I've heard of picky eaters but this one I have to deal with

[lynn]

Not in a bad way but could use suggestions for future invites. All she ate yesterday was steak. I had scallop potatoes, glazed carrots and sauteed mushrooms and rolls. She announced she won't eat any vegetables or fruit or poultry, does not like fish and never drinks water. Apparently she grew up on fast food and pizza. So for Christmas we plan seafood, veggies and risotto. Do I get this girl a steak or make a hamburger every time she comes over? I'm not into changing our family menu to accommodate one guest kwim.

[creekland]

Can she bring her own?  When my kids had picky eater friends, this is sometimes what they ended up doing.  I provide enough options for many including many picky eaters, but sometimes there's that one.  They have always known they were that one too (since it happens elsewhere too), so it was no big deal bringing their own.

[creekland]

ps  If it's a current relative or potential future family member (fiancee, serious girlfriend), then I would keep burgers and/or steaks in the freezer.  Food options are easy to change/offer and sure beat having bad vibes within a family over food.

[Annie G]

Making a steak or burger is kind of time sensitive- which might be difficult when you are trying to get other dishes timed right. And it's not really much to eat. I wonder if she would eat macaroni and cheese...it is a substantial dish and can be made a little ahead, and it's also something others at the table might eat.  It doesn't go with your other nice dishes but it wouldn't look too out of place. And  if she likes it, that can be your 'go to' dish to make when she's coming.  That would let her know she'll have something to eat and you don't have to think about thawing out a steak.  And it won't be so obvious that you made something just for her- that attention can be uncomfortable for the choosy eater. 

 

 

Edited November 25, 2016 by Annie G

[kiana]

I'm with creekland. At least she's easy to cater for. Burgers aren't that bad. Get preformed patties and thaw one or two out when she's over. If you wanna make it more meal-like I bet she'd eat tater tots or french fries and you can do those in a small dish on the side of the oven or in a toaster oven.

[Garga]

ps If it's a current relative or potential future family member (fiancee, serious girlfriend), then I would keep burgers and/or steaks in the freezer. Food options are easy to change/offer and sure beat having bad vibes within a family over food.

I agree with Creekland. Both her posts actually. Let her bring her own or keep something in the freezer to pull out for her. Do not change the entire menu for her.

 

I'm a picky eater and my son is a picky eater. I do NOT like it when people change everything for me. At my age, I have the maturity to deal with it and figure out what to do on my own. Yesterday I filled up on mashed potatoes with gravy, some green beans, and cranberry sauce. That was all I could eat, but I was quiet about it and didn't make a fuss and tried not to be obvious that I wasn't eating all the other stuff on the table.

 

If your guest isn't mature enough yet to be able to quietly eat only the parts she can handle, or if someone calls her out on it, "Hey! Why aren't you eating the X?", then keep a little something for her to eat. DO NOT talk about what she's eating. Just let her make her own thing, or hand her the hamburger and be done with it. DO NOT lament, "Oh, that's all you're eating? Aren't you still hungry? Why not try the carrots?" It makes it so awkward and shaming and uncomfortable for everyone at the table.

 

I know many disagree, but many picky eaters do not choose to be picky. The food I don't like honestly tastes horrible to me. There has to be something you dislike, rigtht? Imagine that someone offers you a meal and that's the only thing on the menu, day after day, all the time. Don't try to change her. Just offer her something she can eat, or let her bring something she can eat. Make the meal a pleasant place to be instead of a place filled with tension.

[Zinnia]

I am a fan of the call as little attention to it as possible plan.  

 

My brother adn my first cousin were picking growing up.  It was a frequent topic of conversation.  My cousin had 10 foods at one time that he'd eat.  As an adult, he got a spectrum diagnosis.  Looking back, my brother also had his own struggles.  It made the whole family uncomfortable to have to hear about the pickiness so often.

 

As an adult, we've (my dh and I) chosen to just ignore pickiness.  If someone comes to our house and eats chicken and rolls, so be it.  I try to make sure that there is something neutral on the table for everyone.  If I know someone doesn't drink water, I make sure there is tea and lemonade.  I serve rolls when we have company.  I usually have a neutral starch, like rice or mashed potatoes, on the table as well.  We always do buffets if I know that there is someone picky, not plated.  And then if the person (kid or adult) eats rice and a roll and a glass of tea, we don't say anything.  They know they are picky.  

 

But I don't usually do an extra entree.  Although if this is an inlaw that you are trying to cultivate relationship with, an alternative to seafood might be lovely to show love.  But then there is the chance it won't be "right" and they wouldn't even like it.  I might do chicken strips or something easy alongside the seafood as an option.  

[Garga]

I am a fan of the call as little attention to it as possible plan.

 

My brother adn my first cousin were picking growing up. It was a frequent topic of conversation. My cousin had 10 foods at one time that he'd eat. As an adult, he got a spectrum diagnosis. Looking back, my brother also had his own struggles. It made the whole family uncomfortable to have to hear about the pickiness so often.

 

As an adult, we've (my dh and I) chosen to just ignore pickiness. If someone comes to our house and eats chicken and rolls, so be it. I try to make sure that there is something neutral on the table for everyone. If I know someone doesn't drink water, I make sure there is tea and lemonade. I serve rolls when we have company. I usually have a neutral starch, like rice or mashed potatoes, on the table as well. We always do buffets if I know that there is someone picky, not plated. And then if the person (kid or adult) eats rice and a roll and a glass of tea, we don't say anything. They know they are picky.

 

But I don't usually do an extra entree. Although if this is an inlaw that you are trying to cultivate relationship with, an alternative to seafood might be lovely to show love. But then there is the chance it won't be "right" and they wouldn't even like it. I might do chicken strips or something easy alongside the seafood as an option.

I've been listening to a decade of the most boring and awkward conversations ever when I go to my in-laws house and they go on and on (and on and on) about why my kids can't/won't eat something. Just get over it already! Stop thinking that if you say, 'But just try the carrots!' that my sons will suddenly try one and NOT puke (which happens) and will say, "Why, thank you grandma! Your constant badgering and calling attention to me and shaming me was exactly what I needed! Now that I've tried the carrots, I'll never be picky again and will eat everything!" That doesn't happen. Just leave the person alone and let them deal with it (or their parents if they're kids.).

 

Zinnia, you've got the right attitude. Thank you for your wisdom and compassion for your picky guests.

[kiana]

Stop thinking that if you say, 'But just try the carrots!' that my sons will suddenly try one and NOT puke (which happens) and will say, "Why, thank you grandma! Your constant badgering and calling attention to me and shaming me was exactly what I needed! Now that I've tried the carrots, I'll never be picky again and will eat everything!" That doesn't happen. 

 

You know, I never understand this. There are a few things that I'm super picky about (mostly sweets/snack foods) and people always feel the need to try "but you haven't had it MY way". No. No. I am perfectly happy to skip dessert. I do not want it your way. I do not like it any way. 

[regentrude]

I would find out what things all she would be willing to eat and make sure there is one dish at the meal she would eat. If that means having a hamburger as alternative to seafood, I would do that. If she eats pizza, having a frozen pizza on hand to throw in the oven when she is eating with you would be an easy way to make her feel welcome.

 

ETA: At Thanksgiving dinner yesterday, we had nine different sides, seven of them yummy veggie dishes. My 17 y/o DS  only ate turkey, plain rice, rolls. As I knew he would. No big deal -  that's why I made rice as an extra side.

 

Edited November 25, 2016 by regentrude

[SparklyUnicorn]

Yeah if it is the one item it doesn't seem too difficult to accommodate.  At least she is not requiring you to completely alter every single thing you are making.

 

 

[Pippen]

I had an extremely picky eater due to sensory issues. If I wasn't sure of the menu I always brought food he could eat along, just in case. I didn't expect others to change their menu, however I did appreciate when those who knew inquired and/or included an acceptable alternative but I never expected it.

 

You can never go wrong with being gracious and making a guest feel welcome. If this is a child then I'd check with a parent. If an adult I'd probably expand the menu, especially if fish/seafood were the main entre because it is typically either loved or hated. FWIW I'd be taking a pass on that seafood myself, sorry. (I hate mushrooms too.) No sensory issues or extreme pickyness on my part-those two foods plus a few others just taste nasty to me. I appreciate that my inlaws just plan on ordering a pizza when they do a fish fry so Im not just eating salad and desserts. The kids all like it too, and usually eat both.

Edited November 25, 2016 by Pippen

[Pippen]

PS pizza and steak could easily becworked into appetizers.

[Rebel Yell]

Not in a bad way but could use suggestions for future invites. All she ate yesterday was steak. I had scallop potatoes, glazed carrots and sauteed mushrooms and rolls. She announced she won't eat any vegetables or fruit or poultry, does not like fish and never drinks water. Apparently she grew up on fast food and pizza. So for Christmas we plan seafood, veggies and risotto. Do I get this girl a steak or make a hamburger every time she comes over? I'm not into changing our family menu to accommodate one guest kwim.

I'm guessing based on your signature that this might be a girl of interest to one of your older boys? Not a very young child or older adult relative?

 

If this is someone who has potential to attend many family meals for years to come, I would absolutely find a way to make her feel welcome. Weather it be adding a side dish she likes, possibly Mac n cheese- use a fancy shaped pasta to make it look nice with your other dishes, or having a stash of frozen burgers in the freezer. Frozen burgers cook fine enough in the toaster oven or can even be baked along with anything in the oven.

 

I have a house full of picky eaters and food allergies. I don't cook a completely separate meal, meaning- I won't make spaghetti for one when we're having tacos. But I do bake a piece of chicken or chicken tenders along with the fish for the child who hates fish. I make a gluten free baked pasta dish when we're having lasagna. And I even keep soy-free vegan burgers in the freezer for a vegan friend... well, I try to- they're delicious and we just eat them anyway! So I try to find a way for he person to eat, but not make it much more work for the cook.

 

Good luck!

[Valley Girl]

I would find out what things all she would be willing to eat and make sure there is one dish at the meal she would eat. If that means having a hamburger as alternative to seafood, I would do that. If she eats pizza, having a frozen pizza on hand to throw in the oven when she is eating with you would be an easy way to make her feel welcome.

 

ETA: At Thanksgiving dinner yesterday, we had nine different sides, seven of them yummy veggie dishes. My 17 y/o DS  only ate turkey, plain rice, rolls. As I knew he would. No big deal -  that's why I made rice as an extra side.

 

Mine ate only ham and turkey. Not even a roll. I was thankful nobody felt the need to comment on it as has happened before. I agree with what others have suggested, especially if the picky person is a child who will be a guest in the future. Find out what he/she will eat and keep it on hand. It's the holiday for the picky person, too, and that's definitely not the time to try to do some kind of nutritional intervention. (I realize that's NOT what the OP was doing. I'm just responding to what others have been on the receiving end of.) The picky person will appreciate your no-big-deal approach to the situation. A child will be happy and much more relaxed if he/she knows you always have something he/she likes. Heck, it will probably put you on favorite relative status.

[teachermom2834]

While I did not cater to pickiness in my own kids (and they have had various levels of annoying pickiness) I would absolutely accommodate a guest. If it is a potential love interest I would bend over backwards to make her feel welcome. Those relationships can be hard /awkward enough without complicating them over food.

Edited November 25, 2016 by teachermom2834

[hornblower]

One thing is to stop calling it pickiness. It's a negative term. The person has certain dietary needs or preferences. It's not up to us to judge them.

That said, they'd possibly starve in this vegan house :)

I have no problem bringing my own food &/or eating before or after a social engagement. I also don't have a problem not eating at all while others eat; thought it often seems to drive eaters crazy lol.

Since she does eat things you do have in your home, I'd ditto keeping some staples on hand for her and just letting her help make her own dishes.

Edited November 25, 2016 by hornblower

[SparklyUnicorn]

There could also be some reason why she avoided the side dishes.  As an example, I can't eat onions. They make me gag and throw up.  So there have been times where people probably thought the only thing I ate was the one item that didn't have them.  Yeah, in fact Thanksgiving as a kid pretty much I just ate Turkey.  There was onions in every single thing except the turkey.  Not until I was old enough to be considered something other than a picky pest did anyone bother to accommodate me even a little.

 

 

[City Mouse]

I say it depends on the person and the situation.

 

picky kid who comes over regularly- just make what you planned and she can eat what she likes and/or go home to eat. My DS was rather picky, when he goes over to his friend's house, he knows he has to follow Rathert same rules that the kids in the family follow- he must eat one vegeteblw with the meal, or he is welcome to go home to eat.

 

Picky relative- ask her to bring a dish to share.

 

Teen/young adult girlfriend- have whoever invited her to help plan a dish she will eat such a s pasta or rice. Keep a couple of frozen pizzas in the oven and let them fix what ever they want after the main meal is over or have them cook something to serve with the meal.

 

My kids don't like thanksgiving foods. My DD21e at mashed potatoes and corn (she got the corn out of the freezer to cook at the last minute because I had not fixed it). My DS14 ate mashed potatoes and left over mac and cheese from the day before. I cook what I want to eat, they can eat or not and I do not take it personally.

Edited November 26, 2016 by City Mouse

[athomeontheprairie]

A story that doesn't help you OP, but one of like to share:

My adult cousin has only ever eaten two goods. Bacon and white toast. I'm not kidding. That is his ENTIRE diet. He's on his thirties. Growing up whoever hosted thanksgiving added a plate of bacon to the menu.

Last night we are out at a catered event. His sister did the planning, and the chef came out to ask why we had ordered a plate of bacon and toast.

 

I think it is absurd that my aunt failed her son (this is NOT a dig at parents here with a picky eater. I'm talking about MY family). I think it is absurd that a grown man eats only two foods. I think he needs professional help. But my opinion DOESN'T matter. He does. We want to spend time with him, and if making sure he knows we'll go out of our way to make him feel like he can and should come-we will.

 

If your guest is part of your family, however you define that, I would do something for them. Frozen patties are easy.

[Arcadia]

My family including my hubby are picky. When visiting my in-laws, we bring our own since it is hard for MIL to cook specifically for us. When visiting hubby's aunts, they would have something we can eat since they order a lot and their kids are picky.

 

My aunts would cook just for all the picky eaters but they love to cook to feed a village.

 

If its a potential daughter in law, just ask your son if they are bringing food or you cook a special dish. Pizza is easier on you than steak for one person though.