specific suggestions for picky eater

[debi21]

My 4 year old son is a picky eater. I am looking for ideas to improve his current diet and I know there's a wealth of parenting experience here. I am actually concerned that with me refusing him certain foods and his pickiness he is not getting enough to eat. His height percentile is in the 60%, his brother's in the 90%. Might not be the food or lack of protein but I would feel better if he were eating more. I should probably indicate that my preferred diet for him would be a whole foods with minimal wheat/bread/pasta and sugar. Both parents are obese, and we'd like to teach healthy eating habits.

 

My major concern is lack of meat and protein/fat in his diet. He started refusing meat 3 years ago, just when he turned one. He usually will eat meat (generally steak, but has been beef stew, tuna fish, etc) about once a month. He will eat a relatively large portion that once but if you give him the same thing the next day or later that week - it's a no. He will also eat an unlimited amount of bacon. He will frequently say yes to restaurant corn dogs and chicken nuggets (but not homemade). I am loathe to give these to him very much.

 

He has in the last 6 months started refusing more foods that he would usually eat before. This includes cooked vegetables (roasted broccoli, asparagus, spinach, green beans) and scrambled eggs. I am particularly unhappy about the loss of eggs in his diet. Other things that he won't eat that might be surprising includes any kind of potato or sweet potato except fries, corn (on the cob, frozen kernels, etc), and beans. He eats nothing with sauces, dips, etc. He sometimes eats rice and sometimes won't.

 

A typical day of food might be: 2-3 tablespoons of peanut butter, 2 cups whole milk, 2 oz cheese, either some nuts (macademia, cashew) or pistachio) or a bowl of whole fat greek yogurt with honey, 1-2 wasa (rye) crackers with butter, a larabar (nut/date bar), a decent amount of raw fruit, some raw veggies (mainly cucumber, carrot, and grape tomatoes). This feels to me like it is overstating the amount he eats daily, but it is simultaneously pretty comprehensively what he eats normally. He would love more bread, doughnuts and cookies, candy, ice cream, and pasta. I try really hard not to give him these, and I still think he gets too much.

 

I am wondering about recipes that might sneak in eggs, protein powder, or more fats (maybe olive oil or coconut oil?). I am wondering about whether I should be giving him more bacon, corn dogs, and chicken nuggets or not, considering the quality of the food vs protein content. I am wondering about the "being exposed" to foods 15 times when he absolutely refuses a single bite, ever (and he always wins) - dad is doing a LC diet and is eating almost exclusively meat so it's offered every day.

 

Looking for feedback and ideas, whether brilliant, simple, practical, or unusual.

[Farrar]

Honestly, 60% percentile isn't small or concerning. Kids are different, even siblings.

 

And his diet does have a lot of protein. He eats plenty of nuts and dairy and beans. He eats raw vege and fruit. It's not dire.

 

Obviously it's good to try and curb the cutting back trend. Hopefully you'll get some good recipe ideas. But it's a normal trend for most kids to have a period where they're more picky. And, speaking as a mostly reformed severely picky eater, this isn't about the food. It's about control. So if you push back with too much control and anxiety about it, you're likely to make it worse, not better. And in this case, since it's not that bad, I wouldn't go there. I'd just keep offering foods and trying things, giving good choices like you're already doing.

[Anne]

Honestly, his diet doesn't sound too bad at all. Stay strong on the breads/doughnuts/etc., and keep on offering what everyone else is eating.

 

If you're really concerned, you could look into spinach smoothies, zucchini muffins and that sort of thing.

 

But really, I think you're on the right track -

 

Anne

[redsquirrel]

I'm actually seeing a good amount of high quality protein in there. Milk, dairy, nuts? People have lived on less that than. The loss of eggs would annoy me as well. They might come back. Or maybe try just the whites? FWIW, at that age my son found the yolks too strongly flavoured. Maybe try hard boiled eggs but just the whites?  I started making scrambled eggs with two whites and one whole egg, I asked if he would try it because it was so much prettier. He agreed and he started eating them that way, but that was after a long time of no yolks. He douses them in catsup though...gross. But it's sweet, right?

 

I've got a pick eater so I understand your pain.  Hang. In, There.  Your son is actually eat a lot more variety than mine did at that age.  He eats any vegetable? That is amazing. Wasa bread? Great, whole grains and lots of fiber.

 

And FWIW, my super duper eater (my older boy), the one who eats ANYTHING has always been in the 5% of height and weight. The picky one is slightly bigger in height and weight, but is not overweight. He's a bigger boned person in general and will probably be a taller adult than his big brother.

 

My only advice to you is don't argue with him. It will only make it worse.  This isn't your fault and it's not a reflection of your parenting. People are going to judge you for whatever and this will be a prime opportunity for the pearl clutchers to come out in droves. Just tune them out.  You are playing the long game. This is something that might take years, not months. And what you do now will set the stage for things being easy or hard later on.  Have a couple meals that you can live with and he will eat and just let him eat those.  I am dead serious when I say that my kid ate a cream cheese and jelly sandwich, an apple or a banana and a small bowl of plain yogurt at least once a day for.......  years. Yes, easily years. We brought that everywhere. When I went to my inlaws for christmas dinner that is what he had. I looked them in the eye and dared them to give me crap. They didn't.

 

He's 11.5 now and things are better. He doesn't stand out from his peers. He eats pizza, mashed potato, grilled cheese, peanut butter and jelly, etc. The only vegetable he will eat is baby carrots and maybe cucumber with the peel off and white and sweet potato.  Occasionally he will eat whole leaves of romaine lettuce as part of his lunch, if I let him dip it into salad dressing. But he has never eaten a salad. And beyond the occasional peanut butter he won't go near nuts. I can keep him from eating sweets if I tell him it has nuts.

 

One day, about 18 months ago, as I was getting his usual dinner ready, he said "You know, you don't have to always give me that for dinner. I eat other things." I told him that his father, his brother and I were having ...something I don't remember but it was something he would NEVER eat. I told him that as long as he wasn't eating what the rest of us have for dinner that is what he is welcome to have. I don't like making two dinners, but I was fine making a cream cheese and jelly sandwich, yogurt and fruit. But if he wantednsomething else, he was going to have to eat what we were eating or make it himself.  It had never stood out to him that he was eating a different dinner for a reason, lol. From that point on he has become MUCH more willing to at least try. He doesn't always like it, but he will happily try things and I NEVER EVER thought that would happen. I think its because I try to be very accepting of the outcome. I don't pressure him to like it. He can try it or not, I have worked very hard to not care. I do care a little, but I try hard not to show it, lol. But I make trying stuff a neutral thing. At least I try my best to make it neutral. 

 

As my son has gotten older we have discovered two things: one is that he has a very sensitive palate. He tastes things differently than most people do. Things often taste overwhelmingly spicy or sweet to him.  He often doesn't mean to be picky, but something things just don't taste good to him. That has made him super cautious about trying new foods.  The second is that apparently my mom is a picky eater, lol. I never noticed because she doesn't really like to cook and she fed us what she liked. I knew growing up we ate a pretty boring diet, much more bland and limited than my peers, but I didn't think about it much.  Well, my mom is the same sort of eater as my son!  She has endless patience for his pickiness, if anything they have bonded over it, lol.  So now I know it runs in the family. My mom sat with him while it took him 45 mins to lick a stupid shrimp tempura. He wanted it. He liked the smell. He liked the look of it. But it took 45 mins for him to get brave enough to literally lick it. He was 5, btw.  She sat with him the whole time. I tried to ignore it. He loves it now and it allows us to go to a japanese restaurant.  That is huge for us! He gets shrimp tempura and is super happy.  And...the last time he....tried a tempura sweet potato!  It only took 4 years, but he did it, lol.  But he did it, and he liked it!

 

So, long game. Don't make it a struggle, don't make it a thing. When I talked to our doctor he was interested in what my son ate over the course of a week, not a day. And I strongly doubt that your son is eating so poorly that it is the cause of him being smaller than his brother. He's not malnourished or sick. He's just a smaller person. And that's ok.

[regentrude]

Dairy and nuts are fine sources of protein and fat. I see no reason to be concerned. Your son eats a much wider variety than my DS .

 

I have a super taster who can taste minute traces of vegetables and has, in 17 years, consumed on grape tomato and one slice of cucumber, no other vegetable ever. I think this year he had a few kale chips.

At age 4, he would not eat anything with a sauce, not have foods touching, no spices. Over the years, things have gotten much better. All those "parenting tips" that suggest to smuggle the rejected foods into pasta sauces and burgers only work on kids who do not taste the offending food; it never worked with DS. My only advice is patience, and not to make food into a power struggle. Good luck. 60th percentile sounds fine, he is taller than 60% of kids his age. And siblings do not have to be the same height (my sister is 5 inches shorter than I am)

Edited June 9, 2016 by regentrude

[SparklyUnicorn]

He sounds pretty normal.  It's not uncommon for 4 year olds to start refusing stuff.

 

 

[HomeAgain]

I like his diet. :)

 

However, what has helped here has been preparing different basic foods in a variety of ways.  My husband is a really, really good cook.  To the point where anything that is marketed as a "kid food" my 6yo will not eat.  But the things his dad makes has opened up his palate and helped him find that no, vegetables are not yucky (total delight when we have asparagus now), green =/= bad, and unfamiliar can be okay.  So he didn't like frozen green beans steamed.  We have had them blanched and tossed in a pan, baked, slivered, and raw.  We get Bountiful Baskets about once a month because it's always a surprise, and other than broccoli (which not a single one of us will touch), the baskets have made for some creative dinners. :)

Our mealtime rules are simple. Sit at the table and enjoy each other's company.  Each plate has enough on it, but if you'd like seconds you need to finish what is on your plate, and unfamiliar or disliked foods are usually no more than a spoonful on that person's dish.  My hatred of peas is a family joke.  I will eat the 3-5 on my plate, but goodness, after all these years I still can't make myself like them!  It helps the kids see it's not the end of the world. Dinner tonight included arborio rice.  The kids didn't even flinch and ate it all, though afterward asked that we not make it again. LOL  I'll have to see if I can find a better recipe in a few months.

 

[applethyme]

DS had a 100% oral aversion for the first 5 years of his life.  We did lots of therapy until we could get to a few things he would eat and his diet grew from there.  What I have learned is that sometimes its not the food that is the problem but what its called and its presentation.  For many years DS would not eat eggs, then I started making "egg pizza."  Egg pizza is an open face omelette with shredded cheese and what ever topping he wanted (bacon was a favortie).  I then cut it into slices like pizza.  It only took me making it for dd and making a big deal of what a special dish it was.  I also learned quickly that just because he would take a new food once to not add it to his 3 day meal plan. I did not make these new foods any more frequently, but did offer them as part of a regular rotation.  This way it wasn't a food he would eat then quickly tire of. 

[Katy]

This is going to seem off the wall, but does he, his sweat, or his urine ever smell unusually strongly of ammonia?  Especially after eating meat?

 

I ask because about half our family loves meat, and half our family naturally makes similar choices to your DS - sometimes meat, but mostly less animal protein, more plant protein.  We got that 23andme.com testing.  Those of us who don't love the meat have a gene that makes it more difficult to break down protein and ammonia.  It's a CBS gene mutation, but I don't recall what it is more specifically off the top of my head.  We not only crave less meat, we feel run down like we have a touch of the flu, get more headaches, and smell bad when we eat too much protein.

 

I was always like this. Before I got married I tried a fad diet that was basically pure protein with about a cup of vegetables every day.  I felt so sick and smelled so bad that within 3 days my parents and DH demanded I quit the diet. Everyone else in my family that has that genetic issue was always like this.  I actually feel best, short-term, on a vegetarian diet, but sticking to one religiously causes other health issues (like anemia).  I also usually hate egg yolks.  I think that might be because of the sulfur in them.  The same genetic issue means it's also difficult to break down sulfur.

 

Point being, stay strong on the carb junk.  Maybe try egg whites, or 3 egg whites and one whole egg. Maybe try adding more starches that are healthier root vegetables, like roasted or boiled potatoes to up the calories a bit. Try more beans and legumes.  Kids often love refried bean burritos with just enough cheese to add a bit of flavor, and the fat-free refried beans in a can are easy and (fairly) healthy.

 

But after that, give him a break.  He's still above average, and eating less (but still occasional) meat while avoiding junk food is probably the very healthiest diet for him to be on.  You're doing great.

[Paige]

Look up the SOS feeding protocol. It's fairly easy to implement at home and we found it to be dramatically successful. His diet doesn't sound horrible, but IMO kids are happier when they can be good social eaters and have lower food anxiety. It's not pleasant for the child to be a picky eater any more than it is for the parent.

[Pawz4me]

His diet sounds fine to me. Given the things you list I certainly wouldn't be worried about his protein or fat intake. But I'm coming at this from the perspective of having a son who had diagnosed sensory issues. Your DS's diet is fabulous compared to what we experienced with youngest DS. I'd remain alert to his refusal of old favorites but really--that's not unusual at his age IME.

[LuvToRead]

How much protein do you think he needs?  It looks like he is already getting enough.  2 oz of cheese has 14 grams of protein, and 3 Tb peanut butter has about 10.  That is 24 grams right there.  One cup milk add enough 8 grams, bringing the total up to about 30.  Adding in the nuts and Greek yogurt, he is probably getting plenty of protein.   Considering all these things also contain fat, you are probably OK there too.  My girls were both below the 5th percentile in weight (can't remember what they were in height) at that age, but yet they are/were healthy.  

 

I have a super picky one too, so I understand.   She eats boiled pasta for lunch.  Sometimes I can get her to drizzle on a little olive oil and Parmesan.  She loves kale and broccoli, so that helps.   It sounds like yours is doing fine.  

[poppy]

My daughter was very picky to the point of taking a year of feeding therapy (food exposure therapy-not feeding tubes).  I don't think in your shoes I'd suggest it. His diet is already fairly varied and he eats good food.  He doesn't need meat to be OK.   Just keep doing what you're doing.

[SparklyUnicorn]

This is going to seem off the wall, but does he, his sweat, or his urine ever smell unusually strongly of ammonia?  Especially after eating meat?

 

I ask because about half our family loves meat, and half our family naturally makes similar choices to your DS - sometimes meat, but mostly less animal protein, more plant protein.  We got that 23andme.com testing.  Those of us who don't love the meat have a gene that makes it more difficult to break down protein and ammonia.  It's a CBS gene mutation, but I don't recall what it is more specifically off the top of my head.  We not only crave less meat, we feel run down like we have a touch of the flu, get more headaches, and smell bad when we eat too much protein.

 

I was always like this. Before I got married I tried a fad diet that was basically pure protein with about a cup of vegetables every day.  I felt so sick and smelled so bad that within 3 days my parents and DH demanded I quit the diet. Everyone else in my family that has that genetic issue was always like this.  I actually feel best, short-term, on a vegetarian diet, but sticking to one religiously causes other health issues (like anemia).  I also usually hate egg yolks.  I think that might be because of the sulfur in them.  The same genetic issue means it's also difficult to break down sulfur.

 

Point being, stay strong on the carb junk.  Maybe try egg whites, or 3 egg whites and one whole egg. Maybe try adding more starches that are healthier root vegetables, like roasted or boiled potatoes to up the calories a bit. Try more beans and legumes.  Kids often love refried bean burritos with just enough cheese to add a bit of flavor, and the fat-free refried beans in a can are easy and (fairly) healthy.

 

But after that, give him a break.  He's still above average, and eating less (but still occasional) meat while avoiding junk food is probably the very healthiest diet for him to be on.  You're doing great.

 

That's very interesting.  There seems to be a divide in my family as well.  Some love meat and eat it often.  Some only like a little bit now and then.  I don't force it.  I don't think one needs to eat tons of meat to be healthy (so says the meat lover). 

[fairfarmhand]

I think his diet is wonderful.

 

just continue to offer the other stuff and don't make a big deal about it if he *politely* declines.

 

It's one of those things that will probably pass.

[snickerplum]

Air popped popcorn is a halfway healthy snack. You could melt some butter over it or olive oil or coconut oil. Or maybe saute fruit in coconut oil for a side dish.

My third dd refused meat (except hotdogs) for years. We always put a few bites of meat on her plate,which she mostly ignored or only took 1 bite. Then one day she asked to have more pork chop. Both dh's and my head snapped to look at her because we were in shock. So we gave her more pork chop and she's been much more consistent when it comes to eating meat. Totally random. And your son is not alone - this same daughter refuses (still) all potatoes. :-)

[rebcoola]

That diet sounds great to me. That  sounds like about the amount of protein we are trying to get DD7 up to and she is a competitive gymnast. I would keep offering common foods because it makes life easier socially as you get older but I wouldn't push or worry about his nutrition.   

[hornblower]

There are plenty of totally healthy vegetarian & vegan kids out there so the loss of meat in the diet is really not a big deal. 

 

1 Tbsp peanut butter = 4grams of protein) 

2oz cheese = 14 grams of protein 

 

2 cups milk = 16 oz of protein 


this is already way over what is needed. For 4 years olds the guideline is 19 grams of protein per day. 

I think you're over feeding this child already. 

Also by this age, milk should be low or no fat.