I don't think I can do this-emotional rant

[fruitofthewomb]

I know my DD has serious issues that make learning hard for her. I know her current seizure med is wreaking havoc on her mind & body. I know everyone in this house has been sick on & off for almost 6 weeks. But why can't she just try to do her work?! I want to scream!!!!!!

 

Today is a typical day-she is playing & doesn't want to start her work. I finally get her to the table & she gets mad bc she wants to hold her stuffed animal. Impossible to do handwriting while holding a bear!! I explain her copy work. Just do first 3 words & do them your very best. Bc she is mad she doesn't even try. She is 9 & it looks like a 4 yr old. I remind her to space & how to write a capital M. She screams 'I hate handwriting!!'

 

Fine. Move on to math. Starting CLE today. I am excited. I say-look we have new math. She screams 'I hate math!' I yell back (I know I know) 'Fine! I am not going to sit here & listen to you yell about school. I ask you to do 3 things-handwriting, math, & reading! That is not very much. Go do whatever the heck you want to!!'

 

I know that isnt the right way to handle it. I know I know I know. But I am beyond frustrated. It just feels impossible. With everything going on I just don't think I can do this. She is so difficult. I know the meds are making it 100 times worse. We are weaning her off of these & onto something else. But honestly it's always something. How will I ever be able to teach her a thing?! And I have 4 other kids & a household to manage. I already feel like a failure bc she is so far behind but I swear no one seems to understand how hard it is to deal with all that I deal with.

 

Hubby thinks I just need to quit. Enroll everyone in school & go back to work. Maybe he's right. Maybe I am just not cut out for this.

 

I had a vision for our family but we are not even close to that. I am so angry, disappointed, & sad.

 

I am sorry for this rant. I guess I just need to get it out there. Bc of all the stuff going on I haven't had much time outside the house-no one to talk to. So it's all festered. Hubby's not helpful. He just says quit. I need some encouragement or something.

[UmMusa]

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time.

[maize]

We're here to listen :)

 

How old is your daughter?

 

ETA woops I just saw you said she is 9, missed that the first time through.

[OneStepAtATime]

Honey, I am so incredibly sorry.  I think there are a lot of people on the LC boards that have BTDT.   :grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:   

 

And I think a lot of them can relate to your sense of isolation, too.  I know I can.  There is NO ONE living really near me that can relate.  I have friends in other cities.  But no one here.  Even DH's family, many of whom have LDs and have kids with LDs, just don't relate to what we are dealing with.  Their solution across the board was to keep the kids in ps with not even outside tutoring or summer programs or after school parent tutoring and they spent years fighting the system, arguing with administrators and teachers, and finally giving up and just letting the kids limp along as best they could until they could (hopefully) at least graduate High School.  Some have graduated (barely).  Some we are still waiting to see.  They have all come out demoralized and bitter and in some cases quite defiant.  And the parents do NOT want to talk about their journey so I have no one in the family to talk to.

 

Seriously, there are still days when I just want to crawl under  a rock.  DH does like yours.  He tells me to quit and stick them in school.  Since the schools here are in the middle of lawsuits over their abysmal way of handling ANY LD, that is NOT an option.  But I know that our area is not like all areas.  There ARE some great school systems out there.  There ARE some wonderful teachers and supportive administrators and schools that offer tremendous support.  Not here.  But there are places.

 

 If you are really this overwhelmed then even taken a one year hiatus with some of the kids might help you and them tremendously.  PS is not an across the board horror.  There are some great schools out there.  And some great teachers.  No educational setting is perfect.  Might you consider trying some of your kids in ps?  I can't remember.  Do the other kids have any issues that might require assessment/assistance?  Maybe an IEP?

 

As for your daughter, it sounds like your DD is so demoralized that she really doesn't think she CAN do any of these things.  Why try when you know you won't succeed?  DD was like that when we first brought her home from brick and mortar.  She had no confidence left and no desire to try.  Getting her to sit for anything was a challenge.  And she was older than your child.  It was so hard for both of us and I feared I was permanently damaging our relationship by trying to homeschool her.  It has been a long road, but we are in a much, much better place now.  Not an easy place.  Not a place where I get up in the morning and am 100% positive things will just go smoothly.  But definitely much better.

 

Although this won't be easy, you need to not take her rejection personally.  She is hurting inside.  You are feeling overwhelmed.  This is not a good combination.  I never seem to make progress with the kids when we are in that dynamic.  

 

Can you do math with something really physical for a while?  Like drawing with a paint brush and water on fence boards or something.  And for handwriting, do the same thing.  Something with big, bold movements.  Make it a game.  Get the others involved.  And set a timer.  Keep lessons REALLY short and she knows they will be short.  Maybe bribery?  Is there anything she really likes doing?

 

And focus on praise.  If she sits and does just one math problem on a dry erase board, praise her.  

 

Hugs.  So sorry.  

[maize]

The nine year old at my house will make an effort for an immediate reward. He knows I will let him play around with some educational websites and games if he does his math first, so he will actually ask to do math first thing in the morning. When he was a bit younger the only way I could get him to do music practice was by having him earn mini marshmallows for every song he played. He has to have something that motivates him personally, he does not respond well at all to an outside person just telling him to do something.

 

Every kid us different, but maybe if enough people share "x worked for my kid" you will stumble on something that works for yours.

[fruitofthewomb]

Thank you all. Such an incredibly hard day.

[GoVanGogh]

Hugs, OP.

 

It am not familiar with seizure meds and how they affect one neurologically or physically. But my DS13 has CP and has to try so hard to focus. His penmanship is a wreck. I am giving up on it and have no guilt whatsoever. More than anything, I regret that I pushed so hard for so long. His spacing is off. He will write right off the side of the paper. We live in a great time for assistive technology. It isn't the end of the world to ditch penmanship (or decrease expectations), but a great opportunity, I think.

 

The one thing that struck me was you saying that she wants to hold a stuffed animal. My DS always keeps something in his hands. He has gone through stages - stuffed animal, stretchy animal toy, lego figure, etc. We are not sure exactly why he keeps something in his hands, but his neurologists and orthopedic drs thinks that it helps focus his brain. To me, one of the great benefits of homeschooling is allowing him to keep something in his hands while doing schoolwork.

 

I minimize the amount of time he needs to sit. We go back and forth between floor, couch, table. Short bursts of school. I never require him to do two this with his hands or that overly tax his brain back to back. We may do math, then lay down for a read aloud, then grammar, then another read aloud, etc. I also rotate in some therapy - stretches, tossing a medicine ball back and forth, etc.

We were just at the neurologist last week and the dr said there was only one schooling option in this area that could accommodate our child. That school is out for several reasons. (Cost, location mainly) But I think I would just be putting the issue off elsewhere and I would still be dealing with the issues - just at the end of the day with homework.

 

As an aside, i thought ages seven and nine were the hardest. Much worse than the dreaded terrible twos.

 

I understand about your schooling not being the picture you envisioned. It is rough. We have had to step off the regular route, into the slower lane. I am still working on adjusting my expectations and embracing it. My best friend has two children around DS's age and they just just took the SAT and here I am, trying to chart a different course.

[OneStepAtATime]

Thank you all. Such an incredibly hard day.

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

[Princess Ariel]

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

Wish I had good advice but please just be gentle with yourself! Take care!

[merry gardens]

(((hugs)))

Does her handwriting always look like a four year olds, or was that just because of the bad day? There may be something going on neurologically (like the medication changes! Or something else) that could make handwriting particularly difficult for your daughter.  I disagree with those who say handwriting isn't important. Handwriting is both affected by the brain, and it can affect the brain. Some handwriting programs function almost like vision and occupational therapy for helping to develop eye-hand coordination. 

 

Have you spoken to her neurologist regarding the difficulty she has with handwriting? If the difficulty is new with the medication changes, I'd mention it to the neurologist. (Looking back, a close relative's deteriorating handwriting showed she had a neurological disease before the disease was identified by doctors.)  If the problem's not new, has she ever been evaluated for dysgraphia? If so, what were the recommendations?

 

For some 9 year olds with learning challenges, copy work is simply overwhelming! You might consider a handwriting program that focused more on created shapes that are used in handwriting and address writing words through something else. For handwriting, I like a program called Callirobics http://callirobics.com/ that's set to music. We started out the school year again this year repeating that program even for my neuro-typical grammar school children before moving onto more standard handwriting workbooks. We still play the cd when we do handwriting with other handwriting workbooks because the music helps achieve a certain rhythm to handwriting.

 

Copy work can be really, really hard for some kids!  What with all the changes to her medications, it may be that you need to set handwriting aside until that's stabilized.  And once it's stabilized, if handwriting is still a challenge, I'd suggest you have her evaluated for dysgraphia and possibly other learning challenges. In the meantime, you might look at Callirobics.

 

----

edited

[OneStepAtATime]

(((hugs)))

Does her handwriting always look like a four year olds, or was that just because of the bad day? There may be something going on neurologically (like the medication changes! Or something else) that could make handwriting particularly difficult for your daughter.  I disagree with those who say handwriting isn't important. Handwriting is both affected by the brain, and it can affect the brain. Some handwriting programs function almost like vision and occupational therapy for helping to develop eye-hand coordination. 

 

Have you spoken to her neurologist regarding the difficulty she has with handwriting? If the difficulty is new with the medication changes, I'd mention it to the neurologist.  If it's not new, has she ever been evaluated for dysgraphia? If so, what were the recommendations? Looking back, a close relative's deteriorating handwriting showed she had a neurological disease before the disease was identified by doctors. 

 

While I definitely see how a normal homeschooler having copy work of writing just a few sentences doesn't seem like much school work, for some 9 year olds with learning challenges, copy work is simply overwhelming! To put writing a few sentences into perspective, when we do Barton Reading and Spelling, we work for about a week just to get to the point where I can dictate three sentences! You might consider a handwriting program that focused more on created shapes that are used in handwriting and address writing sentences as part of something else which is explicitly taught.  For handwriting, I like a program called Callirobics http://callirobics.com/ that's set to music. We started out the school year again this year repeating that program even for my neuro-typical grammar school children before moving onto more standard handwriting workbooks. Now we still play the cd when we do handwriting with other handwriting workbooks because the music helps achieve a certain rhythm to handwriting.

 

Copy work can be really, really hard for some kids!  What with all the changes to her medications, it may be that you need to set handwriting aside until that's stabilized.  And once it's stabilized, if handwriting is still a challenge, I'd suggest you separate handwriting from writing sentences for a while and have her evaluated for dysgraphia and possibly other learning challenges. 

:iagree:

 

Even DD, who does not have dysgraphia, struggles with copywork.  Definitely DS, who is dysgraphic, really struggles with copywork.  There is actually a LOT that goes into copywork.  If any one process is off, the whole thing can come crashing down like a house of cards.  The child can't articulate what is wrong but things that should be automatic aren't and the process becomes exceedingly difficult or even overwhelming and exhausting.

[MomatHWTK]

Step one to teaching a SN child is to learn to teach the child you actually have, not the student you planned to teach. If four words is a struggle, start with one shape or one letter.  See a therapist for the child, see a therapist for yourself.  Get the answers you need to do the job.  It is VERY different than teaching a NT child and it is not just a matter of slowing down or making things easier. 

 

Medications causing mood disorders would pretty much put school on hold here.  If the child cannot maintain emotional control, they just can't.  Set aside all goals. Figure out what the minimum needs for your child and your household are and meet those.  Delegate, lower expectations, and get expert advice.

 

If my DH weren't in favor of HS and thus willing to carry more than his "share" of the household burden after a full day of work, we couldn't do it.  We would have to hire help or send some of the kids to school.  I'm just not put together enough to do it all.  5 children is running a pre-school which most folks consider a FT job. Add in special needs and housekeeping and it will be overwhelming. 

 

You have a lot to do and a lot of planning will be involved, expect it to take months if not years to find a groove.  :grouphug:

[Ottakee]

I have been there, done that.

 

If she is in the middle of a  med change, she might honestly not really be able to focus/do much of anything.  The correct meds at the correct levels can be very helpful but getting to that point can be rough.  When we stopped one med my dd LOST all reading ability.  Honestly she went from an early 2nd grade level to NOTHING....not even cat.  It took us months to get her reading back and we honestly had to start over with reading instruction.

 

School might be helpful or maybe not.  So much depends on her needs, the teachers, the classroom, what they have to offer, etc.  Some kids just do work better/harder, etc. for someone else and that allows you to just be MOM.

[Kanin]

I'm so sorry you're dealing with so much! I know I'd be a basket case. 

 

Even though you're aggravated beyond belief and probably don't want to do anything special for your DD while she's driving you to distraction... for handwriting for example, could you fold up a piece of paper and hand it to her... saying "You only have to copy 1 word, this is a word that describes you!" Maybe smart, beautiful, funny, etc. She could even try to guess what word you used to describe her. She might get a kick out of it and be more compliant to actually writing the word.

 

About feeling behind... I would just that go if you can. Say - I'm going to get things organized until March 1, and then start up again. Or something. Sometimes giving myself a self-imposed break, even though I'm the one deciding, really helps calm my mind. And maybe your daughter just needs to run wild for a while to calm her mind as well.

 

  :grouphug: 

[fruitofthewomb]

(((hugs)))

Does her handwriting always look like a four year olds, or was that just because of the bad day? There may be something going on neurologically (like the medication changes! Or something else) that could make handwriting particularly difficult for your daughter. I disagree with those who say handwriting isn't important. Handwriting is both affected by the brain, and it can affect the brain. Some handwriting programs function almost like vision and occupational therapy for helping to develop eye-hand coordination.

 

Have you spoken to her neurologist regarding the difficulty she has with handwriting? If the difficulty is new with the medication changes, I'd mention it to the neurologist. (Looking back, a close relative's deteriorating handwriting showed she had a neurological disease before the disease was identified by doctors.) If the problem's not new, has she ever been evaluated for dysgraphia? If so, what were the recommendations?

 

For some 9 year olds with learning challenges, copy work is simply overwhelming! You might consider a handwriting program that focused more on created shapes that are used in handwriting and address writing words through something else. For handwriting, I like a program called Callirobics http://callirobics.com/ that's set to music. We started out the school year again this year repeating that program even for my neuro-typical grammar school children before moving onto more standard handwriting workbooks. We still play the cd when we do handwriting with other handwriting workbooks because the music helps achieve a certain rhythm to handwriting.

 

Copy work can be really, really hard for some kids! What with all the changes to her medications, it may be that you need to set handwriting aside until that's stabilized. And once it's stabilized, if handwriting is still a challenge, I'd suggest you have her evaluated for dysgraphia and possibly other learning challenges. In the meantime, you might look at Callirobics.

 

----

edited

Her handwriting is always pretty bad & we just had OT eval. She is also going to see vision therapist soon. We had Neuropsych Eval last month.

 

I was just frustrated bc I felt like she didn't even try. And she wrote uppercase M wrong. I know it's a struggle for her & that she feels defeated. I thought I was helping by only doing 3 words.

[fruitofthewomb]

Step one to teaching a SN child is to learn to teach the child you actually have, not the student you planned to teach. If four words is a struggle, start with one shape or one letter. See a therapist for the child, see a therapist for yourself. Get the answers you need to do the job. It is VERY different than teaching a NT child and it is not just a matter of slowing down or making things easier.

 

Medications causing mood disorders would pretty much put school on hold here. If the child cannot maintain emotional control, they just can't. Set aside all goals. Figure out what the minimum needs for your child and your household are and meet those. Delegate, lower expectations, and get expert advice.

 

If my DH weren't in favor of HS and thus willing to carry more than his "share" of the household burden after a full day of work, we couldn't do it. We would have to hire help or send some of the kids to school. I'm just not put together enough to do it all. 5 children is running a pre-school which most folks consider a FT job. Add in special needs and housekeeping and it will be overwhelming.

 

You have a lot to do and a lot of planning will be involved, expect it to take months if not years to find a groove. :grouphug:

DH is on the fence about homeschooling. And in a lot of denial about DDs issues. We really just have a lot on our plates. I do have a mothers helper but with all the illness lately she hasn't come much.

[fruitofthewomb]

I have been there, done that.

 

If she is in the middle of a med change, she might honestly not really be able to focus/do much of anything. The correct meds at the correct levels can be very helpful but getting to that point can be rough. When we stopped one med my dd LOST all reading ability. Honestly she went from an early 2nd grade level to NOTHING....not even cat. It took us months to get her reading back and we honestly had to start over with reading instruction.

 

School might be helpful or maybe not. So much depends on her needs, the teachers, the classroom, what they have to offer, etc. Some kids just do work better/harder, etc. for someone else and that allows you to just be MOM.

We have been on this roller coaster with meds for 3 years now. She has such a difficult time adjusting to any changes. I know it's hard on her. We have BTDT with the losing ability to read. She recovered it quickly but it was hard. I don't see how she could ever manage at school but I may be wrong. I am checking on some options.

[fruitofthewomb]

Things got worse before they got better today. I did survive & she did end up completing her school work in the end (I lowered expectations dramatically).

 

I think I want to stay on our routine but offer some tangible rewards for each little step. I am also going to dial back expectations on handwriting.

 

Overall I am going to try to lessen the load for a bit until the meds settle & I get a solid plan in place.

 

I really think the weight of everything came down hard. I cried so hard for my baby girl today. I wish life were kinder to her. I cried bc I feel like I have epically failed all my kids. And bc I don't really know what to do.

 

I guess we will try again tomorrow.

 

Thanks all for the encouragement.

[OneStepAtATime]

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

 

Do you have any friends you can just go hang out with for an hour or so?  I find that I feel a bit better when I get outside the house and see that there IS a world beyond our little bubble.

 

And FWIW, I know a lot of people, including my husband, who struggled terribly in school but found their niche later and did well.  It is easy to get tunnel vision and think all those many things that are on checklists for "skills that must be learned at this time and in this way" are the be all and end all of defining whether your child will have a happy and independent life.  They aren't.  They really, really aren't.  There is so much to life that isn't directly tied to a standard education.  

 

And there are many, many ways to learn.  And many ways to approach learning.  Maybe doing more research on other approaches might help.  Are there any outside classes that are very kinesthetic in nature?  Any skills she would like to acquire that you could get her instruction in?  Something that would help her to see that she has much to offer the world, even if not necessarily academic in nature.

 

With DD, I finally had to embrace the fact that she needed something other than academics to define her self worth and I had to actively pursue whatever avenues we could find to help her with that.  We had focused so hard on her struggles we were not tapping into her strengths and had not really explored what those might be.  Once we moved onto this new path and embraced it, things started to turn around.  She has found many interests and things she is good at.  Things that are now inspiring her to want to work harder to learn.  She wants opportunities to do the things she has interest in and some talent.  Motivation goes a long way to helping a child get over the humps.  Are the things she is interested in necessarily great for making money?  No.  It is irrelevant at this point.  She sees herself as having worth again.  She sees that there is purpose in life.  She sees that just because she struggles greatly in many areas that there is much more to life than being able to read/write/spell/compute in a controlled, and frankly pretty stale at times learning environment.  Does that make sense?  Typing on the fly....

[kbutton]

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

 

Do you have a local support group for parents whose kids are medically fragile and/or going through a lot of medical changes? I would strongly suggest using one if you have access to something like that. Therapy for both of you may help as well. This little girl probably feels like she has NO CONTROL of anything at this point (and you probably do too). You both are in great turmoil and need, and those needs compete, making it hard for you to work together.

 

I would stop thinking of her as 9 if it helps. Seriously. Call her (in your mind) whatever age she's acting like (not IQ, but emotional age). I'd go all oral for as much work as possible--her vision issues might be interfering really badly with handwriting. Also, with all the brain changes, she's probably reforming a lot of pathways in her brain for every skill in the book. I would keep handwriting to large letters on a big whiteboard or chalkboard. Go excruciatingly slow. Do the same for anything else that is an ordeal and see what happens. I bet her brain is like swiss cheese after all that she has been through. And maybe she knows it too--if so, that's probably where all this frustration, anxiety, and defiance are coming from.

 

I am so sorry it's been this rough. 

 

This might help from an emotional/rapport perspective. Our OT recommended it, and while I've not had time to delve like I want to, it has some good stuff in it. 

http://www.amazon.com/Motivation-Breakthrough-Secrets-Turning-Tuned-Out/dp/0743289617/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1422326004&sr=8-1&keywords=lavoie

 

 

[Guest2]

So sorry that you are going through this. As tempting as sending one to school is, they will not work one on one or have the passion for your child to succeed that you will. Rewards for both of you are in order for any accomplishment! Sometimes m&ms parceled out one by one can be helpful. This is really hard, and the fact you keep coming back to help your child learn daily is true love.

 

Edited OT add; Personally I would take a break. It sounds like you have evals going on and med changes and the world may look very different in a month or two. I would do lots of snuggling and read alouds and project based stuff. Less school looking, still learning. Not sure of the other kids ages, but read aloud days were hits here. Build a blanket fort, bake some cookies, all stuff I don't do, but think I should. I don't have nearly as much medical stuff to deal with, and I need to just recconnect at times with being a Mom first, then a teacher even if it is just for the rest of the week. After a break, I'd try and focus on fun active things in between the frustration. If you have an O.T. Involved, I would wait on the copy work anyway to see what she says. Hugs.

[prairiewindmomma]

We are coming up on February.  While my kids typically have rough times year-round with school, *MY* coping ability really is less than ideal this time of year.

 

If academic learning isn't happening right now, work on some practical skills. Teach her some new recipes. She is almost old enough to be able to take over some meal making. Teach her to make soup and rolls. Teach her to make a few casseroles. Work on cleaning a bathroom or kitchen properly. Those are life skills she will need to know, and if she doesn't have it mastered now, put the time in for doing that.

 

Put as much as you can into her via other means....audio books, documentaries from PBS, online games, whatever.  Pull out the cuisenaire rods and do some of the activities from education unboxed. Have her play a lot of dominoes with her siblings, or some of the card games that RB has in her books.

 

Have her start garden seeds if it's that time of year for you.

 

Work on typing.

 

Many, many people do work that involves very little handwriting. Technology can fill in a lot of gaps in life. Find something she can enjoy and be passionate about and let that be your niche into other things. Ds's fondness of venomous snakes opened a lot of gateways for us into learning.

 

As for you, are you protecting your quiet time?  Reinstate quiet hour after lunch and take that time for yourself. Use it to pray/meditate/nap/read a good book/do something creative.

[HeWillSoar]

:grouphug: Sorry you are having a hard time right now. 

[fruitofthewomb]

Thank you all for the support. I have done some soul searching & brainstorming the past few days & am feeling better.

 

I am trying to focus on finishing up evals (just got OT report today & have VT consult next week) & getting her meds lined out (which may take about a month). I also have a lot of books to read about all her issues. So I plan to take it easy with her.

 

I have set up a reward system for her so hopefully she will be motivated to at least attempt work. I am going to keep going with handwriting but I have cut my expectations back drastically & will wait to see what OT suggests before expecting much.

 

I have also been discussing public/private school options with a knowledgeable friend. But I will wait a while before really digging into that. It is an option though & I am trying to be ok with that.

 

I really think my meltdown (it came later in the day-after my frustration passed) was rooted in 'I don't want this to be so'. I have had a few of those over the years due to DDs fragile medical condition. I was truly broken hearted on Monday. I want her to be totally ok. I don't want her to have a brain tumor, seizures, learning disability, etc. I don't want life to be more difficult for her. And it was just so overwhelming. But I think I have made enough peace with it that I can move forward.

 

I really appreciate you all. I needed some kindness & support & you guys came through!

[kbutton]

I really think my meltdown (it came later in the day-after my frustration passed) was rooted in 'I don't want this to be so'. I have had a few of those over the years due to DDs fragile medical condition. I was truly broken hearted on Monday. I want her to be totally ok. I don't want her to have a brain tumor, seizures, learning disability, etc. I don't want life to be more difficult for her. And it was just so overwhelming. But I think I have made enough peace with it that I can move forward.

 

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug: It's a process. I don't have a medically fragile child, but there are many things in life that I seem to face again and again in onion layers before I can move to a new level of growth and acceptance. Be kind to yourself.

[texasmama]

(((hugs)))

 

What I hear in your latter posts is a panicky kind of feeling as you observe how little your dd is capable of at this point.  What might help is to acknowledge that she is likely doing her best even if it doesn't always seem that way and taking a break from schoolwork for a period of time.  I don't know how long that might be, but it sounds like you are in the middle of a lot of evals and starting new services.  It's fine to do NO handwriting until you meet with the OT and discuss what is reasonable to expect.  Sit on the couch and read a fun book aloud to her, all cuddled up with the stuffed animals.  Take some time to reconnect.  Make the relationship the "schoolwork" right now.

 

It will be okay, mama.  (((hugs)))

[OneStepAtATime]

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

[mommymonster]

I really think my meltdown (it came later in the day-after my frustration passed) was rooted in 'I don't want this to be so'. I have had a few of those over the years due to DDs fragile medical condition. I was truly broken hearted on Monday. I want her to be totally ok. I don't want her to have a brain tumor, seizures, learning disability, etc. I don't want life to be more difficult for her. And it was just so overwhelming. But I think I have made enough peace with it that I can move forward.

 

I'm so sorry. It sneaks up on you sometimes... like, you can be fine for a while and then there's just this wave of sorrow and sense of overwhelm.

 

Sometimes, just enjoying the day together is a start. Schoolwork will be there when things even out. Right now, the thing is to try to enjoy each other for a bit and build the relationship. 

 

:grouphug: