umsami Posted March 26, 2017 Share Posted March 26, 2017 My Dad is hopefully coming home from the hospital after a few weeks this week. Both are in their early 80s, and my Mom cannot physically help him. What are the best options for care at home? He won't go into assisted living or a nursing home. What are your best tips regarding this? While I think he could get a hospice referral, he is refusing at the moment. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LifeLovePassion Posted March 26, 2017 Share Posted March 26, 2017 He should be able to get into a rehab center for up to 100 days if he would be willing knowing it is temporary. Can you speak with the nursing staff and a social worker? They can do PT and OT at home, but don't usually cover much if any physical assistance. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
prairiewindmomma Posted March 26, 2017 Share Posted March 26, 2017 (edited) (edited for privacy) Edited March 26, 2017 by kbeal 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathy in Richmond Posted March 26, 2017 Share Posted March 26, 2017 Do you have an Area Agency on Aging locally? We contacted them for my 89 yo mother recently after she fell, broke several bones, and exhausted her stay in the hospital and then the rehab facility. Like your father, she is absolutely adamant about not going into a nursing home or assisted living arrangement. Although she's lived alone for 36 years and has done quite well, now she has some physical limitations (pain & needs a cane) and also some new short term memory loss. My brother & I both live out of town & can't be there to help with day to day issues, and she will not move to where we live, either. The Agency staff set up interviews/assessments at Mom's house to see whether she qualified for various services like meals on wheels and reduced-cost home health aides. She is low income (basically just social security income) and has few assets other than her home, so she qualified for free meal delivery and home health aides at $5 per hour. They also have bus passes for seniors (again, she qualified) that allow for transportation from her door to anywhere in her county for 50 cents (!!) Now if we could only get Mom to take advantage of all these services.... I'd also suggest getting your dad some sort of medical alert bracelet or pendent. Mom didn't fight us on that, and she wears hers regularly. That gives us some peace of mind at least! The other thing we found handy is a chair for the bathtub/shower. She is wobbly & wasn't bathing because she was scared of another fall. The chair solved that problem. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted March 26, 2017 Share Posted March 26, 2017 Have you spoken with a social worker at the hospital? They can often provide excellent ideas and options. I'm so sorry your family is dealing with this. I'm sure your Dad hates the thought of being a burden and that your poor mom wishes she could help him. :( 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reefgazer Posted March 26, 2017 Share Posted March 26, 2017 Can you get aides to stay at his house to assist? That's what my cousins did for my aunt, until she really needed skilled nursing care. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted March 26, 2017 Share Posted March 26, 2017 What Cateoman said. Talk to the social worker at the hospital. The first ones we worked with were subs while the main one was on vacation but when Minnie got back, things started Hsppenkng and it was like having an angel fighting for us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted March 26, 2017 Share Posted March 26, 2017 Along with what everyone else has said, are there any grandchildren or relatives who are fairly free right now or who could even use a free place to live for awhile? They could live there rent-free in exchange for being there to physically help. This is what my niece did for my MIL before she moved into an assisted living home. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted March 26, 2017 Share Posted March 26, 2017 If there is a nursing school nearby, that is something to look into. Free room and board fort live in attentiveness. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted March 26, 2017 Share Posted March 26, 2017 If there is a nursing school nearby, that is something to look into. Free room and board fort live in attentiveness. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eternalsummer Posted March 26, 2017 Share Posted March 26, 2017 Around here a room is something like $300/month (for a nice one) and food would be maybe $150 if you were pretty frugal. That's $450; most of the nursing students my in-laws hired to care for their elderly mother charged $15/hour minimum. That works out to about an hour a day of work; it sounds like they'll need significantly more, and nursing students may need to be in school during the old folks' waking hours anyway. The best situation would be a relative. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Innisfree Posted March 26, 2017 Share Posted March 26, 2017 (edited) We faced this situation with my parents, and ended up hiring a string of people to care for them while living at their house. It basically accomplished the goal: they were able to live out their lives at home, which was their expressed preference. It was not easy. I still have serious regrets and concerns about some elements of their care, but I suppose that would be the case no matter what type of care we had employed. A few thoughts, based on our experience: Do background checks for anyone you hire. We insisted on complying with all employment laws and paying appropriate taxes. We encountered a few workers who did not want their income reported because they were receiving disability. Best make expectations clear *before* the new employee shows up to work and you bring out papers for them to sign (our first hire: oops). Related to this, if you aren't comfortable with accounting or employment laws, consider hiring an accountant to help. Also, remember that you'll need to keep each employee's personal information secure, including from other employees. Think hard about whatever small valuables or collectibles might be in the house, and try to remove any you'd be heartbroken to lose. Hire more than one caregiver. The stresses involved in the job can be extreme. You want people who feel sane and well-rested. We ended up with three people alternating 24 hour shifts, but if my mother had lived longer, we were at the stage of needing to hire separate people for the overnight shifts, because she was awake, wandering the house and experiencing delusions many nights. Caregivers get to the ends of their ropes pretty fast under those conditions, and separate overnight care is expensive. Put security cameras in several significant spots and make sure you openly check recordings often. Keep a close eye on what happens. I lived close enough to be in and out every day, but if you can't, stay in phone contact daily with the caregivers as well as your parents and try to have someone local stopping by often. See if you can find a doctor who specializes in house calls. We found one such practice locally. It was helpful for the caregivers to hear what the doctor said about my parents' condition. Also, as they got sicker, having at least a GP coming to them made life easier, though we still had to haul them to specialists occasionally. Spend as much time with them as you can. Seriously. Hugs. I do know my parents were glad to be at home. My mother's old dog was always near her, my father had the bench where he loved to sit in the yard. It was hard, but I think it was the right thing to do for them, since it was their choice. Edited March 26, 2017 by Innisfree 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted March 26, 2017 Share Posted March 26, 2017 I'm sorry. Elder care is in a miserable state in this country. Finding reliable caregivers who are trustworthy is awful. Also, the good caregivers are in high demand and need good pay. Older folks may think that $10 an hour is excellent pay but good caregivers will ask 15-20. And they'll be worth it! Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lanny Posted March 26, 2017 Share Posted March 26, 2017 Excellent thread. Two of my cousins are looking for Caregivers to come into their homes. I copied and pasted some resonses here and put them into an email to my cousins. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted March 26, 2017 Share Posted March 26, 2017 Around here a room rents for $600, one with a private bath $700 and up. My son eats frugally and spends $200 a month. Care is still $15 an hour. So the live in is worth more. Not a LOT of time and it might not be enough in this case. But this situation has worked for my friends' parents who need meal prep and light housework, their compression socks put in, and drives to the doctor or just to get OUT once in awhile. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted March 26, 2017 Share Posted March 26, 2017 Good advice, and also ADT monitoring now has a sensor that detects falls, so the person doesn't have to push the button for help if, say, he's fallen and is in a coma. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eternalsummer Posted March 26, 2017 Share Posted March 26, 2017 (edited) I will say that my in-laws spent a lot of time trying to get the cheapest care possible. It took them years to realize that paying $10/hr got you... $10/hr levels of commitment. Turnover was crazy, and the people who weren't quitting as soon as they found something else were really bad, like bordering on criminal bad. eta: this is not to say that people who work for $10/hour are automatically criminals; I worked for $10/hr for years. But for a job that actually commands much more for the best workers, and is pretty demanding physically and mentally, paying on the lowest possible end of the scale didn't work out well for them. The nursing students did finally turn out to be great, and paying them enough (I think $20 would have been better but the in-laws were hoping for some inheritance left, I guess). $700 for a room is a lot! You could get a small house for that here, or a 2 bed. apt. The in-laws did this weird thing where they built an addition to a relative's duplex and tried to move the help in there, but unfortunately it was much more difficult to get rid of crazy/criminal/bad employees who were living on the property than ones who were just employed. Edited March 26, 2017 by ananemone Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
matrips Posted March 26, 2017 Share Posted March 26, 2017 My folks both refused the Alf too, but I think they didn't know what they truly were. They had a stinky nursing home image in their minds from their parents. My mom is now in an ALF since November. She had told me several times she is happy (not a word I typically hear from her). I don't think she realized how much she needed or liked the companionship and attention of the caregivers there. She doesn't attend many activities, but the aides frequently stop in to sit down for a little chat. Maybe while they're getting her menu choices or meds or whatever. At any rate, she laughs with them and is in better spirits than she has been in years when she was living on her own. Living at home can be isolating, even though it's what most folks want. Even I want to stay in my own home when I get old. Maybe because while she's in a nice place, I've toured some pretty awful places. Maybe when they feel a little better, you can tour some nicer places with them, just so they know. Best wishes to you and your folks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LifeLovePassion Posted April 2, 2017 Share Posted April 2, 2017 How are things going? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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