Χά�ων Posted March 31, 2014 Share Posted March 31, 2014 How do you deal with unreasonable expectations by others? I feel like making a sign with his age and attaching it to DS. At 7 DS was as big as many 11-12 year olds, the 11-12 year olds were small but since almost all of the ones we were around were small, small became average for that age. Geeze, I hope that makes sense. As a result expectations from the place of DS were the same as those of the 11-12 year olds. It was not a good situation. We left that place and went someplace else were they get it but money is talking and we have to go back. DS is now 10 and the 11-12 year olds are now 14-15. And are now only an inch or two taller than DS at the very most. :glare: I am not confident in this facility but money, time and wear and tear on my car dictates that DS has to either stop his passion or I have to figure this out. A 10 year old is NOT the same emotionally or physically as a 14-15 year old. 14-15 year olds are an entirely different (and smellier) creature. The only hope is that maybe some of them will get harry or grow and that it will be really obvious the difference. I am not entirely confident that the will grow. I am not an expert on genetics but I know that as a general rule when mom and dad are both under 5'4" the child is probably not going to end up too much taller... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kbutton Posted March 31, 2014 Share Posted March 31, 2014 :grouphug: I don't have much advice, but I know what you are talking about. You sure got a double whammy with the short kids around your tall kid. I have cousins who are at the top of the chart, and they see a lot of this. When they were toddlers, folks thought they were slow because they thought they were talking to a kindergartener. Even knowing my cousins and how old they are, we have to make a conscious effort to remember their age (we don't live nearby to be more used to it). I don't quite catch what the activity or age grouping is in this situation, but I think I would continue to state his age until people start rolling their eyes. If he's with older kids because of acceleration, and others act like you are bragging, let them know you are not bragging--you want people to remember to treat him like he is 10, not a teenager, and since it's not obvious from his size, you need to keep saying it out loud. A sign might not be a bad idea. ;-) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Χά�ων Posted March 31, 2014 Author Share Posted March 31, 2014 It was/is mixed ages. We went back a few weeks ago with a much older friend (17) of DS. He is also really tall and he brought his friends who are also really tall (one of the boy's father played for the NBA to give you an idea). It was so weird to be looking for DS and one of the kids said "the little guy is in room 3." I actually paused and stared at him far longer than I should have before thanking him. I have never before (or since) heard DS called "little guy". It made sense as it was only the big boys, DS and a few adults that day, but still, weird. I think I will make signs. Maybe I will just get a package of white shirts and write "10 years old" with a sharpie on the back, that way it will not fall off. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted March 31, 2014 Share Posted March 31, 2014 It can be hard from the other end too. My 13 year old mostly has much taller friends (although he has had a nice growth spurt over the last year). People expected very young behavoir from him and treated him very young. He's actually "old" for age in many ways and that about drives him out of his gourd.He has a friend 6 months younger that is over 6 feet and he's big too. And he's clumsy, loud, and goofy. How can a guy control limbs growing that fast? That said, he can be scary and intimidating for much smaller kids when he's playing rough. I have a very large 6 year old nephew that weighs about the same as my 9 year old (and she's not particularly small for age). I think it's important for kids to be reminded a bunch they can really hurt some one. A running hug can hurt with this kid.If you're in groups I would introduce immediately with age and remind early and often. You might even sigh and say "it's hard having a kid large for age sometimes. Everyone expects him to act much older than he is". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted March 31, 2014 Share Posted March 31, 2014 It can be hard from the other end too. My 13 year old mostly has much taller friends (although he has had a nice growth spurt over the last year). People expected very young behavoir from him and treated him very young. He's actually "old" for age in many ways and that about drives him out of his gourd.He has a friend 6 months younger that is over 6 feet and he's big too. And he's clumsy, loud, and goofy. How can a guy control limbs growing that fast? That said, he can be scary and intimidating for much smaller kids when he's playing rough. I have a very large 6 year old nephew that weighs about the same as my 9 year old (and she's not particularly small for age). I think it's important for kids to be reminded a bunch they can really hurt some one. A running hug can hurt with this kid.If you're in groups I would introduce immediately with age and remind early and often. You might even sigh and say "it's hard having a kid large for age sometimes. Everyone expects him to act much older than he is". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NoseInABook Posted March 31, 2014 Share Posted March 31, 2014 Yep, I constantly have to repeat, "He's 5. I know, he's big for his age." He's not 8 or 9 so no, he's not going to respond in the way they would. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kewb Posted March 31, 2014 Share Posted March 31, 2014 Been there, done that. Basically, I just walked up to the judgemental people and sweetly informed them of my child's age. In a bullying situation-I would then sweetly ask if they could alert their child(ren) to the age difference. In a behavior expectations situation-still sweetly informing them of my child's age and a sweet smile and comment about his age and developmentally appropriate behavior. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fraidycat Posted March 31, 2014 Share Posted March 31, 2014 I just keep repeating he/she is only X-age if I hear or see any unreasonable expectations. Both of mine are big and tall (muscular athletic body types, so no gawky awkwardness) and as a double whammy, DD starting developing young, too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted March 31, 2014 Share Posted March 31, 2014 How do you deal with unreasonable expectations by others? I feel like making a sign with his age and attaching it to DS. At 7 DS was as big as many 11-12 year olds, the 11-12 year olds were small but since almost all of the ones we were around were small, small became average for that age. Geeze, I hope that makes sense. As a result expectations from the place of DS were the same as those of the 11-12 year olds. It was not a good situation. We left that place and went someplace else were they get it but money is talking and we have to go back. DS is now 10 and the 11-12 year olds are now 14-15. And are now only an inch or two taller than DS at the very most. :glare: I am not confident in this facility but money, time and wear and tear on my car dictates that DS has to either stop his passion or I have to figure this out. A 10 year old is NOT the same emotionally or physically as a 14-15 year old. 14-15 year olds are an entirely different (and smellier) creature. The only hope is that maybe some of them will get harry or grow and that it will be really obvious the difference. I am not entirely confident that the will grow. I am not an expert on genetics but I know that as a general rule when mom and dad are both under 5'4" the child is probably not going to end up too much taller... I will say - I like having tall kids. :) my sil taught her son to state his age when he was given an unreasonable expectation because he was thought to be older. (it can also happen just because they're a younger sibling and they want to keep up.) even if the adult knows the age- it can be overlooked. I know I have appreciated being reminded at times - because even though I know the child's age, it can be easily forgotten in the commotion. It can also go the other way. My neice was extremely small for her age. she's on the small side even as an adult. people with children the age which was typical of her size, would freak out because their child couldn't do what she could. she was the size of a nine-month old, and was running and climbing whatever she wanted. my sister would tell them not to worry - because their kids were fine, she was just extremely small. I remember taking my son rollar skating. he fell, and another boy stopped to help him. I thought it was a really nice (and MUCH older) boy being considerate of the little kid. my son corrected me. nope - they were the same age. they're grown-ups now, and this really nice (but large) boy is now 6'6". one of my favorite pictures is of my then 10 yo 2ds with 1ds and 2dd. he came to their shoulders. 1ds got his growth early, and was practially done growing at 13. 2dd is maybe 1/2" shorter than 1ds. now . . . . 2ds is taller than both of them. snicker snicker. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jenn- Posted March 31, 2014 Share Posted March 31, 2014 This happens with my youngest because he is close enough in size to his twin brothers that people assume they are triplets. Even in the family it is hard to remember that he is almost a full 2 years younger then they are. Every so often I have to step back and tell myself "the boy is only 7" and is behaving exactly like a normal 7yo would. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted March 31, 2014 Share Posted March 31, 2014 :grouphug: I know your frustration. My oldest was over 6 foot at age 12. He was always off the growth charts when a toddler Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lolly Posted March 31, 2014 Share Posted March 31, 2014 Rinse and repeat for many years, then it stops making so much difference. Though, my 16 yo is now often assumed to be over 20...That isn't so good either... And I am not there to rinse and repeat anymore. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
73349 Posted March 31, 2014 Share Posted March 31, 2014 How about a Class of 2021 (or whatever it is) t-shirt? We are faced with that also. DS is tall (and verbal) for his age and also emotionally immature for his age (looks 8, sometimes acts 4). I deliberately introduce him as a kindergartner. But a t-shirt (try cafepress.com or zazzle.com) would be right there every time they look at him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Audrey Posted March 31, 2014 Share Posted March 31, 2014 My ds is very close to my height (6'). I expect he'll be past that soon enough. He's just 14, though. He may look a bit older, but he isn't. He has always been tall for his age, but until he hit puberty, he still had that very young face that was a bit of a giveaway that, tall as he was, he was still a "little boy." Now, it is more difficult. However, I am grateful that he unashamedly tells the women who hit on him that "I'm sorry, I can't drive you anywhere/buy you a drink/go somewhere with you. I'm only 14." This has happened 3 separate times now that I've witnessed. It kind of makes me sick to my stomach, but then I'm glad he can speak for himself so well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnneBlessedx4 Posted April 1, 2014 Share Posted April 1, 2014 All of my kids are tall and look older. It is a pain. My kids also don't appreciate me telling people their age, after a certain point. Sigh. I did anyway. I still do occasionally. When my 17 yr old was 2, he was constantly mistaken for a 4/5 yr old. Big difference in maturity. People thought he was a real brat. My 13 yr old dd will have to have an escort for years. 13 yr old dd and 17 yr old ds just took a fencing class together. Part way through, it was "discovered" that they home school, and what their ages are. While it was funny, it disturbed me some concerning my dd. ETA: It's not really too much of a pain, and I always express it as a plus to them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spryte Posted April 1, 2014 Share Posted April 1, 2014 I, too, have a 10 year old who is very tall. It is a challenge. Just keep repeating his age. That's the only solution I've found, but it gets old, and frankly doesn't alway feel effective. DD is also in the 95th percentile for height, and I hadn't even considered that we'll be going through this with her, too. Oh boy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Corraleno Posted April 1, 2014 Share Posted April 1, 2014 Rinse and repeat for many years, then it stops making so much difference. Though, my 16 yo is now often assumed to be over 20...That isn't so good either... And I am not there to rinse and repeat anymore. :iagree: There's really not much you can do except keep saying it... over and over and over. DS has always been off the charts (currently 6'5" at 15). He's also got ADD, significant sensory issues, high anxiety levels, and he's highly gifted. So imagine a 4 year old with the emotional maturity of a 2 yr, who looks like an 8 year old, and has the intellectual capacity of a 10 year old. I wish I had a dollar for every nasty look I got while carrying a screaming "8 year old" out of a store. :sad: DD has the opposite problem — she's really tiny and has a little girl voice and a baby face, so people think she's much younger than she is. She's about to turn 12 and still weighs about 60 lbs soaking wet — I think DS weighed that much by the time he was 6! So people have always thought that she was incredibly smart and mature for her age, while thinking that DS was a big spoiled baby. Ugh. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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