sadness/loneliness in dd?

[athomeontheprairie]

Idk if it's depression.

A year ago her best friend moved away. Other good friend pulled away (still nearby, but grown apart).

 

She literally has no friends. No one in our church her age that is a friend (There are two girls her age. One is not friendly. The other is an acquaintance. They talk and are nice to each other... But this girl doesn't NEED a friend, kwim?)

 

No one we know hs's a girl her age.

No sports available outside of school during the school year.

 

The lack of friends, and that certain time of the month make her extremely sad and lonely. How do I help her?

[Lawana]

It is so very painful to have a child in distress and not be able to fix it. BTDT with the no friend situation. The one person dd opened up to never spoke to her again. It wasn't until she moved out and interacted with completely different persons of completely different backgrounds that she found kinship. Breathe. Do what you can and know that can't fix it all.

[athomeontheprairie]

Oh, that's rough :(

 

Can you look for peers outside of homeschool/church activities ? One of my dd's found good friends at youth theatre.

 

Online friends can partially fill the gap.

I can't really FIND anything. We are very rural. The schools have a strong monopoly on after school anything. Sports-that's at the school. Music? That's though the school. Art? Theater? Dance? Orchestra? Band? Book clubs? Yup-through the school.

 

Our church has lots of kids-just not in her age (above and below, yes). I don't even know where to start looking-literally everything I can think of is through the school.

 

We recently petitioned to have her join the school orchestra-which meets PRIOR to school. Nope. I'll push stronger next year, but in the meantime going to the school just isn't possible.

 

Other ideas?

 

Also, not trying to shoot you down. I appreciate your response, and am thankful for your suggestions. Do you have others? Maybe even things I haven't considered that the school doesn't facilitate

[Mrs.Wilson]

I'm in the same situation with my son. As someone that has trouble making friends I understand how your DD and my DS feel. The loneliest time is being in a room full of people, but no one is talking to you. The best advice I can give is don't let that happen.

[athomeontheprairie]

I'm in the same situation with my son. As someone that has trouble making friends I understand how your DD and my DS feel. The loneliest time is being in a room full of people, but no one is talking to you. The best advice I can give is don't let that happen.

What does that look like? Especially with a large (7 people) sized family.

[Mrs.Wilson]

When I'm around my immediate family it's different. I'm in my comfort zone. It's when I'm at a social gathering and everyone around me is talking, but no one is talking to me. That's when it feels lonely. It's different if the people are talking and will also look or gesture towards me as though I'm a part of the conversation, even though I may not say anything. They are involving me in their conversation.

 

At home my son is fine except for the times his sisters don't want to play boy games. I will either steer him toward another activity or encourage him to lay their game.

When we are at church is where he's usually lonely, because he still likes playing while the boys there are getting to that stage where they are too mature. I'll let him play on my phone or read a book when that happens.

[Scarlett]

My son struggles with this. Wanting a boy his age as a best friend. Sorry, sometimes that just doesn't happen. I feel so so bad for him, but the reality is he has a lot of friends....lots of girls....sure he might not be able to have asleep over with them but they are still truly his friends....older boys....young 20s.......whatever....life is messy and unpredictable.

[ktgrok]

Can you look at other churches with girls her age? Or scouts? 4-H?

[J-rap]

If you're like us and live in a small town on the prairie (seeing as you're "athomeontheprairie" :)), pickings are few.  And if she's a unique personality, it's even fewer.  That's the way it was for us too...  Try and help her understand that it won't be like this forever.  Eventually she'll have other opportunities to meet different people, and there will be people she clicks with.

 

Are there other resources in town you might not know of yet?  Music groups, community ed classes, clubs like 4H, youth groups at other churches, knitting classes?  Is she old enough to babysit?  In the meantime you might need to be her buddy as well as her mom.  Maybe you two can plan some fun mom/daughter events to do together in the upcoming weeks.

 

I just thought of another idea.  We volunteered for various things together from time to time, and those events sometimes led to something else which led to something else.  For example, my kids and I volunteered at our local nursing home for special parties.  The activities manager there slowly got to know a couple of my daughters so she'd ask them to come in from time to time to help with other things, and in turn, they met other families.  So, that's a way to kind of network, and she may meet more people that way.  Even if she doesn't make a special friend, it gives her other things to do and she might discover something she really loves to do that helps her feel less lonely.

 

 

Edited October 20, 2016 by J-rap

[mamakelly]

My dd was feeling the same thing 1.5 years ago. I found a different church youth group with tons of girls her age. She was reluctant to try it, and I wasn't thrilled about having to drive her to a different church. But 1.5 years later she is thriving, and has a solid group of friends there.

Edited October 20, 2016 by mamakelly

[mathnerd]

My son does Tae Kwon Do through a local DoJo where he goes 4 times a week and participates in competitions etc with a group of kids who have become good friends. Even rural areas have a few martial arts schools, so that could be something to check out.

[Selkie]

How old is your dd?  Mine is 14 and we're in the same situation.  We also live in a very rural area and almost all activities, sports, and clubs are through the schools.  It's so frustrating!  The only other homeschooled kids live about an hour away and are all much younger than her.

 

Plus, when my dd does meet other kids her age, she feels like she has nothing in common with them.  She likes reading, knitting, playing the violin, horses...none of the girls around here seem to share those interests.

 

Luckily, she gets along very well with her brothers, but I know she would love to have some girl friends.  It's definitely the biggest downside of homeschooling in a rural area.  :(

 

 

[nevergiveup]

My kids met other friends (in a wide age category) at a local tractor club because they were interested in antique tractors.  This was definitely not through the school.  It was mostly run by older men but there were a few like minded kids there, too.  And, clubs often have pitch-ins or wiener roasts, etc, where whole families get together so don't discount a club that seems it is meant for older people.

Does she have a hobby or other interest she wants to cultivate?  Join a book club or knitting club.  Don't limit friendship based on age.

Can she volunteer at a library or as a tutor?

We found the tractor club through a local fair.  Go to local festivals, talk to people.

[PeterPan]

My kids are almost 10 years apart, so my dd has almost always functioned as an only.  I send her away to summer camps to give her opportunities outside of our area.  She goes to ones based on interest now, usually at a college, and she comes back with a slew of people to skype, text, etc.  

[bettyandbob]

4H?

 

I'd look at any interest and look for opportunities.

Volunteering can be a great place to start. At parks she can be a historical reenactor ( interested in history or theater) or help maintain natural areas (science?).

Where I live there's no age limit on participation in community theater--she could learn to work behind the scenes even if she doesn't perform.

Are there Children's library programs that could use a teen assistant.

 

It takes time to develop friends. Participating in activities and volunteering can both fill the time and give her a chance to find like mided people, even if they aren't the same age.

 

What does your DD like. Does she have some possible vocational interests? Maybe we can help you figure out where to look in your remote area.

[bettyandbob]

My kids are almost 10 years apart, so my dd has almost always functioned as an only. I send her away to summer camps to give her opportunities outside of our area. She goes to ones based on interest now, usually at a college, and she comes back with a slew of people to skype, text, etc.

My DD went to camp several years. Most people returned over and over to that camp. She kept up with people during the year through social media. now at college, she has the opportunity to see a few of her fellow campers.

[lynn]

We are going through the same thing. None of her acquaintances are in her class. She doesn't click with any one in her class Her teacher commented that DD likes to work alone.... Um no shed like to work with a partner but no one talks to her, they are not mean to my DD they just talk to each other and not DD. My sweet girl is an introvert and is working on finding her voice. DD is very much like I was and it breaks my heart to see her go through the loneliness and sometimes cry about not having friends.

[OneStepAtATime]

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

 

Possible:

4-H

Other Church Youth Groups

Girl Scouts

Quest

Martial Arts

 

 

[CindyH in NC]

So sorry your dd is going through this.  My daughter is 15 and her sister is off at college for the first time and she doesn't have any close girl friends either.  It is hard to watch the loneliness.  :grouphug:  :grouphug: 

[sassenach]

BTDT. I think it's your job to keep persevering in finding new venues with friendship possibilities. That might mean radical life changes, including school enrollment.