MooCow Posted January 15, 2014 Share Posted January 15, 2014 Deleted, tmi Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted January 15, 2014 Share Posted January 15, 2014 (((Hugs))) Get an appropriate attorney . And practice excellent self care. Let me know if you need I info about substance abuse, treatment, legal system, etc. Are you sure you mean prison vs. jail? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted January 15, 2014 Share Posted January 15, 2014 Anyone have any firsthand knowledge...or second or third...?? Visited someone in one? Had a loved one in one? Any Tips?? Feel free to pm me if you like.... I'm numb, I'm sure I'll have other questions, like sentencing, drug addiction, mental illness, public defenders :( I am assuming this has to do with your son. I am sorry it has reached that point. You have to take care of yourself and the rest of your family....and your marriage. I have quite a bit of experience with a family member who has lived his entire life on the edge....it is very difficult to stand by and watch. Pm me if you want. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RoughCollie Posted January 15, 2014 Share Posted January 15, 2014 My advice is to go to the prison's website and read their rules for visitors and rules about things you can send to prisoners. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MooCow Posted January 15, 2014 Author Share Posted January 15, 2014 Thank you Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted January 15, 2014 Share Posted January 15, 2014 So much depends on the state in which the trial takes place, how long the sentence is, where he is assigned, the population within the prison to which he is assigned (there are some work-release and other programs which make things much easier). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Mousie Posted January 15, 2014 Share Posted January 15, 2014 No experience to share ... but I'm so sorry you're going through this. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Just Another Jen Posted January 15, 2014 Share Posted January 15, 2014 Pm me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ElizabethB Posted January 15, 2014 Share Posted January 15, 2014 Prison Fellowship has some good resources explaining some things, I was going to volunteer and teach some phonics classes, but we move so frequently it is hard, each state has its own setup although they are a national organization. I did go to one of their classes about visiing and what to be aware of and found it very enlightening: http://www.prisonfellowship.org/resources/prisoners-families-friends/resources-for-families-friends/ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
applethyme Posted January 15, 2014 Share Posted January 15, 2014 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twigs Posted January 15, 2014 Share Posted January 15, 2014 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MooCow Posted January 15, 2014 Author Share Posted January 15, 2014 To those that have kindly offered to pm with me, thank you. I will take you up on the offer in the next few days. And thank you all for your posts and hugs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StephanieZ Posted January 15, 2014 Share Posted January 15, 2014 One tip I heard about jail was to be sure the person has some cash on his person when he is turned in to prison, as that money goes directly and immediately into his account, whereas it can takes days to weeks for family monies to be deposited as the new inmate's account gets set up. Money is needed to buy essential toiletries, shoes, etc. so, I guess be sure to have $100 cash in his pocket when he is turned in. I've also heard that it costs a good bit weekly just to be in jail, oddly enough. I think the jail I heard about was like $25 per week, and it has to be paid before the inmate can get any funds for any other things inside jail. So, if family sends in $30/wk, the first money goes to pay outstanding balance . .. So if you wanted to give your friend 10/wk for toothpaste, snacks, etc, you'd actually have to send in $35/wk. . . Bizarre penalty for family members IMHO. Anyway, given that, if the inmate has any assets that can be liquidated, I'd try to get a POA executed before he is turned in so you can cash in the assets to cover costs. I'd also google up the name of the exact facility and look for tips from ex inmates, to learn what exact rules are, etc. Fortunately, I don't have much other insider tips. (((Hugs))) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elfgivas Posted January 15, 2014 Share Posted January 15, 2014 i am so sorry. :grouphug: i googled "help for failis of prisoners" and several things came up. i think starting with one will lead you to others, kwim? eg. http://www.afoi.org/ i liked the preamble for this next one http://www.prisontalk.com/ The PrisonTalk Online web community was conceived in a prison cell, designed in a halfway house, and funded by donations from families of ex-offenders, to bring those with an interest in the prisoner support community a forum in which their issues and concerns may be addressed by others in similar circumstances and beliefs. Inside the PTO web community you will be able to find support from others who are dealing with, or have been down the same dark road you may currently find yourself, information resources & tools to aid your in achieving your goals, and most importantly, a place to communicate and share your stories. There is no worse feeling than that of being alone and helpless. This applies to the families of those who are incarcerated just as much as it does to those behind the walls. PTO's goal is to bridge the communication barrier that exists in and around the criminal "justice" system today and bring everyone in the prisoner support community closer together to effect change in policy, prisoner rights, sentencing and so much more. hth, ann Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 15, 2014 Share Posted January 15, 2014 No experience with prison, just jail. Phone expenses are high and there's nothing you can do about it: $100 a week isn't excessive or irresponsible and could be a very a good investment in a youngster whose life could go either way. The system is broken. If you don't have that kind of disposable income, letters are the next best thing and just because your loved one doesn't/can't write you back doesn't mean they aren't a lifeline. Write every day if you can. Expect the letters to be read. Write about sunshine, flowers, plans for your gardens, and cute things the cat did. You might not be allowed to give books to your loved one unless you buy them brand new and have them sent directly from the publisher. You do what you have to do. You wish you could do more. You can't and beating yourself up over it is counterproductive. You stay strong for your loved one because you have to. I am so sorry that you are going through this. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted January 15, 2014 Share Posted January 15, 2014 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted January 15, 2014 Share Posted January 15, 2014 I'm so sorry your family is going through this, MooCow. :( I have no advice for you, but wanted to send you a :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dana Posted January 15, 2014 Share Posted January 15, 2014 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted January 15, 2014 Share Posted January 15, 2014 No advice, just sending good thoughts and hugs. I am sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trulycrabby Posted January 15, 2014 Share Posted January 15, 2014 Hugs to you. I know someone who spent time in jail for check forgery, and she did make her life better once she got out. I don't know anything about the prison system, though. Hugs to you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted January 15, 2014 Share Posted January 15, 2014 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JuanitaL Posted January 16, 2014 Share Posted January 16, 2014 One tip I heard about jail was to be sure the person has some cash on his person when he is turned in to prison, as that money goes directly and immediately into his account, whereas it can takes days to weeks for family monies to be deposited as the new inmate's account gets set up. Money is needed to buy essential toiletries, shoes, etc. so, I guess be sure to have $100 cash in his pocket when he is turned in. I've also heard that it costs a good bit weekly just to be in jail, oddly enough. I think the jail I heard about was like $25 per week, and it has to be paid before the inmate can get any funds for any other things inside jail. So, if family sends in $30/wk, the first money goes to pay outstanding balance . .. So if you wanted to give your friend 10/wk for toothpaste, snacks, etc, you'd actually have to send in $35/wk. . . Bizarre penalty for family members IMHO. Anyway, given that, if the inmate has any assets that can be liquidated, I'd try to get a POA executed before he is turned in so you can cash in the assets to cover costs. I'd also google up the name of the exact facility and look for tips from ex inmates, to learn what exact rules are, etc. Fortunately, I don't have much other insider tips. (((Hugs))) My county jail does this (I have no experience with any other jail, so don't know if any others operate differently), a % of all monies deposited into inmates accounts go to the jail. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hikin' Mama Posted January 16, 2014 Share Posted January 16, 2014 MooCow, I am so, so sorry. Based on your signature, I am assuming you are a Christian, so I want to share a couple book titles with you in the hopes of encouraging you that God can work in peoples' lives even when they are in prison. They are stories of two different men who went to prison, and through the experience they came to know God. Law Man by Shon Hopwood and Lessons from San Quentin by Bill Dallas. My only caveat is that these books do contain some disturbing details of what goes on in prison, so if that would be hard to read, please don't. Please ignore if you are not interested. My intention is to offer encouragement. Hugs to you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jenamiles Posted January 16, 2014 Share Posted January 16, 2014 I have lots of second hand experience. I have a cousin on death row who has gone through 2 appeals, a second (unrelated) trial, and all the family dynamics with that. He's the only other person in my generation on my mom's side so it's been very close to home for many years and has impacted all of the family dynamics. I'm amazed at what he has privileges for on death row and the money my aunt gives him to pay for everything. I also worked a women's prison ministry for 7 years as a chaplain and have supported many sisters, mothers, daughters and wives as their family member has gone through the incarceration process. If you want to get connected with a "support group" of women who know what you are going through, I'd be happy to help you connect with one in your area. The ministry was Kairos Outside. They have an inside organization called Kairos. The URL is http://kpmifoundation.org/index.php if you want to just see if they are in your area. You don't have to be a Christian to use their resources but you do have to be prepared for the organization being Christian and talking about God. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MooCow Posted January 16, 2014 Author Share Posted January 16, 2014 :( Edited Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MooCow Posted January 16, 2014 Author Share Posted January 16, 2014 My only caveat is that these books do contain some disturbing details of what goes on in prison, so if that would be hard to read, please don't. That is quite a worry....what happens to the newbies there Edited Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liz CA Posted January 16, 2014 Share Posted January 16, 2014 Every time this disturbing thought pops into your head, pray fiercely for his protection and believe it. Because God is big enough to do just that. This must be awful. One thing to remember is this: He would not be the first person who needed to hit bottom to wake up and change his path. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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