burn out

[EmilyGF]

Let's imagine you had three school age kids, a toddler, and a baby on the way.

 

You are sort of burnt out. You want to stop having "homeschool prep" be your hobby.

 

You don't want to keep piece-mealing it together. You love reading aloud and know that your kids are learning a lot through narrating good books... but you want something measurable, too. You don't want to give these up, but they don't seem like enough.

 

You love your math curriculum (and never stay up late working on that).

 

You are in a great co-op for the extras which only requires 15 min/week of work on your part but provides art, Shakespeare, architecture, music, nature study (so your child is getting a well-rounded curriculum without much work on your part). 

 

But you aren't a history/writing person. You're tired of dealing with that. And you are slowly admitting that your daughter is a history/language arts/writing person.

 

What would you do?

 

Emily

 

 

[Carol in Cal.]

I would think about why I started homeschooling in the first place.  Are those reasons still valid?

 

And I would read a few books about homeschooling that really set my jaw in the first place.  "The Underground History of American Education".  "And The Skylark Sings With Me".  "Family Matters".  "Homeschooling:  A Patchwork of Days".

 

I would have confidence that reading and talking are really working.  After all, SWB is a professor and homeschooled like that.

 

I would organize more of my teaching around STEM, since that's what really floated my boat.  I'd look for science books that have story elements to them.  I'd look for outstanding science and natural history field trips.  I'd teach the history of science.  I'd assign biographies of women and men who were scientists and engineers.  

 

I'd take the kids to as many live plays as possible and discuss them and assign essays about them.  

 

And I'd probably host a coopy thing where I would actually set up and do science experiments with the kids of several families, which many homeschoolers never get around to, in exchange for someone else doing literature or grammar or editing or whatever else is annoying me to death with my kids.

[Carol in Cal.]

PS It's almost October:  National Homeschooling Burnout Month

 

It might pass.

[regentrude]

Let's imagine you had three school age kids, a toddler, and a baby on the way.

You are sort of burnt out. You want to stop having "homeschool prep" be your hobby.

You don't want to keep piece-mealing it together. You love reading aloud and know that your kids are learning a lot through narrating good books... but you want something measurable, too. You don't want to give these up, but they don't seem like enough.

 

You love your math curriculum (and never stay up late working on that).

 

You are in a great co-op for the extras which only requires 15 min/week of work on your part but provides art, Shakespeare, architecture, music, nature study (so your child is getting a well-rounded curriculum without much work on your part). 

 

But you aren't a history/writing person. You're tired of dealing with that. And you are slowly admitting that your daughter is a history/language arts/writing person.

 

What would you do?

 

Can't comment on the many kids issue - but on the bolded:

Trust that it is enough. I am not an unschooler by any means, but found that the things my kids really care about passionately take care of themselves.

As you know, I'm a physicist. I had big insecurities about teaching English (compounded by the fact that it is not my native language). I simply let them read and write. No "curriculum", no lesson plans, no tests. Just books and more books, and lots of free writing. A few essay assignments in the high school years. The results surpassed my wildest expectations.

I have no history expertise. The professors teaching for Great Courses have. So, that's how we covered history since 8th grade. Before, in the earlier grades: library books, the Usborne encyclopedia, and documentaries. No schedule, assignments, curriculum. Just reading and watching and creating a strong knowledge foundation.

 

So my advice would be to relax and trust. For get about "measuring". Create an education rich environment, make it easy for the kids to access good resources, teach math systematically - and let the rest flow. Middle grades were so much fun.

 

Best wishes and hugs!

[Arcadia]

I outsource LA because my grammar is not as great as DS10. He can compare grammar across five languages until my head hurts :)

 

If it was vocabulary and/or comprehension, I would have been able fo cope for both kids. In fact they improve year on year by just reading without effort on my part.

[RootAnn]

Find a homeschool-in-a-box that puts the planning part together, gives you something measurable, is geared toward read-aloud loveliness, has that history/LA/writing component, and doesn't overschedule. (Perhaps one of Timberdoodle's customizable packages where you can opt out of math, extras that are already covered, and just add in the stuff you need?)

 

It might be just a one year thing or a part-year thing to get you through your burnout. It may re-ignite your love of what you are doing now.

 

Or maybe you just need to "unschool" LA/History/Writing for a year for that kid. Let her write (NaNoWriMo is coming up!), read, and read some more. What she can't read herself, you put into your read aloud schedule. 

 

I, personally, would trust that narrating good books is working. I would not worry about that in the least.

[kateingr]

Emily, I think I know where you're coming from.  I too was feeling overwhelmed with the history and language arts part of my curriculum last year--and I only had a second grader and preschooler! 

 

For me, CLE language arts has been a tremendous help in providing a simple but rigorous language arts program that gets done every day and takes care of grammar, spelling, handwriting, and basic composition. I add a sentence of copywork or dictation each day, but that's it for now. 

 

For reading and history, I switched to Ambleside last year and have been thrilled with the results. I love their book list, but what I love even more is how I've been able to take their lists and break them into manageable pieces that don't require constant planning and thinking. (Meaning that I think you could use some of the same strategies even if their book lists aren't a good fit for your family--they're certainly not for everyone.) I do a simple rotation of read-alouds at our morning meeting time, and then a simple rotation of independent reading followed by narration. (I'd be happy to elaborate if you want to hear more about it, but I won't bore you with the gory details unnecessarily! I've been helped a great deal in this by the blogs by Brandy Vencel and Mystie Winckler. ) The CM approach to reading and digesting small chunks of books at a time and then waiting a few days (or even a week) before reading more has really helped my son enjoy and process some complex, meaty books.  

[wintermom]

Here is what I've done to stream-line my homeschool and try and prevent burn-out:

 

- eliminate or implement in a different way curriculum that requires prep and is too mom-intensive

- cut down the number of read-alouds

- cut down the out-of-house activities

- be satisfied with the resources and curriculum that seems to be working fine 

- stop looking at other curriculum and families and imagining that it's way better than what I'm doing

- out-source some subjects that are beyond my capabilities and background (for me it's Latin)

 

Also, recognize that I need time to relax and recharge my batteries (for me it's exercising on my own). My dh is amazing in helping out when I'm in need, sometimes with regular tasks, sometimes in an ad-hoc situation.

 

[Incognito]

PS It's almost October:  National Homeschooling Burnout Month

 

It might pass.

 

I believe you have that mistaken - that would be Feburary.

 

As far as what to do, I'd:

Find a good book list (Book Shark, Ambleside Online, Sonlight, etc.).  Read aloud and discuss as usual.

Find one open and go writing program for the older kids (whoever writes - WWE, perhaps?).

Continue with math as is.

To have LA be measurable, if the writing program isn't sufficient for you, you could do one book study a year. 

 

Let everything else be however until you are no longer so burnt out.

[luuknam]

Let's imagine you had three school age kids, a toddler, and a baby on the way.

 

You don't want to keep piece-mealing it together. You love reading aloud and know that your kids are learning a lot through narrating good books... but you want something measurable, too. You don't want to give these up, but they don't seem like enough.

 

But you aren't a history/writing person. You're tired of dealing with that. And you are slowly admitting that your daughter is a history/language arts/writing person.

 

What would you do?

 

I don't know what age my school-age daughter is in this scenario, but I'm assuming you mean elementary school. So, assuming she doesn't have learning disabilities, I'd get her a library card, pens/pencils, and paper, and give her a block of time most days to read history/language arty stuff she can pick out at the library*, and write stuff. I haven't really looked at the K-8 writing workshop forum on this forum, but I'd look into that to see if it'd be a place where she could post her writings and find other kids who also like writing (and hopefully history as well). I'd only look into something more structured if she wanted something more structured... if she's interested in history and language arts, she'll probably learn a lot just by being motivated and interested.

 

*I'd point out the history section, the poetry and other language arts sections, explain the catalog and introduce her to the children's librarian. That said, I have a pretty good library, and I actually even go to more than one branch just because I'm addicted to libraries.

 

ETA: forgot about the "measurable" part. If I wanted measurements, I'd do a standardized test every year.

[EmilyGF]

Thanks for the ideas, everyone.

 

There are two main contributors to my burn out, I think.

 

1) We're considering having ds apply for an accelerated public school program or an academically accelerated private school. This is two-pronged - I need to have (or think I need to have) more measurable work and I am concerned that ds be "ready".

 

2) We met a family that has decided to go the boxed-curriculum-as-fast-as-you-can route. I remember once being drawn to the idea of homeschooling as a way to accelerate school. I've moved away from that as I've learned about AOPS and literature-based curricula (the idea that going deeper may be better than going faster). I guess I'm questioning my choice to read lots and discuss vs fill out the sheets and move on. Yet, whenever I see worksheets, I'm pretty disappointed.

 

So I'm questioning myself a lot right now. DD has been pretty hard to school recently and my hubby pointed out that I'm trying to push her ahead in areas she doesn't like while neglecting areas she does. Sigh. (OTOH, she found a copy of the Tempest I bought for our co-op and asked if I minded if she read ahead - so I guess I'm not worried about the intake, but about the output.)

 

These are just scattered thoughts on a Saturday morning as I try to sort things out.

 

Emily

 

 

[Another Lynn]

Thank you for starting this thread.  The replies have been so encouraging! 

[Soror]

Sounds like to me you need to slow down and enjoy it more instead of worrying about speeding it all up.  I watched a Julie Bogart podcast today and she was talking about mom getting a hobby- what are you doing for you? What would you like to learn about and could you incorporate that into the day? Or would you like/need some more time to yourself. I took a good chunk of time for myself in late spring and early summer and just put all hs'ing on the back burner, didn't even hardly think about it, I was nervous jumping back in but it really helped renew my enthusiasm, now I've came back and have embraced my vision more and letting go of the expectations of others more has led us to have a much more fulfilling school experience for us. Maybe some mediation on why you are doing this and just some time off or perhaps look at just lightening the schedule for a bit. How about hitting the 3Rs, read-alouds and then just letting yourself have a break and the kids pursue some of their interests.

 

Random thoughts:

1) keep all the good and wonderful things you are doing now- 3Rs, read-alouds, co-op

2)check to see what your ds needs if he goes to the school

3)outsource LA to somewhere you trust/ pick an all inclusive program and just do that

4) enjoy your read-alouds in history and just let it be

 

[RootAnn]

1) We're considering having ds apply for an accelerated public school program or an academically accelerated private school. This is two-pronged - I need to have (or think I need to have) more measurable work and I am concerned that ds be "ready".

 

They are likely to not care about what you can provide in terms of worksheets. They'll want a standardized test or more likely *their* test of choice (which might be an adaptable computer-based one). I'd contact the school and see what they'll want. I'd hate to have you fret about changing your school life if it doesn't matter to them.

 

In terms of your #2:  Please, please, please, please don't compare yourself to another family. Remember to be happy with what you have.

[Arcadia]

For your point (1), I took the lazy way out and just let my boys sit for a standardized test. The reason is that tests like SAT or ACT is what my district understand and the program we might apply for is for 7th graders and up.

I can churn a decent transcript for both my kids but any common standardised tests scores would make it easier for them to see it is not mommy being lenient, that mommy gives worse grades than their test scores :lol:

[KSinNS]

Honestly, sounds like your school is amazing. Go deep, read lots, write when you feel moved to, and really, l suspect all will be well. BW Julie (look at her website) has great ideas around doing LA the way you are doing it, so you feel like it really is getting done (which it is, just not with worksheets). But, have faith. 

[Cynful]

Don't discount the power of those extra hormones making you question your homeschooling.  Give yourself permission to do things differently while pregnant.  My oldest two were lucky they got meals when I was pregnant with my third.  :)

[Reefgazer]

I would like to do something like this for high school, but was wondering how that would work. I remember for math you gave a cumulative final, and that makes sense to me, but how do you decide on a grade for history and English on the high school transcript? Is it a participation grade a those few essays?

 

Can't comment on the many kids issue - but on the bolded:

Trust that it is enough. I am not an unschooler by any means, but found that the things my kids really care about passionately take care of themselves.

As you know, I'm a physicist. I had big insecurities about teaching English (compounded by the fact that it is not my native language). I simply let them read and write. No "curriculum", no lesson plans, no tests. Just books and more books, and lots of free writing. A few essay assignments in the high school years. The results surpassed my wildest expectations.

I have no history expertise. The professors teaching for Great Courses have. So, that's how we covered history since 8th grade. Before, in the earlier grades: library books, the Usborne encyclopedia, and documentaries. No schedule, assignments, curriculum. Just reading and watching and creating a strong knowledge foundation.

 

So my advice would be to relax and trust. For get about "measuring". Create an education rich environment, make it easy for the kids to access good resources, teach math systematically - and let the rest flow. Middle grades were so much fun.

 

Best wishes and hugs!

[regentrude]

I would like to do something like this for high school, but was wondering how that would work. I remember for math you gave a cumulative final, and that makes sense to me, but how do you decide on a grade for history and English on the high school transcript? Is it a participation grade a those few essays?

 

I assign the grade based on essay assignments and long term history projects which can be either research papers or oral presentations.

We teach to mastery. I expect an A, and the kids rework their assignments until I am satisfied.

 

In 11th grade DD completely unschooled English. She read literature of her own selection, went deep into the lives of the authors of a certain period, discussed literature with friends online and thus had to write about it. I don't need her to write an essay for me if she has multi-page conversations about the use of specific literary devices with friends who care about this as deeply as she does.

I had her take the literature SAT2 subject test. I figured, the perfect score justifies the grade of A on the transcript just fine.

[Reefgazer]

This is helpful, thanks.  To the bolded:  Do you choose the essay/paper topics, or did your DD?  I'm wondering how far I can push the unschooling thing with my own DD, who is a motivated self-starter (as it appears yours is).  This method would likely not fly with my DS, but that's still a bit off, so I am focusing on DD now.

I assign the grade based on essay assignments and long term history projects which can be either research papers or oral presentations.

We teach to mastery. I expect an A, and the kids rework their assignments until I am satisfied.

 

In 11th grade DD completely unschooled English. She read literature of her own selection, went deep into the lives of the authors of a certain period, discussed literature with friends online and thus had to write about it. I don't need her to write an essay for me if she has multi-page conversations about the use of specific literary devices with friends who care about this as deeply as she does.

I had her take the literature SAT2 subject test. I figured, the perfect score justifies the grade of A on the transcript just fine.

 

[SnMomof7]

I would evaluate your goals and make sure you have a firm idea of what is enough. That has been huge for us. If you don't have clear goals you can always feel you aren't doing enough.

 

We eventually went to a lot of independent choices shortly after our fourth was born. It has helped a LOT. History does not need to be an all consuming beast. Pick one spine, read it to everyone, narrations (oral or written) and you are done.

[regentrude]

This is helpful, thanks.  To the bolded:  Do you choose the essay/paper topics, or did your DD?  I'm wondering how far I can push the unschooling thing with my own DD, who is a motivated self-starter (as it appears yours is). 

 

She did. I would say things like "You need to write something about Beowulf" - she'd decide on a topic and write something.

 

I firmly believe that students write best if they write about a topic in which they are genuinely interested. Once they can write well about a topic of their interest, they can easily learn to write about a topic they don't care about - the skills transfer.

 

[abba12]

Havent read the other responses

 

Sounds like you need to find something independent and student led for your weak subjects. Whether it's a proper history textbook, or going totally CM style and doing nothing but reading books from the library for history. There are lots of open-and-go language arts resources around, and for independent writing I loved Writing Strands as a student myself. 

 

I would focus on how to streamline my schooling into an open-and-go format, at least for this season, and eliminate as much prep work as possible other than, say, putting library books on hold. 

[MerryAtHope]

You are sort of burnt out. You want to stop having "homeschool prep" be your hobby.

 

You don't want to keep piece-mealing it together. You love reading aloud and know that your kids are learning a lot through narrating good books... but you want something measurable, too. You don't want to give these up, but they don't seem like enough.

 

....

 

 

But you aren't a history/writing person. You're tired of dealing with that. And you are slowly admitting that your daughter is a history/language arts/writing person.

 

What would you do?

 

Emily

 

Sounds like the main point of burn-out is planning for history/la/writing, coupled with a personal preference towards things that are more concrete when it comes to evaluating. Find a literature-based history curriculum and use it. The planning will be done for you. Then, if you want to tweak by dropping or adding things, you can do that but absolutely don't need to. You can always go more eclectic and do more planning again in the future if you ever miss your current method, but for now, get something you can do so that you're not always having to research good books to read etc...

 

Find a writing curriculum that does the teaching for you so that you can just give feedback as needed (which in the elementary years I would focus almost exclusively on positive feedback to continue to encourage this bent in her.) Alternate units of writing and grammar--the grammar program portion will have more concrete answers. After the baby comes, I'd let your kids just make up stories, journal, and do fun writing and not worry about it much until you all hit a good, new routine.

 

Finally, I want to encourage you that not only is reading great books and discussion enough--it's important, critical, and valuable time invested in your child's education. You are not raising a child so that he or she can successfully fill out worksheets. You are raising a child to be able to think, reason, make associations, deduce, have compassion, sympathize with others, hear various points of view and respond. That process is messy. It doesn't fit neatly into worksheet blanks. Now, there's nothing wrong with some worksheet blanks for a season--and if you need that around the time of the new baby, go for it. It'll be fine. But as a year-in, year-out strategy--you want to read great books, talk about them, and let her write about them. You want to give her the freedom to fail, to think up not-so-great ideas at times--because that's the freedom we need to think up unique and interesting and intelligent ideas. Don't worry when this process looks mundane or messy--it's the basis of education. Keep pursuing it. 

[MeganW]

 

You are sort of burnt out. You want to stop having "homeschool prep" be your hobby.

 

 

I would take a year (or a semester) off from homeschooling.  In fact, that's what I did.  Mid-year 2nd grade, I was just DONE. I finished out the year, but I was not joyful about it!  I sent my kids to school for 3rd grade.  One came back to homeschooling at Christmas.  The other three finished out the year at public school.  All four are back to homeschooling now.  

 

Taking that time off helped me to step back and take a good look at the big picture, and reevaluate.  It also helped me to see the one area that my kids were really lacking (computer skills), and reassured me that I was doing more than enough other than in that one area.  It helped the kids to gain a better understanding of many of their friends' worlds - they have a better frame of reference to communicate with peers.  And they have a MUCH improved attitude about working hard at home instead of being difficult, because they much prefer the shorter days and relative freedom of homeschool and want to keep homeschooling!  They are significantly more appreciative of me and my efforts.

 

I am not going to say that the academics knocked my socks off, but I am very glad we took that year off.  Doing it again, I would send them after Christmas instead of at the beginning of the school year.  We could have gotten everything out of the experience that we needed by going half a year, without quite as much of a break from the things *I* thought were important that the school didn't.  (We did a lot of backtracking for the first few months we were back home.)  Still well worth it though.

 

Life won't end if you take a break.  And remember, no decision is permanent!  You can enroll them, and pull them back out, even within one school year, if need be.  

[EmilyGF]

After thinking this through for the last week and a half, I think I know the problem. 

 

I've cut 20% out of our school time (Friday co-op is only every other week, but I've planned a routine that doesn't involve academics on Friday and we've been using it for field trips and other enrichment) while ramping up our schedule. Last year to the end of the year we were using a streamlined Ambleside Online schedule; this year we're using the whole thing as well as a second writing program for my son since it is his weak point and an enrichment literature study for both daughter and son. My son's math has ramped up (he was doing Singapore IP independently and now he's finishing SM IP 6 while doing AOPS Pre-A) and my 8-yo daughter is using a more teacher intensive math. My younger daughter now has a full schedule instead of just math and handwriting. I was thinking of ramping up the output in history but I'm not going to do that after some consideration.

 

We're doing a lot of academics. We're doing things like nature study and drawing and handicrafts. We read and enjoy poetry together. We sing songs and listen to music. And I still wish we could be done by lunch or even by a late lunch. But we can't without cutting something. The things I'm willing to cut seem so small

 

I've been asking my kids whether they felt the day has gone well and I'm getting generally positive replies, so that is encouraging. The end of the day is more likely to involve pleas like, "Mom, can't we please study rocks!" or "When do I get to do a literature guide again?" than "I'm so tired, let me just veg out."

 

And on the days I feel guilty that we've gone "way too late" I look at the clock and realize it is 2:30 and that our neighborhood school won't be getting out for another 75 minutes, and then the kids will be sent home with homework, so I'm coming to terms with that.

 

I've also cut out caffeine after 11 am. It seems to keep me awake. And I'm setting the alarm clock to help us get an earlier start.

 

ETA: I also looked into the private school again and decided that there is no reason to worry about applying for it this year. So that is a relief. I may look into online writing classes in the spring depending on how things look then.

 

Emily

[kateingr]

I'm glad you feel like you've gotten to the crux of the problem, Emily. It's amazing how just deciding not to feel guilty can improve a situation.

 

I've just started allowing school to go past lunch this year as well, and it's definitely taken a few weeks to get used to this new rhythm. For me, I realized that my quest to get everything done before lunch was causing me to rush us through everything in the morning. That kind of impatient hustling is not how I want to spend my days! Much better to have some things spill over to the afternoon (even if it means finishing up history at the dentist, as it did yesterday) than to spend the whole morning with the eye on the clock. Like your kids, mine have been fine with the transition--but it takes a lot more energy from me.