Library Momma Posted May 14, 2014 Share Posted May 14, 2014 This fall I sat for two weekends at a bake sale raising funds for a family of a man in town who was dying of cancer. I had only met him once but in the spirit of helping I thought that I would bake and offer my time and money. I found out last night that this man was arrested by the FBI for fraud - he had been running a ponzi scheme and because of it had been fired from his job last year - right before his cancer mysteriously began. If I find out definitively that he really doesn't have cancer (which I'm pretty sure of) I might be physically ill. What is wrong with people. All in all I donated about $50 plus my time. I know people that offered hundreds of dollars to help his family through this hard time. I'm speechless... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted May 14, 2014 Share Posted May 14, 2014 :grouphug: I've been reading many similar cases where people have been arrested for doing something similar. ranging from claiming they have cancer to claiming their kids do. just yesterday I read about a woman who made millions selling a book (think it was on oprah) claiming to be about her experiences during the holocast. she made it all up - and was ordered to pay $22M+ back. she needs to be in jail. it's the same mentality as those who defraud workers comp or social services (I don't want to hear how there are no such things. in seattle there was a case recently of a woman receiving welfare while living in a $1M+ waterfront home and taking european vacations.) you might want to report your suspicions and why. it would protect other people from being scammed by him - because that's what it is. a scam. these scammers do not care that they are hurting people who actually have cancer, or other needs. that why when a woman has been proven to have made a false claim of rape (duke lacrosse case), I'd rather she go to jail. (and in that case - might have save her boyfriend's life. she murdered him.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Mousie Posted May 14, 2014 Share Posted May 14, 2014 Sometimes people really suck. Sorry you were (probably) duped ... but your heart was in the right place, and I'm sure your kindness was karmically noted. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unsinkable Posted May 14, 2014 Share Posted May 14, 2014 Wow, Library Momma, that's awful! :grouphug: I can understand how you'd feel sick and hurt and scammed. You did a good, wonderful thing, though, and your heart was in the right place. You might be hesitant to help in the future but I truly think scammers like him are outnumbered by the good people. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OneStepAtATime Posted May 14, 2014 Share Posted May 14, 2014 :grouphug: That truly stinks. And sadly it is situations like this that encourage people not to help others that truly need it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rebel Yell Posted May 14, 2014 Share Posted May 14, 2014 Sometimes I am glad I have very limited funds.... I WANT to donate all I can to everyone I can... but then my kids would starve and WE'D need a fundraiser, LOL! But seriously, it forces me to limit my time/eforts/contributions to people I actually know personally. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Library Momma Posted May 14, 2014 Author Share Posted May 14, 2014 The sick part is that we were helping the entire family. I'd like to assume his kids didn't know the truth, but did his wife? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lavender's green Posted May 14, 2014 Share Posted May 14, 2014 :grouphug: That really stinks. I'd feel sick too. I learned several years ago that there's a lot of crazy in the world, often hidden behind a nice face and charismatic manner. It says a lot about you, though. You have an honest, innocent heart that's in the right place. I think it's best to limit volunteer time and donations to people and organizations you're intimate with. Unfortunately there really are people who prey on good people. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unsinkable Posted May 14, 2014 Share Posted May 14, 2014 The sick part is that we were helping the entire family. I'd like to assume his kids didn't know the truth, but did his wife? He could have been fooling/scamming/lying to his wife, too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ElaineJ Posted May 14, 2014 Share Posted May 14, 2014 This kind of thing makes me so sad, in part because it stops people from being generous because they are afraid of being scammed. Elaine Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OneStepAtATime Posted May 14, 2014 Share Posted May 14, 2014 I somehow doubt his wife didn't know. I could be wrong but it seems this would be hard to pull off long term without her help. Hopefully the kids didn't, but if both parents were in on it, what is that teaching the kids? They may end up carrying on the family tradition. My brother and I got sued by scammers. And the spouse HAD to have known for the scheme to get as far as it did. Made me sick because we thought we were actually at fault until we dug deeper. Thankfully, there was enough evidence against them, and we had a good lawyer.... A woman and her baby showed up on our doorstep years ago giving a speech about some health crisis with one of her children and a laundry list of other issues. She had been going door to door asking for financial help. DD was about 7 and was with me when I answered the door so she wanted to help the woman by donating her allowance. I told her, away from the woman, how proud of her I was that she had a kind heart and wanted to help...but to be aware that the woman could easily be lying and just trying to scam us out of money. She would need to be willing to give the money freely, without expectation of anything in return, but also with the knowledge that the woman could be lying and she would need to be willing to accept that fact. DD agreed and pointed out that if the woman was coming door to door then she must be desperate for money, either because her family really did need it for medical bills or because she was worshiping money and wanted more to worship. Either way, DD felt that this woman needed her allowance more than she did. Then she handed over her allowance. I also gave the woman a couple of bucks. But I wondered... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KrissiK Posted May 14, 2014 Share Posted May 14, 2014 I am so sorry! Your heart was in the right place. Dh and I don't help anyone or any cause out financially unless we know them personally. We only send money to organizations and support missionaries that we have a personal connection to. We help the homeless by giving to the local Rescue Mission. Unfortunately, there are too many scammers out there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted May 14, 2014 Share Posted May 14, 2014 Oh my word! This is the kind of thing that makes people not trust again. I know people accuse me of being overly skeptical, even about posts here on the WTM, but I have some reason to be and this sort of story confirms it for me. I am sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Library Momma Posted May 14, 2014 Author Share Posted May 14, 2014 Our whole town rallied around this family. They were friends of friends, and members of the PTO with kids in the school system. The fundraisers that people held for his illness were a drop in the bucket compared to the millions (yes, millions) he made from the Ponzi scheme. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lizzie in Ma Posted May 14, 2014 Share Posted May 14, 2014 I am so sorry, that rots! We donate a lot of time and energy into the Angiosarcoma fund, it's the cancer that took my beloved sil. It is a small group, a very rare cancer so we are confident in doing so. Also do a lot of work for Lyme Awareness and our brand new local center. I would be crushed if our time and effort went to a scammer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BrookValley. Posted May 14, 2014 Share Posted May 14, 2014 :( I'm sorry. People can be really crappy sometimes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted May 14, 2014 Share Posted May 14, 2014 Wow, I'm glad you weren't out any more than $50 and your time! What a disappointment. :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redsquirrel Posted May 14, 2014 Share Posted May 14, 2014 You didn't do anything wrong. In fact, I think you are amazing. What a kind and generous person you are. You did the right thing for the right reasons. Some people will lie and take advantage, but I firmly believe that they are in the minority. I am going to go out of my way to help with/donate to something similar the next time it comes up and I will do it because of your good example. I admit that I am not great about such things. I get caught up in the 'don't have time' excuse. Well, if you have time, then I have time. I am so sorry that this time your kindness fell on hard ground. It won't next time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OneStepAtATime Posted May 14, 2014 Share Posted May 14, 2014 DH just got a call from an old karate instructor of DSs. He is now unexpectedly homeless. Nice guy but we don't know much about his personal life in any detail and only what he has told us. He helped DS in the past and has always been incredibly kind and supportive of our family. We want to help but I was thinking about this thread when DH called me to see how we could assist. The man has a piece of land next to a friend's trailer that they lent him to sleep on, but no tent or anything to sleep in. After much discussion (including this thread) we have decided to lend him our tent and other camping supplies (along with some food and a bit of cash), but agreed between us that while we will hope the tent items are returned, we are willing to part with them permanently if they should not be. Tthis is a very uncomfortable situation. We both like this man. He did absolute wonders for DS's self esteem and coordination when he desparately needed the help. But this man seems to always be running into snags in his life. We would like to offer him our home....but have decided to play this out cautiously...and we feel bad for being so cautious. Just thought I would post since this thread was very much in my mind while talking with DH. Best wishes to all. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Library Momma Posted May 14, 2014 Author Share Posted May 14, 2014 You didn't do anything wrong. In fact, I think you are amazing. What a kind and generous person you are. You did the right thing for the right reasons. Some people will lie and take advantage, but I firmly believe that they are in the minority. I am going to go out of my way to help with/donate to something similar the next time it comes up and I will do it because of your good example. I admit that I am not great about such things. I get caught up in the 'don't have time' excuse. Well, if you have time, then I have time. I am so sorry that this time your kindness fell on hard ground. It won't next time. You are being far too kind. I'm not sure why I posted about this - I think the only other thread I've ever started was about cookies (lol). I guess I was just so dumbfounded that I wasn't sure how to react. It is sad to think that even when we are trying to help others we have to worry about becoming a victim. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redsquirrel Posted May 14, 2014 Share Posted May 14, 2014 You are being far too kind. I'm not sure why I posted about this - I think the only other thread I've ever started was about cookies (lol). I guess I was just so dumbfounded that I wasn't sure how to react. It is sad to think that even when we are trying to help others we have to worry about becoming a victim. I don't think I am being too kind. You had a really yucky thing happen, and you have every right to feel tricked and angry or whatever it is you are feeling. And of course it is difficult to know how to react to such ugliness. But you know what, at least you did something. Far too often we (me) don't do anything. We think, 'oh, that's too bad but I have 1,000 things to do this week and I don't have time to make cookies and what difference will some stupid cookies make anyway." I'm not even talking about worrying about being taken advantage. I've been thinking about this a lot lately, and I can see that being a generous person, in deed and word and action are what really connects an individual to the rest of the world. So, I admire people whose first instinct is to be generous with time or money or affection or attention or friendship. So, I hope you can get to a place of "live and learn" but not let it stop you from continuing to be a generous person. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seasider Posted May 14, 2014 Share Posted May 14, 2014 The sick part is that we were helping the entire family. I'd like to assume his kids didn't know the truth, but did his wife? If he were lying to his wife and kids about a serious illness, he is truly an extra special sort of scumbag. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cinder Posted May 14, 2014 Share Posted May 14, 2014 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted May 14, 2014 Share Posted May 14, 2014 I'm pretty much at the point where I only give money to reputable charities and people I know intimately. And we do give $$$ to charities every year. That is absolutely disgusting. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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