Just Kate Posted November 26, 2013 Share Posted November 26, 2013 My best friend was diagnosed with a very rare and aggressive form of cancer on July 31. She died on November 16. She was only 36 years old...with a 9 year old daughter. The whole situation is sad...and awful...and infuriating. But to make it just that much worse, I happened to be visiting her over the weekend when she died. So I was there - with her husband, daughter, and the hospice nurse. I think I was helpful, but I was really in shock the whole time. All of their family is way out of town (I am the closest and I live 3 hours away). I stayed the weekend while the rest of the family traveled to their house. I helped her husband make the funeral arrangements. I am still trying to process it all. During her illness, I became friends with her two sisters (I met my bff as an adult at work...so we didn't know one another's extended families well). Her sisters and I share a similar faith (Christian) and we talked a lot and supported each other these past few months. At one point, one of the sisters and I were discussing a particular verse from the Bible and she mentioned a Bible study she was doing. I said that it sounded interesting and she bought me a copy and mailed it to me! The other sister wanted to do something nice for my friend's daughter on the morning of the funeral home visitation. She and I decided to take the daughter for a mani/pedi (my friend loved to do this with her dd as a treat). The sister wouldn't let me pay for mine and insisted on treating me as well. I would really like to send them something, but I'm just not great at coming up with sentimental gifts. I want to let them know that I think they are awesome, that I appreciate their support and friendship, and that their little sister loved them lots. Any suggestions or thoughts? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted November 26, 2013 Share Posted November 26, 2013 No suggestions just hugs :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: sorry for the loss of your friend Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dana Posted November 26, 2013 Share Posted November 26, 2013 :grouphug: A card with some written memories? So sorry for your loss. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twigs Posted November 26, 2013 Share Posted November 26, 2013 Do you have any pictures of you and your friend? Maybe that along with some memories. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: So sorry for your loss. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ripley Posted November 26, 2013 Share Posted November 26, 2013 I'm sorry you lost your friend. Honestly, I think the best and most sentimental gift would be a heartfelt note expressing the sentiment you posted. How much of a comfort they were (and continue to be). Not just to you, but also to their niece. I'm sure they see you the same way you see them - an extension of the wonderful woman you all lost too young and too quickly. What kind of thing would you appreciate coming from them? ETA: I think the idea of a picture and accompanying memory is wonderful. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Just Kate Posted November 26, 2013 Author Share Posted November 26, 2013 Thank you for the suggestion. Yes, a heartfelt note is a must. Still trying to think if there's a little something I could include with the note. Also, I've never lost a friend before. The emotions that I'm dealing with are just all over the place right now. :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cindy in FL. Posted November 26, 2013 Share Posted November 26, 2013 When my mom died (in November 5 years ago), I bought family members all the same Christmas ornament to remember her by. That way each year when we decorate our trees we think of her. So sorry about your friend. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pippen Posted November 26, 2013 Share Posted November 26, 2013 My best friend was diagnosed with a very rare and aggressive form of cancer on July 31. She died on November 16. She was only 36 years old...with a 9 year old daughter. The whole situation is sad...and awful...and infuriating. But to make it just that much worse, I happened to be visiting her over the weekend when she died. So I was there - with her husband, daughter, and the hospice nurse. I think I was helpful, but I was really in shock the whole time. All of their family is way out of town (I am the closest and I live 3 hours away). I stayed the weekend while the rest of the family traveled to their house. I helped her husband make the funeral arrangements. I am still trying to process it all. During her illness, I became friends with her two sisters (I met my bff as an adult at work...so we didn't know one another's extended families well). Her sisters and I share a similar faith (Christian) and we talked a lot and supported each other these past few months. At one point, one of the sisters and I were discussing a particular verse from the Bible and she mentioned a Bible study she was doing. I said that it sounded interesting and she bought me a copy and mailed it to me! The other sister wanted to do something nice for my friend's daughter on the morning of the funeral home visitation. She and I decided to take the daughter for a mani/pedi (my friend loved to do this with her dd as a treat). The sister wouldn't let me pay for mine and insisted on treating me as well. I would really like to send them something, but I'm just not great at coming up with sentimental gifts. I want to let them know that I think they are awesome, that I appreciate their support and friendship, and that their little sister loved them lots. Any suggestions or thoughts? My heartfelt sympathies to you and to her family. I understand your shock at being there at your friend's death--when my aunt was in her final days I traveled specifically to take care of the family as they came and went from the nursing home. They'd spent so many weeks, days, hours caring for her that it was a great shock when she died in a short window of time when all other family members were away except me. The hopice nurse told us that often the person makes the choice when to let go, and that has been a great source of consolation to me in knowing that she wanted me there during her passing. Once a friend sent me a cup along with some tea and a devotional book. It was a comforting gift. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chelle in MO Posted November 26, 2013 Share Posted November 26, 2013 I remember when you posted about her diagnosis, and I'm very sorry she's gone so soon. What a devastating loss to all of you! I like the ideas you've already gotten about special thank you gifts, and while I don't think one is necessary in this situation (her sisters were thanking *you* for being there and for your friendship) I can understand you wanting to express your love in a tangible way. The Willow Tree figurines might be a good option. I gave one to a friend whose husband passed away, and she told me once that when she looks at it she's reminded that she's being prayed for and cared about. Besides your dear friend's sisters, her daughter might like one as well. Take care, Kate. I'm so, so sorry. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GreenKitty Posted November 26, 2013 Share Posted November 26, 2013 So sorry for your loss. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lizzie in Ma Posted November 26, 2013 Share Posted November 26, 2013 I am so sorry for your loss. The photos and memories with a card sounds like a wonderful idea. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twinmami01 Posted November 26, 2013 Share Posted November 26, 2013 So sorry for your loss. Sending hugs and prayers your way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soror Posted November 26, 2013 Share Posted November 26, 2013 I'm sorry for your loss :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThatHomeschoolDad Posted November 26, 2013 Share Posted November 26, 2013 I'm sorry for your loss. If you want to buy something really meaningful, find the foundation supporting her particular rare cancer and make a small donation, then include that info (or whatever card you might get from the donation) in your letter. A more generic way to go would be American Cancer Society, but orphan cancers get little attention, so it's a big deal when someone seeks out some specifics. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted November 26, 2013 Share Posted November 26, 2013 Many hugs. The first time I really felt the death of someone was when my college roommate, also named Chris, died from complications of Lupus. I think she was 34. It does take time to process; it's just so weird. Out of the way things "should be," you know? I'm sure they are thankful to have gotten to know you. You are a link to their sister. We become precious to each other through our relationships, and they may feel having shared the experience of both her life and her death bonds them to you in a tender and valuable way. What a gift. Probably gift enough. Stay in touch, and share memories. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dana Posted November 26, 2013 Share Posted November 26, 2013 Thank you for the suggestion. Yes, a heartfelt note is a must. Still trying to think if there's a little something I could include with the note. Also, I've never lost a friend before. The emotions that I'm dealing with are just all over the place right now. :( Your emotions will stay all over the place for a while. That's okay. It does get easier, although I've found it's still always there and comes back painfully some times. Last week I attended the memorial service for the father of a childhood friend. My friend died of cancer at 32, leaving behind a 6 yo daughter. Last week was also the 9 year anniversary of her death. I was a wreck. Give yourself room to grieve and grace as you do. Feel free to PM me if you want to just vent and rage. I do think you're going to be fine just sharing some memories. The idea of a photo if you have one you particularly like is good as well. Being there over time will probably be the most helpful. Again, :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unsinkable Posted November 26, 2013 Share Posted November 26, 2013 What a terrible loss. I am very sorry. I like Chelle's idea of the figurines. Or maybe a necklace with your friend's birthstone. ((((Kate)))) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alessandra Posted November 26, 2013 Share Posted November 26, 2013 Once a friend sent me a cup along with some tea and a devotional book. It was a comforting gift. I'm sorry for your loss. If you want to buy something really meaningful, find the foundation supporting her particular rare cancer and make a small donation, then include that info (or whatever card you might get from the donation) in your letter. I am so sorry for what you and your friend's family are going through. I like these two ideas. And sending flowers to the house is usually appreciated. Some home cooked food, especially after the first wave of food deliveries is over. Otherwise I would not do a gift at this point -- people can have a bad reaction -- I don't want a gift, I want my mother/wife/sister back. Imo, one of the best things you can do is be a friend over time, over the next weeks and months, and so on. Have the family over for a meal, simple things like that. What you have already done in being there and helping with the funeral planning is a better gift than any 'thing.' About the charity/foundation. Besides cash donations, you might want to consider doing a walk/run at a local race in memory of your friend. Below is part of an article about a run in my area. The run actually raises money for special needs children, but 'Team Frank' competes in memory of someone who dies in 9/11. Or maybe join a run that rises money for cancer research. Amid the tightened security, one group returned to take part in the 32-year-old Rubin Run event to once again commemorate a victim of terrorism. The widow of 9/11 victim Frank Doyle, Kimmy Chedel, was back in his memory. Chedel came with “Team Frank,†30 family members and friends of Doyle, who was living in Englewood when he perished in the attack on the World Trade Center. She and Doyle were members of the JCC and used its gym, and they participated in the run — along with four of his friends — in 2001, about four months before the Twin Towers attack. “All five of the men died on Sept. 11, so we picked this race to do every year to honor them,†said Chedel, wearing a Team Frank T-shirt. She has returned to her native Montreal to live, and most of her group drove from Canada for the run, which raised more than $60,000 for the center’s programs for special needs children. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.