Help me with a job decision?

[1bassoon]

Going to keep this as vague as possible, but here goes.

 

Dh is currently working  a job not in his field, that has great benefits. It's paid hourly, and involves overtime and travel 2 out of every 3 weeks. He's not been traveling now (due to a different project he's been placed over), but will resume in the summer. Good people, good company. Not a lot of out-of-office stress to bring home. Salary is - meh. I have to work to make ends meet, but we'll likely sell our house next spring and buy something cheaper which should help.

 

He has a job offer in his original field, teaching. It would require he live out-of-state for the academic year, we'd move to join him next summer. Job has some aspects that are giving him pause, in terms of workload and expectations. No big "deal breakers", but added together they are giving him pause. They would contribute a "little bit" of $$ towards his doctorate, but not much. Salary is better than what he makes now, benefits less so. We come out about $500/month better off with the new job (for you bottom line people)

 

The thing - he's very, very conflicted and agonized over taking the job offer. He's worried about moving us. He's worried about the job expectations. And really? He wants to be teaching college, not grade school. But that is likely not going to happen for a variety of reasons. Even if he does get his doctorate.

 

We have to decide by Friday.

 

I think we've hashed it out from every angle possible, but was wondering if the Hive has any thoughts?

(And yes, for you old-timers. . . .the saga continues :glare: )

[Kim in Appalachia]

I have a few thoughts and some questions.

 

The place you would move to, is it somewhere you would like to live?  Is it near family? Would you being leaving a place close to family?  Or does it not matter?

 

As for the job itself, it he did want to eventually teach college level, then he should be teaching now.  Also, I'm assuming, that as a teacher at a school (unless it's private) he could eventually qualify for a pension.  That can be a big deal.

 

Another question is, how secure is his current job?  Hourly paying jobs can be cut quickly (so can teacher's jobs, so I guess it depends) Along with that, how secure would the new teaching job be? 

 

And, how happy is he with the current job?  No stress is nice, teaching is very stressful. Some people are much happier in general if they can leave their job each day and just forget about it.  

 

It's so hard to make those decisions.  Good luck.

 

 

[regentrude]

More money would normally be a strong sway towards the new job - but if your DH feels conflicted and uneasy about the job expectations despite of the pay increase and it is not something he really wants to do, I'd take that a strong sign that he should not do it (assuming you can manage financially).

If he is happy with his current job and does not really want to teach grade school, he should not. Being a school teacher is immensely stressful, and going into it without actually liking it a recipe for unhappiness.

 

ETA: I would also look at it as a two-person issue. Do you like your job? If the only reason he would consider this job is money, could you changing your job alleviate the issues?

 

[AK_Mom4]

$500 a month wouldn't be enough for me to justify a change to a job that is only sort-of what I want to do and that would mean living apart from my family for more than a year (did I understand that correctly?)

 

So - nope.  Not unless my family was all moving with me and it was a place we wanted to go anyway.

[Catwoman]

As you have decribed it, I think your dh is better off staying where he is.

[Cottonwood]

I agree, IMO its not enough money to put all the other factors in motion. Sounds like you have a nice plan to simplify things as you sell the house and that might actually give you the extra back into the budget that his new job would provide anyway.

[1bassoon]

Yeah, bless him - he just texted and said "I want to do what's best for everyone." He's a keeper.

 

I have a LOT of self-employment income here that would be nearly impossible to replicate right away if we move. A piece of it will transfer, but not all.

 

The job is closer to my extended family, but farther from my parents. (But they might move anyways)

 

And if he doesn't make overtime in his current job, the difference is more than $500/month. And the current job involves extensive travel as a matter of course, whereas the new one would only be 9 months apart until we could get there. (Which we've done before, a couple of times)

 

But I think the biggest thing - he has absolutely psyched himself out of this job. He's not excited, more resigned to, "I guess I should do this." For those of you who know our history, we moved 1100 miles 10 years ago to teach at a private school (this school is also private) and the job wasn't what was represented, and it began a HUGE professional downward spiral for him. He's deathly afraid of that happening again.

 

As he said last night, "Sometimes it's just easier not to care so much about your work, and just work a job you're not emotionally or philosophically invested in." He has STRONG feelings about education and HOW it should be done. When it's not done in a way that he feels is with integrity and excellence, he gets - cranky. So he's right - it IS easier just to work for a company, do your best, but at the end of the day it doesn't rub your idealistic personality type the wrong way.

Thanks for letting me vent, y'all. It really does help.

[bolt.]

I think it needs to come down to plain-and-simple "Which job would he rather do?"

 

Both situations have pros and cons that are (from an outside perspective) not obviously better one way or the other... So it matters how he feels about teaching vs. how he feels about his current job, plus option 3 of just working while waiting for another opportunity. (Is there likely to be another teaching-type scenario available to him in the bear future?)

 

For me (if I was your DH) any kind of teaching job would be better than not teaching (especially 'not teaching' with travel and overtime). So, the only thing holding me back would be the questions around living apart temporarily (vs traveling frequently for the long term) and the issue of "is it fair to ask my family to move" (to another place, vs to another house in the same place).

 

Which basically boils down to, "Am I being selfish? Is it fair to my family?" -- Which is consistant with his text message.

 

So (if I was you) I'd ask myself:

 

1. Is coping with living apart for one school year a 'very great deal worse' than coping with the travel job for a much longer term?

 

2. Is moving to the new location a 'very great deal worse' than moving to a cheaper home locally?

 

If they are indeed 'a very great deal worse' for you, I'd tell him basically, "I can support you in making the new job work out, but I'd rather not. I think the current job is a better fit for now, for the family."

 

If they are somewhat challenging, but not really that bad, I'd tell him that you feel comfortable coping either way, that it's not selfish, that you think he is not asking too much of his family, and that he should focus exclusively on which job he'd rather spend his days doing. (The other factors are changes, but not really signifucant changes for the worse.)

[Mom22ns]

I wouldn't do it. It isn't enough money to make a move, deal with a separation and risk multiple small negatives. I would stay put and keep looking for the right job to move to. If he feels resigned, not enthusiastic, it is the wrong choice.

[bolt.]

I think there is a difference between feeling "resigned" (due to potentially bad aspects of a potential job) and feeling uncertain, hesitant and generally negative about this type of job offer (due to a similar -- but completely unrelated -- offer going badly wrong in the past). Only your DH knows which thing he is actually feeling.

[displace]

Financially it doesn't seem like it would be worth it IMO. There are so many costs assoc with a big move, and if there is a change of states the taxes, COL, insurance may be different and negate any benefits of salary. Less stress is worth it. More stress is horrible to live with. Maybe an online teaching position, like Kaplan U, or others, or a community college would be a better fit.

[Ali in OR]

My first teaching job was actually my perfect job. We chose to move to be able to afford a house (wasn't going to happen in the bay area on a teacher's and engineer's salaries). Sometimes I dream about going back to teaching, but I think the job has changed pretty drastically in the last 20 years. And I was in a district that gave teachers a lot of autonomy and respect--I don't think that's the case with most districts. It's hard to know exactly what he would be stepping into for a teaching job far from your current home. If teaching elementary kids isn't what he really wants to do, I'm not sure the risk of stepping into a really crummy situation is worth it.

 

[Lanny]

I vote no. Because he is very conflicted about it. Because it is out of state. Because the salary differential is minimal. Because your family would be apart. One can keep in contact free, with Skype Video chats, but it isn't the same. My wife and DD are out of town, for about 9 days, for personal business. My wife's birthday is during that trip. The last thing she told me before they left was asking me to come there for her birthday. She had told me we'd never been apart for a birthday or Mothers Day.   It is about 5 hours each way, but I will probably be there for her birthday.   GL with whatever you and your DH decide to do!

[LucyStoner]

There is a lot to be said for a job that stays at your job and doesn't consume you. 

 

Private schools can be so political and dysfunctional as workplaces.  I think he is wise to be leery. 

[kroe1]

Today I am feeling risky. Go for it.

 

Tomorrow I will probably change my mind.

 

Let us know what you two decide. How exciting!

[Ravin]

Honestly, I just think it's great you're in a position of choice.

 

We are mentally gearing up to move if necessary when I find an attorney position.

[1bassoon]

I think it needs to come down to plain-and-simple "Which job would he rather do?"

 

*******

If they are somewhat challenging, but not really that bad, I'd tell him that you feel comfortable coping either way, that it's not selfish, that you think he is not asking too much of his family, and that he should focus exclusively on which job he'd rather spend his days doing. (The other factors are changes, but not really signifucant changes for the worse.)

 

This. I'm always up for a challenge. It will be hard for our girls to move, but ok in the long run. He does indeed need to focus on which job he'd rather spend his days doing. . . . . even though neither one is a great fit.

 

We have been given til Friday. Gonna be a looooong 48 hours.

Thanks, all!

[HSmomof2]

Just based on what you've said in this thread, I would tend to think the new job isn't the right one. It doesn't sound like it's something he really wants to do, nor does it sound like it would eventually lead to something he wants to do. My opinion would be to stay at current job and look for something else that's a better fit.

[xixstar]

I can't seem making that change for something that doesn't spark joy or excitement. Sounds like it would be good to keep looking.

[Halftime Hope]

I think he should take the risk and ask more questions.  He should ask for the names of 10 families in the school.  Then call three and ask them each for names of 2 other families.   Be honest about his concerns.  If the school rescinds the offer, he probably wouldn't want to work in that kind of environment anyway.

 

It really, really stinks to give your all to an institution and have it go south because of personalities or politics.  I'm with him in preferring a job you can mentally walk away from.

 

One further consideration:  what will his retirement plan do to his SS?  Many schools pay into teacher retirement plans which are then offset against social security.  It's a really cruddy situation because it can undermine your retirement if, instead of accruing benefits, you are subtracting when you mix a business career with a teaching career.  

[Chris in VA]

I always look for a third alternative. I would not uproot kids of those ages. I would look for another job in the same communityou or within commuting distance.