How have your dc coped with being far from home?

[Ann.without.an.e]

DD is in LOVE with Rice.  When she talks about schools, she lights up when she talks about it - bubbling, overflowing excitement.  While she tells everyone she has no idea where she wants to go and she is waiting for all decisions to come in to decide, it is obvious that her heart says Rice all the way.  At the same time, what holds her back is her fear of being so far away.  She says she could see herself being so homesick that she is miserable and ends up transferring back closer.  

 

I haven't said too much.  My mama heart wants to tell her to go and she will be ok, but at the same time she is very attached to me and she truly is a homebody so I can't predict that she truly WILL be ok.  

Edited February 28, 2017 by Attolia

[MysteryJen]

A little bit of homesickness is totally normal and it helps to know that most people feel that way sometimes. My kids have been fine. Dd1 misses her sister, but she is so busy that she can't really focus on that. And really, across the country is far away, but so is two hours, if you don't have time or a car to come home.

 

 

[bibiche]

Realistically, how often do students go home during the school year anyway, whether they are two hours by car, as Mystery Jen puts it, or a plane trip away (which is what I assume would be the case for your home and Rice - I have no idea where you are)?  Would she be able to go home for winter break? If she can manage that I am sure she will be okay. Lots of kids I know don't go home for smaller breaks, often choosing to travel with friends or even stay local.  Moving away from home can be scary, but I'm sure she will be fine once she gets to Rice, especially since she seems to love it so. :)

Edited February 28, 2017 by bibiche

[snowbeltmom]

DD is in LOVE with Rice.  When she talks about schools, she lights up when she talks about it - bubbling, overflowing excitement.  While she tells everyone she has no idea where she wants to go and she is waiting for all decisions to come in to decide, it is obvious that her heart says Rice all the way.  At the same time, what holds her back is her fear of being so far away.  She says she could see herself being so homesick that she is miserable and ends up transferring back closer.  

 

I haven't said too much.  My mama heart wants to tell her to go and she will be ok, but at the same time she is very attached to me and she truly is a homebody so I can't predict that she truly WILL be ok.  

If your D loves Rice, I wouldn't let the distance dissuade her from attending.  My oldest is a 13+ hour car ride away from home. However, he facetimes/texts with me and my H and my kids a lot.  I think modern technology makes it much easier for our kids to keep in touch with us which helps to alleviate homesickness.

[GoodGrief]

My oldest loved being away from home from the beginning. In all honesty, it would have been nice to have been closer to her, considering her health issues.

 

My second daughter is a freshman, and had a tough time transitioning from high school. Not dramatically so, but there was a bit of angst. She missed mountains and wilderness, and her sports and home routine.

 

She has settled now in the second semester and is learning to embrace the new opportunities.

[hopskipjump]

DD had a rocky middle/end of the first semester and was really (and unexpectedly) homesick. Those last few weeks before she came home were really rough for her (she switched roommates a week or two before the end of the first semester).

 

This semester has been fantastic. She's made a lot of new friends and is much more confident in herself this semester. Her new roommate is perfect for her and they have a very relaxed relationship together.

 

DD is over 24 hours away by car - so she is f.a.r. away. She isn't prone to in-general homesickness, so I wasn't expecting her first semester to be as rough as it turned out to be. It's a huge relief that semester 2 is going so much better.

[Mom22ns]

My kids aren't that far from home (3 hours is the farthest), however, I think they would cope the same way with being far, as they do with just being away. We text a lot. Daily, several times a day most days. My dd snapchats at least a couple of times a day and now her boyfriend snapchats me too (which is always pictures of her so I enjoy it).

 

When I was in college we did one short long distance phone call a week. But technology has changed that. There is Skype or FaceTime, texting, phone calls and more. I really think this reduces homesickness. 

 

That said, how often she will be able to come home might still impact the decision. Will she be able to come home for all major breaks: Spring, Fall, Thanksgiving, Semester... or only for the semester break? It can be very hard to be away from family for major holidays and most kids do go home for these breaks, so if the cost of travel is too high and she would be trapped at school when she really wants to be home, it might be more impactful.

[clementine]

Our oldest was a complete homebody too.  We are a very close family, and because she is a student-athlete, she can only come home at Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Easter.  She gets a bit homesick, but a facetime call usually is enough to make things better.  

 

When I was in college, I could only call home on Sundays after 8pm (when it was cheaper).  Now, she can text, call, facetime whenever she wants/needs...that helps so much!!!!

 

I would encourage your dd to attend RICE, she wouldn't want to regret not giving it a shot.  

[Ann.without.an.e]

Realistically, how often do students go home during the school year anyway, whether they are two hours by car, as Mystery Jen puts it, or a plane trip away (which is what I assume would be the case for your home and Rice - I have no idea where you are)?  Would she be able to go home for winter break? If she can manage that I am sure she will be okay. Lots of kids I know don't go home for smaller breaks, often choosing to travel with friends or even stay local.  Moving away from home can be scary, but I'm sure she will be fine once she gets to Rice, especially since she seems to love it so. :)

 

 

 

That said, how often she will be able to come home might still impact the decision. Will she be able to come home for all major breaks: Spring, Fall, Thanksgiving, Semester... or only for the semester break? It can be very hard to be away from family for major holidays and most kids do go home for these breaks, so if the cost of travel is too high and she would be trapped at school when she really wants to be home, it might be more impactful.

 

 

 

 

I am not sure how often she would be able to come home.  I would think at least Christmas and Summer and hopefully Thanksgiving.  It depends on how much the cost of her being there sets us back  :mellow:   

 

One of the concerns she has is being hesitant to take breaks abroad or internships that aren't close to here because she is so far away already.  Rice isn't tied into our area at all (I don't think they have a good alumni network here).  She might need to stay in TX for internships, etc.  DD knows that most the other schools she is considering have ample internship opportunities in Charlotte.

[fourisenough]

My DD is about 1,000 miles from home. It has been really, really hard for her. I ended up flying there two weekends in September and sleeping on her floor. The homesickness was BAD. This semester has been better (getting rid of a horrid first semester roommate helped), but she still really misses home. Luckily flights are fairly cheap between our two locations, so she came home twice in fall semester and will be home Friday for her spring break week. I'm not sure I would encourage any of my other girls to go so far away; but every kid is different.

[Ann.without.an.e]

My DD is about 1,000 miles from home. It has been really, really hard for her. I ended up flying there two weekends in September and sleeping on her floor. The homesickness was BAD. This semester has been better (getting rid of a horrid first semester roommate helped), but she still really misses home. Luckily flights are fairly cheap between our two locations, so she came home twice in fall semester and will be home Friday for her spring break week. I'm not sure I would encourage any of my other girls to go so far away; but every kid is different.

 

 

This is about what I envision DD experiencing.  She went for three nights alone and was very homesick by the end, even knowing she was only staying for the three nights.   :rolleyes:

 

What is a reasonable flight cost?  I just ran the numbers and $250-$325 seems to be a normal flight between here and Houston.

[regentrude]

My DD is only 7 hours from home. Close enough to come home for Thanksgiving, but other than Spring Break (maybe) and Christmas, and the first summer, she can't. 

Many of my students who live closer, i.e. 3 hours or so, from home, don't go home during the semester either. No time.

 

Homesickness was an issue during the first year, but I don't think that being closer would have made a difference. She just needed to find friends. And that takes time.

Edited February 28, 2017 by regentrude

[creekland]

Mine have done fine - terrific really - but mine also had no problems being away from home (significantly away) before leaving for college.

 

It matters quite a bit about their personality and how willing they are to break away and start a "new" life, though of course that new life can include texts and video phone calls.  I hear from my college boys about once per week, sometimes more when they have something interesting to text me.  Yesterday we did a video phone call at the dog races (we're in FL right now) so middle son could enjoy a couple of races with us.  Today's technology offers a lot, albeit, not the comfort of home.

[Hoggirl]

Has your dd spent much time away from home?

 

Ds started going to sleep-away camp when he was nine years old. By the time he was twelve he was going to academic summer programs (many far from home), sleep-away camp, AND BSA camp - gone at least six weeks of the summer. That continued until the summer before his senior year.

 

Ds is 1,800+ miles away from us (farther right now since he is abroad this quarter). We went seven months last year without seeing him. I didn't care for that, but he was fine with it. Ha ha! We do not anticipate he will live near us after he graduates, and we will likely only see him twice a year once he is off the payroll. Not everyone can do that - whether parents or kids.

 

I think having spent time away in new settings where one does not know anybody BEFORE one goes to college if one is attending college far from home is extremely helpful. Homesickness was not an issue for our ds. I can't know what that might be like for a student who hasn't done that.

 

At the risk of being sexist, I don't know if there are differences between boys/girls.

 

Technology does help. When I was in college (when dinosaurs roamed the earth), I had one phone call per week with my parents. I was only a three-hour drive away, but I didn't go home very often. We have a thirty minute FaceTime with ds once a week, but we also have some texting and some sightings of him on social media in the interim.

 

If your dd decides to go to Rice (which, BTW, we absolutely LOVED and which made ds's short list) and struggles with homesickness, it will be up to YOU to be the strong one. YOU may have to establish boundaries, IMO.

[diplomum]

My son is in his first year in Berlin, Germany. We text a bit via WhatsApp and Skype now and then. He's fine. Loved being home for Christmas and being fed.

 

Gently, don't let your feelings get in the way of something she sounds so excited about. My friend's daughter had an excellent opportunity across the country, but my friend almost unwittingly talked her out if it and into uni closer to home. Ironically they don't see each other that much more, but I think my friend was subconsciously really struggling with the thought of her daughter being so far away. Her discussions of pros and cons of the two places were therefore slightly colored by that and eventually swayed her. It's still a great school and I'm sure it will be fine, but it ever so subtly wasn't totally her daughter's decision.

[Ann.without.an.e]

Has your dd spent much time away from home?

 

 

At the risk of being sexist, I don't know if there are differences between boys/girls.

 

Technology does help. When I was in college (when dinosaurs roamed the earth), I had one phone call per week with my parents. I was only a three-hour drive away, but I didn't go home very often. We have a thirty minute FaceTime with ds once a week, but we also have some texting and some sightings of him on social media in the interim.

 

If your dd decides to go to Rice (which, BTW, we absolutely LOVED and which made ds's short list) and struggles with homesickness, it will be up to YOU to be the strong one. YOU may have to establish boundaries, IMO.

 

 

No, unfortunately, she hasn't.  We just never had the $$$ for the summer programs and summer camps, etc.  

 

I will admit that my own opinion is that it is easier on boys than girls and maybe that is sexist, but I have seen an awful lot of situations like that  :ph34r:  DS would leave home and not think about it for a second.  I will be lucky to get a call once a week when he is in college  :glare:

 

Oldest DD and I are just unusually close.  My younger DD will fair better when she leaves too.  

[mjbucks1]

I think a lot of it will depend on your dd's personality and finding her 'tribe' once she is there.  My ds had said he did not want to be more than 3 hours away from home (he is also very much a homebody).  But he is now at a school 10+ hours away.  He has come home for Thanksgiving and Christmas, and will be home for spring break.  I think I was more of a basket case when he left, hoping he would find a good group of friends (which he has).  Also, ds is a 'roll-with-the-punches' type of kid, so this has helped as well.  I think in the end your dd will make the right decision.  Remember, some kids get homesick even being 3 hours from home.  So much of it really has to do with friends and roommates.   

[Ann.without.an.e]

 

Gently, don't let your feelings get in the way of something she sounds so excited about. My friend's daughter had an excellent opportunity across the country, but my friend almost unwittingly talked her out if it and into uni closer to home. Ironically they don't see each other that much more, but I think my friend was subconsciously really struggling with the thought of her daughter being so far away. Her discussions of pros and cons of the two places were therefore slightly colored by that and eventually swayed her. It's still a great school and I'm sure it will be fine, but it ever so subtly wasn't totally her daughter's decision.

 

 

I am being very careful.  It is dd who is afraid to leave.  I am not expressing too many opinions because I am secretly rooting for her to try it.  I would hate for her to be miserable, especially if I steered her there.  I will NOT discourage her from going.  How could I?  She seems so happy when she talks about it, she has the weather for Houston on her phone app and she is constantly telling me the temp there, and it has great opportunities.  I would definitely err in pushing her that direction rather than away from it.  Also, I traveled the world much younger than dd, without my parents.  I was fiercely independent and wasn't a bit homesick so I can't identify with how she is feeling.  I don't remember having any hesitancies about leaving.  I wish I could say, "I have been there and it will be ok" but I never felt that.

[EKS]

My son is 3000 miles away.  He has had no problems.  We Skype a lot, and he comes home for vacations.

 

Your daughter won't know how she feels until she tries it.  

[GinaPagnato]

No, unfortunately, she hasn't.  We just never had the $$$ for the summer programs and summer camps, etc.  

 

I will admit that my own opinion is that it is easier on boys than girls and maybe that is sexist, but I have seen an awful lot of situations like that  :ph34r:  DS would leave home and not think about it for a second.  I will be lucky to get a call once a week when he is in college  :glare:

 

Oldest DD and I are just unusually close.  My younger DD will fair better when she leaves too.  

 

I think this has a lot to do with birth order, as well. My oldest was and is much more attached to me than my other dc, and as a result had a harder time going away to college. And this was after spending many summers at summer camps and programs far from home.

 

Fwiw, oldest ended up deciding to attend a college that was closer to home (and with a better program for his major), and distance DID play a role. Although he hasn't come home many times apart from regular holiday breaks, the fact that he knew he *could* jump on a bus and be home easily made it a much easier transition. I do think it plays an important role in the decision process, depending on the kid. So don't minimize the importance of distance, even if she loves Rice. I know you're not minimizing it, I'm just saying, it's a valid concern.

[snowbeltmom]

  Remember, some kids get homesick even being 3 hours from home.  So much of it really has to do with friends and roommates.   

 

:iagree:

In my opinion, the homesickness is also due to the realization that a phase of life has ended and a new phase is beginning.  These feelings of homesickness are going to be present regardless of how far away the student is from home. 

 

I have friends who have kids attending college less than 2 hours from home.  Their kids are so busy at school that they only see their kids during breaks, which is way less than my friends thought when their kids chose their colleges.

 

[katilac]

She might very well be right, so I wouldn't push too hard or dismiss the idea that she might get too homesick to handle it. 

 

It's true that some kids go fairly close and still don't come home often, but ime it's not that common - they may not be home all the time or on a monthly basis, but they aren't limited to the longer breaks, and that can make a big difference. As can the idea that you could go home if you wanted to. 

 

My oldest dd is in her second semester and loves her school, but I'm not sure she would have made it if we hadn't been able to visit and bring her home so often. We are lucky to have some flexibility and also some loving and dedicated extended family. It's 7 hours each way, but she just came home for one day to see a parade, lol. She couldn't stand the idea of missing Mardi Gras completely, plus it had been over 6 weeks, which was the longest she'd gone without seeing family.

 

Second dd may be much more local, as in within an hour, because she is a homebody who relaxes in familiar surroundings. She is also extremely attached to the pets and spends quite a lot of her time with cats and sugar gliders, lol. I'm not sure how she would do in an animal-free environment. 

 

In the end, they have to make the decision. I wouldn't encourage one way or the other, I'd just be very honest about how often they'd be able to come home or have us visit. It just comes down to a gut decision on their part.