate veggies and fruits--they initially refused them because they'd never had them and were afraid to try them. We finally got to where they'd eat meals that had NO nuggests, dogs, potatoes or macncheese. It took time, but we got through it. I never let them go without a meal (since they weren't my kids) but I did not give in and accept "I don't like it!" without their ever having tried it.

 

OTOH, if she can't stand the feel of something in her mouth, maybe you can prepare it a way that changes the texture. When I was a kid, I couldn't deal with cottage cheese in my mouth, I gagged it every time. I finally got over it, but my parents decided there were other ways of getting dairy into me that didn't include me vomiting it back up. LOL

[Jenny in Florida]

For her, eating something she cannot tolerate is torture.

 

I just had to jump in here before all the "make them eat it" threads began. I have a friend like that. Truly, until you deal with it, sometimes people don't understand that there is more to being a picky eater than just being rude or ungrateful.

 

:rant: Stepping off the soapbox now :blush:

 

I'll venture up on that soapbox with you, if there's room.

 

I was a picky eater. I didn't want to be. I didn't do it to be difficult or manipulative. I just couldn't stand the look, texture or taste of many foods. As an adult who is now raising two highly gifted kids, I have learned that hightened sensitivities often go with the package. For kids who have genuine issues (and I would suggest that it may be hard to tell for sure if they do), forcing the issue can be a very bad thing.

 

One example: Before we fully understood what we were dealing with, my husband once decided that our daughter was going to try one bite of spaghetti. The conflict went on for hours. She eventually gave in, ate one bite, gagged . . . and to this day (10 years later) not only refuses to eat anything with tomato sauce but remembers the incident in great deatil and remains resentlful about it.

 

Our approach with pickiness is to require the kids to eat a reasonably healthy diet, but not to get too hung up on them eating specific foods. So, when I make spaghetti, my daughter has some sliced fruit, the garlic bread a glass of soymilk and any leftovers she wishes to warm up for herself. When I make a meal featuring a main dish my son doesn't like, he does the same thing.

 

I don't make separate meals, but I do try to be aware of everyone's likes and dislikes and make sure they have a easy option.

 

For me, it's not worth risking damage to my relationship with my child or creating additional barriers to them later being willing to try new foods to get too strict about this.

[H.S. Burrow]

... whatever you and your dh decide to do, your mil must back you up! Your dh may have to deal with her on this one.

 

 

 

I give my kids two choices at dinner - take it or leave it. I do, however, make sure there is something everyone likes.

 

I involve them all in the menu planning and the making of dinner.

 

This is what we do. If your MIL lives with you, then she must back you up! Nothing you do will work if the kids know they can get Grandma to fix them something else to eat.

 

We try each week to plan our meals as a family. There are 4 of us and 7 nights so we allow the kids to choose (from my meal planner notebook) 2 dinners each (with their choice of vegetable) and DH & I choose the other 3 dinners.

 

As for sensory issues, I'm not completely sure that I understand this the way it is referred to...however, something I did not know about and read in the YOU On a Diet book, was that some people are what's known as "supertaster" and "undertaster". The book says this:

 

 

 

If you're classified as a "supertaster", you tend not to eat fruits and vegetables because they may taste very bitter. If you're an "undertaster", you may be more prone to eating (and overeating) sweets because it takes more of a taste to satiate you.

 

One thing that we tried with our picky eater was a "blind taste test". We blind-folded our DS at the table, and served him very small bites of various vegetables. What we (and more importantly HE) learned was that he liked a lot more than he thought he did! We added a dash of soy sauce and that made all of the difference.

 

Now, he doesn't eat a large a variety as we do, but he eats a lot more than he used to.

 

HTH!:)

 

ETA: NevadaRabbit posted while I was typing this, I understand the sensory issue a little more now. Thanks!

Edited October 30, 2008 by H.S. Burrow

[mom31257]

My ds, 5, is a picky eater, also. He will eat several fruits and very limited veggies. He does like whole grain breads and crackers, which is at least something. He's picky in the main dish as well. I often am making him something separate so my dh and dd and I can have our spicy dishes that we love.

 

I have a rule that you must try everything. I always make sure there is something he will eat. Fortunately, he loves fresh tomato and will eat cucumbers(with a little salt added). I can always cut up some of this for him if he doesn't like the veggies the rest of us are having. I have found he eats fresh much better than cooked. He will eat carrots with ranch dressing, but only certain ranch dressings, not just any kind.

 

I have sticker charts (like for school) that are Monday-Friday. I put a sticker on for each fruit or vegetable. If you fill the chart (5 a day), you get dessert after supper. If you fill the whole chart, we get to go out on the weekend for a special dessert. My kids love sweets and it motivates them. The dessert during the week is just a little low fat ice cream or a couple of cookies, nothing fancy. I keep ready to bake cookie dough. There's no way I want a big dessert sitting around as temptation for me!

 

I usually offer a fruit at breakfast, fruit and veggie at lunch, and 2 veggies at supper. I find myself moving toward changing the rules to eat it because it's good for you. There have been times he said he didn't like something he just ate 2 days ago. If that's the case, he has to eat it.

[choirfarm]

When my oldest was 2 or 3 he ate meat, cheese and bread, period. I could not get him to eat a veggie. No dessert, snacks, didn't work. So I did what our family doc said to do. I fixed a dinner plate.. I don't remember what the other foods were but the veggie was green beans. I put 4 on his plate along with the meat, cheese and bread. He had to eat 2 of them at least so as not to get it for breakfast. He ate everything but the green beans. I told him again, that he would be eating it for breakfast if he did not eat at least 2 of them. He didn't, so I put them in the refrigerator (no yelling, no reaction of any kind..we may have even watched a movie or something fun). The next morning I put the plate of green beans in front of him and told him he had to eat at least 2 of the 4 green beans to get his regular breakfast. He did not, so I put it back in the fridge. Once again we went on with our day. For lunch I pulled the same plate out and he FINALLY ate 2 green beans, after which I gave him his regular meal. After that one time, (he must have been starving. I gave him liquids, but nothing to eat) very occasionally I had to reserve a veggie for breakfast. I think my other two had to eat a veggie for breakfast but only once or twice. Generally, they would ask..if I don't eat it now do I have to eat it for breakfast? Now let me be clear, I am not talking about a HUGE serving. They just had to try a couple of bites!!

 

Fast forward a few years: my oldest is now 13. The others are 11 and 6. My oldest LOVES vegetables. He has me fix okra and tomatoes every year as part of his birthday meal (gross..I fix them, but YUCK!!! Slimy okra is the worst. But I have to eat a few bites... fair is fair!!!:) They all eat tons of fruits. I generally buy 2 different things of fruit as Sams a week. The grapes last 3 or 5 days, the oranges a week, etc. We never have food battles. Everyone has their foods they don't like: for me tomatoes, for my oldest beans, etc. I give them a very small portion of whatever it is when we eat. Then when we have leftovers, they pick the veggies they want. I just feel like it is important to learn to eat foods even if you do not like them. I hate tomatoes, but if I am at someone's house then I eat them on the salad and don't pick them off. That is rude. This rule sure came in handy when we went to Ethiopia this last year and had to eat some interesting things.

 

Also, this obviously does not apply if there are allergies involved. My oldest was/is allergic to peanuts. You may not be up for it. I did not make a big scene. Just stated the fact: you eat it now or you eat it for breakfast. I just went on with life, but I then followed through on what I said. Once again, not a huge amount. I have never, will never require them to clean their plates. This was only when they were small and sometimes they would say their tummy was hurting and I might give them the benefit of the doubt if it wasn't a pattern (Now if we had a tummy ache every time we served carrots, I might wonder!) I would never, ever have thought when my oldest was 2 that he would get two huge helpings of okra and tomatoes or broccoli at a meal, but he does!! It worked for us. Also, one more thing. I probably wouldn't have done it if he ate let us say carrots and brocolli but not green beans. But he ate NO VEGETABLES whatsoever, none!!! The doctor didn't feel like it was healthy and had done this with one of his children. It worked if you feel like it is worth it.

 

Christine

[mo2]

After reading the responses, I'm perhaps even more confused. Here are a few more details about her diet:

 

I generally have to make her things like peanut butter and honey sandwiches, toast with jelly, pancakes, or a cheese sandwich. She refuses to eat anything with tomato sauce: No spaghetti, no pizza (when she gets her book-it pizzas, she orders them without sauce), no lasagna, etc. The only meat she will eat is chicken, but only if it is baked (not fried, which is okay because we rarely have that anyway). No nuts. No fruits. She will eat yogurt but only if it is without chunks. The only veggie she will eat is mashed potatoes but only if they are extremely well-mashed (completely smooth). No soups. No beans. The ONLY thing she will drink is chocolate milk, and the occasional orange soda she gets from her g-ma. (Please don't berate me for the fact that the milk is chocolate, not white. I got enough of that from our dentist this week.)

 

Does this shed anymore light on the subject?

[NevadaRabbit]

I generally have to make her things like peanut butter and honey sandwiches, toast with jelly, pancakes, or a cheese sandwich. She refuses to eat anything with tomato sauce: No spaghetti, no pizza (when she gets her book-it pizzas, she orders them without sauce), no lasagna, etc. The only meat she will eat is chicken, but only if it is baked (not fried, which is okay because we rarely have that anyway). No nuts. No fruits. She will eat yogurt but only if it is without chunks. The only veggie she will eat is mashed potatoes but only if they are extremely well-mashed (completely smooth). No soups. No beans. The ONLY thing she will drink is chocolate milk, and the occasional orange soda she gets from her g-ma. (Please don't berate me for the fact that the milk is chocolate, not white. I got enough of that from our dentist this week.)

 

Does this shed anymore light on the subject?

 

Yes. She likes smooth textures, not lumpy, bumpy, or grainy. She likes bread. She doesn't like the acidic taste of tomato sauce. She doesn't like liquids.

 

I see the distinct possibility of sensory (texture) issues. This could also point to dysphagia, because people with sensorimotor swallowing issues will intuitively zero in on a texture that they are best able to sense, manipulate in their mouth, and swallow without gagging/choking, and often that is a smooth pudding-y texture or something like bread that is homogeneous and easy to maneuver.

 

Do you see any signs of oral hypersensitivity (too sensitive around/inside the mouth) - i.e. easy gag reflex, avoiding stimulation of her mouth like refusing to lick stamps, balks at the dentist, fear of choking, sensitive to food temperature, avoids strong flavors even in toothpaste, mouth rinse etc?

 

Do you see signs of oral hyposensitivity (decreased sensation around/inside the mouth) - i.e. sloppy/messy eater, seeks stimulation through chewing/gnawing/mouthing non-food items, thumbsucking, can't feel the blob of jelly on her upper lip, that sort of thing?

 

This checklist is long, but informative and thorough. It will help you look for sensory issues in your child and, even if you conclude the checklist saying "nope, that's not us," that is valuable information and time well spent. Just remember "sensory issues" can describe all of us. I can't STAND an itchy, poky tag in the back of a shirt and I will rip it out. But it doesn't interfere with my ability to do life (unless it's really, really itchy!). So you'll probably recognize that you and most people you know have "sensory issues" - the problem arises when it becomes a hindrance to doing life. And there are plenty of things to do, proactively, to help it NOT be a hindrance. Take a look at the checklist and let us know what you think.

[Angel]

Grr, I don't know how to quote!! :iagree: with Jill (Nevada Rabbit). It sounds sensory to me. I would definitely look into some lists and double check. My dd won't touch anything with red sauce ... no pasta for her. Also, for my dd, the smells that accompany the food are also part of the sensory experience. She can't tolerate the smell of eggs, she quickly left the kitchen this a.m. because of this. I'm lucky, dd has always loved any fruit or veggie raw w/dip. She won't touch them cooked ... texture.

 

By the way, dd hasn't drank milk since she was 15 months old. Every once in a while she'll touch chocolate milk, but it has to be real chocolatey. Don't feel bad. Let me repeat ... don't feel bad. Dd drank only juice:D

[mo2]

For anyone who is interested, I started a thread related to this over on the special needs board, hoping I would get more advice about SPD there. Thanks for all your help!

[rafiki]

.

[mo2]

I recently posted about my just turned 7 y/o picky eater, who just keeps getting pickier. He'll eat bananas or canned mushrooms, that is it for fruits and veggies. He'll eat bread, but no rice or couscous, and pasta is a hit or miss. He'll only eat processed meats (pepperoni, salami, hot dogs, sausage, store bought chicken tenders). He used to eat much more of a variety. It's not fun to deal with.

 

He has a peanut allergy. Brother has an anaphylactic milk allergy, so no milk products in the house. DS was just at the ped today and is in the 3% range for BMI. He doesn't grumble, just doesn't eat if he doesn't care for it, but then gets very difficult because he's hungry, and eventually gets to the point of demanding food. On the other hand, if he's given protein every 2 hour, he's such a sweet little boy.

 

We did bloodwork just to rule other things out, he has an appointment this week to follow up on his peanut allergy, it's been 3 years since he's been tested. Hopefully the results from the bloodwork will be back tomorrow, then I can see what the ped allergist has to say Wed..

 

 

Good luck to you. There are no allergies in our family, just refusal to eat. And the thing is, she never seems to get hungry. I don't think she would eat at all if I didn't make her. Hope everything works out for you!

[Cheryl in NM]

Regarding sensory issues: I think you can still help a child learn to get past them. You start very small and slow. There is no way a child can be healthy if they don't eat from all the food groups in the right proportions. There will be side effects some time in their life.

 

That said, our rule is 1 bite of everything. I sneak in healthy items when I can and try to make sure that I always have something that the picky eater likes. I teach them to swallow the food they don't like whole. A grean bean can be cut into smaller pieces and swallowed. You don't taste much of it and the good vitamins end up in the kids system. Eventually, they'll start chewing and maybe like that food. Ds has always hated green beans and pinto beans, he loves them now. He still hates onions, celery and peas. He still must eat them when they are placed in front of him. Obviously, spicy foods are different. They have to be worked into the diet slowly. I use a small amount of red pepper to flavor things. If I make a dish that's too spicy for ds I make him an alternate. Dh and I love green chile enchiladas, but they are usually too spicy for ds. So I'll either make ds his own small casserole dish with just a few chiles or I'll tone down the whole dish for the whole family.

 

I've had great success with these methods. I also use them on myself with foods I don't like and am eating much healthier.

[Haiku]

My daughter is also six and a picky eater. I was also concerned that it was not getting better until very recently. Withing the past few months, she has started to broaden her horizons. Her eating improved when I started giving her a daily multi-vitamin as well as DHA supplements.

 

We are vegan. I make sure that I keep my house stocked only with things that I wouldn't mind the kids eating "whenever." We always have a lot of fresh fruits, veggies, nuts and seeds, and whole grain bread around. The kids have to have a vegetable or a fruit for their morning snack, and I serve fruit with breakfast and a fruit and a vegetable with lunch and dinner.

 

I try to make food fun. One day recently I served "orange lunch": sweet potatoes, carrots, and oranges. Other days the kids get "cold plate special": just a bunch of random stuff pulled out of the fridge, but if I stand at the front door and shout, "Cold plate special, come and get it!" they come a'running. I make smoothies and add ground flax seeds and greens to them. I use cookie cutters to make sandwiches fun shapes. I make smiley faces with dollops of dip and give them a cup of fresh-cut vegetables. I serve fresh fruit in chilled cups with heated, homemade (no-sugar) jam as a topping. I make sure that I eat with my kids and keep a lively conversation going.

 

Other than that, I pretty much stay out of the way. My "strategies" are not always successful in getting my daughter to eat what I wish she would eat, but her caloric intake is definitely adequate and, because everything she consumes at home is healthful, real food, I don't worry about the lack of variety. As long as your child is eating real food and not fake processed food, don't worry too much about it.

 

Tara

[Miss Peregrine]

Haven't read other responses...

 

The biggest thing that helped here was letting the kids dish out their own food. The food is put on the table, they can eat it or not. There is always at least one thing that most everyone will eat.

 

Being in charge of how much is put on their plates has definitely made them more courageous in the things they try. We don't make anyone try anything.

[Cheryl in NM]

Maybe your child has some food allergies.

[FlockOfSillies]

I agree with Anne.

 

Two things I'd add: I loved strawberry flavored things when I was a kid, but couldn't stand the bumpy seeds on the outside of a real strawberry. Now that I'm older, I love real strawberries. But my mom played short-order cook, and there were a lot of things I could have eaten as a kid that I didn't.

 

My kids aren't big tomato sauce fans, either, so they eat their noodles with butter and parmesan cheese. I figure they'll take to tomato sauce on pasta eventually. They eat chili and all kinds of stuff with tomatoes in it (or tomatoes solo).

 

But for the most part, pickiness is behavior that is either discouraged or encouraged. You have a wild card on your hands with MIL. Dh needs to get her on board, and pronto. Actually, I think that your problem most likely stems from the alternative meals, whether they come from you or MIL. Get that fixed FIRST. Then, if her eating habits don't improve by trying one-bite portions of better foods, and if she genuinely seems to be having physical difficulty with eating, then pursue the sensory issue line of thought.

[Spy Car]

I don't have a picky eater. It maybe that we just got "lucky".

 

But I do know that we introduced our son to a wide range of vegetables (including "challenging" items like kale (and other greens), brussel sprouts, and the like) from the very beginning of his eating solid foods, AND we ate them too.

 

Beans, whole-grains, and a wide variety of vegetables and fruit has been part of his diet (and ours) all his life. And is normal for him.

 

I also always told him that broccoli and other greens make him "strong".

 

You ask him: what makes you strong?

 

He yells: broccoli!

 

Once, when wrestling with him I joked that he was too strong. I said from now on no more greens, you have to eat candy. He started to cry :blushing:

 

I felt bad (but at the same time I was a little bit happy).

 

I can't speak about "sensory issues" as I'm sure they are real with some children.

 

But I think a lot of kids are "picky" eaters because they are not fed healthfully as toddlers, and don't see good role-modeling in their parents diet. So they don't develop a taste for "real" food.

 

Bill

[tibbyl]

My 6yo daughter is such a picky eater! She always has been, and I thought she would outgrow it eventually, but instead it seems to be getting worse. I could literally list for you here all the foods that she will eat...and there's not a fruit among them and only 1 vegetable that I can think of. Hubby wants to stop fixing her alternative meals and make a policy that if she doesn't eat what we eat, then she goes hungry. MIL, who we live with, thinks it is wrong to let a child go hungry and will go out of her way to fix something special for dd that she will eat. My feelings are somewhere in the middle.

 

I'm sure someone here has experience with a picky eater...Would you care to share what has worked for you?

 

We do not mind accomodating a picky eater occasionally but definitely not as a way of life. Here's how we handled our picky eater who around 6 or 7. We taught her to make for herself a few of the simple meals she liked. Grilled cheese sandwich. Scrambled eggs. Mac 'n cheese from scratch. Steamed broccoli. Steamed carrots. Of course, she had to clean up after herself too. We kept on hand raw fruits and vegetables that she would eat.

Edited November 3, 2008 by tibbyl

[Debbi in Texas]

I haven't read all the other responses, but I feel your pain. I have a picky eater. He always has been. I finally gave up trying to ind something to cook that he will eat. I finally started taking hime to the store and letting him pick out his own frozen dinners.

 

He will eat more things that I cook now(he is 14), but he still eats plenty of frozen dinners. I don't like it, but at least I know he is eating and my stress level is much lower.

 

Good luck- I know how you feel.

[Chris in VA]

Just don't turn it into a power struggle--

Can't make them sleep, poop, or eat, and those are the big three that children often pick to struggle with.

Does sound sensory. Small steps, only offer healthy alternatives, and give her a good multivitamin. If she likes smooth textures, make sure her lunch includes a smoothy. In fact, try to make everything she eats extra-healthy, sneaking in lots of orange, green and yellow fruits and veggies by dicing up small, or blending.

I'd nix the chocolate milk, pronto. Start diluting it with plain milk, maybe adding in whole milk for a silkier texture--the extra fat won't hurt her if she's young.

I'm a hyper-bitter kinda girl--hated veggies my whole life, unless they were raw. Of course, mom boiled the heck out of them, anyway, so can't say they were that healthy to begin with. I went thru the book Love Hunger and had to document how I felt at mealtime as a child--extremely eye-opening. The only meal that didn't make me anxious was spagetti, because it didn't have veggies (sauce didn't count to me!). I spent years being anxious at the table, and never really knew that wasn't normal.

 

Hang in there. Love her up. Start removing some of her less healthy choices one by one, and add in other things she can tolerate. And I'd get her checked out for sensory issues. How kind of Nevada Rabbit! Wish I had had a more compassionate approach used with me. I don't placate my own kids, but I only serve healthy food...most of the time.

[Peela]

I am not sure how you should handle it- I have a picky eater too and I vary between letting him eat cereal and insisting he eats what is put in front of him. Nowadays he is better- and he does eat raw vegetables- not muc cooked- so I can put carrot sticks and celery on his plate and at least he gets some vegetables. He is 12- almost 13. Your dd is 6 and you thougt she would grow out of it- I would say, bepatient and keep trying new foods without too much fuss- make it seem fun. One thing I used to do, and still do, is buy them something special from the markets- like chocolate coated strawberries, a dragon fruit or custard apple. Something wierd and different- they will use their own pocket money to buy such things now.

 

However I just wanted to suggest to you that you give her a multivitamin and especially some zinc. Lack of zinc is common and affects the ability to taste. It can really help with appetite.

The other thing is, have you tried green smoothies? You make a smoothie with fruit juice, good quality plain yoghurt, and fruit (I like to use frozen berries, bananas, and mangoes when they are in season), and protein powder. Then I add some green powder- like spirulina, wheat grass powder, or something like that- and it turns the smoothie green. However, I know that teh drink while the sweetness is sppelaing to kids, are getting a whole pile of antioxidants and nutrients as well as the benefits of green food. If she wont eat liquids, you could make the smoothy very thick and eat it with a spoon!

 

On the other hand, my brother as we were growing up would only eat a very limited range of food. He would eat potatoes, and tomato soup. He lived on carbs (bread, cereal, sugary foods) and meat. My mother gave up. I doubt multivitamins were ever considered. He was healthy, he ended up being a chiropractor and becoming interested in health. When he got a girlfriend he started to broaden his range of foods and nowadays eats a wider variety.

Many kids live on a limited diet for much of their childhood and I wonder myself why that is, and I don't really know. I find it frustrating as a mother, yet I am not willing to not take it into consideration and force my fussy child to eat everything, as some people seem to be.