Does anyone else feel stressed helping their senior decide on a college?

[Donna]

My ds is getting college acceptance letters and has, so far, gotten into all the ones he's applied to though we are waiting on two more. The colleges are all so different. I don't know that I would exactly call myself stressed but I keep thinking how different his life might be depending on which he chooses. I feel like he is deciding the rest of his life. Sometimes it is fun to think about and other times it is...ugh!

 

He doesn't have a clear favorite yet (though he has decided against two) which is maybe why I am having a difficult time helping him. If he had a clear favorite and a plan, I would support it and it would be easier...but helping him focus his priorities is difficult. I don't want to make the choice for him. I wouldn't tell him what to do but I don't want to influence him too heavily to where he feels like I will be upset if he chooses something different because the places he's been accepted are all viable options. 

 

He has to talk to a couple coaches and visit some wrestling rooms/campuses soon then maybe he will have a clearer favorite. 

 

How have you helped your senior chose a school or did they have a clear idea of where they wanted to go?

[creekland]

I totally let my guys choose based upon affordable options where they were accepted.

 

Being affordable and at their level were two of my "needs."  "At their level" (for their major, etc) got sorted out at app time.  Affordable came later.

 

I saw no reason to influence anything beyond that.  I'd have been a supporter of any of their choices they ended up with. It's their life and I wanted the atmosphere they would be happy with.

 

ETA - visits helped them decide - repeat visits if they had been there before, but a good part of their decision came from looking at what profs in their majors were doing (looked in depth at websites).

[Jane in NC]

After starting with a larger list, my son applied to six schools.  He had a definite favorite, a safety and wasn't really sure where the other four fit into the scheme.

 

Then some interesting things happened. One school was completely scratched after he visited it.  (The control that fraternities had over the social life on campus was more than he could handle.)  When merit aid offers arrived, his safety went to the back of the line.  The definite favorite suddenly became number three after other campus visits.  It was so interesting to watch the process unfold.

 

We talked with him about his discoveries and opinions, but we did not influence his decision except perhaps in one case.  One of the private universities to which he was accepted offered a token bit of aid.  I did tell him that he would be assuming debt to attend a university that I felt was a potentially better fit for grad school than undergrad.

 

Overnight visits really helped my son decide--and meetings with department heads/professors in his major.

[Pawz4me]

DS has applied to seven schools.  One a very safe safety and one a safety, both of which have already accepted him but neither of which he's likely to attend.  Two of the others are reaches for everybody and we won't be surprised or particularly disappointed if DS doesn't get accepted.  So that leaves three schools that are very much in the running, and DS doesn't have a strong favorite.  They're all very strong schools (the two reaches and three likelys are all top 30 schools) and I don't think he'd go wrong with any of them.  He knows our budget, but beyond that we're leaving it up to him to make the final decision.  I think one thing that's complicating his decision is that two of his likely schools are small private universities and one is our large state flagship.  So they're vastly different, but he finds aspects of both the large public school and the small private schools appealing.

[Myra]

Right there with you - I do think homeschooling parents feel this extra weight of responsibility when it comes to entrance into college.  No answers for you, but I woke up at 3 am this morning just worrying over just this!!!!!!

 

 

Myra  

[Running the race]

While waiting for the financial aspects to fall into place, I am burying my head in the sand!

[Gwen in VA]

My kids aren't allowed to have a "favorite" until the financial aspects are fully known, which usually isn't until late March. We strongly discourage the kids ranking the colleges before then, since both an acceptance and an acceptable financial package need to be in hand before a college is a real option.

Before then, we all just wait and talk about the positive aspects of each school.

I did have one kid who had two full-tuition scholarships (so the finances were almost identical) and she spent most of April deciding. We finally set a FINAL deadline of April 27 so the acceptance postcard would be guaranteed to make it by May 1. I went to bed on April 26 and my dh spent hours reflectively listening to her weigh her options. Ugh! That was AWFUL!

[8filltheheart]

My kids aren't allowed to have a "favorite" until the financial aspects are fully known, which usually isn't until late March. We strongly discourage the kids ranking the colleges before then, since both an acceptance and an acceptable financial package need to be in hand before a college is a real option.

Before then, we all just wait and talk about the positive aspects of each school.

I did have one kid who had two full-tuition scholarships (so the finances were almost identical) and she spent most of April deciding. We finally set a FINAL deadline of April 27 so the acceptance postcard would be guaranteed to make it by May 1. I went to bed on April 26 and my dh spent hours reflectively listening to her weigh her options. Ugh! That was AWFUL!

This is ds's philosophy as well. He is only eliminating schools as they become financially impossible. Otherwise he is remaining low key and detached. (I can't say I am as low key as he is!) He has multiple large $$ scholarships at various schools that he is waiting to hear about, some not releasing info until April 1, so he has a while to wait for the dust to settle.

[FaithManor]

Dd was entirely pragmatic. For the most part she made a list of schools with excellent reputations for her major, did some research to determine if the reputation was smoke and mirrors or genuine, applied, got in to a whomping twelve (I WILL NEVER GO THROUGH THAT AGAIN, EVER...the boys are being allowed six), and ever so down to earth, picked the one with the best reputation of the ones that offered a LOT of merit aid. Fit meant nothing to her.

 

She's not that big of a social butterfly. She wanted to attend class, get her degree, and be done. She met her hubby through a friend of a friend who was not connected with the university. If you ask her anything about the University of Michigan, mostly all you will hear is that the lab facilities were wonderful, her professors were excellent, and she learned a lot. If you ask her about the climate on campus, the social life, well anything not related to the academics she studied, you'll get a blank stare. LOL, she kind of cracks us up at times!

 

Eldest boy will definitely need to make decisions more along the lines of good fit PLUS good academics in his major. His short list is excellent, and he cannot go wrong with any of them. They are all great schools. On top of that he has the stats for admittance as well as merit aid so YIKES my big fear is that they'll all come in about the same! Without one coming in significantly higher or lower on the money front, I think it could be a little tougher for him because there are strong aspects of all six schools that he really likes, well...we'll see. Three still need to be visited again, so it's possible that the longer visits that are planned next year will give him a piece of missing information that would be vital to the choosing process.

 

Middle boy is another really pragmatic kiddo. I don't sweat it with him.

 

Last boy, 2.5 years after his next oldest brother...FIT is literally everything. He's an absolutely brilliant kid and entirely self motivated. He has NO patience for clowns or less motivated students. He is easily bewildered by a wide range of behavior, and prefers the company of professors and professionals to other students. Social life means nothing. He's shy, and in his own research world. He does best socially when he's with other geeks. He'll have the stats to get into whatever dream school he wants, but I honestly do not see him doing well in a huge school nor in a cut-throat environment because he is too trusting. So, of all of my children I worry the most about him. I have two schools in mind that I think he would really excel at and hope he will choose one of them. His hearts desire is MIT, but I think that student body would eat.him.alive. Georgia Tech too...so dh and I are trying hard to show him the value of smaller, very competitive, but lesser known engineering departments that have smaller classroom sizes, lots of research opportunities, smaller communities, opportunities to get to know the professors, etc. I can honestly say that when it comes time for him to choose, I'm going to be really nervous and stressed.

 

Faith

[Bootsie]

I think that for some children one obvious first-choice college exists.  This may be due to a strong interest in a particular, narrow major, financial considerations, location, or the availability of an extra-curricular activity.  But, for many students, I think that it is important to remember that there may be many good, although different, options.  It is somewhat like going to get ice cream--many good, delicious, but very different choices.  My dd's top choices have been somewhat different schools.  We have tried to determine look at any common threads to determine what it is she is really looking for in a school.  But, at some point, it is the same as saying there are advantages to living in the city and living in the country--which advantages (and disadvantages) do I want?  Even with the best decision making process in place, many factors, unknown right now, can influence how good of a match the school really was--what is the roommate like?  how much does the student like his professors the first semester? what is the weather like the first semester? etc. 

[8filltheheart]

Dd was entirely pragmatic. For the most part she made a list of schools with excellent reputations for her major, did some research to determine if the reputation was smoke and mirrors or genuine, applied, got in to a whomping twelve (I WILL NEVER GO THROUGH THAT AGAIN, EVER...the boys are being allowed six), and ever so down to earth, picked the one with the best reputation of the ones that offered a LOT of merit aid. Fit meant nothing to her.

She's not that big of a social butterfly. She wanted to attend class, get her degree, and be done. She met her hubby through a friend of a friend who was not connected with the university. If you ask her anything about the University of Michigan, mostly all you will hear is that the lab facilities were wonderful, her professors were excellent, and she learned a lot. If you ask her about the climate on campus, the social life, well anything not related to the academics she studied, you'll get a blank stare. LOL, she kind of cracks us up at times!

Eldest boy will definitely need to make decisions more along the lines of good fit PLUS good academics in his major. His short list is excellent, and he cannot go wrong with any of them. They are all great schools. On top of that he has the stats for admittance as well as merit aid so YIKES my big fear is that they'll all come in about the same! Without one coming in significantly higher or lower on the money front, I think it could be a little tougher for him because there are strong aspects of all six schools that he really likes, well...we'll see. Three still need to be visited again, so it's possible that the longer visits that are planned next year will give him a piece of missing information that would be vital to the choosing process.

Middle boy is another really pragmatic kiddo. I don't sweat it with him.

Last boy, 2.5 years after his next oldest brother...FIT is literally everything. He's an absolutely brilliant kid and entirely self motivated. He has NO patience for clowns or less motivated students. He is easily bewildered by a wide range of behavior, and prefers the company of professors and professionals to other students. Social life means nothing. He's shy, and in his own research world. He does best socially when he's with other geeks. He'll have the stats to get into whatever dream school he wants, but I honestly do not see him doing well in a huge school nor in a cut-throat environment because he is too trusting. So, of all of my children I worry the most about him. I have two schools in mind that I think he would really excel at and hope he will choose one of them. His hearts desire is MIT, but I think that student body would eat.him.alive. Georgia Tech too...so dh and I are trying hard to show him the value of smaller, very competitive, but lesser known engineering departments that have smaller classroom sizes, lots of research opportunities, smaller communities, opportunities to get to know the professors, etc. I can honestly say that when it comes time for him to choose, I'm going to be really nervous and stressed.

Faith

Have you looked at Wooster? It is a school that really intrigues my ds for all the reasons you say you want a smaller school. My ds is not like you describe your ds bc my ds is completely social and loves hanging out with friends, but he also really likes small classes with a lot of professor interaction where discussions get deeper than the textbook info.

[Donna]

When dd#2 had three Appointments to academies, her decision was made by a return visit to Navy. She had EA to Navy and AFA but didn't hear from CGA for a few months after that. By that time, she'd pretty much decided against CGA. So, she made a return trip to NAVY, spent the weekend, and that made her decision for her. Then ended up doing a semester's exchange to AFA and did her Primary flight school school with AF!

 

Congrats! My brother is a Naval Academy grad....such a beautiful school!

[Elisabet1]

I think a vat of xanax would have helped this year. We are extremely stressed!!! I don't drink. But if I were to ever take that up, this would be the time!

[Bootsie]

I think a vat of xanax would have helped this year. We are extremely stressed!!! I don't drink. But if I were to ever take that up, this would be the time!

 

When I was in Korea, there was a special word Korean word for "mother of a senior"--I heard several stories of mothers of seniors going to the doctor and being prescribed medication for a diagnosis of "mother of a senior."  

[regentrude]

We are not quite there yet, because we will hear only at the end of March. Then we will sit down with financial information and balance financial aspects against her specific likes for location and such. I do not feel stressed about it, because DD has only applied to schools she can see herself attending and that would offer a very good program in her field of study. So really, whichever she ends up picking will be a good choice. We reserve the right to input re finances; otherwise, it is her choice alone. We gave our input in the selection of the twelve schools before the applications.

[Susan in TN]

We are right there with you, almost. Ds has been accepted to the schools he has applied to, and also has no idea which one he prefers. A lot will depend on how his music auditions go, how he feels after visiting them all again, and on the financial packages that are offered - those things won't be in place until March.

I have tried to lessen the pressure on him by reminding him that a decision doesn't have to be made until May 1st, and that even if he chooses one place and hates it, he can always transfer after a year.

[FaithManor]

Have you looked at Wooster? It is a school that really intrigues my ds for all the reasons you say you want a smaller school. My ds is not like you describe your ds bc my ds is completely social and loves hanging out with friends, but he also really likes small classes with a lot of professor interaction where discussions get deeper than the textbook info.

Wooster is a great school. But ds wants to double major in aerospace or robotics engineering and mathematics. So Wooster isn't an option.

Thanks!

[Elisabet1]

Our decision is made. The deposit is going out tomorrow. Or being dropped off on April 18 when I am there anyway.

[Jenny in Florida]

My son has more or less made his decision, too, although we won't be sending in the deposit for another couple of weeks.

 

He currently has three realistic possibilities, one of which is at the top of his list. However, we haven't seen complete financials from the third. So, it they came through with significantly more money than expected, he might be swayed.

 

Also, he is on the waitlist for his chosen program at one school to which he's already been admitted academically. They will notify him by April 25 if he makes it off the waitlist. At that point, if the financial stuff could work out there, he'd have to re-evaluate.

 

My stress level eased significantly once it became clear there was at least one school he really liked, that seemed like a good fit and that was at least close to being affordable. The fact that he is in a position to make a meaningful choice is just gravy.

[Donna]

Decision is made here as well for the most part. It was the decision between wrestling Division 1 or Division 3 that made it between his final two schools.

 

He is going for a visit toward the end of this month and will probably take the deposit with him though we are waiting for the financial package from the other school that might sway his decision. 

[angela in ohio]

Stressed, in agony, sleepless, nauseous, you name it... Watching my dd wrestle with the decision of where to spend the next four years of her life is one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. She is down to two choices, both amazing opportunities, financially about equal, and as different as possible in every other way. She is visiting each in the next two weeks, and we are gathering facts. But May 1 is flying at us...

[MtnTeaching]

Mine is just a junior this year.  We attended the massive Denver College Fair yesterday and I came home with a headache bordering on a migraine.  The choices, the distance, the majors, the MONEY!

 

The answer to your question is YESSSSSSSS!!!! and we are just beginning this craziness.  I cannot imagine what you parents of seniors are going through right now.