How do you feel about church sponsored "life" groups or small groups?

[*anj*]

It's become common in many churches (especially larger ones) to encourage the congregation to break up into small groups (they go by different names: life groups, small groups, intentional groups, mini communities) so that people have a chance to fellowship and to get to know each other more intimately.

 

I think that when it's done well there is just enough pastoral involvement to keep things from getting off track, but the group is run by members who feel led by the Lord to do so.

 

But what happens when the group goes off track?

What happens when individuals don't really work well together?

What if they reach a point of impasse and the survival of the group is at risk?

And what is more common? In your experience do these groups generally work well, performing their stated function? Or is it more common for them to end in hurt feelings and miscommunication?

 

Thanks.

[Carol in Cal.]

those groups do better when there is a book or curriculum or stated purpose that has an endpoint.

 

So, for instance, a group that studies the Fruits of the Spirit from a book, might do really, really well. A group to have dinners together and mixes the names up every 6 months does really, really well.

 

A group that really has no stated purpose except fellowship often founders because of conflicting goals within the group.

 

OTOH, a group that meets for fellowship that rises naturally from one of the 'stated purpose' groups can do great--those members have self-selected to keep on going, and have some affinity and familiarity to hold them together.

[G5052]

We go to a relatively small church where that wouldn't be really needed (about a dozen households in regular fellowship), but I have friends who go to churches who do this and a neighbor is the pastor of a church who does it.

 

If it's done thoughtfully and with leaders who are trained and overseen by the church, it seems to work well. Where it doesn't work well, the group leadership is the problem -- either they don't truly lead or they take the group away from the church.

 

DH used to preach quite a bit in our church and others of like mind in our area, and he's not fond of large churches in general and feels that small groups tend to promote division. He believes that outside of the Book of Acts, the New Testament model was smaller, elder-lead churches, not large churches with small groups.

 

Your mileage may vary of course...

[Sarah CB]

It's become common in many churches (especially larger ones) to encourage the congregation to break up into small groups (they go by different names: life groups, small groups, intentional groups, mini communities) so that people have a chance to fellowship and to get to know each other more intimately.

 

I think that when it's done well there is just enough pastoral involvement to keep things from getting off track, but the group is run by members who feel led by the Lord to do so.

 

But what happens when the group goes off track?

What happens when individuals don't really work well together?

What if they reach a point of impasse and the survival of the group is at risk?

And what is more common? In your experience do these groups generally work well, performing their stated function? Or is it more common for them to end in hurt feelings and miscommunication?

 

Thanks.

 

I'm not sure that it has to get bad before someone gets out. We were part of a small group for a year and on many levels it was very good. But then our circumstances changed and we dropped it.

 

Right now we're in a small group at our Pastor's house and he leads it. He does two 12 week sessions per year for "newcomers" to the church. This is his way of getting to know each and every member of the congregation. In fact, he's the one who places a church bulletin in the mail box of each person who isn't there on Sunday. In a congregation of about 600 I find that pretty impressive.

 

After this small group is over we'll probably look for one that is a good fit for us. If we try out a group and we don't get along well with people or we feel the leadership is "off" then there's nothing stopping us from finding a small group that works better for us. It's not a marriage - no one can force you to stay in a group that doesn't bless you or in which you aren't a blessing.

[Dawn E]

Our current church does not have cell groups; however, a former church did. We had a very pleasant experience, but ours was run by one of the teaching pastors. That, I guess, gave it more accountability than if it were run by a layperson. Though I'm sure the negative issues do occur, I don't recall hearing of any such issues. I think the main concern would be how much "interviewing" goes into picking the leaders of the groups. If they are open to anyone, then there might be more issues. But, I think most churches rely on elders, deacons, pastors, etc to facilitate these groups in order to make sure they maintain the vision of the church. Most of the churches relying on this form of small group meetings are larger churches wanting to provide discipleship in a way that makes sure no one falls through the cracks.

 

In our case, we were encouraged to join a group that was made up of other young couples our age. I think we were able to choose another group to join if we wanted, but we were excited about making friends who were on our path in life. We were fortunate to end up with a solid, like-minded group. I think that the tricky balance would be having enough variety out there for people to choose where they feel comfortable without ending up with everyone gravitating to one particular leader or group.

[Diana in OR]

Our church has them. We aren't in one now, but have been in the past. We hosted one for awhile that just didn't work. The mix of personalities caused a lot of stress.

 

One thing that I think helps is that there is are beginning and ending dates for the group meetings. That way, if things are just not going well, you don't feel stuck there indefinitely.

[*anj*]

Thanks for your input, ladies.

I just want to clarify that this is not my own personal situation.

 

There are more specific details, but I don't feel comfortable posting them here. If anyone wants to opine, but needs more details, please pm me.

 

Thanks again!

[dirty ethel rackham]

I totally agree. In our large parish, we have been involved in small Christian Communities. They usually have a book to study. The one that worked well was very family oriented (for families with small children who did not want to stick them with a babysitter every week.) This lasted for quite a while until we lost critical mass due to people moving away.

 

We tried one recently. The leader was a man who had major people skills problems. Most people dropped out, but I did meet many wonderful people through this group. I am sure that it would have continued if this man had not been in charge. I would love to join one again, mostly for my husband to get involved, but we just don't have the time.

[dirty ethel rackham]

I wanted to add that, in our large parish, it helped bring the Church body closer together. In a parish of 3500 families, it can get impersonal. Having small groups made it more personal. It also helped me see areas to help serve the Church.

[H.S. Burrow]

If I'm understanding your original post correctly, you are not talking about Christian study groups using a book or curriculum.

 

It sounds like *maybe* you are referring to small groups that are assigned for a particular reason - that would vary from church to church. I don't care to be assigned and told that I must participate in something. There is only one church that we have been involved in that did this and it did not work well. In fact, it fell apart. The groups did not even meet at the church. They met in homes and restaurants. The purpose was to promote unity in the church and getting to know other members better.

 

I'll see if I can find exactly what the program was called and get you more details if you want it.

 

[elegantlion]

never mind, I don't feel comfortable sharing this here.

Edited October 1, 2008 by elegantlion

[Erica in PA]

I like small groups. We've been part of one small group or another for about 10 years, as part of two different churches. It's a good way to share prayer needs, help one another, and just get to know other people in your church in a way that you don't get to on Sunday mornings.

 

I'm surprised to hear mixed views here, because I've never known them to be anything but positive. I guess with anything involving people, things can be complicated at times.

 

Now that I'm thinking about it, there was one group that we were a part of where we just didn't feel like we really clicked with the others. There wasn't any trouble, but there was no clear purpose for meeting (i.e. no Bible study or planned topic, just chit chat), and we just didn't feel it was a good fit. We talked to our asst. pastor who headed up the groups, and he guided us toward a different group where we've been happy ever since (this one is Bible study based.) There didn't seem to be any hard feelings.

 

Erica

[*anj*]

Right. This particular group was free to set its own agenda, whether to study the Bible directly or to do a book study. They were really very autonomous, except for the fact that a couple of people had attended leadership training at the church.

Members weren't assigned, they could actually choose which group to join. This group met in private homes, and sometimes in other places, but not at church.

 

If I'm understanding your original post correctly, you are not talking about Christian study groups using a book or curriculum.

 

It sounds like *maybe* you are referring to small groups that are assigned for a particular reason - that would vary from church to church. I don't care to be assigned and told that I must participate in something. There is only one church that we have been involved in that did this and it did not work well. In fact, it fell apart. The groups did not even meet at the church. They met in homes and restaurants. The purpose was to promote unity in the church and getting to know other members better.

 

I'll see if I can find exactly what the program was called and get you more details if you want it.

 

 

[6packofun]

Our church is in the process of getting back to small groups and the most important thing we've done over the past 6 months or so is pray for a person to feel led to be a small group leader support mentor/administrator. We'd like to start up our small group community with a person in place who can keep in weekly contact with the leaders, help facilitate issues just like you mentioned and also mentor the leaders a bit, especially those who may not have led a group before.

 

So there will be a go-to person for the leaders to turn to before heading straight to the pastor and in turn, that person reports on the health and growth of the groups directly to him. He/she can help each group focus on the needs of their niche group membership--couples, singles, young marrieds with kiddos, parents of teens, etc.

 

I think our small groups fell by the wayside in part because it was a little unorganized and unsupported. For our groups, we have a host person/couple and a separate leader in most cases so that the person leading the study or book, etc. will not be expected to do all the hospitality stuff as they prepare for the evening! That was really helpful when we led our group. We ended up using a room at the church since it was a central location for all of our group members and that was even better.

[snickelfritz]

The way they want things to work:

 

1. People attend a worship service.

 

2. They volunteer at the other worship service, there is no "Sunday School."

 

3. They attend a small group on a weeknight. They offer childcare for Sunday nights and Wednesday nights, if that is when you are doing a small group and the home is close to church. The topic and age groupings vary from group to group. There is no "start" and "end" date. No group is closed and people are free to start or end a group at any time.

 

I guess I don't really see that this is any different than Sunday Schools, which are often led by people who volunteer. The Sunday Schools that I have attended have been pretty autonomous and the leaders (along with member input) were free to decide the direction of the class.

[Sebastian (a lady)]

Our life group has been incredible. It is very welcoming to families with kids, includes kids in the singing and prayer then has another room for them to go do a lesson/craft. Everyone takes a turn at the kids and snacks with a schedule so the dates are set well in advance.

 

We were really good friends with the family that started it. But everyone else was new to us. Conversations have been very open and sometimes challenging. There have been some hurts along the way, but they've been treated as opportunities for us to love on each other.

 

We don't do a book (that would honestly just feel like extra work). Instead we discuss the sermon passage and topic. I thought this would be kind of lame at first, but I have really enjoyed it.

 

I think that one reason it has been a good group is because we've looked for practical things to do of service as a group. We've served dinner for a homeless family project that our church does. We've gotten together to paint new quarters for families that were moving. We've gotten together to actually move people. These have been some of the times that have bonded us more closely as a group. Times when we've been talking about movies or sports or kids instead of something deep and meaningful.

 

We haven't been big on groups like this before. We were in one that was ok but nothing really special. This one just bats it out of the park.

[Danestress]

Dh and I have almost always been in a small group of one kind or another.

 

They are living organisms, so I think they need to be able to change over time - split when they get too large, be ready to accept new members, be ready to see members leave to pursue other ministries. Those transitions can be hard, but they don't have to be hard in a personal "hurt feelings" kind of way if the members are mature and Christ centered in their approach to the group.

 

We've just really loved ours and made cherished friends.

[Laurie4b]

I think it's most common for the groups to work well. Of course, occasionally a group doesn't "gel". Those groups typically die a natural death and the members end up in other groups, the same way that homeschool groups die and are reconfigured. As far as getting off track, do you mean theologically? I've actually never seen that happen in 30 years at our church. I think the likelihood that groups get off-track depends on the overall leadership of the church. I think very controlling leadership structures tend to spawn controlling leaders. Those are the ones most likely to get off track. A chuch that has good checks and balances within the body is going to have checks and balances within small groups. It's part of the culture of the church. For instance, at our church, most groups don't identify themselves as having one leader; in most of the small groups, leadership is shared. Additionally, people can join or not join at will. If a group started to get offbase, a pastor would be informed by someone in the group, I'm sure, and it would be taken care of.

 

I think small groups are a very positive thing.

[jmgconner]

We have lots of small groups to pick and choose from at our church. Some of the groups are men's groups, women's groups, parents of toddlers, parents of teens, literature and Bible, young couples groups, as well as groups that deal with addictions. Our groups run from September to May.

 

We're in the parents of toddlers groups and are having a blast. Our group met together to decide on a study just recently. Last Spring we did Financial Peace University with our group. This fall we've decided on a marriage book study. We all chip in to hire a babysitter to play with the toddlers.

 

We have a lot of fun outside of 'group time' as well. We organized a blueberry patch trip, movie nights, and pizza nights. Next week we're getting together to go bowling. We have a core group that is working on the marriage book study, but we have lots of other families that come out for the fun times even though they can't commit to meeting every week.

[swellmomma]

We do small groups in my church, and as far as I know there has never been an issue. Women's bible study for example, we do on Wednesday mornings or Thursday nights depending on what works best for you. Within that group we break down further into smaller groups for discussion and prayer requests. In the 2+ years I have been a member of the church and participated in these studies I have never seen an issue with groups getting off track or not working out. People from teh church also run small groups through their homes. Then we have the youth group, midtimer's groups(45-60ish), men's groups, prime timers groups (60+yrs). We are part of a large church so these small groups certianly help members connect on a more intimate level. In any study/group I have participated in, they have been run by church members not pastors and we have never had issues of getting off track over all. Sometimes the plans for that session are suspended due to a important need. For example, last year in bible study, we were doing a study of the book of Daniel but had to put aside the teaching of that day to focus on a whole session of prayer for a particular member of our group who was battling breast cancer. I am greatful we did that because in the end she succumbed to the illness and I would be upset if we had been too focused ont eh study to take the time to lift her up with our prayers. We run small groups from Sept to June and I have learned more from my time in small groups about my walk with Christ than in Sunday services. They are my lifeline some weeks to keep on going kwim.

[Jugglin'5]

We have Wednesday night prayer meetings in homes. This obviously necessitates some smaller groups. We share a meal, have a lesson on a catechism question from one of the elders, and share prayer requests from each family. This works well for our church. I think you have to be careful about cliques forming within the church, and if the wrong person is leading I could see where it could lead to trouble, maybe even a church split. In a larger church we attended years ago, the first cell group we were a part of was largely a "roast pastor" group. I think that is why the leadership is so critical for these kind of groups to strengthen the church, rather than tear it down from within.

[mcconnellboys]

I don't think I've ever seen or heard of a group here that didn't at least start with some sort of study or other stated purpose, like doing some sort of charity work together, etc. I have seen some of these go on to also include social functions for the people to do together, once they have formed a more cohesive group - and I think that's a good thing, too.

 

I think that small groups with purpose absolutely help people connect and find purpose and accountability where they might otherwise just drift on the outskirts of church life.

[Amy loves Bud]

We started out in a small group at our old church about 7 years ago. It was not so great. Bud was a new Christian, and the group didn't want children to attend. The leader, had he been a real leader, would have refused to lead, as his family had many major issues going on that we later found out about. This was the group that the small groups ministry at the church assigned to us. We stuck it out for 3 months and then bailed.

 

We joined another group that some friends were a part of. We were skeptical, but because the church leadership was pushing this, and we did love and respect our leaders very much, we tried it. We loved it. We were part of this group for 3 years, and we had excellent Bible studies and developed wonderful friendships that we maintain till this day.

 

It was so good that it grew. Way too big. So we split into two groups. We hung with the split group (none of whom were in the original group) for a year until it just fell apart. It was never the same.

 

A few months later, Bud and I were on cruise where it rained and rained and Luke and I had serious diarrhea. It was lovely. But it gave Bud and me time to talk, because we didn't leave our room much. We realized that as our new group had stopped meeting our needs, we had grown very close to some neighbors in our new neighborhood. These were the people we would call in in a time of need. At the same time we started to have some issues with the direction our church was going in.

 

So we invited six neighbor families over and proposed starting a home church. While none of them were ready for such a drastic move, they all agreed that we wanted to foster the relationships we had been building. We've been meeting together for 2 and a half years. We have dinner every Sunday evening, followed by a Bible study.

 

The funny thing is that we all went to different churches when we started meeting together. Now 5 of the 6 families attend the same church - a church that none of us attended previously! And the church has just started pushing small groups. Well, we're all set there.

 

These people are our extended family. I love them dearly and cannot imagine not seeing most of them several times a week - even daily. But when a small group is not so good, it's really not so good. I don't know that a church artificially putting people together to achieve closer relationships is the answer, but I honestly don't know how else to make it happen within the framework of churches today. But within the framework of churches today, I think it is more needed than ever.

 

I do know that our situation is a unique blessing from God and I am very thankful for it.

[*anj*]

Thanks everyone. This has been very interesting. I'll pass your comments along to my friend. :001_smile:

[Guest Virginia Dawn]

We have been in a few small groups like this. I always enjoy the biblical discussion that seems to have less constraints than in a Bible study at the church building.

 

My biggest complaint about small groups is that the members' children are usually uncontrolled and unsupervised. There can be a lot of disruptions because of this. The alternative that is usually taken is to use the t.v. as a babysitter. I don't care for that either.

[LNC]

My husband agreed to serve our church by leading one of these for 3 years. After complaining, complaining, complaining from the group members, I asked him to step down. I couldn't take the stress.

[ma23peas]

I would love for anyone to comment on my leanings towards NOT joining a small group...we are getting gentle nudges from those in our church to find one and join.

 

 

Here are my reasons...we fellowship together as a family every morning at our breakfast table..then we're off to a very busy day...Monday nights are scouts, Tuesdays are debate club and my son is den chief for a cub scouting troop, Wednesdays are piano and errands (grocery shopping)..Thursdays are gymnastics and fencing...Friday is family night..weekends are usually spent camping or doing farm chores..

 

I know everyone is busy, but for us our 'fellowship' is in the church and all our outside activities and volunteering is our opportunity to reach those OUTSIDE the church and to be involved in their lives...I just feel that adding a small group where then you are committed to a weekly event when we really don't have nights with just our family together (dh has been working two jobs to pay for 2 mortgages, so our family time is tought as it is right now)....I just don't seem to WANT to do this small group thing, but since I lead a scouting troop at this church...I feel that I am obligated....UGH!

 

Isn't it alright to not want to do small groups?

 

Tara

[SquirrellyMama]

We have small groups at our church. We have been in the same group for the past 8 years. We've been through changes in membership since some families have moved and others have joined different small groups but there are a few of us who are still the same. We alternate between studying the bible, a book study or just forming friendships with dinner.

 

We have 2 - 3 babysitters for all the kids. This has helped tremendously with interruptions.

 

Our church has many to choose from and you are free to join whichever you want and are free to leave at anytime.

 

I think placing people in a group would be hard to get the right mix. For the last couple of months we have been sitting out of the group because of our schedule. It wasn't working with my dh's 2 jobs and they meet on a day when my kids have some activities. We'll rejoin in a month or two.

 

I don't think you have to be in a group but in some churches it is nice to really get to know people especially if the church is big.

 

I like it because our church does sermons on a specific topic and doesn't go through the books of the bible and preach. They pull verses out of different books of the bible to go with their topic. I like our small group because we will often study an entire book of the bible through.

 

Kelly

[laughing lioness]

We've been in a couple of churches that have these groups. The first was in a mega-church in southern CA. We were invovled in a couple of small groups there- all of which were long running, good support, dear friends.

The church also had S.S. and I liked that combo. You could get to know people outside of your group on Sunday.

The church that we currently go to uses the "free market" concept of small groups. My dh has led a small group for 2 years. It is truly small (about 8 people) but the folks show up every week and we are truly a support group- through exchange of prayer, resources, celebrating birthdays, etc. It is called "Deep Roots" and goes through a book of the Bible "line upon line." My dh has a M.A. in Theology and is a scholar- it is very in-depth with LOTS of participation.

That being said, I do think that this model allows folks to be a little lazy. We don't have S.S. on Sundays and because our community is very spread out with families living in the same community for generations it can be very difficlut to meet new people and get to know them.

[Kathy in MD]

If the small group is Sunday school class, or a short-term specific study group I'm fine with it. Or if the group is a service group, that's ok too. But if it's main reason for being is because the church is too big for people to know the other members and help them, it's time for the church send out some of the members to form other churches.

 

As you can tell, I'm not a fan of the mega churches.