screaming toddler

[Incognito]

I'm tired.  My now 20 month old screams a lot.  Always has.  STILL screams at 90% of diaper changes.  Screams if I set the doll on the wrong part of the bed.  Screams if she has to sit in her chair to eat.  The list could go on and on.

 

It is so hard to school some days because she screams soo much.  Some days she wants to color and join in or snack through our reading and it's fine, but man when she doesn't have those ideas in her head, it is soo hard.

 

I tried Dr. Google and I'm sorry, this isn't her testing out her toddler voice or anything.  She screams because she is pissed that things are not exactly how she wants them.  Hugs and empathy sometimes work, but after she calms down she usually will scream again if she still can't have what she wanted.  I've tried a strict routine - screaming.  I've tried letter her set the pace/decide things - screaming.  If people understand exactly what she wants and she gets to do just that all the time (which includes very specific expectations), she's a jubilant gem.  Otherwise, screamy.  Sigh.

 

We've used sign language since she was tiny and she uses it.  She is slightly verbal - much less so than her siblings were, but she's so busy screaming that I think she gets less practice.  I do encourage her to calm down and use her words.  Sometimes that helps.  She says please charmingly (among other things).

 

Anyone who has had a passionate, precise child who has any magic tricks or tips?  I'm tired. 

 

 

 

[Woodhaven]

No ideas.  But I couldn't read and not stop to give you a :grouphug:.  You sound exhausted.  I hope and pray you come up with something to help.

 

My first cried for 3 or 4 months as a baby and was diagnosed as having colic.  And that was horrible.  What you are up against sounds even more difficult.  I can't imagine how frustrated you must be.  Hugs again!

[SKL]

Sounds just like my niece.  She is going to be 4 next month.  Nobody has figured her out either.  Sorry!

[----]

.

[BakersDozen]

I'll share what we've done with all of our dc plus other dc who were not our own (including my 4yo nephew who was hell on wheels as far as tantrums went).  It's worked 100% of the time for me; dh doesn't have as good a track record because he doesn't follow the "rules".

 

I get down at child's level but do.not.touch.the.child.  I hold one hand up and lift a finger for each # I count up to 5, then put a finger back down as I continue counting to 10.  Then I start over at 1, up to 10, back to 1...repeat, repeat, repeat.  My voice is not just quiet but low as well - no attempt to out yell/scream over the dc.  As I count I put in things like, "Shhhhh" - again, very softly and quietly.  I show not a smidgen of impatience or annoyance (even though I might feel ready to scream myself).

 

So here's what has happened: I count to at least 80, sometimes even higher.  The dc continues to yell/scream yet they are also watching my fingers.  Eventually, they take a breath - maybe a very small one, but it's a breath.  That's when I calmly say, "Good job...sshhhh."  And they start yelling again so I start counting...again.  And I keep doing it until they take another breath, this time sooner than the last.  As long as I am consistent and don't give up the dc starts to snuffle and calm down and I gently/quietly praise him.  I don't touch the child until he is totally calm.

 

Approximately 2.5 minutes later I'm doing the same thing for the next meltdown, only this time I only have to count to 70.  The next time 50.  Within a few days I count to 3...and the child calms himself down.  What I love is that there is no battle going on between parent/child.  There is no isolation.  And this can be done anywhere in public without a huge scene.

 

I swear by this but only if the parent can do his/her part.  My dh cannot keep the irritation or annoyance out of his voice; by the time he reaches 5 his voice is rising and he's not saying, "Ssshhhh" but, "STOP!"  Oh, and that's another thing: do NOT say "stop" at any time.  Why?  Because "stop" means you want something to cease immediately, such as a dc running toward the street or reaching for a hot object on the stove.  When the word "stop" is used yet the dc is continuing a behavior the word loses its meaning and purpose.  

 

Here's a funny for the day: I find my 2yod counting and putting up her fingers for her "big" 2yo brother and he calms down!  It's a hoot to watch.  But she knows what to do as she was quite the screamer herself and it worked for her.

 

Good luck, OP.  :)

[Lolly]

:grouphug: No advice, just sympathy. Ds used to be a screamer. He would just up and scream for absolutely no reason. Happy in the middle of the grocery store...then a blood curdling scream. It was horrible. He is a normal, well adjusted teenager now. I sure wouldn't want to relive those screaming years. I feel for you. :grouphug: 

[blondeviolin]

No advice. My 4yo is/was this way. She is getting better as she ages, but she even wakes up screaming. :confused:

[Incognito]

Thanks for the hugs.  Kind of depressing to see for a lot of people there is no solution and it will go on and on for years, but I guess we've made it almost 2 years and besides me realizing I need to start hiring a regular baby sitter so I can keep (regain?) my sanity, no harm done yet. 

 

 

I will try counting.  I've tried singing and doing nursery rhymes (and ignoring), but maybe the hand/fingers counting combination will make a difference.  While you count, what do you do if they are throwing things and hitting?  I didn't mention those aspects, but if there is something nearby she'll deliberately get it and throw it or hit things/people fairly often (not always, but often enough).  So far I just put the thing up and away and say "we need to be gentle" or some such thing, but when she's hitting I haven't felt a hands off approach is appropriate.  I really am pretty calm 95% of the time.  I am sick of it, so sometimes I have an edge to my voice -I am human, but I am not violent or a yeller or anything.  Mostly I dissociate and go through the motions of whatever needs to be done to try to get it over with. 

 

[Swimtaxi234]

 

 

Approximately 2.5 minutes later I'm doing the same thing for the next meltdown, only this time I only have to count to 70.  The next time 50.  Within a few days I count to 3...and the child calms himself down.  What I love is that there is no battle going on between parent/child.  There is no isolation.  And this can be done anywhere in public without a huge scene.

 

I have a friend who was also successful doing this method.  Their daughter is now a lovely teenager with great coping skills because with her mother's help, she learned how to deal/solve her own problems, etc.  

[Kim in Appalachia]

:grouphug:  No great advice, just another hug.  I've had screamers and it's hard.  It does end, even though it doesn't feel like it ever will. 

[JustEm]

I'll share what we've done with all of our dc plus other dc who were not our own (including my 4yo nephew who was hell on wheels as far as tantrums went).  It's worked 100% of the time for me; dh doesn't have as good a track record because he doesn't follow the "rules".

 

I get down at child's level but do.not.touch.the.child.  I hold one hand up and lift a finger for each # I count up to 5, then put a finger back down as I continue counting to 10.  Then I start over at 1, up to 10, back to 1...repeat, repeat, repeat.  My voice is not just quiet but low as well - no attempt to out yell/scream over the dc.  As I count I put in things like, "Shhhhh" - again, very softly and quietly.  I show not a smidgen of impatience or annoyance (even though I might feel ready to scream myself).

 

So here's what has happened: I count to at least 80, sometimes even higher.  The dc continues to yell/scream yet they are also watching my fingers.  Eventually, they take a breath - maybe a very small one, but it's a breath.  That's when I calmly say, "Good job...sshhhh."  And they start yelling again so I start counting...again.  And I keep doing it until they take another breath, this time sooner than the last.  As long as I am consistent and don't give up the dc starts to snuffle and calm down and I gently/quietly praise him.  I don't touch the child until he is totally calm.

 

Approximately 2.5 minutes later I'm doing the same thing for the next meltdown, only this time I only have to count to 70.  The next time 50.  Within a few days I count to 3...and the child calms himself down.  What I love is that there is no battle going on between parent/child.  There is no isolation.  And this can be done anywhere in public without a huge scene.

 

I swear by this but only if the parent can do his/her part.  My dh cannot keep the irritation or annoyance out of his voice; by the time he reaches 5 his voice is rising and he's not saying, "Ssshhhh" but, "STOP!"  Oh, and that's another thing: do NOT say "stop" at any time.  Why?  Because "stop" means you want something to cease immediately, such as a dc running toward the street or reaching for a hot object on the stove.  When the word "stop" is used yet the dc is continuing a behavior the word loses its meaning and purpose.  

 

Here's a funny for the day: I find my 2yod counting and putting up her fingers for her "big" 2yo brother and he calms down!  It's a hoot to watch.  But she knows what to do as she was quite the screamer herself and it worked for her.

 

Good luck, OP.   :)

Thank you so much for the great explanation of what you do.  My dd is a screamer and throws some great tantrums.  They've been getting pretty bad recently and what worked with my ds only makes her tantrums worse so I will try this.

[bolt.]

Woman in a shoe: that's brilliant and I'm totally stealing it.

 

OP: try changing your mindset towards the idea that her "make loud vocalization" impulse is (currently) hard-wired to her emotional centre. Imagine that it just "goes off" any time her level of disappointment in any situation goes above "level two". That's unfortunate, but in SOLVING it, it does NO good to treat the issue as if it is an intentional choice the child is making (to scream, to make trouble, to try and get her own way). Try to view it as simply self-expression. The emotion is intense on the inside, so the volume is loud on the outside. It's not something she is doing on purpose. (Unless it is. If you think she is definitely using her volume thoughtfully and with an agenda, these solutions work to a point, but more is often needed after these ones.)

 

What works is if you solve it by teaching the child that it IS possible to have disappointed feelings -- while reacting less loudly. Show her how. Teach her how. Support the learning process as her ability to compose herself and/or endure bit-by-bit slightly higher levels of disappointment and/or frustration increases (at a snail's pace). She is going to need the long-term life skill if dealing competently with her own internal emotional reality -- so, yeah, maybe she's got a little extra intensity in there, but it's not going anywhere. She needs techniques and support in order to grow in her 'composure skills' -- and it's might be a running theme for her... Congrats, you're her resource in this -- and all things.

 

PS: expect a 'new batch' of intense emotions at 3ish and 6ish. Aparently there's about a 3 year window to get each "batch" under adequate management. Then (yay!) new ones!

[Incognito]

Woman in a shoe: that's brilliant and I'm totally stealing it.

 

OP: try changing your mindset towards the idea that her "make loud vocalization" impulse is (currently) hard-wired to her emotional centre. Imagine that it just "goes off" any time her level of disappointment in any situation goes above "level two". That's unfortunate, but in SOLVING it, it does NO good to treat the issue as if it is an intentional choice the child is making (to scream, to make trouble, to try and get her own way). Try to view it as simply self-expression. The emotion is intense on the inside, so the volume is loud on the outside. It's not something she is doing on purpose. (Unless it is. If you think she is definitely using her volume thoughtfully and with an agenda, these solutions work to a point, but more is often needed after these ones.)

 

What works is if you solve it by teaching the child that it IS possible to have disappointed feelings -- while reacting less loudly. Show her how. Teach her how. Support the learning process as her ability to compose herself and/or endure bit-by-bit slightly higher levels of disappointment and/or frustration increases (at a snail's pace). She is going to need the long-term life skill if dealing competently with her own internal emotional reality -- so, yeah, maybe she's got a little extra intensity in there, but it's not going anywhere. She needs techniques and support in order to grow in her 'composure skills' -- and it's might be a running theme for her... Congrats, you're her resource in this -- and all things.

 

PS: expect a 'new batch' of intense emotions at 3ish and 6ish. Aparently there's about a 3 year window to get each "batch" under adequate management. Then (yay!) new ones!

bolt - you're right and I am trying to re-frame how I feel about her vocalizations.  She is really loud about being happy too, so I know it isn't just about yelling in anger, it's a loud personality.

 

Happy to say that in spite of 3 of the 4 of us being sick around the house today, my spirited toddler did less screaming than usual.  I did try the counting - I'll keep trying it and see if it does make a difference.  It did help me realize that the screaming isn't forever - I haven't gotten to infinity yet. :)

 

Thanks.

[Trish]

Don't know if this would help any, but when the kids were diaper ages, we always had a song we would sing during the diaper change. (It was one we made up, we called it the poopy song, haha. It was sort of cute.) Anyway, it actually made the diaper changes more fun for us. It's sort of soothing to have that as part of the routine. If is doesn't soothe your screamer, it may relax *you* a bit, or anyway help to drown out the screaming.

[Um_2_4]

You described my DS3. He has a touch of OCD really (not sure they can diagnose that at 3, but I can SEE it in his everyday life, things have to be a certain way). It runs in Dh;s family so I wouldn't be surprised if he later has an official diagnosis. 

 

Hugging, quiet room and rocking help. Leaving a store if needed and figuring out his "triggers" help. So did talking (he talked late). 

Really it is mostly about me figuring out his triggers. Like for him things have to be a complete set: blocks, shoes, etc. So I know breaking up a set will trigger him. 

Change doesn't set well with him. Like when I cleaned the van and wanted to change his spot for his carseat. I had to put a "spin" on it LOL. I make him my "helper" or "co-conspirator" (for lack of a better word). 

I am always "on" with him...... no wonder I am always tired :laugh:

[Incognito]

You described my DS3. He has a touch of OCD really (not sure they can diagnose that at 3, but I can SEE it in his everyday life, things have to be a certain way). It runs in Dh;s family so I wouldn't be surprised if he later has an official diagnosis. 

 

Hugging, quiet room and rocking help. Leaving a store if needed and figuring out his "triggers" help. So did talking (he talked late). 

Really it is mostly about me figuring out his triggers. Like for him things have to be a complete set: blocks, shoes, etc. So I know breaking up a set will trigger him. 

Change doesn't set well with him. Like when I cleaned the van and wanted to change his spot for his carseat. I had to put a "spin" on it LOL. I make him my "helper" or "co-conspirator" (for lack of a better word). 

I am always "on" with him...... no wonder I am always tired :laugh:

 

Thank you.  Yes- complete sets, just so.  We have to bring ALL of the babies out of bed.  If you find one duplo animal you must find them all.  Things have to be in HER order, HER way.  I realized we did it for her because it is important to her, but I wasn't thinking about it being "triggers" for what upsets her.  Very helpful thought.

[Um_2_4]

Thank you.  Yes- complete sets, just so.  We have to bring ALL of the babies out of bed.  If you find one duplo animal you must find them all.  Things have to be in HER order, HER way.  I realized we did it for her because it is important to her, but I wasn't thinking about it being "triggers" for what upsets her.  Very helpful thought.

 

The sets thing is sometimes the hardest because what he considers as included in the set is not what I would have included, kwim?

Like cups, if he has his milk in his iron man cup, then everyone else has to have their milk in their "character" cup (even if it is hello kitty or whatever).

And which lid goes on which cup (I have those take n toss cups with lids and straws that you can wash): the blue lid has to go on the orange cups, the red lids on the blue cups ,etc, etc :huh:

[Pod's mum]

I also had a screamer. From baby on. But when she was older it became rarer.

I learned to 'give' her 10 yells when she started yelling and I would encourage her to make them really big ones.

So instead of trying to get her to stop I would be counting and "Come o n you've still got 4 more, make them big ones...good, 3 more" etc.

I think it helped. She would normally have to be encouraged to get the the end of the list and then she would just stop. Spent. Rather than just going on and on and on.

Unless things were really beyond a joke.Some years were bad. Then she just got put outside, door locked  for as long as it took to stop sceaming.

If I couldn't do anything to stop it then I didn't need to be the focus of it.

I can relate going into the dissassociative state to cope.

Some kids take no prisoners.

It does get better.

[KungFuPanda]

My youngest had a scream that would put hair on your chest. No girl ever had a higher pitch than my son as a toddler. Even polite strangers would become instantly offended by the painful and unexpected assault on their ears. He was a late talker and the screaming stopped when he finally learned to say everything he was thinking. We are still scarred.

[bolt.]

We had the term "scream fatigue" for parents who had just listened through a screaming fuss. That way that you feel like you are vibrating inside and just need a cup of tea and to sit down for a bit before you can even have a rational thought.

 

We didn't do as well as we might have, so the "fusses" were often long and loud.

 

Sometimes I got so dissociated (particularly in the car) that I didn't even notice when she stopped.

[SKL]

I don't have a screamer, but some of these comments remind me of what my mom told me about my older brother.  He had a high-pitched scream that he would use for no good reason all day long.  My mom said it was like he was in excrutiating pain, but with no other symptoms.  It's hard to imagine, because as long as I can remember (I'm about 2 years younger than he), he has always been the most quiet, mellow, unassuming type of person.  He gets flustered when he can't express himself, though.  He always needs extra time to figure out how to frame his thoughts.  He is most probably an Aspie, but of course being almost 50 this was never diagnosed when he was young.

[SKL]

For the diaper thing, I would explore whether he is able to take care of any of his own toileting needs.  A lot of times, having a fit at diaper changes is a sign of readiness for more potty independence.  Maybe ask him if he would like to try something different.  :)

[Incognito]

The sets thing is sometimes the hardest because what he considers as included in the set is not what I would have included, kwim?

Like cups, if he has his milk in his iron man cup, then everyone else has to have their milk in their "character" cup (even if it is hello kitty or whatever).

And which lid goes on which cup (I have those take n toss cups with lids and straws that you can wash): the blue lid has to go on the orange cups, the red lids on the blue cups ,etc, etc :huh:

 

Amen.  You are living this with me!

I can relate going into the dissassociative state to cope.

Some kids take no prisoners.

It does get better.

Thanks for the empathy.  :)

 

We are still scarred.

Aw.  I'm hoping it'll be like for you and being more verbal will help.

 

We had the term "scream fatigue" for parents who had just listened through a screaming fuss. That way that you feel like you are vibrating inside and just need a cup of tea and to sit down for a bit before you can even have a rational thought.

 

We didn't do as well as we might have, so the "fusses" were often long and loud.

 

Sometimes I got so dissociated (particularly in the car) that I didn't even notice when she stopped.

"Scream Fatigue" is a good thing to define.  I have called it "being DONE", but you have pinpointed it.  I've done that in the car too (and possibly at home...).

 

 

For the diaper thing, I would explore whether he is able to take care of any of his own toileting needs.  A lot of times, having a fit at diaper changes is a sign of readiness for more potty independence.  Maybe ask him if he would like to try something different.  :)

 

I have done earlier pottying with my other kids, (this toddler may be my latest, actually), however her strict rules about how to do things make it difficult to let her do it.  When she does say she wants to use the potty I let her (and sometimes she actually does use it :)), but the full on potty independence I'm not sure how to meld with her personality.  I'm super close to totally going for it, but the timing with what we have going on with the bigger kids and when we need to be out and about isn't great (and I'm sick, etc. etc.).  In a few weeks it should be much better for that.

[Rachel]

My eldest had colic as a baby then from 18 months-3 years went through the terrible twos. He was very verbal but would throw 12+ all out tantrums a day. He is very particular about things (like me). It was exhausting!

 

What helped us with his tantrums was getting rid of the audience. I didn't try this until he was about 2.5, but when he started a tantrum, I would tell him gently that it is ok to be upset but he had to be upset in his room. When he was happy he could come out. I explained what would happen ahead of time so it wouldn't take him by surprise. He tried to come out of his room during that first tantrum, but I returned him. Each time he came out I reminded him it was ok to cry but he had to do it in his room. The second he calmed down I made a big deal about him being happy. In 2 days he was down to a couple tantrums per day. He is still prone to tantrums at nearly 6, but they are rare and manageable. He struggles with transistions, like leaving the park. If I give him a 3 minute warning and then let him pick one last ride on the slide(or whatever he is into that day) he does much better. In fact he rarely throws a tantrum about transistions any more.

 

As far as being particular about things being a certain way, it sound like your daughter is much more particular about this that my son. I do remind him that sometimes we don't get what we want but it will be ok. When he was younger it helped to give him some free choice in things like which shoes to wear or what vegetable to eat, there was not an option to not wear shoes. Also, if his first response was to scream, he didn't get his way. I did find that always giving him a choice in everything led to him not being happy if he wasn't given a choice, so I try to give him some choices throughout the day, but not about everything.

 

I started the tantrums in her room (actually crib) with my daughter at about 18 months, she is now 3.5 and we never had the screaming issues like we did with my son. She was also verbal early, but not like my son. She is much more dramatic in general, but we still don't have major tantrum issues.

 

I have a 16 month old now, he is not very verbal (knows about 5 words) but has started to show his independence. Around 13 months when he started walking, he started screaming and pulling on my leg when he wanted to be held. I told him, "say up please". If he made any noise other than screaming I would pick him up. It took a good month of this but now he'll grab my pants and say "momma" when he wants up. I have no idea if having a tantrum spot will work with him, he hasn't really started them yet. He's my most stubborn child yet so we will see. He has that special high pitched scream that others comment on, I can only hope he will never throw tantrums like his brother did.

 

Hang in there!

 

I really like the counting idea and am keeping that in mind for the future.

[Haiku]

Anyone who has had a passionate, precise child who has any magic tricks or tips?  I'm tired. 

 

My child was not a screamer but she definitely made her discontent known. She got to sit in a chair and grump to a blank wall. She got tired of that very quickly.

 

Honestly, were it my kid, she would scream at a blank wall until she figured out that screaming gets you nowhere but in a chair in front of a blank wall.

 

I know people will chime in with all the sensory and personality quirk stories they can unearth but, honestly, I would train the kid out of screaming. The only people I know who have had consistently screamy kids are the ones who try to "work with" their kids' "issues." The ones who have made it unrewarding to scream have gotten much quicker results.

 

(And yes, my kid was in OT and all that ... I still don't advocate coddling kids with issues.)

[Haiku]

And which lid goes on which cup (I have those take n toss cups with lids and straws that you can wash): the blue lid has to go on the orange cups, the red lids on the blue cups ,etc, etc :huh:

 

My kids used to do this, too. I started giving them their drink and, if they fussed about the cup, pouring out the drink and walking away. That solved the problem right quick (and I wished I'd thought of it sooner).

 

I did it with food finickiness, too. Fuss about the food (or the plate that it's on)? Food goes back in the pot, plate goes in the dishwasher, Mom goes to eat (or read a book, or take a bath, or whatever).

[Incognito]

My child was not a screamer but she definitely made her discontent known. She got to sit in a chair and grump to a blank wall. She got tired of that very quickly.

 

Honestly, were it my kid, she would scream at a blank wall until she figured out that screaming gets you nowhere but in a chair in front of a blank wall.

 

I know people will chime in with all the sensory and personality quirk stories they can unearth but, honestly, I would train the kid out of screaming. The only people I know who have had consistently screamy kids are the ones who try to "work with" their kids' "issues." The ones who have made it unrewarding to scream have gotten much quicker results.

 

(And yes, my kid was in OT and all that ... I still don't advocate coddling kids with issues.)

I would have agreed with you until I had this kid.  Diaper changes as an example.  I've been alternately waiting her out and powering through for 20 MONTHS and she still acts like a newborn about it.  I think I had a couple of weeks of respite once and I have no idea why and would do whatever I could to get that back.  I have wondered if she is in pain or something because it is ridiculous.  But I may well resort to a blank wall if counting doesn't work.  I've tried the blank wall already a number of times and it has not worked well.  I do understand that for it to really work, consistency is key. 

 

My kid has always needed advance notice of anything unusual (even good things), and we have fended off many meltdowns that way. If you're not already saying things like, "After this, we're going to _____________ because _____________. Sometimes we __________ instead, but today is super special... ________________. Next time we'll probably go back to _____________," try it out. Toddlers aren't verbal enough to ask you for that, but breaking patterns without an explanation to someone who's trying to figure out the world invites frustration.

 

I should talk more with her about things - I find that with her being less verbal and tending to scream about lots I tend to steel myself and power through instead of explaining.  However, she is older, understands a fair bit, and really does seem to appreciate it when I do explain things.  Thank you.

My kids used to do this, too. I started giving them their drink and, if they fussed about the cup, pouring out the drink and walking away. That solved the problem right quick (and I wished I'd thought of it sooner).

 

I did it with food finickiness, too. Fuss about the food (or the plate that it's on)? Food goes back in the pot, plate goes in the dishwasher, Mom goes to eat (or read a book, or take a bath, or whatever).

I do agree that when a person panders to whims things get harder and harder and a child gets impossible to please.  I will look at what I'm doing and see if that is happening.  I try to be mindful of that, but to avoid screams I may well have chosen some pandering.  Thank you.

[Ottakee]

This is TOUGH. I had one of these.

 

Has the doctor checked her for hearing issues? Fluid in the ears? Those things can cause the speech delays, etc. and are usually quite easy to treat.

 

Any signs of food allergies/intolerances? Dairy, corn, wheat are big ones that can affect behavior.

 

Is there any family history of autistic spectrum issues, mental health issues, etc? I hate to "go there" with a 20 month old as some just honestly are tough kiddos. With my daughter, she was later diagnosed with bipolar, anxiety, some OCD, autistic tendencies, and ADHD. We started her on meds when she turned 3. I keep saying, "if we had known THEN what we know NOW, we would have started meds at 1 year old". I know that sound terrible, horrible, etc. but honestly, the meds have made about 90% of the difference so that all of the parenting techniques listed above could actually work.

 

Try to see about hiring a babysitter/mother's helper so that you can have some down/quiet time and maybe take your older ones out for some fun without the stress of having her along.

 

On the positive, my daughter is now in her teens and still on meds, BUT she is now my "easy" one......really, truly, she is.

[Haiku]

 

 

I would have agreed with you until I had this kid. 

 

I feel you. Trust me. I felt the same way. I couldn't believe how much my dd threw a wrench in all the plans ... all the time ... with her utter inability to do anything easily.

 

 

I do agree that when a person panders to whims things get harder and harder and a child gets impossible to please.  I will look at what I'm doing and see if that is happening.  I try to be mindful of that, but to avoid screams I may well have chosen some pandering.  Thank you.

 

 

I read all the attachment parenting books and visited all the attachment parenting websites when I was waiting for my first child to join us. I knew it all. It was going to work so well. Then my dd arrived, and nothing that was supposed to work did. I nearly killed myself for 2 years to make the world a wonderful, comfortable place that met all her needs. She simply got more and more and more demanding. Finally I couldn't take it anymore and stopped catering to her. Although it didn't happen overnight, she got less and less and less demanding. She is still a girl who knows what she wants and isn't shy about telling you all about it, but we lived through toddlerhood and the preschool years reasonably well alive, so I guess it worked. ;) Amazing, when my now-oldest dd joined us at 11, I went right back to the "kill myself to cater to her" mode, with similar results. When I finally stopped, she improved (although things with her were never what I would call "easy"). Hang in there, momma!  :grouphug: