AimeeM Posted July 24, 2016 Author Share Posted July 24, 2016 (edited) I feel like I don't know what to do right now. If I get the okay from my eye doctor Monday, I'm going to book a flight and find someone to watch at least the younger two boys - if I can. I know I won't be cleared to drive all the way up to Dad's primarily because that would put me away from the doctors for several additional days, but if I can get cleared to just be out of state... I took the kids out to dinner tonight. I took one look at the mac and cheese I was served and had to leave DD14 at the table with the boys, while I went to sob in the bathroom. Every time we went up to Dads, we'd hit Friendly's (or some other place we haven't in the south), and we'd always bring back something for Dad. He loved foods like mac and cheese because they were easy for him to eat. He'd always shake his head at the amount we spent on food and he would nibble on the same to-go plate for days. Depression-era kid. I don't think I can even look at a piece of toast right now. He always ate a piece of toast in the morning, dunked in his coffee (or tea, as eventually his stomach had a hard time handling coffee), along with an egg for breakfast. I found a picture of him in his red pants. He had these awful, beautiful, bright red pants he'd wear on Christmas. Usually with a cowboy shirt. For a man who was entirely Italian, he had a thing for westerns. I hope they bury him in those pants. Is it normal to feel this way? One minute I'm perfectly happy and then I feel like I have no right to be happy - like, the world lost a huge chunk of what embodied what was right in the world today, and here I am laughing and happy. Edited July 24, 2016 by AimeeM 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eagle Posted July 24, 2016 Share Posted July 24, 2016 Many hugs. I'm so very sorry for your loss. :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joules Posted July 24, 2016 Share Posted July 24, 2016 Is it normal to feel this way? One minute I'm perfectly happy and then I feel like I have no right to be happy - like, the world lost a huge chunk of what embodied what was right in the world today, and here I am laughing and happy. Yes, it's normal. It is a crushing loss :grouphug: , but my experience was that the body and mind can only deal with it so long. So it gives you breaks where you can remember the good. Grieving is hard, particularly for someone you loved so much. The emotions run the gamut as time goes on. Take care of yourself today. I hope your eyes get the travel OK on Monday. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
emzhengjiu Posted July 24, 2016 Share Posted July 24, 2016 I'm so sorry for your loss! :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Another Lynn Posted July 24, 2016 Share Posted July 24, 2016 Aimee, I'm so sorry. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted July 24, 2016 Share Posted July 24, 2016 Is it normal to feel this way? One minute I'm perfectly happy and then I feel like I have no right to be happy - like, the world lost a huge chunk of what embodied what was right in the world today, and here I am laughing and happy. Yes. It's normal. It was helpful when my dad died to remember he wouldn't mind us shedding a tear, but he'd also want us laughing and enjoying life too and to be grateful for our memories and to keep making them. It makes me cry just typing that. My dad died a year and a few months ago very suddenly. His 73rd birthday would have been next week. But we were able to still have plenty of joy among the tears following his death and he would like that. Thinking of you during this difficult time. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SproutMamaK Posted July 24, 2016 Share Posted July 24, 2016 (edited) Yes, it's normal. And healthy, although it feels devastating. Can I give you some advice? When these memories and bits of him strike you over the next few weeks, write them down in a special book. These little details are the things that make people feel real and human, and someday these little pieces of him will be so valuable for your children. They might not know or remember all these things themselves, but someday when they wonder about him, you can look and say "well here are some stories about what his life was like...." My Mom and Dad this for me about my grandmothers (they all passed either before I was born or when I was young), and I wish they'd done it for my grandfathers as well. And on the days when you or DH miss him and you feel lie you need a good cry, reading over these things and remembering them can be very cathartic. Edited July 24, 2016 by SproutMamaK 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Valley Girl Posted July 24, 2016 Share Posted July 24, 2016 Is it normal to feel this way? One minute I'm perfectly happy and then I feel like I have no right to be happy - like, the world lost a huge chunk of what embodied what was right in the world today, and here I am laughing and happy. It is absolutely normal. When I lost my beloved father, I sometimes had to pull off the road when driving in the early months because I just started sobbing out of the blue. Little things triggered it unexpectedly. Don't fight the sorrow. Let yourself grieve. There's a giant hole in the universe right now. That feeling will lessen with time, but it may never completely go away. That's OK. It's OK to go from laughter to tears and vice versa. There WILL be things to laugh about even in the midst of the pain. It's not disloyal. Your FIL would want you to laugh! Keeping busy and helping your DH through this hard time will help you get through the next few days. Your kids will help you get through, too, because they need you to keep on keeping on for their sakes. That is a huge blessing. So very sorry for your loss. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twigs Posted July 24, 2016 Share Posted July 24, 2016 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Um_2_4 Posted July 24, 2016 Share Posted July 24, 2016 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caraway Posted July 24, 2016 Share Posted July 24, 2016 I'm so sorry for your loss. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnnE-girl Posted July 24, 2016 Share Posted July 24, 2016 I'm so sorry for your loss. Praying for your family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kbutton Posted July 24, 2016 Share Posted July 24, 2016 I'm sorry for your loss. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GailV Posted July 25, 2016 Share Posted July 25, 2016 I'm so sorry for your loss. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soror Posted July 25, 2016 Share Posted July 25, 2016 I'm sorry for your loss (hugs) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SproutMamaK Posted July 26, 2016 Share Posted July 26, 2016 Just hoping you're holding up okay and that your eye doctor gave you the all clear to go be with your DH. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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