DS gaining too much weight - CLOSET EATING

[motherdear]

He's 17 y/o, in 5'10.5" and weighed in today at 242! He's pre-diabetic, works out at the gym 6 days/wk(1 hr/day, we do no carbs after 3:00pm. I've been actively trying to help since January 2013 when he was 241, he went down to 229 last spring, then put it back on. Plenty of evidence for closet eating! He also has Aspergers S so that doesn't help! Need suggestions.

[Moxie]

My off-the-cuff thought is that if there is only good food in the house, he can eat as much as he wants. I would not buy anything that wasn't fruit, veg, protein or dairy.

[MIch elle]

What is the condition of the whole family -normal or overweight?  What do you feed your family typically?  What food is available for him to "closet eat"?

 

 

[LibraryLover]

I would take all sugars out of the house, except for those in fruit. Make sure he's eating good fats. Absolutely no chocolate milk, juice, fruit yogurt ,sports drinks,  white flour products, white rice, potatoes etc. Read every label for fiber content, hidden sugars. I would involve him, maybe read some articles about diabetes/diet etc. I agree that as kids get older they can buy their own food, eat away from home. Of course, and that is why I believe home should be pretty clear of empty carbs/added sugars.

[FO4UR]

The whole family needs to eat healthy with him.  I agree with letting him eat all he wants, but restricting what you bring into the house.  The need to hide his eating is worse than obesity.

 

 

ENJOY healthy foods with him.  (Don't talk about how wonderful McD's food is in front of him.)  Try new dressings on your salads, try new soups, try new stir fry's, and truly make meal times special.  Have desert. Involve him in planning meals. 

 

I like the book "Why French Women Don't Get Fat."  It's a different attitude about food. 

 

 

 

[TechWife]

What does his doctor say? Has he seen a registered dietician? Has he had any counseling? Has he gone to any diabetes information sessions? Does he know the long term effects of diabetes? 

 

 

[Wilma]

I think healthy foods for everyone.  Only have good options in the home, and let him eat as much of that as he wants anytime he wants.  Make it a non-issue, as much as possible.

[wapiti]

I might work more toward an entire low-carb approach rather than restricting him after a particular time of day.  (Actually, for some people, blood sugar levels are more difficult to control early in the day, especially if there are carbs at breakfast.)  I would also not restrict carbs without replacing that energy source with fat - fat provides energy in addition to satiety.  A diet low in both carbs and fat is setting oneself up for failure, i.e., hunger.  I'd also shoot for a normal amount of protein, as too much can get converted to glucose.

 

I'd also try to get him to buy into the long-term way of eating, maybe by reading a book.  Since he works out, I might start with The Art and Science of Low Carbohydrate Performance.  (Here's a quick primer on the basic idea of LCHF)

 

I think it's hard to be sure that weight gain is due to closet eating if there's a possibility that a serious case of insulin resistance is underway (and insulin resistance is exactly what I interpret "prediabetic" to mean).

[bettyandbob]

I'd clean the pantry and fridg of all things he craves. I'd have the food at home be low carb. Members of the family can eat other stuff can eat that stuff away from home. I'd have the contents of the pantry and refridgerator be mostly "ingredients", as opposed to ready made grab and go to deter unnecessary snacking. I think snacking is OK, but if you actually have to make something, like boil and egg, you are less likely to snack out of boredom. Some grab and go foods might be OK: greek yogurt, cut vegetables and humus. I'd focus on finding good tasting presentations of the new way to eat in your house. 

 

My friend had to do this when a couple members of her family were significantly overweight and a couple were significantly underweight. The underweight people were encouraged to eat food away from home, along with at home. I think after some time she may have brought food home that was locked and brought out when the overweight people were not around. 

 

 

[swellmomma]

The only thing that is helping curb my ds15s closet eating and binging is medication and therapy.  For him it is a symptom of his depression, and while the antidepressants can cause weight gain it is less than what he was gaining from the eating habits.  Now that his depression is being managed he is open to working on the weight with me and we are both joining weight watchers online tomorrow when I get paid.  Even when I refused to bring certain foods in the house he would steal money to buy them, or steal the items etc, just completely obsessed with them.  If I bought cold cereal he would eat it all and if there was any left he would be up in the night eating it because he just couldn't sleep with it in the house calling his name.  So instead we buy those foods in small amounts and he is starting slowly to learn to moderate his intake but that is due to the antidepressants doing their thing rather than his own ability kwim  He is a total carb-o-holic so rather than restricting him I want him to learn to moderate otherwise when he leaves home he will keep binging on them again

[umsami]

You can't create a desire for him to lose weight or engineer his weight loss.  If you are restricting carbs or other foods too much, that will lead to closeted eating.  It may seem counterintuitive, but offering him a lot of food that he likes, including desserts and sweets, is the easiest way to reduce sneaking food.  You can create healthier versions of family favorites.  If you tell me some of his, I can give you recipes or you can Google.  So many great options out there, even for desserts.   For ice cream, there's banana ice cream made with simply frozen bananas and maybe a little milk.  You can let him add his own toppings.  You can make healthier brownies, cookies, chocolate pudding made with avocado, whatever.   Healthier pizza, mac and cheese, spaghetti, you name it.  It doesn't have to seem like a punishment.

 

With all that, though, can you also love him exactly as he is…at this weight…or even larger?  Can you really try to limit the comment on his size or even things like "his health"…because most kids get that those are closeted insults at his weight.

 

Encourage weight lifting.  Encourage being active.  If he likes to play on the computer or games, can you rig up a treadmill desk? So he can walk even at 1 mph while gaming?  

[Liz CA]

If he is hoarding or hiding food or hiding the fact that he is eating, it could point to other issues. Would you be willing to involve a counselor?

[Kathryn]

Why are you restricting carbs after 3? That doesn't make any sense to me. Blood sugars are hardest to control in the morning. I can see why he's sneaking food if you are restricting it. There needs to only be healthy options in the house for him to choose from without restrictions.

[Kerileanne99]

The only thing that is helping curb my ds15s closet eating and binging is medication and therapy. For him it is a symptom of his depression, and while the antidepressants can cause weight gain it is less than what he was gaining from the eating habits. Now that his depression is being managed he is open to working on the weight with me and we are both joining weight watchers online tomorrow when I get paid. Even when I refused to bring certain foods in the house he would steal money to buy them, or steal the items etc, just completely obsessed with them. If I bought cold cereal he would eat it all and if there was any left he would be up in the night eating it because he just couldn't sleep with it in the house calling his name. So instead we buy those foods in small amounts and he is starting slowly to learn to moderate his intake but that is due to the antidepressants doing their thing rather than his own ability kwim He is a total carb-o-holic so rather than restricting him I want him to learn to moderate otherwise when he leaves home he will keep binging on them again

SwellMomma-

I wish you all the best in working with your son. I think you have it absolutely right, and this was just what I was thinking as I read through the responses. For some people, especially those suffering with depression and complicated by esteem issues, restricting food to only healthy foods is the exact wrong thing to do as it simply pushes the person to find new secretive and dangerous ways to get the junk food they crave.

 

All growing up I watched as my step-sister battled with this. My mom tried to help by only buying healthy food, restricting food, even eventually putting locks on the cabinets. Even though this was to 'help' my sister we ALL developed strange ideas about food, along wiith weird guilt/weight issues. I probably survived most in tact because I left early and because I was very active, liking healthy foods...and I became vegetarian at age 5, mainly from those issues:)

Here is the thing, and I tell this story only to encourage the OP to not look at the issues as simply a diet issue or simply as a control issue. My step-sister stole, traded, hid, binged, lied, and stashed food at every chance when the restrictions, guilt, and shame became too much. And lest you think the restrictions were probably too extreme, I assure you they were not (maybe with the exception of the locked cabinets!) My mom honestly tried to make sure there were always apples, veggies, that sort of thing available. But that does not give the same chemical storm, sense of satisfaction as processed sugar gives if you are used to it and intent on getting it. Sounds a bit like a drug, right? I think that in some ways it can be...

 

Fast forward 15 years. I had not seen my step-sister in several years, although I knew she eventually underwent bariatric surgery when her weight got very high...but she still battled depression and binge, closet eating, only now she was forced to vomit.

 

Last year she died from complications of the bariatric procedure as a direct result of her overheating issues. She left behind a 16 yr old and a 10 yr old. She was 37.

 

Of course this is a very extreme situation. I just want people to realize tht it is often much more than a case of limiting the pantry to only healthy foods. Healthy eating is a great start, and yes it has to happen if you want to lose weight. But as a total package, and not by suddenly making sure there is nothing but healthy foods in the house or anywhere.

Honestly, your teen knows the whys and the hows. Frank conversations about why people over eat and developing a plan together. Making sure they know that slip-ups happen an how to deal with them rather than resulting in anger and shame-which push the closet eating are also important.

I wish you, OP and SwellMomma, the very best of luck and success in dealing with this...

[Reefgazer]

I have a son who is 9 and will gobble everything in sight, especially carbohydrates.  This kid is my food clone.  He's slightly overweight, but I can see it getting worse if I don't stay on my toes,  He has no off switch when it comes to foods like carbs.  After trying all sorts of tricks and methods, I realized my only option was to not buy food that is not 100% nutritious and healthy, and I keep no carb snacks in the house (well, I keep veggies and fruits, but no starch or sugary stuff).  If there is no crap for him to eat here, he is forced to eat the fruit. veggies, and healthier stuff, or go hungry.  I load him up on protein at meals.  When my Dh wants crap for snacks, I force him to store it in the car.  *Sigh*  I'm sorry, it's tough.  Tougher still with an older teen, I'm sure.

[Reefgazer]

You can't create a desire for him to lose weight or engineer his weight loss.  If you are restricting carbs or other foods too much, that will lead to closeted eating.  It may seem counterintuitive, but offering him a lot of food that he likes, including desserts and sweets, is the easiest way to reduce sneaking food.  You can create healthier versions of family favorites.  If you tell me some of his, I can give you recipes or you can Google.  So many great options out there, even for desserts.   For ice cream, there's banana ice cream made with simply frozen bananas and maybe a little milk.  You can let him add his own toppings.  You can make healthier brownies, cookies, chocolate pudding made with avocado, whatever.   Healthier pizza, mac and cheese, spaghetti, you name it.  It doesn't have to seem like a punishment.

 

With all that, though, can you also love him exactly as he is…at this weight…or even larger?  Can you really try to limit the comment on his size or even things like "his health"…because most kids get that those are closeted insults at his weight.

 

Encourage weight lifting.  Encourage being active.  If he likes to play on the computer or games, can you rig up a treadmill desk? So he can walk even at 1 mph while gaming?  

 

As a fat, closet eater myself (who is trying to lose healthfully and moderate my own eating), I can guarantee if he is anything like my son and I, this will result in disaster.  About 100 extra pounds of disaster, in fact.  Without question, it is easier for me and my son to drastically reduce carbohydrates that are starch-based rather then moderate them.  If the OP's son is really as she describes, I recognize that as very like myself and my son, and it just increases the craving for more starchy foods.  It's generally not hunger, it's craving without hunger.  I have recently had success in losing weight and killing my starch craving by drastically reducing my starch load and spreading it out over the day, as Wapiti suggests.  Fat/protein combos do more to satiate my appetite than anything else. 

[Reefgazer]

Yup.  I have found that protein/fat combination can help moderate this craving very much, though.

SwellMomma-
I wish you all the best in working with your son. I think you have it absolutely right, and this was just what I was thinking as I read through the responses. For some people, especially those suffering with depression and complicated by esteem issues, restricting food to only healthy foods is the exact wrong thing to do as it simply pushes the person to find new secretive and dangerous ways to get the junk food they crave.

All growing up I watched as my step-sister battled with this. My mom tried to help by only buying healthy food, restricting food, even eventually putting locks on the cabinets. Even though this was to 'help' my sister we ALL developed strange ideas about food, along wiith weird guilt/weight issues. I probably survived most in tact because I left early and because I was very active, liking healthy foods...and I became vegetarian at age 5, mainly from those issues:)
Here is the thing, and I tell this story only to encourage the OP to not look at the issues as simply a diet issue or simply as a control issue. My step-sister stole, traded, hid, binged, lied, and stashed food at every chance when the restrictions, guilt, and shame became too much. And lest you think the restrictions were probably too extreme, I assure you they were not (maybe with the exception of the locked cabinets!) My mom honestly tried to make sure there were always apples, veggies, that sort of thing available. But that does not give the same chemical storm, sense of satisfaction as processed sugar gives if you are used to it and intent on getting it. Sounds a bit like a drug, right? I think that in some ways it can be...

Fast forward 15 years. I had not seen my step-sister in several years, although I knew she eventually underwent bariatric surgery when her weight got very high...but she still battled depression and binge, closet eating, only now she was forced to vomit.

Last year she died from complications of the bariatric procedure as a direct result of her overheating issues. She left behind a 16 yr old and a 10 yr old. She was 37.

Of course this is a very extreme situation. I just want people to realize tht it is often much more than a case of limiting the pantry to only healthy foods. Healthy eating is a great start, and yes it has to happen if you want to lose weight. But as a total package, and not by suddenly making sure there is nothing but healthy foods in the house or anywhere.
Honestly, your teen knows the whys and the hows. Frank conversations about why people over eat and developing a plan together. Making sure they know that slip-ups happen an how to deal with them rather than resulting in anger and shame-which push the closet eating are also important.
I wish you, OP and SwellMomma, the very best of luck and success in dealing with this...

 

 

[swellmomma]

reefgrazer: The problem isn't when they are kids, at that age it is easy to simply not buy the sugary stuff.  But once they are teens and young adults they will be buying their own things, eating away from home,moving out and being in charge of their own meal planning etc.  They need to learn how to moderate their own intake of carbs etc or the minute they have some freedom in food choices they tend to head straight for those very things that were restricted.  Not to mention it is not right to force the adult earning the money and purchasing the treats in the car.  They really have to be taught how to deal with it not just have those foods hidden away.  It is not easy at all, and I don't have the solution beyond what is working for my own son, so take what I am saying with a grain of salt but it won't be long before your ds is making his own food choices, and rather than it sticking with eat what we have or go hungry, he will fund his own choices in food and still not have the off switch kwim

[Reefgazer]

Yes, I do recognize this and see the coming issue of teenager-hood and choices.  But I am an adult, and I can't seem to manufacture the tools to moderate this on my own, for myself.  The only thing I can hope to teach him is to just put healthier choices in front of yourself (himself), and teach him that this is what has helped me moderate my intake (keeping the crap out of sight and making sure I ma satiated with plenty of fat/protein).  My DH plays along because he knows this and knows it is important, and he needs to lose a bit o lard himself.  I really don't want my DH eating garbage, either; it's not healthy for anybody.

 

The other thing I wonder about is if maintaining a healthier diet in childhood helps keep adult illnesses at bay.  In other words, I wonder if an effort on my part to only put healthy choices in front of my kids will "inoculate" them against a lot of obesity-associated illness, even if they go off the rails later.  I often wonder (suspect) about the epigenetic changes poor childhood eating might induce, and if I can avoid those changes in childhood it might make a difference to them later. 

 

ETA:  We all eat sugary treats here and there.  But I don't keep them around as a routine food.  For example, we have to go out for ice cream, it's not in the freezer.  We have birthday cake - once in a while; it's not a weekly treat.

reefgrazer: The problem isn't when they are kids, at that age it is easy to simply not buy the sugary stuff.  But once they are teens and young adults they will be buying their own things, eating away from home,moving out and being in charge of their own meal planning etc.  They need to learn how to moderate their own intake of carbs etc or the minute they have some freedom in food choices they tend to head straight for those very things that were restricted.  Not to mention it is not right to force the adult earning the money and purchasing the treats in the car.  They really have to be taught how to deal with it not just have those foods hidden away.  It is not easy at all, and I don't have the solution beyond what is working for my own son, so take what I am saying with a grain of salt but it won't be long before your ds is making his own food choices, and rather than it sticking with eat what we have or go hungry, he will fund his own choices in food and still not have the off switch kwim

 

[retiredHSmom]

Take your son to the doctor and tell him your concerns. This sounds like an eating disorder called "binge eating disorder" to me. If that us right, he needs more help than you limiting his carbs or teaching him what to eat. My daughter told us she had an eating disorder a few months ago and we thought that it was just a matter of will power or deciding not to do it.

 

It's not. We are seeking professional help and I wish that we hadn't waited.

[Alessandra]

Take your son to the doctor and tell him your concerns. This sounds like an eating disorder called "binge eating disorder" to me. If that us right, he needs more help than you limiting his carbs or teaching him what to eat. My daughter told us she had an eating disorder a few months ago and we thought that it was just a matter of will power or deciding not to do it.

 

It's not. We are seeking professional help and I wish that we hadn't waited.

In general, with a 17 year old, I might think about trying to move away from a mother/son dynamic and towards a relationship with a professional for your son. It might be a therapist or a nutritionist or something else, but it could help him associate food choices with independence.

 

I don't have a dc in your situation, but in my experience, some teens will accept advice or help from anyone in preference to their mothers, lol.

 

In any case, it sounds difficult. Good luck.

[kewb]

As an overweight closet eater and the mother of one closet sweets eater I can tell you it is not as simple as not purchasing the food.  The only junk food in my house is treat size for after swim practice.  She can't sneak it because I only buy enough for each weeks practices.  However, she is now a teen and goes out and buys and hides what she wants.

 

We have talked and read the books on healthy lifestyle since she was a toddler.  She knows what has to be done but as another poster said-nothing gives the rush like processed sugar.  She also has no off switch (much like her mother).  If there is food she will eat it.  

 

 

 

[LibraryLover]

I have concern over counting calories without a huge emphasis on healthy fats and limited sugar, especially for growing /athletic teens. A calorie is not a calorie. 300 calories of  cold cereal and skim milk isn't going to sustain and nourish the body as much as 300 calories of an avocado would.  Growing kids *need* good fats, but they don't need corn on the cob/Doritos etc, no matter the calorie count.  The brain does need carbs, but your body sees refined carbs as sugar and treats it as such, so limiting them, and making sure the carbs you do eat are complex will help with hunger control and weight loss.  I hate to think of hungry kids nervously counting calories when we know deprivation diets do not work.  Getting rid of most sugars and processed corn/food/white flour/soda etc., is going to help.

 

https://movies.yahoo.com/video/fed-trailer-161051027.html

 

On my Facebook feed this morning, a young woman I know who is trying to lose weight post a 'healthy' breakfast photo.  She is trying to 'eat healthy' and move more. Which are great things. But the photo of her breakfast showed orange juice (no better than soda, sugar-wise, and lacking fiber) and a package of flavored quick oats. It was a breakfast of sugar and simple carbs. She will probably be hungry in an hour or two. Maybe even have a headache from the sugar. An egg would have been no sugar and would probably sustain her longer. Or at least have plain oats.  As Fed Up illustrates, all food is not created equally, and food we've be told is healthy (flavored & processed oatmeal) is actually making us sicker.

 

http://www.sugarstacks.com/beverages.htm

[LibraryLover]

You can support and still not bring into the home foods one knows causes the young person added stress. If the near-adult child is going to eat certain foods I know is detrimental to his health, I want my home to be as a safe place as possible.  If I had guests coming to stay with me that were diabetic, I wouldn't offering foods which would be problematic,  kwim?