s/o Baby sleep -- Co-sleepers, do you lie about it to medical professionals?

[SKL]

I didn't co-sleep, but I've made plenty of parenting choices that aren't "recommended."  I don't lie, but I don't go out of my way to bring it up either.  If it comes up, I tell the truth and say "I know the recommendation is ___ but I am making this different choice based on my research and experience."  Normally I get the "sorry to be tiresome, but we have to check this box" vibe about it.  One time I had a doc who rubbed me the wrong way and made me feel judged.  After that I found another doctor.  I would not continue to go to a doctor who didn't respect my rights as a parent.

[HS Mom in NC]

The lactation nurse can't write prescriptions for Reglan the way my oldest's pediatrician did.

 

 

A lactation nurse isn't an IBCLC.  A lactation nurse can have absolutely no medical training in the science of breastfeeding and still work in many hospitals. It's sadly, still a common problem in America.  Women need to stop tolerating such low quality medical services.  An IBCLC has a couple of years of medical training in breastfeeding and had to pass a rigorous exam to get certified.  Like the lactation nurse, most pediatricians have little medical training and no testing in breastfeeding, yet they're the ones to write prescriptions-American medicine has a long list of problems and we can add that to the list.  However, American women can see an IBCLC and I'm not sure she if can write a prescription herself or has to refer to  a doctor to do it for her, but she can diagnose and suggest treatment based on far more extensive knowledge than doctors.   

 

[Xahm]

Y'all are making me super thankful for our pediatricians. We fill out an online questionnaire with those things before going in. They look art them and ask questions based on what we wrote but are okay with co sleeping and side sleeping. Also with tummy sleeping after the baby can roll. They are also accepting of homebirth.

[Bluegoat]

Well, sort of.

 

I have also generally co-slept, and I've said so to some doctors but not others.  And the same thing with side-sleeping rather than on the back.  And most recently, with the newer no blanket reccomendation which wasn't really a thing with my older kids. (Although, no heavy blankets was a thing, but totally silly given we lived in a house heated with a woodstove and dd was born in January and the bedroom temp in the morning was cold enough that you could see your breath.) 

 

I tend to do the same thing to some extent as the OP, acknowledging that I know the recommendation without actually saying that I don't totally follow it.  It isn't really a matter of trying to deceive, I just don't see it as worth taking time to argue over with many people.  I tend to be most honest with our usual GP because I see that as a long term relationship and one where some discussion over these things is appropriate - I don't see myself an infallible in my decisions.  The nurse at the hospital who was updating me on changed recommendations since my last child - probably a waste of time for both of us.

[Bluegoat]

I don't think I was ever asked. I always have a family doc for my babies and IME they're more relaxed about things. Plus my husband is a family doc, so we get less questions than the average patient anyway.

 

I co-slept with at least two of my kids in the hospital and nobody gave me grief. In fact I woke up once to find a nurse tucking a pillow between the baby and the hospital bed railing.

 

Yes, actually when I had my first, I was having trouble getting her in and out of the bassinet because of my c-section, and the nurse suggested I just keep her in bed with me.  I found all the maternity nurses pretty blase about having the baby in the bed with me.

[Guest]

A lactation nurse isn't an IBCLC. A lactation nurse can have absolutely no medical training in the science of breastfeeding and still work in many hospitals. It's sadly, still a common problem in America. Women need to stop tolerating such low quality medical services. An IBCLC has a couple of years of medical training in breastfeeding and had to pass a rigorous exam to get certified. Like the lactation nurse, most pediatricians have little medical training and no testing in breastfeeding, yet they're the ones to write prescriptions-American medicine has a long list of problems and we can add that to the list. However, American women can see an IBCLC and I'm not sure she if can write a prescription herself or has to refer to a doctor to do it for her, but she can diagnose and suggest treatment based on far more extensive knowledge than doctors.

 

Man, I must be unlucky, I've seen threee certified lactation consultants and they were completely unhelpful. Like ridiculously so. I've gotten much better breastfeeding help from other nursing moms than the pros. I know their training is supposedly rigorous so I keep trying to figure out why they can't seem to actually help. It's maddening.

[Monica_in_Switzerland]

Our pediatrician gave me a short speech when I announced our second would be born at home.  After I said, yep, still being born at home, he never mentioned it again for her or the two others born at home after.  He also came to our home twice per kid to perform the first well-baby checks for all three births.  

 

I love our pediatrician.  

[Spy Car]

I don't lie. If I felt I needed to lie, then I'd take the nodding in understanding route and then I'd find another doctor.

 

Yes, but how many children have you successfully raised? :D

 

Bill

[HS Mom in NC]

Our ped is perfectly fine with homebirth.

[Murphy101]

Yes, but how many children have you successfully raised? :D

 

Bill

More than any pediatrician I know. :D

[heartlikealion]

Man, I must be unlucky, I've seen threee certified lactation consultants and they were completely unhelpful. Like ridiculously so. I've gotten much better breastfeeding help from other nursing moms than the pros. I know their training is supposedly rigorous so I keep trying to figure out why they can't seem to actually help. It's maddening.

 

I saw three IBCLCs. Two were nurses, one was a dr. One wasn't super familiar with ties and referred me to another. The other was familiar, but when we actually got face to face I couldn't get my baby to breastfeed so the visit was pretty useless. I saw her again after a revision but failed to directly ask her her opinion of the result and wish she had asked. The dr tried to reassure me that my baby was getting enough (this was two tongue/lip tie surgeries into our nursing journey) and tried to make me think it was all in my head, but honestly, I left feeling like she was wrong. Well ultimately she told me to listen to my gut over everyone else, though. Not to say these women didn't know a lot, but just that a lot of what I learned happened outside of my appointments and I left feeling like I wasn't really any more informed or helped than before.

 

[TammyS]

I mostly have a policy of saying, "I don't answer non-medical questions with doctors.".  When I'm feeling snappish....who knows what will come out of my mouth?  "Where do you sleep? In what position? How about I come to YOUR house and check the safety railing?  What do you and your boyfriend toke on the weekends?  Does your husband knock you around?  Do you have a gun?  Where is it kept?  Is it loaded? Are you licensed to carry it?  When was the last time you had sex?  Was it any good or are you depressed over it?  Does your sex life make you feel suicidal? Does it suck for you, like it does for me, to be asked irrelevant and intrusive questions?"

[LMV]

New recommendations out this week are that baby stays in the same room with parents for the 1st six months. I wonder if that will make it onto the questionnaire.

 

This recommendation is about two years old. It recommends that the baby be alone in their own crib on their back, but in the parents room. We've always done this--our master suite was designed with a nursery alcove that led from the master bedroom into the nursery proper and the crib has always fit well there. I have also breast fed all of our biological daughters so neither DH or I wanted to be wandering too far in the middle of the night to retrieve a hungry baby.

Edited October 28, 2016 by LMV

[DesertBlossom]

Yes, actually when I had my first, I was having trouble getting her in and out of the bassinet because of my c-section, and the nurse suggested I just keep her in bed with me. I found all the maternity nurses pretty blase about having the baby in the bed with me.

My last 2 hospital births nobody batted an eye at my co-sleeping in the hospital bed all night long with my baby. They were alao my babies #4 and #6 so the nurses figured I knew what I was doing by that point.

 

As for well-baby visits... I rarely go to them for various reasons. I see our family dr for sick kids or when I need a referral for something.

[sassenach]

This recommendation is about two years old. It recommends that the baby be alone in their own crib on their back, but in the parents room. We've always done this--our master suite was designed with a nursery alcove that led from the master bedroom into the nursery proper and the crib has always fit well there. I have also breast fed all of our biological daughters so neither DH or I wanted to be wandering too far in the middle of the night to retrieve a hungry baby.

https://www.aap.org/en-us/about-the-aap/aap-press-room/pages/American-Academy-of-Pediatrics-Announces-New-Safe-Sleep-Recommendations-to-Protect-Against-SIDS.aspx?nfstatus=401&nftoken=00000000-0000-0000-0000-000000000000&nfstatusdescription=ERROR:+No+local+token

 

Saw this in the news this week. I haven't had babies in over a decade, so I'm not generally up to date on anything baby related.

[Farrar]

I never needed to lie about co-sleeping. Our pediatrician was *way* more liberal end about all kinds of things than us so there was never a worry.

 

I did lie about whether or not they slept on top of me on their tummies. It was, for several months, the only way anyone ever got any sleep despite everything we tried. If I'd had room enough for both of them, we might all have gotten a little proper rest.

[Guest]

I saw three IBCLCs. Two were nurses, one was a dr. One wasn't super familiar with ties and referred me to another. The other was familiar, but when we actually got face to face I couldn't get my baby to breastfeed so the visit was pretty useless. I saw her again after a revision but failed to directly ask her her opinion of the result and wish she had asked. The dr tried to reassure me that my baby was getting enough (this was two tongue/lip tie surgeries into our nursing journey) and tried to make me think it was all in my head, but honestly, I left feeling like she was wrong. Well ultimately she told me to listen to my gut over everyone else, though. Not to say these women didn't know a lot, but just that a lot of what I learned happened outside of my appointments and I left feeling like I wasn't really any more informed or helped than before.

 

Yup, we had sub-mucousal tongue ties that weren't diagnosed except by the nurse midwife at my two week appointment, along with "well the latch looks perfect" from the lactation consultant, and no further investigation into. Any weight loss or supply struggles. It was self experimentation and other Moms who helped outside of the initial midwife noting the tongue ties and they're common among my kids (only one hasn't had one) so now I know better. But no certified consultant has ever caught it for some reason. Ugh.

[eternalsummer]

I don't know if we were ever directly asked. Dd is very clingy at night and wants to stay in the bed. But last night dh didn't come to bed and although we were more on one side of the bed, she managed to roll out on the other. I heard her crying in my dream and when I opened my eyes she was rolling off and I couldn't stop it. I felt awful! I use a bedrail when I visit my parents, but she sometimes tries to stand up with arms on the top of it, so I think it's actually a hazard until she's actually asleep.

 

I want her to sleep in her toddler bed soon, but not sure that will go over well at all. It is lower to the ground and has rails on both sides. I know this thread is probably more about babies. When she was younger we flip flopped between bed and pack n play. As in, if I couldn't get her to sleep in the pack n play, I'd move her to it later.

 

We had this problem too, with toddlers and almost-toddlers.  What I did was get rid of the bed frame, so just a mattress on the floor.  Not too far to fall :)

[AnnE-girl]

We had this problem too, with toddlers and almost-toddlers. What I did was get rid of the bed frame, so just a mattress on the floor. Not too far to fall :)

We've taken the slats out of our bed frame so our box spring is on the floor, but with the head and foot boards still in place. We haven't done it with this baby yet. Our dog, who we didn't have when the first two were babies, likes to sleep under our bed now. I'm not sure what we're going to do this time.

[redsquirrel]

I didn't lie because I didn't have to. My family doctor was always clear that he knew that most, if not all, parents co-sleep at some point. I know for a fact that he slept many nights with his kids.  He didn't care as long as it was done safely. So he never specifically asked, he just covered how to co-sleep safely and how to crib sleep safely. He would say that he assumed we would need information about both.

 

But, if I had to talk to anyone else, yes, I would lie. I didn't want to hear it. I knew that I was co-sleeping safely and I didn't need 're-education' to change my mind. And if someone was going to get the vapors because I was sleeping with my two year old, I was pretty certain they would faint if they knew he wasn't weaned yet, lol. It's not my job to fight every battle.

[maize]

We had this problem too, with toddlers and almost-toddlers. What I did was get rid of the bed frame, so just a mattress on the floor. Not too far to fall :)

I also use a mattress on the floor.

 

My current toddler never, ever stays on the mattress. She apparently prefers the floor. With no blankets. Which is the primary reason I keep my heat turned up at night. Sometimes she crawls into the closet and curls up there. I've nearly panicked more than once when I woke up during the night and couldn't locate her quickly.

 

Strange child.

[maize]

Maybe when the new baby comes I can try a blanket on the floor as a sleeping space.

 

I avoid tummy sleeping at night but do allow it during the day, I just check on the baby frequently.

[momto10blessings]

yes, I lie. none of their business.

[heartlikealion]

We had this problem too, with toddlers and almost-toddlers.  What I did was get rid of the bed frame, so just a mattress on the floor.  Not too far to fall :)

 

I have thought about it. But even if I wanted to do it, I don't think my tall husband with a bad back could tolerate getting in/out of a bed so low all the time. He also likes to sit on the bed to put on his shoes and socks lol.