Mynyel Posted August 4, 2013 Share Posted August 4, 2013 There are a few particulars I didn't mention. Dh is NOT happy. He hates this property (I like the house despite it's faults) and he doesn't like the landlord. He wants to move out of this house. Roughly by November. He is supposed to be getting money from his mother then. His mother is somewhat unreliable so I don't know if that will pan out. He talks about it every. single. day. Without fail. I am beside myself. I don't know what to do. The hive probably doesn't either but I just need to voice it. I don't want to move again so soon right now. *sigh* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desert Strawberry Posted August 4, 2013 Share Posted August 4, 2013 Can you explain to him that this talk is upsetting you? Ask him to table it until November /October /the money comes in? No sense borrowing trouble. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wingedradical Posted August 5, 2013 Share Posted August 5, 2013 You guys have been through a lot and I don't know the dynamics of your relationship with your husband nor about your beliefs re: how decisions are made. So it is very hard to say what is right for you to do. My marriage is Christian egalitarian - that is, we believe we are in things equally together and make decisions together. Whenever we can, we try to not make any decision that we don't both agree upon. Of course, sometimes that isn't possible. If one of us wants something really, really badly and the other doesn't, one or the other will often say, "Okay" as a matter of love and giving. In addition, there is a situation where there is a time restraint. Like in your case - November WILL come and you'll have to either leave or stay although you are not yet in agreement. In those cases, we go with the opinion of the one who is most affected. It seems to me that you, as a homeschooling mom who works in your home, are probably more affected by the house situation than he is and he should let you make the final decision. But that is how my family dynamics work; maybe yours are different. At any rate, I'll be praying for you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ravin Posted August 5, 2013 Share Posted August 5, 2013 I would be inclined to dig in and wait until you have better control of the money situation--and/or he'd better have a new place lined up in advance, solidly, before giving notice where you are. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lmrich Posted August 5, 2013 Share Posted August 5, 2013 Just hugs. You have had so much thrown at you. You need to ask dh for a time of peace and time to allow you all to recover. Discuss moving when you have the money. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted August 5, 2013 Share Posted August 5, 2013 I would be inclined to dig in and wait until you have better control of the money situation--and/or he'd better have a new place lined up in advance, solidly, before giving notice where you are. I agree. Loving someone doesn't mean you have to agree with them or support every hair-brained idea they have. My patience would have worn out some time ago. I'd be pitching a fit that we would not be spending his mother's money just to move again. It's time to pay down some debt, get a plan, and work towards a goal. Just moving is not a goal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tracy Posted August 5, 2013 Share Posted August 5, 2013 Is it possible that just as you feel like you need to voice your concerns, this is what he is doing, as well? I know that I say a lot of things in the frustration of the moment that I can be easily talked out of after things have calmed down and smoothed over. Perhaps after things get cleaned up and repaired, he won't feel so strongly about it anymore. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moxie Posted August 5, 2013 Share Posted August 5, 2013 You need to do some real soul-searching and figure out what got you into this mess and make sure you have solved that problem. From the outside it looks like you moved without a great plan and without enough cash for emergencies. It is going to take a lot of communication between the two of you to solve this issue and reach a good solution for your whole family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susan in TX Posted August 5, 2013 Share Posted August 5, 2013 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Susan in TX Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aggieamy Posted August 5, 2013 Share Posted August 5, 2013 I agree. Loving someone doesn't mean you have to agree with them or support every hair-brained idea they have. My patience would have worn out some time ago. I'd be pitching a fit that we would not be spending his mother's money just to move again. It's time to pay down some debt, get a plan, and work towards a goal. Just moving is not a goal. I agree with Martha here. You were begging family members for money so you wouldn't be homeless. You have maxed out credit cards. You are broke. Normally I'm not dramatic with my DH but if he came to me with an idea like that after what we had been through I would have had a fit. Seriously. I would have taken to my bed crying until he gave up on the idea. If I were in your situation I would take the money you're are getting from his mother and pay off his sister who you borrowed money from before I did anything else. (I would be hurt if I had loaned you money and you did something else before paying me back.) My next step would be to put $1000 in savings for emergencies. Then I would cut up the credit cards and start paying off my debt so I'm never one poor decision away from being homeless again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lilaclady Posted August 5, 2013 Share Posted August 5, 2013 I think you guys both need to sit down and talk things through. The house may not be ideal but you need to have a better plan before you move again. honestly, after what you guys have gone through, I will be very hesitant to rely on money from someone else to bail you out. You have seen how hard it was for people to come through when you needed help. You both need to figure out a way to save money and then plan your move. Your Dh might just be frustrated and voicing the frustration that he is not able to adequately provide a good home for you guys. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mynyel Posted August 5, 2013 Author Share Posted August 5, 2013 See I agree with all of you. His argument is.. "Well we are going to look to down grade. Get something with less rent." He will *NOT* like this place even if it is fixed. There isn't enough light and the yard isn't big enough or so he says. It is true that there isn't much light. We need the kitchen light on no matter the time of day. He says he will go nuts if he has to stay here longer than absolutely needed. I have told him we are maxed, he know we have to pay my sister back. He knows our financial situation. I don't know. If he is going to do everything, without an ounce oh help from me, then I guess I will just have to follow. I am just sick and tired of hearing about it every. single. day. From the time he wakes up to the time he goes to bed. I have taken to hiding in the bedroom. That is where my laptop is :) We shall see. Maybe I am just borrowing trouble. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
carriede Posted August 5, 2013 Share Posted August 5, 2013 I think the wound is too fresh for both of you to talk about future options, regardless of finances. Perhaps tell him to lay off the talk until later. Or just nod along that you hear him but without furthering the discussion. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lecka Posted August 5, 2013 Share Posted August 5, 2013 I am afraid you could be burning a bridge with your sister. She is your sister, not your husband's. Do you have a payment plan for her? If so -- I don't think you "have" to pay her back 100% before moving on. If she is not being repaid at all, I think it is going to reflect on your husband. I would hate that within my family. If it is really a gift from your sister that is different. If it is not, then I would say to fight for a payment plan for her, even if you do move. If you can re-pay her and also move, and he will do everything, and this is a viable plan, and you like the new option.... Maybe try to see his side. If his side is not rational then I would still fight for monthly checks to my sister, but beyond that I think I would just hope for the best. But it would be hard bc my family would have no respect for him at that point and it would be a bad situation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jewellsmommy Posted August 5, 2013 Share Posted August 5, 2013 See I agree with all of you. His argument is.. "Well we are going to look to down grade. Get something with less rent." He will *NOT* like this place even if it is fixed. There isn't enough light and the yard isn't big enough or so he says. It is true that there isn't much light. We need the kitchen light on no matter the time of day. He says he will go nuts if he has to stay here longer than absolutely needed. I have told him we are maxed, he know we have to pay my sister back. He knows our financial situation. I don't know. If he is going to do everything, without an ounce oh help from me, then I guess I will just have to follow. I am just sick and tired of hearing about it every. single. day. From the time he wakes up to the time he goes to bed. I have taken to hiding in the bedroom. That is where my laptop is :) We shall see. Maybe I am just borrowing trouble. I don't know how much this will help, but...I would buy some LED "daylight" bulbs and keep the lights on even during the day, all day. If you spend a little extra for the LED bulbs, then it won't use much electricity. Our house is kind of dark too. I keep the kitchen and dining room lights on all day. The daylight/cooler tone/bright lights look exactly like light coming in the windows. This won't fix the yard obviously but may make a big difference to his outlook in the house. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aggieamy Posted August 5, 2013 Share Posted August 5, 2013 I really feel for you in that situation. I feel almost panic-y reading about it. I don't know what I would do if I felt like my DH was putting me and my children in such a bad financial situation that we might be homeless again. Ugh. Would you be able to afford your current house on just your salary if it came to that? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heathermomster Posted August 5, 2013 Share Posted August 5, 2013 I'm confused. What does your spouse do for a living? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted August 5, 2013 Share Posted August 5, 2013 I really feel for you in that situation. I feel almost panic-y reading about it. I don't know what I would do if I felt like my DH was putting me and my children in such a bad financial situation that we might be homeless again. Ugh. Would you be able to afford your current house on just your salary if it came to that? Me too. This just doesn't sound mentally stable or rational. I'd refuse to move. And if he didn't wake up, I'd move in with a relative or friend before I'd hit the road to no where like that again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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