Ginevra Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 Keep in mind this is a JAWM. I am not a heartless, mom-dissing dog-hater. My parents NEVER plan things properly. Like, never, ever, ever. So I guess I can say they certainly are consistent. Mom sends me and one nearby-living sis an e-mail that they are going away THIS Friday, until Monday, and need one of us to care for the dog. This is a mess on *so* many levels! For starters, the notice is way too short. Always the case. Freakin' always. Had I known they had not arranged care weeks ago, I would have found a local pet-sitter FOR them, if need be; I would not care even if I had to pay for it myself, or split it with sis. Anything would be better than being shamed into it days beforehand. Additionally, this is really not feasible for my sister or myself. Sis has allergies and it makes her miserable when the dog is there. I don't keep animals in my house. I have a yard; it is occupied by my German Shepherd. He does not share. I have had my parents' dog out here before, but I kept her at my MIL's barn, in a horse stall. I fed and walked her every day, but this is definitely sub-standard for a little house dog. I also resent that she sends a plea for help by e-mail to me and my sis - are we just supposed to do Rock-Paper-Scissors to see which unsuitable one of us must do it this time? It's going to be me, but if I was a bigger *itch, I would refuse and put it right back on my parents. Sometimes I wish I *was* a bitch. I sent back an e-mail saying I could do it, but that I need them to look for a better option for the next time they go away. I told her why it does not work well for me or for Sis. I told her I am sure there are lots of young people near her home who provide pet care and that I have never had a problem finding vacation care for my animals. I have a very hard time being in any way direct with my mom and there's a lot of negative psychological history there. It just stinks that they plan poorly and it always falls to me or the one other local sister to piece the bits together at the last second. *UPDATE* she sent me back a message; "just forget about. I'll work something out." Weeeell, okay, then. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renthead Mommy Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 Look up the kennel/boarding info for them. Next she does it, and you know there will be a next time say well we talked about it last time why he can't stay here or Sis's, so here is the info for boarding. If you really can't drop him off, I can do that for you. Be sure to leave me a signed check so I can pay them for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fraidycat Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 That is super annoying. Good for you in terms of making progress being direct and up front with her! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 I would be annoyed, too, but you did the right thing when you told her she would have to make different plans next time. You and your sister should be sure to present a united front about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 I'm guessing they did not realize it was a problem before. Hopefully they take your email in the right spirit. :) My sister has many dogs. All German Shepherds, and like you said, they don't share. She has a tough time getting away, but occasionally does take off a weekend. Generally my dad or brothers, who live nearby, are kind enough to help out. But once my dad got nipped in the butt for his troubles. :P I don't think anyone is ever thrilled to hear they are on dog sitting duty over there .... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SJ. Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 Look up the kennel/boarding info for them. Next she does it, and you know there will be a next time say well we talked about it last time why he can't stay here or Sis's, so here is the info for boarding. If you really can't drop him off, I can do that for you. Be sure to leave me a signed check so I can pay them for you. This. Can you take them to a kennel this time? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reflections Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 Wow. Just, wow. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twigs Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liz CA Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 As soon as you make good on your threat of not being available, Mom will learn. It really takes only one time - for most people. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 Not your problem. Say no. It's not like you're refusing to take in your parents for the weekend. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cinder Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 This. Can you take them to a kennel this time? No, because the dog is most likely out of date on shots. Bordatella is required every year and I know from my own dreadful experience they will not accept a dog who has only just had the update. It takes something like two weeks minimum to confer immunity. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 I would be annoyed, too, but you did the right thing when you told her she would have to make different plans next time. You and your sister should be sure to present a united front about it. Yeah, my sis said she is doing this, too.i blind-copied her on the mail i sent back. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mama Geek Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 Not your problem. Say no. It's not like you're refusing to take in your parents for the weekend. I really wish I could do this. The power of maternal guilt-tripping is a powerful force. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
songsparrow Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 Our vet boards and can give the necessary shots. I'd advise your Mom to call her vet this am and inquire about boarding there. ETA: I see that you said bordatella has to be given in advance. Bummer. Sorry you're stuck with this! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NotSoObvious Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 What about using dogvacay or getting a petsitter to go to their home? It might be pricey, but I've been able to find last minute arrangements before, depending on where we were living. I'm angry for you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThisIsTheDay Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 I have a very hard time being in any way direct with my mom and there's a lot of negative psychological history there. It just stinks that they plan poorly and it always falls to me or the one other local sister to piece the bits together at the last second. It would never cross my mind that you are heartless, dissing your mom, or a dog hater. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: I think your mom will never plan ahead for alternate boarding because she knows you or your sister will manage through, and that's easier for her than working out other details for her pet. For whatever reason, this is difficult for her to do (talking with strange people on the phone? worried about unknown kennels? updating vaccines to meet boarding requirements?), and if she hands it off to you (so conveniently at the last minute), she avoids whatever it is she's trying to avoid. It's no longer *her* responsibility, but yours (or sister's), and she trusts you. UGH. I am sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tanaqui Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 It's true that maternal guilt-tripping is powerful, but for your own well-being you need to set boundaries. If you and your sister both say no, and follow through on this, then your parents will find a way. If they call you up to complain, hang up on them. If they email you, delete the email. They can't guilt trip you when you won't play, and in this case you would've done nothing wrong. My guess is that they don't fail to plan, their plan is simply, every time, "Make the kids deal with it". This has a number of advantages - for them. They get to avoid the difficult and tedious business of putting things in order, and they also get to exert control over you every time it happens. It's fun for the whole family! Well, except for you. I can tell you from experience that if you don't go along with it, they'll stop - and the guilt trip will be a lot less painful than you imagine. It's like having a towering pile of laundry that keeps lurking in your mind. You put it off and put it off because it's so intimidating, but once you finally deal with it you realize that it wasn't so bad after all, you got it all folded in a day. Setting boundaries with your parents is the same thing. You make a big deal over the likely reaction, but once you go ahead and just *do* it you realize that it wasn't so scary, you could get through it. If you really don't want to take this approach of flat-out saying no every time they pull this nonsense, then you're going to have to be pro-active. If you know they're going away on vacation (or whatever else it is), make a list of things THEY have to accomplish, and call them up weekly - or daily! - to nag them about it. "Did you remember to get a pet sitter? Sis and I won't be able to do it that weekend. Did you remember to stop mail service? We won't be able to get out there to pick up your mail. Did you remember to pay this bill? We don't have the extra cash to do it for you. Is everything packed? I'm swamped that day, I won't be able to run out to the airport with last minute items." Be relentless and cheerful and don't leave any opening for conversations on your personal faults and failings. "I'm just making sure, because we've had problems in the past. Now, you decided on a kennel. Are the shots in order? If you need to make an appointment at the vet, you'd better get on that, because we will not be able to take the dog that day. Okay, so we've checked this, this, and that off our list. Now, let's move on to..." This sends much the same message, but it makes you sound caring and loving and it's harder for people to argue with. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 *Update* she sent me a message, telling me to just forget about it. I have no problem doing that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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