And, that was our weekend (month, season) re: husband, anniversary, employment, my Dad

[sheryl]

Some of you may remember my dear, sweet Dad passed away.  His 90th birthday is this coming Sunday, November 1.  He passed away about 8-9 weeks beforehand on Aug. 26.  So, he was 2 months shy of turning 90.

 

I don't mean to whine but I'm having a hard time.   This is just hard.   I find myself crying at the strangest times.  I miss our visits, calls, cards, drives and so much more...Both my parents are no longer here.  They are with Jesus and I'm very comforted by that but I miss them terribly.

 

Anyone here that have "both" parents who passed away?  One is bad enough but two.  That's it.  Both parents.  A set.   Does any of this make sense?

 

My hairdresser floored me when she said just go forth in faith, or something similar to that.  I do have faith!  I'm human and have emotions and am sad.  Jesus wept.  He showed emotions.  There's nothing wrong with that. 

 

OK, vent over.

 

This past Sunday was our 35th anniversary.   I'll back up though.  DH took Friday off.  So, DH, DD and I drove to the mountains.  We LOVE the mountains and go as often as possible.  Living in Charlotte, it's only about a 2-4 hour drive depending on where one wants to go.  It's fall and thousands of people stream in to catch a glimpse of the fall foliage.  We had a drought this summer so it stood to reason we'd have a spectacular display of color and that we did!  It was peak.  We drove on Friday just taking in all of the beauty - mountains in the distance and the beautiful colors of red, orange, yellow, brown.  Dh was able to find a little mountain cabin for 1 night b/c there was a cancellation.  We had a corner room and our balcony faced east in the little village of Little Switzerland.  We've been in L.S. several times passing through.  It was a panoramic view!  Wow!  I was awakened early Saturday morning to a charley horse.  I haven't had one in a looooooong time and this was a bad one.  No wonder dh and I shared a "full" size bed and I was cramped literally! LOL!  Up and down for who knows how long b/c I didn't have a clock.  I walked on it, messaged it.  Finally, I got a little sleep.  We woke up Saturday to incredibly dense fog.  I've not seen anything like this before.  When I was in high school (Ohio) there was dense fog one night, but not like this one.  We had to leave.  So, here we are on the parkway driving in dense fog with some locations down to maybe about 25 feet or so!!!!!   Other times it may have been 50 - 100 feet or so.  During those stretches we saw the trees dotting both sides of the road and arching over the road!  BEST!  

 

We left the parkway and visited a little antique/pottery store.  My leg had residual effect from that blasted charley horse.  We arrived home Saturday night.

 

Sunday we went to church and went to Bridge of Spies.  Excellent by the way!  DD stayed home. During the movie, DH gets more than 1 text from his boss saying he had to "set up" for an emergency meeting the next day, Monday.  We finished the movie and got home around 6. DH went to work from about 6-9 that night. 

 

The following day on Monday, DH was at work at 6 a.m. and at 10 am the company-wide conference was in place.  The local energy company is buying the local gas company at which my dh is employed.  At 10:40 DH was driving himself to urgent care.  They thought he may be experiencing heart issues so they had him transferred, by ambulance, to the hospital.   He called me and DD and I flew in the car to get there.  All tests came back fine and we are thankful to our God!  He is good! 

 

Needless to say, this events wiped all of us out. 

 

I guess my DH was under stress.  Driving for hours on the parkway with little to no visibility (there is no margin for error when driving on the parkway during good conditions - at least in many/most parts of the route), learning your company is sold to another may have contributed to a panic attack which landed him in the hospital.

 

DD is stressed too.  The day DH was in the hospital, Oct. 26, marked 2 months since my Dad passed away.  Her daddy was in the hospital 2 months after her Grand Dad passed away. 

 

DD doesn't show a lot of emotion.  I wish she would to let it out.

 

Do any of you have kids like this?

 

Here it is Thursday and no more charley horse!  YAY!

 

Just wanted to share our challenges, blessings!  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Rosie_0801]

Sometimes life is a bit more than we want to deal with, isn't it? 

 

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

[sheryl]

Oh Rosie, you're so sweet.  I hope it doesn't sound like I'm complaining.  I've thought of you and your loss often.  :grouphug:

[umsami]

My Dad is in his last days/weeks/months.  It is so hard.  I've often thought on what we'll do and one thing I'd like to do is remember his birthday each year by eating one of his favorite foods....a  Hershey bar with almonds.  I want to make it a family tradition that we do that every September XX in honor of Gramps.

 

Is it too soon to do something like that in honor of your Dad?

 

I'd also write him a letter and then burn it, or throw it into the ocean, or whatever.... and trust that God would see that it got to him.  

[mamiof5]

So sorry to hear you are dealing with so much. I don't think you are whining or complaining! I think it's perfectly healthy to admit that sometimes things are a little over our head, and what might seem easy to others it just makes us feel like we are drowning. Give yourself some grace, and recognize that you had a hectic and stressful weekend. Will pray for things to get better soon! I always like to believe that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Oh!! And missing your dad has nothing to do with how much faith you have. Your faith can be super strong, that doesn't mean that you have to miss your dad any less.

[Rosie_0801]

Oh Rosie, you're so sweet.  I hope it doesn't sound like I'm complaining.  I've thought of you and your loss often.  :grouphug:

 

Go ahead and complain if you need to! My problems don't invalidate yours!

[fairfarmhand]

BTW, my mom has been gone for 4 years and i still have moments of just aching for her. It does get easier, the pain is not so sharp after awhile, but 2 months out? Oh sweetie, just cry whenever you want to as long as you want to.

[Pawz4me]

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

[Catwoman]

Sheryl -- I don't know how I missed hearing that your dad passed away. :crying: I am so, so sorry!!! :grouphug:

 

Both of my parents died within 10 months of each other, and it was devastating. It has been seven years now and it is still hard to think about it. The best advice I can give you is to let yourself grieve and be upset, and don't let anyone get away with acting like you should just get over it. It is so much better to let the sadness out now, than it is to try to tuck it away, only to have it come back at you in full force later on.

 

Complain all you want. Cry as much as you need to cry. It's okay to feel sad and alone. It's not selfish to give yourself time to work through this. Don't let anyone minimize your loss. Don't let people make you feel like you are overreacting because your dad was almost 90 and had lived a long life. His life wasn't long enough for you, and that is all that matters.

 

I wish I had more words of comfort for you, but all I can say is that you will eventually be able to get through the day without crying, and things will start to feel normal again. It just takes a while. So give yourself time and don't feel like it's wrong if it takes more time than others think it should.

[Catwoman]

My Dad is in his last days/weeks/months. It is so hard. I've often thought on what we'll do and one thing I'd like to do is remember his birthday each year by eating one of his favorite foods....a Hershey bar with almonds. I want to make it a family tradition that we do that every September XX in honor of Gramps.

 

Is it too soon to do something like that in honor of your Dad?

 

I'd also write him a letter and then burn it, or throw it into the ocean, or whatever.... and trust that God would see that it got to him.

I'm so sorry, umsami. :(

[goldberry]

My parents are both in their 80s.  My dad is in okay shape, my mom has started with dementia.  I am very close to my parents and every time I talk to them or get to go see them I think about the day coming inevitably when they will both be gone.  I dread it.

 

:grouphug:

[Innisfree]

Hugs. I am right there with you; both of my parents died within the last year, and it is hard. Each birthday, each holiday, each milestone and anniversary is hard.

 

I think older traditions of a lengthy period of mourning showed a lot of wisdom.

[Luckymama]

Hugs. I am right there with you; both of my parents died within the last year, and it is hard. Each birthday, each holiday, each milestone and anniversary is hard.

 

I think older traditions of a lengthy period of mourning showed a lot of wisdom.

This. My parents have been gone longer, Mom six years next week and Dad four years a few weeks back. I had no idea I would be "orphaned" at 45.

 

:grouphug:

[sheryl]

Margaret,  :grouphug:

Catwoman, worded very well.  Got it.  Thanks! :grouphug: 
Umsami,  I'm so sorry!  Are you able to be  with him/visit him?  Do you live in the same city?  :sad:  :grouphug:

Rosie, :grouphug:

Pawz4me, :grouphug:

Goldberry, :grouphug:

Innisfree,  :grouphug: Tender mercies to you.   Both of your parents in 1 year.   I'm sorry.

Luckymama,  :grouphug:  You were quite young.  I'm sorry!

[umsami]

My Dad's health was one of the motivations for homeschooling this year.  We're about a four hour drive away, but we try and go every other week.  As things get closer to the end, we'll just stay and do school there.  Even if my kids learn nothing this year (unlikely and they already have learned lots), it is worth it.

[sheryl]

Yes, Umsami, I agree wholeheartedly! 

 

I'm glad that you're only 4 hours away and can go often.  Your plans to increase the frequency of visits is good!   And, your kids will be fine.  Certainly they have learned lots already.   My Dad is more important than homeschooling.  My daughter is still trying to get back on track and it's just fine with me.   

[Scarlett]

Sheryl -- I don't know how I missed hearing that your dad passed away. :crying: I am so, so sorry!!! :grouphug:

 

Both of my parents died within 10 months of each other, and it was devastating. It has been seven years now and it is still hard to think about it. The best advice I can give you is to let yourself grieve and be upset, and don't let anyone get away with acting like you should just get over it. It is so much better to let the sadness out now, than it is to try to tuck it away, only to have it come back at you in full force later on.

 

Complain all you want. Cry as much as you need to cry. It's okay to feel sad and alone. It's not selfish to give yourself time to work through this. Don't let anyone minimize your loss. Don't let people make you feel like you are overreacting because your dad was almost 90 and had lived a long life. His life wasn't long enough for you, and that is all that matters.

 

I wish I had more words of comfort for you, but all I can say is that you will eventually be able to get through the day without crying, and things will start to feel normal again. It just takes a while. So give yourself time and don't feel like it's wrong if it takes more time than others think it should.

This. Cat said it so well as she always does.

[happi duck]

(hugs)

 

Both my parents are gone. Their birthdays and death dates always affect me. It helped a little when I got proactive and started doing something, anything, intentional to mark the day.