school17777 Posted June 10, 2015 Share Posted June 10, 2015 Every once in awhile I am asked to watch a neighbor kid while the parents are at work, but they don't offer to pay. The child plays well with my dd, so it is not extra work on my end. However, I still think I should be paid because they are getting paid while their child is in my care. How do I ask to be paid in this circumstance, even if they only ask infrequently? In my head, it seems so easy to just say that I want to be paid blah blah, but it feels so awkward to do so. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted June 10, 2015 Share Posted June 10, 2015 Next time they ask say that you'd like to do it but that it takes time and energy away from other things and limits your schedule and that you feel like compensation is in order. On the other hand, unless you're in need of the money, if it's really that easy and they're not taking advantage of you by having you do it all the time, I don't think I'd personally bother. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
school17777 Posted June 10, 2015 Author Share Posted June 10, 2015 If I was asked if she could run an errand while the kids were playing, I wouldn't want to be paid, but I do when she is getting paid. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovinmyboys Posted June 10, 2015 Share Posted June 10, 2015 I guess it depends on your financial situation and whether you are friends with this person. I tend to look at occasional babysitting where the child plays well with my kids as a favor. I figure someday I will need a favor (and I have needed favors). If I needed the money, I would advertise that I babysit and what my rates are. When you are asked to babysit you could just say, "I charge xxx" I think you can have the conversation, but it will be awkward and they likely won't ask you to babysit again. You, of course, are not obligated to babysit for free. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bolt. Posted June 10, 2015 Share Posted June 10, 2015 Once kids are old enough that they are mostly just 'over to play' -- rather than being babysat -- I don't think it matters if the parents are at work or not... Unless it's quite a long day, or interferes with your ordinary plans, or if the child is actual trouble. If it's truly a good plan in your eyes, try maybe, "Hey, yeah, of course I keep an eye on him/her whenever s/he comes over to play -- but if you want me to do a whole day of babysitting, I think $(specific) is about right; eh?" (Or would Americans say "huh?" At the end.) 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovinmyboys Posted June 10, 2015 Share Posted June 10, 2015 If I was asked if she could run an errand while the kids were playing, I wouldn't want to be paid, but I do when she is getting paid. I'm curious how much you are expecting to be paid. Around here in home babysitting of older children/cost of attending day camp is about $25-30 a day. I personally wouldn't have an awkward conversation for $25. If you are thinking more of an hourly rate, I think the neighbor would just figure out a different solution. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted June 10, 2015 Share Posted June 10, 2015 If I was asked if she could run an errand while the kids were playing, I wouldn't want to be paid, but I do when she is getting paid. Strange reasoning. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted June 10, 2015 Share Posted June 10, 2015 That is kind of an awkward situation. How often is it? If it is just once every few months, or just a couple hours here and there and it's no bother, and if you can see she's kind of in a pickle (her normal day-care person is sick, etc.), then I probably wouldn't say anything. But if she just doesn't feel like arranging daycare and it's all day every other week, then I'd bring it up with her. "You know, I'd like to be able to help you once in a while with daycare. Maybe we can help each other. I'm trying to earn a little extra money right now. I hope you don't mind my asking for a small compensation during the days that I'm covering for your regular daycare." 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KrissiK Posted June 10, 2015 Share Posted June 10, 2015 I think it would be appropriate for you to be paid, especially if she is working. Personally, I think it's a little presumptuous on her part to ask you to babysit for free when she's at work. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted June 10, 2015 Share Posted June 10, 2015 Strange reasoning. How so? One instance is doing a favor for a small amount of time. The other is being responsible for a child for an entire work day. The parent is going to work and getting paid for her time. Why should she get free child care while she is there? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted June 10, 2015 Share Posted June 10, 2015 I hink it would be appropriate for you to be paid, especially if she is working. Personally, I think it's a little presumptuous on her part to ask you to babysit for free when she's at work. That makes no sense to me. So, if she is spending the day at the spa you wouldn't expect to be paid? Either watch the kid like a good neighbor or say no. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted June 10, 2015 Share Posted June 10, 2015 How so? One instance is doing a favor for a small amount of time. The other is being responsible for a child for an entire work day. The parent is going to work and getting paid for her time. Why should she get free child care while she is there? What she is doing wouldn't have any impact on my day. Either I watch the child or I say I can't. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
school17777 Posted June 10, 2015 Author Share Posted June 10, 2015 I'm curious how much you are expecting to be paid. Around here in home babysitting of older children/cost of attending day camp is about $25-30 a day. I personally wouldn't have an awkward conversation for $25. If you are thinking more of an hourly rate, I think the neighbor would just figure out a different solution. That is the amount I would ask for. From past experience (not with this family), I think it would be able easier to have an awkward conversation now so in case the frequency of being asked to keep the child increases. I have no idea if this might be a one time thing this summer, or could happen a couple of times. It is way more awkward to ask to be paid after you haven't, if it turns into a more regular thing. I am not actually able to help her this time, so this is hypothetical in case it comes up again. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lang Syne Boardie Posted June 10, 2015 Share Posted June 10, 2015 I guess it depends on your financial situation and whether you are friends with this person. I tend to look at occasional babysitting where the child plays well with my kids as a favor. I figure someday I will need a favor (and I have needed favors). If I needed the money, I would advertise that I babysit and what my rates are. When you are asked to babysit you could just say, "I charge xxx" I think you can have the conversation, but it will be awkward and they likely won't ask you to babysit again. You, of course, are not obligated to babysit for free. This. If there's reciprocity of any kind, and it really is infrequent that they ask, then you have a great relationship with a good neighbor which is wonderful. I'd count a nearby friend for my child toward the reciprocity category, but they should also be watching your kid occasionally or hosting play dates. If you're able to see it this way, then ask yourself at what point the scales tip too far and you wind up feeling used. More than twice per month, for example? Then be unavailable all the other times they ask, unless it's an emergency, until next month. You can pace this to your own comfort level if they are as reasonable as you make them out to be. I think. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
school17777 Posted June 10, 2015 Author Share Posted June 10, 2015 Strange reasoning. Really? If the parent is going to work and I have their kid all day, I consider that daycare. If they run to Walmart while the kids are playing for an hour, I would consider that a favor. 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
school17777 Posted June 10, 2015 Author Share Posted June 10, 2015 This. If there's reciprocity of any kind, and it really is infrequent that they ask, then you have a great relationship with a good neighbor which is wonderful. I'd count a nearby friend for my child toward the reciprocity category, but they should also be watching your kid occasionally or hosting play dates. If you're able to see it this way, then ask yourself at what point the scales tip too far and you wind up feeling used. More than twice per month, for example? Then be unavailable all the other times they ask, unless it's an emergency, until next month. You can pace this to your own comfort level if they are as reasonable as you make them out to be. I think. I don't see reciprocacy happening. That is what I have to figure out - the point that I would feel used. I know from the past that once I reach that point (because I have gotten there with others), it is hard to get past. That is why I am thinking that I should say that I do want to be paid if it is daycare (she is away at work all day). 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reefgazer Posted June 10, 2015 Share Posted June 10, 2015 I have one acquaintance like this; he thinks because I'm home with the kids I'm not doing anything all day. If his kids played well and entertained mine, I wouldn't mind watching them for free. But they are high-maintenance kids and I don't want to watch them for any amount of money. I've just been having plans every.single.time. he calls for a babysitter. The calls have dropped off lately, so I guess it's working. That's not the same for a neighbor that asks me to keep an eye on the kids for an hour or two because this guy leaves them for 4-7 hours at a pop. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
school17777 Posted June 10, 2015 Author Share Posted June 10, 2015 That makes no sense to me. So, if she is spending the day at the spa you wouldn't expect to be paid? Either watch the kid like a good neighbor or say no. I did get paid to watch a friend's kids once a week while she worked. But, if she needed me to watch them while she went to watch her older kids in a play, I didn't ask her to pay. I think there is a difference. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reefgazer Posted June 10, 2015 Share Posted June 10, 2015 I think the reasoning here is that the errand is brief and not a regular occurrance. Strange reasoning. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovinmyboys Posted June 10, 2015 Share Posted June 10, 2015 I don't see reciprocacy happening. That is what I have to figure out - the point that I would feel used. I know from the past that once I reach that point (because I have gotten there with others), it is hard to get past. That is why I am thinking that I should say that I do want to be paid if it is daycare (she is away at work all day). I think it would be easier/less awkward to decide how often you think is reasonable to watch the child as a favor and only do it that much. If you think you are asked too much, say no (unless you are hoping to make a little extra cash and think you will be asked enough to make it worth it). 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovinmyboys Posted June 10, 2015 Share Posted June 10, 2015 I did get paid to watch a friend's kids once a week while she worked. But, if she needed me to watch them while she went to watch her older kids in a play, I didn't ask her to pay. I think there is a difference. I think there is a difference between once a week and once in awhile. Presumably, you made sure you were available that day every week even if you had something else you would rather be doing. Every once in awhile with no commitment is different to me because you are free to say no if you can't do it. It isn't as much of an inconvenience. If the neighbor wants you to watch once a week, I definitely think you should be paid for that. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tsuga Posted June 10, 2015 Share Posted June 10, 2015 Every once in awhile I am asked to watch a neighbor kid while the parents are at work, but they don't offer to pay. The child plays well with my dd, so it is not extra work on my end. However, I still think I should be paid because they are getting paid while their child is in my care. How do I ask to be paid in this circumstance, even if they only ask infrequently? In my head, it seems so easy to just say that I want to be paid blah blah, but it feels so awkward to do so. My neighbors and I watch one another's kids but it's a pretty careful set up in which we do a day for a day, an evening for an evening, and explicitly say so. For example, "Oh but you had the kids for pizza the other night, so please let me take them to Starbucks for a bagel." That type of thing. We never ask the homeschooling mom down the road for a favor like that because she never will have the chance to "get hers". Well, theoretically she could, but with older kids and a boy who's now old enough to babysit, she won't. If it's totally one-sided, they should have offered to pay. The diplomatic way to get out of this is to start doing something on the side at home (even small) so you can say, "I'm sorry but I'm working from home now during the day in my spare time and I really can't take the kids. So sorry, hope you find someone." I think trips to the grocery store and short errands are different because it's more likely that you could ask them to reciprocate or they could repay in the form of picking something up from the store like a loaf of bread and a gallon of milk (which I've done for my neighbor). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
planner Posted June 10, 2015 Share Posted June 10, 2015 Strange reasoning. I disagree. I always pay a babysitter when I make money. Why should I make money off of someone's generosity? The person allowing me to make money gets to benefit from my gain. If I have a doctor appointment, I appreciate a free babysitter and I will happily reciprocate. It seems wrong to me to ask someone to watch my kid for free so I can make money. Wrong and tacky. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted June 10, 2015 Share Posted June 10, 2015 Can you trade and ask them to watch your child while you take a child-free day to relax or get something done at home? I wouldn't ask for pay unless they consistently weasled out of reciprocating. I think it would be easier to say no than have the Pay Me conversation. If your daughter is having a great day, and the friend is no trouble, that may be reciprocity enough. If you ask for money, they may just take the kid elsewhere. You have to make sure that's what you want because things could get awkward after that conversation. OR, they could get better . . . you never know. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
school17777 Posted June 10, 2015 Author Share Posted June 10, 2015 Can you trade and ask them to watch your child while you take a child-free day to relax or get something done at home? I wouldn't ask for pay unless they consistently weasled out of reciprocating. I think it would be easier to say no than have the Pay Me conversation. If your daughter is having a great day, and the friend is no trouble, that may be reciprocity enough. If you ask for money, they may just take the kid elsewhere. You have to make sure that's what you want because things could get awkward after that conversation. OR, they could get better . . . you never know. She works during the week. So, the times that might need help with did, she is not available. On the weekends, my dh would not want dd gone all day if he/we were around. Plus, I have 3 teens and usually one of them is around. All this to say, that there really is no gain for me to send dd to there house. Plus, her dd is usually at my house or the next door neighbor's when she is home until all the kids go in for bed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted June 10, 2015 Share Posted June 10, 2015 If she pays you, that gives her more right to set some parameters for the day. At least I'd expect to do that if paying someone. I'd rather trade off for an evening in exchange for the day. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KrissiK Posted June 10, 2015 Share Posted June 10, 2015 That makes no sense to me. So, if she is spending the day at the spa you wouldn't expect to be paid? Either watch the kid like a good neighbor or say no.Yes, it does make sense. I am not a babysitter. I am a neighbor. I would watch a kid for a quick favor - running to the store for something, or in case if emergency. Sometimes I'd watch a girlfriend's kid when she had to take the other one to the doctor, but that was rare. I am not available so that you or anyone else can go to work or go out and play. If that were the case I would posit myself as a babysitter, charge a certain rate and be available. For myself, if I had to work, or if I went to a spa, or the movies..... I would pay for a babysitter. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mergath Posted June 10, 2015 Share Posted June 10, 2015 That makes no sense to me. So, if she is spending the day at the spa you wouldn't expect to be paid? Either watch the kid like a good neighbor or say no. I don't think it makes someone a bad neighbor to not want to be taken advantage of. And expecting someone to provide 8+ hours of free childcare on a regular basis is taking advantage of them. I can't imagine asking someone to watch and feed my child all day without paying them something, even if it is a one time emergency thing. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted June 10, 2015 Share Posted June 10, 2015 Occasionally I babysit for friends and I do separate "helping out a friend" and "filling in for daycare." In all cases, though, the parents have expected to pay and offered it up front. So, Mom wants to have a doctor appointment without toddler along --> don't pay me. Daycare worker is on vacation --> pay me. I don't take as much as the daycare costs though. Since my kids are older teens, there is no chance of reciprocation. One friend did give me a gift card once though; that was nice! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rocassie Posted June 10, 2015 Share Posted June 10, 2015 I have two situations: One, is a friend and all her kids get along really well with my kids. Occasionally she will ask me and it's usually for an hour or two. No big deal and I don't want money between friends especially with an arrangement that can be reciprocal maybe not equally but she would be just as willing to watch my kids for a couple of hours if I needed. Also, I don't need the money. Second, my oldest is friends with a boy down the street. He is a well-behaved, well-mannered child and will often cover over on the weekend for an hour or two to play. I am only acquaintances with the parents so when they have asked me to babysit him on his random days off from school, she pays me $50 but she offered to pay me right up front. Honestly if she had asked me without offering money, I would have probably said no. It can be a great inconvenience and I'm feeding him breakfast and lunch. Having to pay me means that she won't just call me every time because it is convenient (I live three houses down) but will utilize family (for free) when they are willing and able. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted June 10, 2015 Share Posted June 10, 2015 I'd brooch it by saying 'hey, I'm okay being backup childcare on occasion, here are my daily rates :) ". It's a boundary. A play date is one thing, but if the sitter falls through or whatever I don't think politely framing it as a business arrangement is a problem. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PamJBA Posted June 10, 2015 Share Posted June 10, 2015 I've been a working single mom with elderly parents and no other community support. I never asked for free childcare from a neighbor, but I'm sympathetic to those sorts of situations. If the neighbor is occasionally (random school holiday and trust me they can feel really random) asking for help because she doesn't have family support, I'd be inclined to help without asking for compensation. I have an only child, so the playmate would be compensation enough for me. You can always so no, if your aren't feeling up to it or have other plans. If she approaches you about keeping the child weekly or for several days at a time, you can say something like, "In the past I've charge $25 a day for regular childcare for this age. Is that something you are comfortable with?" It's a separate sort of request than the previous day here or there. If she just starts asking for more frequent help one day at a time, you can tell her you need to plan things in advance and ask for several weeks notice. Then you can either say no to the number of days or bring up the compensation for regular child care. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
school17777 Posted June 16, 2015 Author Share Posted June 16, 2015 I'd brooch it by saying 'hey, I'm okay being backup childcare on occasion, here are my daily rates :) ". It's a boundary. A play date is one thing, but if the sitter falls through or whatever I don't think politely framing it as a business arrangement is a problem. I am glad that I thought about this because I was asked again to fill in for a day. And so I responded with Arctic Mama's response. She was fine with it. I feel relieved that we are on the same page. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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