Why I don't like Facebook invitations

[PrairieSong]

This Saturday is my dd's bridal shower. The person who was initially hosting it couldn't, so it fell to someone else. It was getting late so my dd just told the person to send out Facebook invitations. She would have preferred mailed invitations.

 

Not everyone is on Facebook. People who do have a Facebook account may not check it often, or they may not check under Events. I fall into the last category. Due to the confusion, I ended up sending some PMs and making phone calls. Only one person I contacted had seen the FB invitation.

 

I'm not crazy about email invitations either. I received one last year but it went to an email account I'd been having trouble with, so I didn't see it. Call me old-fashioned, but I prefer paper invitations sent in the mail. If it's a very informal event, I wouldn't mind a call or a text. I wouldn't be offended by a FB invitation to an informal gathering, but chances are I wouldn't see it.

[Seasider]

I am squarely in your camp. Evites are fine for working out a casual gathering among friends, but for more organized/formal events, I prefer old time mail.

 

However, I'm not certain how the method of original delivery affects a last minute venue change. I would be grateful for fb and email to aid in the notification process. Saves the phone calling for just those you know don't (or aren't likely to) use social media.

 

ETA I read your OP too quickly - now I understand it was late organization rather than a last minute venue change. Sigh. These kids, what are we gonna do with 'em? :D

[Annie G]

I'm not offended by invitations that are extended in a less formal way than a paper invitation, but honestly it feels less special to see that I was recently invited via Facebook to a high school graduation for a friend's dd- and when I clicked on the event, I was one of almost 600 invited.  Every Facebook friend invited. Yes, I suppose it's polite, but some of friend's Facebook friends are her Scentsy customers, or people she met on vacation years ago, or childhood friends who live very far away.  

 

I don't remember the last time I received a paper invitation to something. Maybe three years ago when a friend's dd graduated from high school. Three years. Everything since then has been Facebook. 

 

 

I think the culture is changing and I have to change with the times...but it's just weird because we get a TON of Facebook invites to events that we would never have been invited to if it weren't for Facebook.  

 

For a bridal shower that needs last minute invites, I would have called invited guests so I could explain why the invite was last minute, and also to extend a personal invitation.  But I'm thinking of a shower with 20 or so invited guests- maybe I'm way off and there are lots of folks invited. 

 

Yep, me and the dinosaurs roamed the Earth at the same time.  I'm feeling like an old person right now. g

[hornblower]

A paper invitation in my house gets buried in a pile of paper. If I'm lucky I'll scribble something on a paper calendar - the one hardly anyone looks atmanymore.. A digital invite can be immediately put into my online calendar along with scheduled reminders.

[PrairieSong]

Yeah, the place didn't change, just the person responsible for hosting and sending invitations. Dd did make a "save the date" Facebook event for all her 20-something friends. She sent snail mail save the date announcements to relatives and close family friends. I didn't mind doing it that way. We put an email contact on the FB save the date so that people would send us their mailing addresses so we could mail paper wedding invitations. We had a good response.

 

One funny thing that happened, though, was that dd accidentally added a girl she'd known in college whom she wasn't very close friends with. The girl responded with a "yes" and emailed us her address. Oops. We did send her an invitation.

[PrairieSong]

A paper invitation in my house gets buried in a pile of paper. If I'm lucky I'll scribble something on a paper calendar - the one hardly anyone looks atmanymore.. A digital invite can be immediately put into my online calendar along with scheduled reminders.

I can see how that might happen, but virtual invitations can go unnoticed or be forgotten, too. I put paper invitations on the fridge and add the date to my calendar.

[PrairieSong]

I'm not offended by invitations that are extended in a less formal way than a paper invitation, but honestly it feels less special to see that I was recently invited via Facebook to a high school graduation for a friend's dd- and when I clicked on the event, I was one of almost 600 invited. Every Facebook friend invited. Yes, I suppose it's polite, but some of friend's Facebook friends are her Scentsy customers, or people she met on vacation years ago, or childhood friends who live very far away.

 

I don't remember the last time I received a paper invitation to something. Maybe three years ago when a friend's dd graduated from high school. Three years. Everything since then has been Facebook.

 

 

I think the culture is changing and I have to change with the times...but it's just weird because we get a TON of Facebook invites to events that we would never have been invited to if it weren't for Facebook.

 

For a bridal shower that needs last minute invites, I would have called invited guests so I could explain why the invite was last minute, and also to extend a personal invitation. But I'm thinking of a shower with 20 or so invited guests- maybe I'm way off and there are lots of folks invited.

 

Yep, me and the dinosaurs roamed the Earth at the same time. I'm feeling like an old person right now. g

Now see, I think that's just odd to invite ALL your Facebook friends to a kid's graduation unless all of them are your close friends and relatives. And seriously, you haven't received a paper invitation in years? Not even to a wedding?

 

When I called my cousin to invite her to the bridal shower, she told me about a wedding in her husband's family. Invitations were sent via Facebook, and those who did not have a FB account weren't invited!

[Annie G]

Now see, I think that's just odd to invite ALL your Facebook friends to a kid's graduation unless all of them are your close friends and relatives. And seriously, you haven't received a paper invitation in years? Not even to a wedding?

 

When I called my cousin to invite her to the bridal shower, she told me about a wedding in her husband's family. Invitations were sent via Facebook, and those who did not have a FB account weren't invited!

 

It IS odd to invite all Facebook friends to an event but I see it all the time. I think maybe it's easier to just tell Facebook to invite everyone rather than picking out names. 

 

I haven't been to a wedding in the past three years- which I'm just realizing since you mention it!  But we did get invited to two weddings via Facebook- both friends of our kids, and we didn't attend. They were casual affairs but we weren't close to the kids or the parents so we didn't attend. They were kids our kids were in theater with a few years ago...who invites people like that to a wedding? 

 

I have recently been seeing people post funeral details on Facebook, too.  Um...ok.  I guess that's the only option some people have since folks don't use newspapers much these days. But it feels weird to get tagged in a Facebook post that gives funeral details about someone I haven't seen in over a dozen years. 

[Ellie]

I try to cover all my bases. :-)

 

I did a tea last year; I sent out hand-written invitations to a bunch of people, plus I sent an e-vite, plus I made an Event on FB.

 

If I were going to do just one, it would be actual invitations, sent with actual stamps. I have way too many IRL friends who don't do FB or e-mail on a regular basis to depend on either of those.

 

It would not occur to me to use FB for wedding invitations. o_0

[Lang Syne Boardie]

I'm not going to cave to people who say, "Send electronic invitations because I lose snail mail," until snail mail really and truly is 100% obsolete. That's a requirement of all grownups, to be able to sort, save, and otherwise deal with the mail that comes into the house.

 

If I can handle a utility bill, a letter from my insurance agent, stacks of paperwork from a new physician's office, and college admissions communiques, with all their deadlines and response requirements, I can probably be trusted to handle a wedding invitation.

[hornblower]

I'm not going to cave to people who say, "Send electronic invitations because I lose snail mail," until snail mail really and truly is 100% obsolete. That's a requirement of all grownups, to be able to sort, save, and otherwise deal with the mail that comes into the house.

 

If I can handle a utility bill, a letter from my insurance agent, stacks of paperwork from a new physician's office, and college admissions communiques, with all their deadlines and response requirements, I can probably be trusted to handle a wedding invitation.

 

LOL. I hardly get snail mail & really none that actually requires any action. Almost everything is electronic. I haven't seen a utility bill in years...... I pay everything online & get digital statements & receipts.  My most exciting real mail is drawings from our Foster Parents Plan child.  For some of us, that obsolescence has happened already. 

 

 

If it weren't for a couple magazine subscriptions which we like to read in hard copy, I'd hardly need to open a mailbox. Any stuff that's in there can safely be put in a pile & get looked at whenever. Or just shredded....

[vonfirmath]

LOL. I hardly get snail mail & really none that actually requires any action. Almost everything is electronic. I haven't seen a utility bill in years...... I pay everything online & get digital statements & receipts.  My most exciting real mail is drawings from our Foster Parents Plan child.  For some of us, that obsolescence has happened already. 

 

 

If it weren't for a couple magazine subscriptions which we like to read in hard copy, I'd hardly need to open a mailbox. Any stuff that's in there can safely be put in a pile & get looked at whenever. Or just shredded....

 

Agreed. All of our utilities and credit cards are online statements. I check the mail for grocery ads, mortgage bills, and amazon packages, really. (And Christmas cards at a particular time of the year). I have to remind myself to check the mail more often than once a week so it doesn't get overflowing in there.

 

[PeachyDoodle]

I am 100% in favor of technology and have used plenty of e-vites for informal gatherings. But Facebook is different to me. I get tons of invites on Facebook, and they usually go out to most (if not all) of the sender's friend list. Hosting a Thirty-One party? Facebook invite. Kid's birthday party? Facebook invite. Friend of a friend is deejaying at a local bar? Facebook invite. I guess they just don't feel like "real" invitations to me. Does this person really want me at their event, or did they just click "select all"? Social gatherings aren't really my thing anyway; I certainly don't want to go if no one will even notice I'm not there. And I say this as someone who has a Facebook tab perpetually up in her browser.

 

I do always make paper invitations for the kids' birthday parties, and I actually mail them to the invitees. Maybe it's nostalgia, but I so loved getting something in the mail as a kid!

[Annie G]

I am 100% in favor of technology and have used plenty of e-vites for informal gatherings. But Facebook is different to me. I get tons of invites on Facebook, and they usually go out to most (if not all) of the sender's friend list. Hosting a Thirty-One party? Facebook invite. Kid's birthday party? Facebook invite. Friend of a friend is deejaying at a local bar? Facebook invite. I guess they just don't feel like "real" invitations to me. Does this person really want me at their event, or did they just click "select all"? Social gatherings aren't really my thing anyway; I certainly don't want to go if no one will even notice I'm not there. And I say this as someone who has a Facebook tab perpetually up in her browser.

 

I do always make paper invitations for the kids' birthday parties, and I actually mail them to the invitees. Maybe it's nostalgia, but I so loved getting something in the mail as a kid!

 

Exactly how I feel about Facebook invites!

 

I got a paper invitation to a friend's surprise birthday party today. I was so delighted to get it in the mail!  Junk mail, political ad,  gas bill....and a personal invitation to a party!!!!  It felt SO different than the two Facebook invites I received today. Exactly like you said- do the Facebook invites mean they really want me there, or was it just easier to click 'invite all'? But my friend really does want us to attend her husband's party- she went to the trouble of mailing invites. 

[PrairieSong]

I try to cover all my bases. :-)

 

I did a tea last year; I sent out hand-written invitations to a bunch of people, plus I sent an e-vite, plus I made an Event on FB.

 

If I were going to do just one, it would be actual invitations, sent with actual stamps. I have way too many IRL friends who don't do FB or e-mail on a regular basis to depend on either of those.

 

It would not occur to me to use FB for wedding invitations. o_0

Wow..you really do have your bases covered. It wouldn't occur to me to send wedding invitations via FB either.

 

I still write real letters to our oldest daughter who is in a religious order in France. She writes to us, too. We talk on the phone monthly and I can email her, but there's nothing quite like a real letter from home.

 

Yeah I really am a dinosaur.

[Ellie]

I'm not going to cave to people who say, "Send electronic invitations because I lose snail mail," until snail mail really and truly is 100% obsolete. That's a requirement of all grownups, to be able to sort, save, and otherwise deal with the mail that comes into the house.

 

If I can handle a utility bill, a letter from my insurance agent, stacks of paperwork from a new physician's office, and college admissions communiques, with all their deadlines and response requirements, I can probably be trusted to handle a wedding invitation.

 

:thumbup:   :cheers2:

 

[Ellie]

Wow..you really do have your bases covered. It wouldn't occur to me to send wedding invitations via FB either.

 

I still write real letters to our oldest daughter who is in a religious order in France. She writes to us, too. We talk on the phone monthly and I can email her, but there's nothing quite like a real letter from home.

 

Yeah I really am a dinosaur.

 

We shall be dinosaurs together. :-)

 

Mr. Ellie is frustrated that the worship ministry group at his church only communicates via a FB group, because he rarely checks FB. ITA with him. People shouldn't have to go to the Internet to find out at the last minute that rehearsal was canceled...at the last minute... :glare: 

[hornblower]

We shall be dinosaurs together. :-)

 

Mr. Ellie is frustrated that the worship ministry group at his church only communicates via a FB group, because he rarely checks FB. ITA with him. People shouldn't have to go to the Internet to find out at the last minute that rehearsal was canceled...at the last minute... :glare:

 

well if you have the app & push notifications on a phone you wouldn't have to go to the internet because it would come to you..... :)

 

 

Who goes on the internet these days? :laugh:  :leaving: 

 

(this is reminding me of Mamma Mia and the Meryl Streep character asking 'are we "on the line"?' when she was having her website set up. )

[catz]

I can't imagine using FB invites for something like a shower where it's a smallish group and you want/need a relatively firm count.  For a casual meet up at a public place and inviting people to a show or something like that, it is fine.  Evite works better than FB as far as I'm concerned since something will come directly into my inbox.  When I use evite, it's usually for a really small group when I know everyone well and know their e-mail addresses.  But I do think follow up is required if you don't hear from people.   I'd be extremely irritated if I were doing follow up calls for someone else's event. 

[PeachyDoodle]

Don't feel like dinosaurs. I still enjoy snail mail and still buy stationery. I ordered invitations online to mail out for my dd's recent baptism. I ran out of invitations so for one person I included the information in a different note card and for a person that I didn't have a mailing address I sent them a PM on facebook. I also had her number, though. We called everyone that didn't respond to the RSVP (so basically everyone LOL) to confirm.

 

Sometimes I feel like I'm not being eco-friendly with snail mail or perhaps for some things I don't want to spend the postage, but for certain events I definitely still use snail mail. I have used FB for a birthday party before, but if you are invited then I probably have your phone number so I can always call to touch base.

 

AND you spelled "stationery" correctly. Bonus points! :lol:

[Ellie]

well if you have the app & push notifications on a phone you wouldn't have to go to the internet because it would come to you..... :)

 

 

Who goes on the internet these days? :laugh:  :leaving: 

 

(this is reminding me of Mamma Mia and the Meryl Streep character asking 'are we "on the line"?' when she was having her website set up. )

 

:-)

 

I have many, many friends who only use their cell phones to make actual calls. What a concept. :laugh:

 

I have a smart phone; I only use it to check FB when I'm sitting around with nothing to do. Otherwise I much prefer sitting at my desktop computer with its ergonomic keyboard and big monitor. :-)  

[PeacefulChaos]

This Saturday is my dd's bridal shower. The person who was initially hosting it couldn't, so it fell to someone else. It was getting late so my dd just told the person to send out Facebook invitations. She would have preferred mailed invitations.

 

Not everyone is on Facebook. People who do have a Facebook account may not check it often, or they may not check under Events. I fall into the last category. Due to the confusion, I ended up sending some PMs and making phone calls. Only one person I contacted had seen the FB invitation.

 

I'm not crazy about email invitations either. I received one last year but it went to an email account I'd been having trouble with, so I didn't see it. Call me old-fashioned, but I prefer paper invitations sent in the mail. If it's a very informal event, I wouldn't mind a call or a text. I wouldn't be offended by a FB invitation to an informal gathering, but chances are I wouldn't see it.

 

This is interesting to me.  Why would you not see it?  My invitations always show up as a notification on FB, and I check my notifications every time I get on.  

 

Other than that, I totally get it.  For an event like a bridal shower, paper invitations are much preferred.  

 

I also understand that some people don't use Facebook very much (my MIL is one), so for anything that I know she'd want to come to, I make sure to text her an invite, too.  Though lately her texts haven't been working well, either, so I've been having to call her, which drives me nuts.  (I'm squarely in the camp that texts are actually much less rude than phone calls, but whatever floats your boat ;) )

 

 

Sorry about all the hassle you're having!  :/

[PrairieSong]

This is interesting to me. Why would you not see it? My invitations always show up as a notification on FB, and I check my notifications every time I get on.

 

Other than that, I totally get it. For an event like a bridal shower, paper invitations are much preferred.

 

<snip>

 

Sorry about all the hassle you're having! :/

Event invitations are not included in my notifications. I don't know why. I have to specifically click on Events to see them. I always forget to do that. Maybe I need to change my settings...? My dd mentioned that I hadn't responded to the shower invitation (though of course she knows I'll be there). I just hadn't seen it.

[PrairieSong]

well if you have the app & push notifications on a phone you wouldn't have to go to the internet because it would come to you..... :)

 

 

Who goes on the internet these days? :laugh: :leaving:

 

(this is reminding me of Mamma Mia and the Meryl Streep character asking 'are we "on the line"?' when she was having her website set up. )

When I got my smart phone about a year and a half ago, it was already set to receive push notifications from Facebook. That jingling noise every few minutes drove me bonkers. I turned that off right away.

 

I never saw "Mamma Mia" but the Meryl Streep quote made me LOL.

[PeacefulChaos]

Yeah, I don't do push notifications for anything.  Facebook isn't important enough for that lol.  :)

 

I automatically got notifications (in FB) for event invites from day 1.  I'm sure you could change the notification settings (to be only within the app/website, not push notifications) so that you get notice of event invites.  It's really useful - if I didn't get notifications for invites, I would miss a lot.  :lol: :D

[PrairieSong]

I haven't been to a wedding in the past three years- which I'm just realizing since you mention it! But we did get invited to two weddings via Facebook- both friends of our kids, and we didn't attend. They were casual affairs but we weren't close to the kids or the parents so we didn't attend. They were kids our kids were in theater with a few years ago...who invites people like that to a wedding?

 

We received an invitation like that, a paper one. When I opened it, it took me a minute to realize who these people were. The bride had been in our homeschooling group over ten years before, as a kid. Her brother and his wife go to our church, but this young woman and the rest of the family live in another town and I never ever see them. Not close at all. We did not go.

 

Fast forward to a year or so later. We got a baby shower invitation!! This same young couple was now having a baby, which I did not know. If I don't know you well enough to ever see you or even KNOW you are pregnant, maybe I don't know you well enough to go to your shower. I wish them well, but it was odd.

[LucyStoner]

What I don't like about Facebook and evites is that for homeschool field trips and stuff, I don't want to offer a maybe. Maybe is nearly useless information to me if I am selling tickets for a play or concert. I'd also like to be able to block people from responding yes once the event is full.

[Mimm]

I'm with you on that. I've missed invitations before because I simply didn't notice them. On the other hand, this week I noticed I'd been invited to a clean up even of a lake a couple hours from here by someone I've never met or heard of. We don't even have mutual friends. How in the world did I get on that invite list??

[Dmmetler]

I see them in three categories:

 

The first is the "party where there was already a personal invitation, either face to face or by paper, and the FB event is a backup". Most of DD's friends birthday parties are like that, as are some of our smaller homeschool group stuff.

 

The second is MLM businesses which invite everyone to their party/event

 

And the third is big public events of possible interest where they invite everyone to their party/event. Things like "My church is having a trunk or treat, and they didn't do an event link, but I'm doing one and sending it to all my friends who have kids".

 

The first category I like because it is an easy way to get it on my calendar. The third is sometimes actually helpful when we're looking for something to do.

 

The second...well, such invites were annoying when they were paper ones stuck in my school mailbox when I was a teacher, too.

 

 

[Garga]

I don't mind getting FB invites in the least. If one arrives, I'll get a notification for it.

 

The only part that I absolutely don't like is that if I can't respond to it right away then I forget about it. Once I've seen it, the notification disappears. And if I don't jot something down on paper or send myself an email to look into it later, it's like it was never there and I will forget it.

 

If there was a way to keep the notification still appear so I'd remember to check it later, then it would be perfect.

[MeaganS]

As a 20-something myself, almost every friend I have is on Facebook and almost every event I get invitations for is on Facebook or Evite. I like it. It makes it so I can have the information with me everywhere. The exception is weddings, where most announcements I get are paper. Most of the babyshowers or wedding showers I have been to were not super formal, so the digital format worked fine and fit the party style. And I haven't been to a birthday party in years, so I have no opinions about that. In my book, the more formal the event, the "classier" the invite, with digital being less classy than snail mail, although both completely have their place.

[PrairieSong]

What I don't like about Facebook and evites is that for homeschool field trips and stuff, I don't want to offer a maybe. Maybe is nearly useless information to me if I am selling tickets for a play or concert. I'd also like to be able to block people from responding yes once the event is full.

Maybe isn't very helpful for planning a bridal shower either. In my experience, people are very reluctant to post No on FB events. Maybe they don't want everyone to see that they refused the invitation. I don't know, but hardly anyone responds with No. They just don't come.