Seeking Balance--writers, artists, have wisdom to share on balancing homeschooling with your creative life? (UPDATED in #18)

[pehp]

I would be interested to hear advice or even just thoughts on this topic.  I am a creative person-- a writer/poet (I also do some textile related art and am starting to paint a bit)--and now that my youngest child is 4 I am actually starting to devote more time to writing (I took a long pause during law school and child-bearing).  But I'm finding that it is a struggle to find the balance I need.

 

Homeschooling itself--the actual teaching--takes very little time.  1.5-2 hours a day or so for my 2nd grader; this usually includes some reading to my 4 year old daughter.  We start around 9:30/10 and finish by lunch.  My son also practices piano.  I exercise most days for 30-60 minutes, have my meal planning down just fine, and have a reasonably decent housekeeping/laundering routine (my house is not perfect, but it is good enough for my picky personality). The nuts and bolts of life seem to flow fairly smoothly. I am also working on a bathroom renovation about 1-2 hours a week--I can't afford more time!

 

The approach I am taking now is very Charlotte Mason-inspired.  It's fairly straightforward in theory, but somehow I feel myself complicating things (questioning whether I am doing enough....or questioning whether I should swap resources, that kind of thing, and then thinking a lot about this).  I also spend a fair amount of my 'free time' looking at various books, contemplating our curriculum, and so on.  So the homeschooling itself doesn't take a lot of time, but the mental planning energy takes a fair amount of time!  I do not do crafts or anything hands-on, etc with my students.  I'm pretty competent carl-esque when it comes to actually getting school done. I'm a visionary who is also deeply 'get'er-done' which is a strange combination.  (I guess it makes sense; I'm a poet who also went to law school.) 

 

The other sticky issue is that as an artist I crave and need quantities of time alone.  I believe that not everyone is like this, but I am and have made peace that this is how I have been made.  Right now I have a babysitter who comes every Friday from 1-5 to take care of my children while I basically go live in my 'mind palace' :laugh: (Sherlock fans will get that!). Right now I am working on some artistic recovery, a la Julia Cameron, because I think I need it!  My husband is very willing to take the children on weekends, but I feel rather guilty sacrificing my family time--I probably need to just get over this!  I am also very practical, so I feel pulled sometimes during my 'alone' time to work on school-related things, housekeeping lists, and so on.  I end up doing my practical thing sometimes and then not actually filling my cup the way I need to fill it to stay balanced and sane as a creative type.  

 

Does anyone else struggle with this? Or have you struggled with it, and found ways to do both and do them well?  I would love to hear anyone else's thoughts.  

Thank you!

[The Girls' Mom]

A lot of it has to do with the age of your children as well (I see yours are very young).  I was unable to do much at all, art-wise, when my kids were small.  I am just this year really beginning to pick up my art and other things that are just for me.  You can see how old my kids are...lol.  I did manage to squeeze in very small projects here or there, but honestly it mostly was set aside for the time.  

[PagesandFields]

So... I wrote out this long response then my internet stole it...  Which I guess is kinda an example of why this is all hard!  haha!  Anyhoo... mostly I was going to say that I get it... and will read the responses.  The only helpful things I came up with that I said in my previous post were 2fold...

 

1 - My DH works 7 days a week (afternoon and night) and is gone every other morning helping with a family member's medical issue...  long private story summed up... Life is short, and not a day is guaranteed.  If there are things in your head you need to get out, art that needs to be expressed, stories that need to be told, work towards doing that.  Because of 2 things...  1) not a day is guaranteed and you may not have forever...  2) If you're lucky enough to have M-F work schedule and a DH with weekends off... take it.  If I had that looking back on the brief time I did... I would have disappeared Saturday mornings at 7am, come back at 4.   I also would have held myself accountable for deadlines and goals...  

 

2 - I think if there's something that's important to the person you are, your purpose, your soul... then honoring that and prioritizing that in whatever small way is possible... is good for your kids... It sets the kind of example that hopefully they will honor the true parts of themselves and be who they are meant to be.  This is what I tell myself when I start to feel guilty about whatever small moments I'm able to steel away.  

 

Mine are tiny too...  and from what people tell me it gets way easier to find that time later.  hope that helps some... just know that lots of moms get it and you're not in a boat by yourself.  

 

The only other thing I can share is what I'm working on myself right now.  Focus...  If that's truly what's important to you, then cut everything else out you can with a ferocious hatchet...  For me that's a lot of stuff cause I like a lot of stuff!!!! But I'm working on cutting out the stuff that I won't regret NOT doing... should my time on this earth be cut shorter than I'd like...

[G5052]

Life comes in chapters.  I've always worked and homeschooled, and am currently working full-time hours while getting mine through their last years of high school.

 

Frankly I finally came to the point that I might be able to fit in a novel here and there at the gym on the exercise bike, but that's it except for a little project here or there or over the summer.  This is a season of life where I've extremely busy, and that's that.  I do have some fabric and a pattern waiting in my closet for Spring Break and plans for the summer though.  So something to look forward to, but not a lot right now.

 

Ultimately you have to work out your priorities, which may mean not a lot of "me" time during your homeschooling days.  I've heard both Jessie Wise and Susan Wise Bauer talk about that in various talks.  It's just life to some extent!

[pehp]

PagesandFields, I really agree with your point #2.  Denial of this for me (surely not for everyone!) can twist itself into neurosis and everyone will end up paying for that in the long run!  Over the past 7 years I have been able to do some creative things--I have written intermittently, done a fair amount of sewing, a TON of home renovation projects (kind of ready to be past that), taught myself to knit, and I do some handsewing...all of this in little snippets or bits.  And always feeling like I am robbing peter to pay paul.  Stealing time. And I don't want to spend so much of my free time 'planning school' for fear of burning out on that and/or on my creative life.  I have toyed with using K12 (or something comparable--privately, not through a virtual academy), but when I got the demo/password and started looking at it, I felt bewildered and like it was not user-friendly--I may need to take another look.  I want to rest peacefully feeling that 'everything is covered' and that I can facilitate the learning process, but not spend a lot of time on it outside of the teaching time.  

 

It is a struggle I did not initially foresee, really, when I originally embarked on homeschooling!  It's a challenging issue. I appreciate everyone's thoughts, too....it's good to know I am not alone in this!

 

 

[Doodlebug]

I think creating, no matter your art form, is difficult in this season of life.  Creating something of value and meaning, for me, requires time... Time to think, time to experiment, time to develop a single thing... and then, time to make it better.  

 

I find that between homeschooling, running a home, and teaching violin students I can't get to the creative stuff consistently enough to make a single objective enriching.  Instead, it feels like a noose around my neck.  Personally, teaching and being in the music rotation at church, keeps my craft simmering on the back burner... What I find most helpful is time spent, in stolen moments, doing what I wish.  Reading a book.  Writing.  Sketching.  Painting.  

 

It doesn't stop the heart swelling moments, in which I CRAVE the ability to perfect something.  But it keeps me content, and for now, I'm OK with that.  (Says the woman who is SOOO outsourcing once we hit 5th grade--There's hope!).

 

 

 

 

[2ndGenHomeschooler]

I wish I could figure this out too. Since the beginning of this month, I have been much better about getting up when my alarm goes off and staying off the internet. I'm organized and productive than I had been. And while we are getting more school work done than before, I just still can't seem to find the time for my music that I would like. I started taking voice lessons a couple of months ago so I have that little bit of time each week that's devoted to voice but I don't have much time to practice. I sing in groups at church and I'm the church pianist; I teach 10 piano students each week. But I don't have time to really practice or learn the pieces I'd love to learn. My violin hasn't been played in a month. I miss it. I love homeschooling and the life I've chosen but it so busy. I just keep looking for new ways to be more efficient and squeeze in whatever time I can get.

[shanvan]

I gave it up. Sorry to be depressing. I just found with home schooling, I don't get anywhere near enough time on my own to work. And it's not just the work time, it's the thinking time. Not there. People always talking to me, my brain always working at the superficial level of 'what's next'.

 

I need quiet time, walking time, thinking time, to write.

 

Oh, I sometimes sit down anyway and come up with decent stuff. But it isn't the same :(

 

I think public school would be a boon for a SAHM/artist.

I wrote an almost identical post earlier and then didn't post it b/c I thought it was too depressing.  I came to the same conclusion.  I couldn't do both well and so I had to choose.  I choose to spend the time on homeschooling.  You'd think there would be time when they are older, but no.  Now there are extracurriculars, outsourced classes, transcripts, and college searches/visits/applications.  But, I know we made choices that not all families make, and we have some unique circumstances.  Some families are home more than we are, or don't outsource, or the mom does not have a chronic illness.  I think I do know one person who has been able to continue writing seriously.  I don't think she sleeps much.  

[Critterfixer]

I've been thinking about this post on and off for several days. It made me think about what balance means to me, and why I feel I do have a balance, precarious at times, but a balance all the same.

 

I looked at it from the idea of balance as a see-saw or a pie-chart. Do I have time in the day that I can call my own? And the answer to that is no. Even when I write, I have many times when I have to put down my pencil and listen to one of my sons read his latest creation to me. My reading time in the evening has to be split between what I want to read for myself, previewing what I want to read for my kids and then doing that actual read aloud with all the infection and voices to make it come to life for them. And forget quiet time! The only time I can enforce quiet (except for a fire or injury with bleeding report) is when I'm running. So if you look at it that way, I don't have a balance.

 

And yet, I'm very happy with my creative projects right now. They are limited primarily to my writing. I can draw, and play the piano, and design and grow a garden, and I'm not a bad hand at renovation in the house, but writing is what gives me the most joy. I get writing done daily, I'm pleased with my progress. Best of all, I have people I can share that creative interest with, since both of my boys have turned out to enjoy writing. We discuss our characters, we are working on studying various plot designs together, we read to each other what we have written, and we talk about what to do when we get writer's block. It's in everything we do right now, there's no escaping it. Even movies watched together now become an opportunity to discuss our writing, books we read become part of the ongoing conversation. Even my child who has never been a great reader is open to reading on his own and listening to reading for ideas and words that he can use in his stories.

So I conclude that my idea of balance isn't finding time composing and creating in my non-existent free time. It's about making the creative element that I love (writing) what my day is all about. My balance is creating, sharing my work, seeing the potential for more material in everything we do together as teacher and students and working with that. It's enough for me.

 

Just my outlook on it. I don't think that homeschooling or any other form of work has to be an impediment to creative impulse and the act of creating. I don't know if that helps at all, but it's how I have come to grips with the whole balance thing.

 

[Sarah CB]

Every woman writer with children I know, sent them to school.

 

I do know a journalist mom who homeschools, but IRL novelists/short story writers/poets ? Nope. There are people like Melissa Wiley who manage it. All credit to those mamas who are better/stronger/more disciplined than I am.

 

When I do write, I have to steal the time from sleep. Stay up late so the house is quiet, read for an hour or so, then start. I also have a chronic illness, so stealing sleep time is also stealing from my health - I don't do it often.

 

It is a choice, for sure. For a long time I felt that I traded my voice for my children, and that it was a choice I would always make. Now, I feel less like it was a trade, and more like a temporary but long term re-prioritisation. I do hope that once the kids have left home, I can have weekends back for writing. We'll see.

 

Thanks for posting and making me feel I wasn't the only one with a less-than-inspirational story to tell.

 

I guess I have a less than inspirational story, too.  For a few years, I was getting up between 4:30 and 5am so that I had a couple of hours before everyone woke up.  I actually got about 30,000 words into a book during that time - but then I started going to the gym in the morning, and I took on more responsibilities at co-op, and I had no mental energy left to write.  

 

The problem is that kids actually take up more time and energy the older they get.  So, even getting up early stops being possible because the kids are up so darn late.  I just kept telling myself that life comes in seasons (or chapters) and that I'd have time to myself later.  I started reading more as it's easy to listen to an audio book while driving kids around or cleaning the house and it's convenient to read a chapter of a book here or there while waiting at a lesson or while the kids are working on their math.  

 

Then we moved across the country and put all the kids in school.  And now I have a few hours to write every day and I do love it.  I'm sorry.  

 

I think it's still possible to have some sort of creative life, but I think you have to be really careful about what else you add on.  If I hadn't been spending probably an average of ten hours a week on co-op (sometimes more) then I would have had more time to write.  If I hadn't taken on some major project work for our church's Sunday school then I would have had more time to write.  So - find time you can carve out for yourself while the kids sleep - either at night (I was always braindead after 5pm) or early in the morning.  And don't say yes to anything else.  

[shanvan]

I guess I have a less than inspirational story, too.  For a few years, I was getting up between 4:30 and 5am so that I had a couple of hours before everyone woke up.  I actually got about 30,000 words into a book during that time - but then I started going to the gym in the morning, and I took on more responsibilities at co-op, and I had no mental energy left to write.  

 

The problem is that kids actually take up more time and energy the older they get.  So, even getting up early stops being possible because the kids are up so darn late.  I just kept telling myself that life comes in seasons (or chapters) and that I'd have time to myself later.  I started reading more as it's easy to listen to an audio book while driving kids around or cleaning the house and it's convenient to read a chapter of a book here or there while waiting at a lesson or while the kids are working on their math.  

 

Then we moved across the country and put all the kids in school.  And now I have a few hours to write every day and I do love it.  I'm sorry.  

 

I think it's still possible to have some sort of creative life, but I think you have to be really careful about what else you add on.  If I hadn't been spending probably an average of ten hours a week on co-op (sometimes more) then I would have had more time to write.  If I hadn't taken on some major project work for our church's Sunday school then I would have had more time to write.  So - find time you can carve out for yourself while the kids sleep - either at night (I was always braindead after 5pm) or early in the morning.  And don't say yes to anything else.  

Yes! I was thinking about this thread and remembering that when my kids were young I was able to take piano lessons for myself.  I practiced at night when they went to bed.  They had a fairly early bedtime (7pm for the youngest), but as they got older, that changed, plus some of our extracurriculars now are in the evening and we don't even get home until 9pm or 9:30.

[Btervet]

I'm a musician, so it is a little different as the requirements for what I need are different. I need an hour everyday when other people aren't allowed to talk to me or bother me. It also needs to happen while everyone is awake as my cello would otherwise wake them up.

For me, this was and is a huge priority. My kids are still young, so I'm not sure how this will look at later stages. For now, I started training them from birth to deal with this time. I never considered this negotiable, and I think it's good for the kids to see me work hard at something I value. They see me struggle and persist and improve, and I think that is SO important.

Everyday, after breakfast, I play cello for at least an hour. I have to do it first thing, or I won't find time. I put babies/toddlers into a bouncer or seat and work on teaching them to be quiet for this time. Persistence here has paid off, my 13mo can now stay quiet for the whole hour, and he loves listening. When my oldest was around two, he was allowed to play quietly with his toys during this time. As he aged, this changed to his reading time. He knows not to bother me. Some days, he just listens while I play. I wouldn't give up this time for anything.

[Shellydon]

I think that finding time to pursue your own interests is a struggle for every homeschooling mom, and probably for most working moms with kids in school.  I don't have any suggestions.   Kids take a ton of time. That is all there is too it.  I think that for a time, moms often have to put aside their own interests. 

[stutterfish]

nm

[FloridaLisa]

Just adding my voice to those in the mix. 

 

I don't even try for balance anymore. I've never found a *balance* at all in parenting. Even when I wasn't writing, when my primary work was schooling the kids, taking care of the house and managing household errands/dr/dentist appts, I could do two of the three well, but never all three. One area was always off kilter and as I gave it attention, one of the other areas became a bit neglected.  Most folks would likely say that's because my life was too full and it didn't all fit and that's probably true.  

 

It's even more true now. I've added in writing and as Sadie indicated upthread, I steal time to write from other areas. It's usually my personal sleep and I'll stay up really late one or two or three nights a week. My dad also comes over once a week for 4 hours to give me time to write and I absolutely do not fill it with anything else! No errands. I don't think this is a long-term schedule and I'm working to adjust it, but it's what I've got to work with right now. 

 

Since my youngest is (okay, here's reality. I'm right now being interrupted to hear a story my 10-year-old wrote.) ... as I was saying, since my younger two are 7  and 10, I try my best to carve out an afternoon to write or work. But, that time is hugely protected and it's always subject to interruptions even if my door is closed and even when I firmly remind them through a smile that I'm working. :)

 

Writing takes so much time for me. Seriously.  It takes me hours to think through, write, edit and re-write a blog post and then more time to get a good picture, edit that, etc. I think when you have a burning in your belly to create, you need to carve out at least a few hours a week for it. 

 

Lisa

[pehp]

I just wanted to update here.  I mentioned that I had been starting a creative recovery program via Julia Cameron's The Artist's Way. I am halfway through it now (it's 12 weeks long) and it has revolutionized my life.  So far. 

 

I have somehow begun to untap my creativity again in a way that is workable with our life.  This is the biggest gift.  Primarily the route is via 3 pages of longhand writing every morning--nothing profound, but I have come to realizations during that time, and use it to ponder what creative goals I have for that day.  The morning pages (as Cameron calls them) give me a map, a guide for how to use the little tidbits of time, and as a result I have felt profoundly productive--primarily with my sewing (I like to hand-sew garments, a la Alabama Chanin, but have also made a wool skirt, am working on a vintage 1950s dress for my daughter, etc) but have also written a piece to publish and had one poem (not a new one) accepted for publication. Oh yeah! And I'm learning to use chalk paint.....and am eager to see where all of this goes.  

 

And I don't have tons of time, still, and I won't.  The morning pages take about 30 mins each a.m. (i get up earlier), and then I might spend 20 minutes sewing up part of a garment, or 10 minutes handstitching on the way to church, or 20 minutes one afternoon sketching out an essay idea.  Then if I need more involved thinking time to write, I use my babysitter-time on Friday afternoon. And all that freewriting and thinking have helped me clarify some parenting and homeschooling goals too.

 

So, a bit of encouragement to anyone out there who is feeling creatively torn and disrupted!!!!

[FloridaLisa]

This is the second time in one day I've read about morning pages. I just read a reference to it on Emily's Chatting at the Sky site. 

 

Glad you are getting the creative juices flowing!  It is defnitely a snowball. If I can carve out any bit of time for my own writing, then it invigorates and leads to so much other creativity. But, yes, for me also, time is a scarce commodity.  I've had to learn (am learning) that I have to say NO to so much to keep that time for writing, But then, I can start to feel isolated... so always working on reconfiguring time for some balance!  

 

Lisa

[Ausmumof3]

I'm a musician, so it is a little different as the requirements for what I need are different. I need an hour everyday when other people aren't allowed to talk to me or bother me. It also needs to happen while everyone is awake as my cello would otherwise wake them up.

 

For me, this was and is a huge priority. My kids are still young, so I'm not sure how this will look at later stages. For now, I started training them from birth to deal with this time. I never considered this negotiable, and I think it's good for the kids to see me work hard at something I value. They see me struggle and persist and improve, and I think that is SO important.

 

Everyday, after breakfast, I play cello for at least an hour. I have to do it first thing, or I won't find time. I put babies/toddlers into a bouncer or seat and work on teaching them to be quiet for this time. Persistence here has paid off, my 13mo can now stay quiet for the whole hour, and he loves listening. When my oldest was around two, he was allowed to play quietly with his toys during this time. As he aged, this changed to his reading time. He knows not to bother me. Some days, he just listens while I play. I wouldn't give up this time for anything.

This is what I see in music houses. The kids often just watch. I think this must be an amazing music education in and of itself...

[Food4Thought]

I have facilitated three different Artist Way groups, and it's always amazing to see how people change through the process! I'm glad you're finding some time and energy.

 

I own a 27,000 member community on Google+ for writers, and there are a lot of people juggling full-time jobs and struggling to find the time to write, and succeeding. I've managed by making it a priority the same way I used to make my piano teaching a priority. Before moving across the country, I ran a small piano studio in my home. It was roughly 12 hours a week of preparation and teaching, and my kids could manage themselves when I was teaching. When we moved and I lost all my students, I decided to devote the same time and professionalism to writing. My kids can still manage themselves during that time (they're 11 and 9, so this is easier).

 

I think of it is a way of teaching my kids a few skills. They get to see what it looks like to pursue a creative dream. They've seen me go through the harder parts of writing and they've watched me work on draft after draft, but they've also seen my books and see what a fantastic reward it is at the end to have an awesome thing you've completed. They're some of my biggest encouragers these days. It also helps them see how you make and reinforce boundaries. "I'm working for one hour" is not a surprising statement to them anymore. I still mom them when they need it, but they also respect that "Mom is working" and I think they feel proud of what I do so that makes a difference.

 

I do struggle with envy because I know full-time writers who are pumping out a novel or two every year. And I'm a snail compared to that. It took me a full 18 months of work to write and publish my book, and I still worked on it almost every day -- but I couldn't do a lot. I'm working on another, and the work is painfully slow. Baby steps. Trust the process. All of that.

[Runningmom80]

I just wanted to update here.  I mentioned that I had been starting a creative recovery program via Julia Cameron's The Artist's Way. I am halfway through it now (it's 12 weeks long) and it has revolutionized my life.  So far. 

 

I have somehow begun to untap my creativity again in a way that is workable with our life.  This is the biggest gift.  Primarily the route is via 3 pages of longhand writing every morning--nothing profound, but I have come to realizations during that time, and use it to ponder what creative goals I have for that day.  The morning pages (as Cameron calls them) give me a map, a guide for how to use the little tidbits of time, and as a result I have felt profoundly productive--primarily with my sewing (I like to hand-sew garments, a la Alabama Chanin, but have also made a wool skirt, am working on a vintage 1950s dress for my daughter, etc) but have also written a piece to publish and had one poem (not a new one) accepted for publication. Oh yeah! And I'm learning to use chalk paint.....and am eager to see where all of this goes.  

 

And I don't have tons of time, still, and I won't.  The morning pages take about 30 mins each a.m. (i get up earlier), and then I might spend 20 minutes sewing up part of a garment, or 10 minutes handstitching on the way to church, or 20 minutes one afternoon sketching out an essay idea.  Then if I need more involved thinking time to write, I use my babysitter-time on Friday afternoon. And all that freewriting and thinking have helped me clarify some parenting and homeschooling goals too.

 

So, a bit of encouragement to anyone out there who is feeling creatively torn and disrupted!!!!

Thank you for this. I am looking up The Artist's Way right now.

[quark]

 

Writing takes so much time for me. Seriously.  It takes me hours to think through, write, edit and re-write a blog post and then more time to get a good picture, edit that, etc. I think when you have a burning in your belly to create, you need to carve out at least a few hours a week for it. 

 

 

 

This is me too. I am also crippled by perfectionism. What sounded good one hour ago feels like something my dog gagged up the next time I read it. How do you guys deal with this?

 

This is such a timely thread for me. I just started work (for the umpteenth time over the last three years) on a book I have been wanting to write. I make so many starts and stops. But this time it somehow feels right. My son is growing more independent and doesn't need me as much. I have more free time while I wait for him during his classes. I am feeling less afraid about what future readers might think about me. I have this fire in my belly to see it happen. But I am also feeling crippled by the need for everything to be perfect. To just get over it and write...I need to figure that out somehow.

 

(ETA: I am also really enjoying and grateful for my child's support...he encourages me so much in this endeavor.)

[pehp]

Quark, I am a recovered perfectionist.  I sort of apply Edith Schaeffer's philosophy here.  She wrote something along the lines of "people who expect perfection or nothing get nothing."  I'm paraphrasing, but you get the gist.   I was a terrible perfectionist in my 20s and then just let it go.  The last 8 years have been much easier in that regard. 

 

Cameron addresses this early in her book, too, and I found her thoughts helpful and solid. 

 

I think working w/ textiles has helped me a bit in this regard.  Nothing I do is really 'perfect', there's always something off, and I have learned to be okay with it.  I embrace and love the process.  In some ways I almost consider the process more important than the end result. 

 

Having a writer's group helps too.  I have a poetry group that meets twice a month (though I haven't attended in a while, because I am directing my energies elsewhere).  It's a safe place to give and receive criticism, praise and constructive advice for where to go with a piece of work.  I think a safe haven like that is so helpful for an artist.  

 

 

 

[pehp]

Oh! I should add that this is the third time I started The Artist's Way program.  The first two times, when my daughter was about 1 and then maybe around 2, did not work.  I could not deal w/ morning pages--if I got up early, she got up early.  It drove. me. crazy.  So, I quit. Twice!  Now, she sometimes still wakes up when I'm writing them, but she's pretty good at entertaining herself while I finish them.  Game-changer!  A person w/ a child who doesn't wake up when her mother's feet hit the floor wouldn't have this concern, but my girlie somehow detects my consciousness and comes to find me. 

 

So I do think that having older children (even though mine are still relatively little) is so helpful. 

[Food4Thought]

This is me too. I am also crippled by perfectionism. What sounded good one hour ago feels like something my dog gagged up the next time I read it. How do you guys deal with this?

 

Don't read the stuff you wrote an hour ago. ;)

 

More seriously, I started spending time with a lot of other writers, and everyone feels this way. Several of the authors I'm friends with are making a good living with their novels, and they still have to fight every day to get through the weird feelings surrounding their work. Even with fans and great reviews, they sometimes break down and wonder if they're actually writing crap and no one notices. 

 

Learning your own process and the process of others can help too. No one I know writes perfectly the first time. First drafts are GARBAGE. Let them be garbage! I was on the third draft of my last book before I even really knew what it was about. My most recent book is a garbage first draft that I've set aside until I can rewrite it. I know what the story is now, so the 2nd draft should be pretty good. It takes a lot of time and can be very frustrating, but when it comes together, it comes together. My 4th draft of Blueprint Homeschooling is the one that went to an editor and readers, and the 5th version got published. 

 

Write first. You can fix it on the edit.

[Food4Thought]

I'd also HIGHLY recommend reading The War of Art. I love this book. It turns the entire thing into a battle that you want to win. 

[ForeverFamily]

So... I wrote out this long response then my internet stole it...  Which I guess is kinda an example of why this is all hard!  haha!  Anyhoo... mostly I was going to say that I get it... and will read the responses.  The only helpful things I came up with that I said in my previous post were 2fold...

 

1 - My DH works 7 days a week (afternoon and night) and is gone every other morning helping with a family member's medical issue...  long private story summed up... Life is short, and not a day is guaranteed.  If there are things in your head you need to get out, art that needs to be expressed, stories that need to be told, work towards doing that.  Because of 2 things...  1) not a day is guaranteed and you may not have forever...  2) If you're lucky enough to have M-F work schedule and a DH with weekends off... take it.  If I had that looking back on the brief time I did... I would have disappeared Saturday mornings at 7am, come back at 4.   I also would have held myself accountable for deadlines and goals...  

 

2 - I think if there's something that's important to the person you are, your purpose, your soul... then honoring that and prioritizing that in whatever small way is possible... is good for your kids... It sets the kind of example that hopefully they will honor the true parts of themselves and be who they are meant to be.  This is what I tell myself when I start to feel guilty about whatever small moments I'm able to steel away.  

 

Mine are tiny too...  and from what people tell me it gets way easier to find that time later.  hope that helps some... just know that lots of moms get it and you're not in a boat by yourself.  

 

The only other thing I can share is what I'm working on myself right now.  Focus...  If that's truly what's important to you, then cut everything else out you can with a ferocious hatchet...  For me that's a lot of stuff cause I like a lot of stuff!!!! But I'm working on cutting out the stuff that I won't regret NOT doing... should my time on this earth be cut shorter than I'd like...

 

I really wish I could double like this! :001_smile: With how crazy life is with littles I really needed to hear this. Thank you!

[LindaOz]

I'm a musician, so it is a little different as the requirements for what I need are different. I need an hour everyday when other people aren't allowed to talk to me or bother me. It also needs to happen while everyone is awake as my cello would otherwise wake them up.

 

For me, this was and is a huge priority. My kids are still young, so I'm not sure how this will look at later stages. For now, I started training them from birth to deal with this time. I never considered this negotiable, and I think it's good for the kids to see me work hard at something I value. They see me struggle and persist and improve, and I think that is SO important.

 

Everyday, after breakfast, I play cello for at least an hour. I have to do it first thing, or I won't find time. I put babies/toddlers into a bouncer or seat and work on teaching them to be quiet for this time. Persistence here has paid off, my 13mo can now stay quiet for the whole hour, and he loves listening. When my oldest was around two, he was allowed to play quietly with his toys during this time. As he aged, this changed to his reading time. He knows not to bother me. Some days, he just listens while I play. I wouldn't give up this time for anything.

This is excellent and I commend you for valuing your time and skill and for training your children to value it too.

 

I am a pianist, and over the years I have let life, kids, and schooling move in on that time and skill to the point where I have gone for quite long periods of time where I didn't even touch the piano. Lately, I am feeling the desire to get back there, pour some time into it, and regain something. It's even harder now as I now have - at this stage - 6 other piano players in the house and often one or two of them will beat me there. It's hard to fit us all in.

 

Anyway, as I said, I love the way you make it work and you've inspired me to try to make things work better here too. :)

[PagesandFields]

I really wish I could double like this! :001_smile: With how crazy life is with littles I really needed to hear this. Thank you!

 

That makes me so happy I can't even tell you..  I needed to reread it this morning too.  So thank YOU!  :)

[PagesandFields]

I LOVE this thread!  I read The Artist's Way when I was a science major at college taking all art and creative writing classes (against my advisor's advice)  It totally changed my life.  

 

The War of Art is freakin' amazing.  

 

I wanted to pop in again because I've been working super hard on some business, creative, and farm pursuits lately.  I've realized something about how it works for ME... Just thought it might help others.  

 

SO I have a farm... a husband who works 7 days a week, 2 kids 5 and under and I homeschool... frankly if we're wearing clean clothes and have full bellies I should be happy with that... but I'm not - of course - cause I have high standards and high aspirations, and high creative needs...  

 

SOOOOO - I've figured out how to actually feel complete in my own pursuits (and actually get some stuff done) AND feel like I'm devoting myself to my kiddos and the farm... I rotate.  

 

I ROTATE!  WHY DIDN'T I figure this out earlier.  

 

For a week or two I'll devote every minute I have free to homeschool prep... for a week or two I'll devote it to my writing... for a week or two I'll devote it to the farm or business..  It's not regulated... I have my "morning time" which is non-negotiable...  Coffee... silence...  some kind of religious or inspiring reading... and then our family afternoon walk.  Those are support times for my (and our) emotional health...  but except for that all other space I have in a day (and in my mind) is focused on ONE pursuit at a time... When I peter out and feel my focus thinning... I take a break and focus on something else.  Within 1 day it's impossible to do everything... but within a year?  I think it might.   :)

 

ETA...  Oh... and I've realized it's okay to say NOOOOO to stuff... NOOOO to extra gymnastics classes...  NOOOO to weekly obligations... NOOOO to fresh food (for a day)... seriously.. I don't know why I was so opposed to a good frozen pizza every once in  a while...   :)

 

ETA... I do Charlotte Mason also... I think with this method there's the possibility of simplicity - which can WORK with a creativity honoring lifestyle... but I also think that the open-ended exploration of it make it very possible for the teacher/parent to overthink, overplan, and be overly critical...  It's less 'definted' than a set curriculum or workbook style curriculum is... which is a positive once you have your confidence and relax... but can feel stressful until you build up that ease and confidence... at least in my own experience.  :)

 

[austen]

I am a writer. I haven't read all the responses, but it's hard to balance. The only way I do it: I write almost everyday, even if it's just a small amount. I can generally eek out an hour a day and more on weekends. But my kids are older (10, 12). Sometimes I'm able to write when they're playing after homeschool, but usually it's at night. I set my goals really low. A lot of other writers write more each day or finish projects sooner, but I try not to compare myself too much.

 

I also write like crazy in the summers, when I have more time. We also do very few outside activities, just music lessons and church.

 

It's amazing what you can do when you do a little at a time. It all adds up. Homeschool comes before writing for me, but I also need to write. Being creative is what keeps me sane and helps me be a better mom.

 

It's really important not to lose sight of your own dreams and goals. I know that watching me pursue this dream has benefited my kids in so many ways. Exhibit A: They make write stories and poems and create art all the time and believe in their dreams.

 

[pitterpatter]

I've dumped all of my creative energy into homeschooling, Girl Scouts and my blog. I was designing lap books and curriculum helps, but... (I really liked doing the latter. I got to write a little, draw a little, design a lot. I could create a small project or a large one...whatever was enough to satisfy me at that moment. Unfortunately, I've overextended myself and am suffering a bit.)