Isabella Posted December 17, 2015 Share Posted December 17, 2015 (edited) I'm a terrible gift giver....I just don't really even think too much about it, but it always comes upon me at this time of year and each year I wonder what I should be doing. I tutor kids that need remedial spelling and reading, I nanny for a family two or three days a week, and I do Bowen therapy (massage). So my tutoring kids usually bring me a present, some of my Bowen clients also, and last year I gave one to the family I nanny for. Who of these all should I be buying presents for? Should I reciprocate only to those who buy for me? Tell me the correct etiquette, please!!😬 Take pity on a gift challenged girl! Edited December 17, 2015 by Isabella Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoobie Posted December 17, 2015 Share Posted December 17, 2015 I wouldn't gift massage clients. Your tutoring and nanny kids, I would give a small gift, such as a book, but it's not an expected gift. Usually the recipient of the service tips or gifts as a thank you, not the provider. :) 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurel Posted December 17, 2015 Share Posted December 17, 2015 No gifts for tutoring kids or Bowen clients, though you could do cards if you wanted. (If there are particular kids or clients you feel close to, you could give them a gift, but no obligation.) Small gift for your nanny family, either a gift for the family unit, or for the kids individually. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlsdMama Posted December 17, 2015 Share Posted December 17, 2015 I have no idea. The pressure of reciprocating is hard for me. :( We really max our budget with our own children and four birthdays this time of year. Reciprocating is added pressure. I kind of wish Christmas had a "just for / to kids" rule for gift giving. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
medawyn Posted December 17, 2015 Share Posted December 17, 2015 In this situation, I would say not necessarily any of them. I consider holiday gifts for someone providing a service ( tutoring, massage, housekeepers, etc) to be similar to a thank you or hostess gift: no reciprocation necessary. The family you nanny for could go either way; it would depend on your relationship with them. Small gifts for the children and/or a homemade gift for the family would certainly not be inappropriate, but also not necessary. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted December 17, 2015 Share Posted December 17, 2015 I hate the obligatory gift giving. I like giving, but not out of obligation. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Isabella Posted December 17, 2015 Author Share Posted December 17, 2015 Oh good, I feel like I'm on the right track then. Last year I gave my nanny family a basket of homemade treats, and I'll probably do the same this year. I'm glad not to feel that I should be giving gifts in return to the others. Thanks for making me feel better!! 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted December 17, 2015 Share Posted December 17, 2015 (edited) I do not think that gifts you receive in your capacity as a service provider (nanny, tutor, private teacher) from your clients (or their parents) require you to reciprocate. Those gifts are given in appreciation of your service. A thank you note will do nicely. ETA: We always gave gifts to our babysitters, piano teachers, riding teachers, French tutor. It would never have occurred to me that we should receive a gift from them. Edited December 17, 2015 by regentrude 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mimm Posted December 17, 2015 Share Posted December 17, 2015 I don't give a lot of extra gifts. I did give gifts to the teachers in my toddler's room at our co-op. They are so awesome and I'm very grateful to them and wanted to get them something as a thank you anyway. I don't get gifts for people just because they get me one. There are people in my life I give gifts to without any expectation of getting one in return and I assume I might be that person to other people sometimes. I assume they, like me, give the gift solely for the joy of giving it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TammyS Posted December 17, 2015 Share Posted December 17, 2015 I'm a terrible gift giver....I just don't really even think too much about it, but it always comes upon me at this time of year and each year I wonder what I should be doing. I tutor kids that need remedial spelling and reading, I nanny for a family two or three days a week, and I do Bowen therapy (massage). So my tutoring kids usually bring me a present, some of my Bowen clients also, and last year I gave one to the family I nanny for. Who of these all should I be buying presents for? Should I reciprocate only to those who buy for me? Tell me the correct etiquette, please!!😬 Take pity on a gift challenged girl! IMO, none of them. I mean sure, if you WANT to, go ahead. But I think this is the kind of stuff that buries us all in debt and clutter - buying gifts that are small junk for people that we don't REALLY want to give gifts to. I have gotten to the point where I only buy gifts for my immediate (living in my house) family and my mother. That's it. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cinder Posted December 17, 2015 Share Posted December 17, 2015 I would not give gifts to the tutoring students nor massage clients; that just wouldn't even cross my radar. I might give a gift to the family I nanny for if I felt close enough to them and *wanted* to give them a gift. But I would give out of love, not obligation. I think your gift of homemade treats sounds perfect! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JustEm Posted December 17, 2015 Share Posted December 17, 2015 My dh gets a lot of gifts this time of year because he is a martial arts instructor. He gets things as simple as a tin of cookies or candy or a 5 dollar Starbuck gc to this as big as a $200 visa gc. We don't think it is appropriate to reciprocate with any of the gifts because of the nature of the relationship. The gifts whether big or small are a thank you/show of appreciation for his service. He reciprocates throughout the year by go above and beyond what others expect to help their children or themselves succeed. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlsdMama Posted December 17, 2015 Share Posted December 17, 2015 IMO, none of them. I mean sure, if you WANT to, go ahead. But I think this is the kind of stuff that buries us all in debt and clutter - buying gifts that are small junk for people that we don't REALLY want to give gifts to. I have gotten to the point where I only buy gifts for my immediate (living in my house) family and my mother. That's it. And I'll add, not everyone wants gifts. Honestly, if someone not terribly close to me (i.e., knows me well) is going to get me a gift I would REALLY want it to be consumable. Things like knick knacks, momentos, etc., stress me out. I think I have clutter-phobia. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TammyS Posted December 17, 2015 Share Posted December 17, 2015 And I'll add, not everyone wants gifts. Honestly, if someone not terribly close to me (i.e., knows me well) is going to get me a gift I would REALLY want it to be consumable. Things like knick knacks, momentos, etc., stress me out. I think I have clutter-phobia. That's what I'm saying. If you are going to buy a bunch of gifts for all the people that you have business relations with, by necessity (unless you are wealthy) it's going to be cheap and therefore probably junk. You are just burdening them as well as making yourself that much poorer. Honestly, THIS is what environmentalists should be on about. All this crap ends up in the landfill eventually (nevermind the environmental impact of creating, shipping, and selling it all). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arcadia Posted December 17, 2015 Share Posted December 17, 2015 My kids get cookies from their music and language tutors but that's because its their non-profit schools culture for the kids to get cookie treats. They don't get anything from the tutor for the commercial school. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TechWife Posted December 17, 2015 Share Posted December 17, 2015 Because of the way gift is defined, there is no need to reciprocate. If there were an obligation to reciprocate, it would be an exchange of money or goods, not a gift. noun 1. something given voluntarily without payment inreturn, as to show favor toward someone, honoran occasion, or make a gesture of assistance;present. 2. the act of giving. 3. something bestowed or acquired without anyparticular effort by the recipient or without itsbeing earned:Those extra points he got in the game were atotal gift. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted December 17, 2015 Share Posted December 17, 2015 I think there is no need to reciprocate. Some of my kids teachers have given them a treat or little token, but I don't think it is necessary at all! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted December 17, 2015 Share Posted December 17, 2015 I would not give gifts to the tutoring students nor massage clients; that just wouldn't even cross my radar. I might give a gift to the family I nanny for if I felt close enough to them and *wanted* to give them a gift. But I would give out of love, not obligation. I think your gift of homemade treats sounds perfect! I agree with this. I dislike giving gifts out of obligation. I know a lot of people keep random gifts stashed in case someone gives them one, so they have something to give in return. I just don't do that, I don't even really understand it. We gave our piano teacher a gift but really it was because we always saw something we thought she would like. I would have been very surprised if she gave us a gift. I dislike getting random gifts. Usually they are things I can't use (scented candles, bath/body products with scents that make my family members sick). Someone once gave me a plant in a planter that was... not to my taste. Ugh that was double stress: having to keep the plant alive and displaying the planter. When the plant died I got rid of the whole shebang. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DesertBlossom Posted December 18, 2015 Share Posted December 18, 2015 My children are lucky to get gifts. I find the while thing stressful. Dh is not getting anything bc I have no idea what tk get him. We have a "if you want it, you're welcome to buy it yourself" policy. At least I hope he's not getting me anythimg either. So the stress of trying to get stuff for people outside our immediate family would push me over this edge. This year being especially stressful for various reasons. I don't expect anything from other people either. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
craftymama Posted December 18, 2015 Share Posted December 18, 2015 I'm glad I read this thread. Gift giving for us usually stays in the immediate (in this house) family plus one friend who is like a grandmother to my children. I do allow my children to decide if they would like to give a gift to anyone because I want them to be able to make that choice, but I do not require them to give to instructors or the like. In the past oldest has been very excited to make treats for certain people. I do not understand giving gifts to every single person in your life, or something similar. I'm glad to know I'm not the only one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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