joannqn Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 We have had difficult with my eldest son for quite a while. He is generally a good kid, but he is prone to arguing with my husband and I do to a lack of respect on his part. Basically, he finds it difficult to respect us because we are not intelligent in his mind. He can also be quite mean (including hitting) his siblings when he is frustrated or angry. He blames all of his moods and frustrations on others. His challenges are worse when he spends too much time in front of a screen, thus his screen time is limited and closely monitored.We have talked, taken away consequences, etc. After yet another argument Friday and being told he hates me, the decision was made that it is time for him to try public school. He may thrive there because of the structure and lack of free time. He may struggle due to his inability to read body language and other social cues. It is our hope that he either thrives there or comes to appreciate what homeschooling offers him. We'll reevaluate in June (unless things go really badly.)My question today is...do I email his teachers to touch base? If I do email them, what do I include? I'm thinking an overview of his home life, favorite subjects, hobbies and interests, and the challenges I think he may face in school for the advisor. For the other teachers, I'm thinking of being more specific with information about his education to date in the subject that they teach. Finally, I would end the email with an invitation to contact me with any questions or concerns. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Χά�ων Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 If you are asking these questions get him evaluated for an IEP or 504 plan. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lawana Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 For different reasons, I put my ds in public school last year as a 13 yo. The school was pretty good about placement, adjusting several classes after 1 week. Honestly, I think you risk being seen as a helicopter parent to send emails as outlined above. It will become clear quite quickly whether or not your ds will function well at school. I would wait a week and then send a "touching base" email to teachers enquiring if ds needs help adjusting to the expectations. I don't really think most 8th grade teachers are going to adjust their teaching for one recently enrolled student. ETA I was responding as if he were 13' which I see now is your dad's age. What grade is he in? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ottakee Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 I might give him a week or so and then touch base with email and ask if they have any questions/concerns, etc. You might want to talk to the school social worker/counselor about the other issues. Do you feel he has any special needs that might need further evaluation? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plateau Mama Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 I wouldn't say anything. I'd let your teachers figure them out. My son is a totally different person in school. The only thing we told the teachers about was his hearing aids. Otherwise we didn't say anything. When she contacts us with questions or asking to help him I might sometimes give more information. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carrie12345 Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 I put my oldest in ps mid-8th grade. I spoke to the guidance counselor by phone in advance, but that was it. Teachers don't get their other students' life stories or detailed academic resumes, they really don't need his. Any concerns you do have can be communicated to the counselor and s/he can share relevant information with the teachers. I don't think it would be a bad idea to send a brief group email simply stating who you are (so your address is automatically in their database in case the school takes time to add it) and letting them know that they can contact you and how if they have any questions or concerns. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 I just spoke to a parent who pulled her son out of middle school recently. She said the teachers at their school were seeing upward of 200 students per day. So I really don't think it would be helpful to individually e-mail each teacher before he starts unless he's in one classroom all day with 20 students. I would consider an IEP if you think you would need it or maybe just give the office a heads up about your concerns and what you're watching for. Hope it goes well! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiramisu Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 I wouldn't give too much information. I'd only share something that would specifically help my child. I have one in ps and have done that and the teachers have appreciated it. I don't have a bad opinion of ps teachers but they usually don't care much about things that don't directly impact their teaching. I agree with the idea of touching base in a week, and seeing how things are coming along. I really have to say the original post makes me think that further evaluation is warranted. You put a lot of things down to bad behavior but what you describe can be attributed to anything from depression to autism spectrum to non-verbal learning disability. If those things are present, he will need extra help in order to develop coping mechanisms and appropriate behavior. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cottonmama Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 I agree with what others have said. I would add that if you know that he is ahead any subjects, you could ask now about getting him in classes that are on the correct level for him. But that may be a fight, depending on the school. Regardless, it may be worth a week or two in the class so your son can demonstrate where he is and whether he needs more advanced (or remedial) classes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kel & the Kids Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 We sent our DS 13 to a small private school last year for many of the same reasons. I didn't tell them anything that they didn't ask. And they didn't ask much! I really wanted him to experience school as it is for every kid there, plus I was done trying to customize anything for him, iykwim. Most of the work is review for him, but that's the way it is sometimes, he's a little bored and the schedule is really wearing on him, but that's point of sending him. There are a lot of benefits to being home but they don't come for free. The price is a good attitude. We did go to the parent-teacher night, met and talked to each teacher, but I've been purposely uninvolved and it's worked out great. He's really stepped up to the plate. He's much better at home and he's getting glowing reports at school. As someone upthread said, sometimes they are an entirely different person at school and that's certainly the case with my ds. We also will re-evaluate in June. I'm sensing some softening on his part, so we shall see. It has been a great year around our house :) I wish you the best! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joannqn Posted February 4, 2014 Author Share Posted February 4, 2014 But I am a helicopter parent. :D He think he'll be ok at school. He tends to be respectful with other adults. He has been ok in other social situations (youth group and boy scouts). He already knows three kids at the school because they attend our church and youth group. I think he'll be ok socially once he finds his "people." His advisory teacher is the one that probably most benefit from this knowledge because it is their job to monitor the student's progress overall, I think. With his regular classes, I expect all but one of them to be boring for him. He's either well above or has recently covered the topics in his four core classes. I guess I'll hold off and see what happens. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cottonmama Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 With his regular classes, I expect all but one of them to be boring for him. He's either well above or has recently covered the topics in his four core classes. I guess I'll hold off and see what happens. Hmm. In my experience, boredom can really increase behavior problems. (It did for me.) I would definitely monitor that aspect of his education pretty closely and take action early. Has he been tested for giftedness? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lawana Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 What are the options for advanced classes if the ones he is placed into now are too easy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NicksMama-Zack's Mama Too Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 The guidance counselor was the only person in the school that I notified that my kids had been home schooled. I know too many teachers that stereotype home schoolers as educational failures or super-smart kids, neither well-socialized. I wanted my kids to go into the classroom like any other student -- a complete unknown. Thankfully, the guidance counselor let me place my kids in any level of classes that I wanted. She was, and continues to be, very accommodating. It was fun to go to the end-of-semester parent/teacher meeting and reveal (after receiving many compliments on how friendly and respectful my children were to teachers and fellow students) that they had never been to school before. I got many astonished looks from their teachers. So, no, I wouldn't write any preemptive email or note to your son's teachers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joannqn Posted February 4, 2014 Author Share Posted February 4, 2014 He is already grade skipped and was placed in the highest classes available to his grade level. My biggest concern is math. He completed MUS algebra with ease, then completed AoPS pre algebra, and is almost done with chapter 8 of AoPS Into to algebra. He'll be in algebra at school because he can't come into geometry having missed all of the foundation in the first semester. I would love it if the teacher would allow him to use class time to continue with AoPS. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 My feeling is that you shouldn't send the emails. Let the teachers get to know him as an individual, and don't give them even the slightest reason to think they will have any problems with him. Let him make his own first impressions!!! If there are any problems, the teachers will be contacting you soon enough -- but maybe your ds will fit in beautifully and his teachers will all think very positively of him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Incognito Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 I wouldn't send any emails. I agree with other posters - wait a week and if there is some big issue, talk to the teacher then. He is 11. If he were 6, my answer would be different. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LLMom Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 When I put some of my children in school, I told the teachers very little until/if they asked. I think it is wise to let them try it out on their own. Most kids step up to the plate and do really well. School has improved my relationship so much with 2 dc and there are no more fights over school work. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lawana Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 He is already grade skipped and was placed in the highest classes available to his grade level. My biggest concern is math. He completed MUS algebra with ease, then completed AoPS pre algebra, and is almost done with chapter 8 of AoPS Into to algebra. He'll be in algebra at school because he can't come into geometry having missed all of the foundation in the first semester. I would love it if the teacher would allow him to use class time to continue with AoPS. I hear you on the math. Similar situation with my ds, but he was a little older. The problem was that he went to a middle school that did not(!) have an algebra course. So he sat through 3 quarters of pre-algebra equivalent. In his case, he wanted to be in school, so he put up with it. He lived. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted February 5, 2014 Share Posted February 5, 2014 Was today his first day, JoAnn? How did it go? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joannqn Posted February 5, 2014 Author Share Posted February 5, 2014 Was today his first day, JoAnn? How did it go? He's finally home. The school day is from 9:20am to 3:50pm. Here's his report: They did something about careers in advisory. This is some sort of hybrid between home room and what the counselors used to do. The US History teacher had difficulty keeping the class under control and had to keep telling the students to be quiet. He thinks science is going to be his favorite class. They are learning about muscles and were given a labeled diagram to paste into their composition books so they could memorize the information on it. (Anatomy is one thing we haven't covered.) For lunch, he had a cheeseburger, salad, apple juice, and chocolate milk. He said the burger wasn't as good as the ones I make at home. The salad turned out to be lettuce with very little watered down dressing. He didn't talk to anyone during lunch, nor did anyone talk to him. In PE, he had to run a course around the campus and was given something for me to sign and an explanation of how to earn an A in the class. Everyone starts with a 70% and goes up or down from there. He was not allowed to participate in his applied technology class because he has to learn some safety material first. The math teacher brought in Seahawks stats that can somehow be related back to the number 12. He was given a very simple worksheet to complete covering material he learned when he was 9/10. His English class is writing a movie plot in class. I already know that they do not give out textbooks for history or science unless the student requests one from the library. Instead they use class sets. He didn't get the impression that he would need a textbook at home to do well in the classes. None of his other classes issued textbooks either. Memorizing the types of muscles, the one worksheet in math, and finishing a career inventory/quiz was his homework. The counselor told him Friday that most students have a friend group by the end of the first day; that did not happen for him. He said he thinks school will be ok. He seemed subdued when I picked him up. ETA: Today is going to be especially long because he has a presentation to give at the astronomical society tonight. It's about 40 minutes away from home. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ottakee Posted February 5, 2014 Share Posted February 5, 2014 Give it time. The first 2 weeks of just about anything new are VERY tough. If after 2 weeks or so he isn't connecting with the other kids then email the social worker/counselor and let them know. They likely have social groups, extra activities, etc. to help him connect. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
umsami Posted February 5, 2014 Share Posted February 5, 2014 The counselor told him Friday that most students have a friend group by the end of the first day; that did not happen for him. I would be shocked if that was true….especially for somebody starting mid-year. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joannqn Posted February 5, 2014 Author Share Posted February 5, 2014 I would be shocked if that was true….especially for somebody starting mid-year. The counselor made a point of saying that most kids have a friend group by the end of the first day, and if they didn't then they would be the end of the first week. We are a military town, and he said that the kids are used to seeing new kids starting all throughout the year and enjoy meeting new kids. It wasn't just a comment made in passing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ottakee Posted February 5, 2014 Share Posted February 5, 2014 The counselor made a point of saying that most kids have a friend group by the end of the first day, and if they didn't then they would be the end of the first week. We are a military town, and he said that the kids are used to seeing new kids starting all throughout the year and enjoy meeting new kids. It wasn't just a comment made in passing. Part of it might be then that the kids moving IN are used to changing schools and making new friends often. They might be reaching out to the other kids/more assertive than your son is just as this is his first experience with this. Just like I have the same group of friends that I have had for 25-30 years. I have added a few new ones but many friendships are decades old. I have lived in this same general area (with in 10 miles) for the last 40 years. My sister on the other hand has moved 8 times or more in the past 20 years. She just makes new friends much quicker than I do as she is used to doing it and makes the effort. Hopefully it will work out for him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted February 5, 2014 Share Posted February 5, 2014 We have had difficult with my eldest son for quite a while. He is generally a good kid, but he is prone to arguing with my husband and I do to a lack of respect on his part. Basically, he finds it difficult to respect us because we are not intelligent in his mind. He can also be quite mean (including hitting) his siblings when he is frustrated or angry. He blames all of his moods and frustrations on others. His challenges are worse when he spends too much time in front of a screen, thus his screen time is limited and closely monitored. We have talked, taken away consequences, etc. After yet another argument Friday and being told he hates me, the decision was made that it is time for him to try public school. He may thrive there because of the structure and lack of free time. He may struggle due to his inability to read body language and other social cues. It is our hope that he either thrives there or comes to appreciate what homeschooling offers him. We'll reevaluate in June (unless things go really badly.) My question today is...do I email his teachers to touch base? If I do email them, what do I include? I'm thinking an overview of his home life, favorite subjects, hobbies and interests, and the challenges I think he may face in school for the advisor. For the other teachers, I'm thinking of being more specific with information about his education to date in the subject that they teach. Finally, I would end the email with an invitation to contact me with any questions or concerns. He sounds exactly like my dd. We've struggled with the same issues through the years. This year, we put her in a virtual school and she's thriving. When there's an issue, I tell her "email your teacher." For some reason, the fact that her teachers have a credential means that she respects their intelligence more that her engineer father and her writer mother. I'm so sorry. Some kids are just very difficult. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amy in NH Posted February 5, 2014 Share Posted February 5, 2014 ETA I was responding as if he were 13' which I see now is your dad's age. What grade is he in? Hehehe :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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