5 yr old with incessant questions

[Momling]

We do foster care and right now have two sisters. One of them has an incredible ability to ask nonstop questions. For the first few weeks, I didn't find it a problem. After all, it's the sign of a curious mind... a desire to communicate and learn about the world, right? So I would do my best to answer her questions. But I'm now going nuts. Seriously... It's too much. Just a nonstop series of questions.

 

I don't think she knows how annoying it is, rather she seems to be using the question asking just to get the adult attention she craves. Many times, it'll be the same question again and again.

 

I totally understand her need to know what is happening in her life -- so I happily answer questions about what the plan is for the day or what is for lunch or when is naptime. And I can handle a few esoteric questions per day about where water comes from and what the sun is made of and why we have two legs. But after that, I'd like to stop. I do turn the questions around and ask her what she thinks... but she'll just switch to a new line of questioning.

 

Seriously... will I be doing any harm if I just say I'm not taking questions right now?

[Jean in Newcastle]

Of course you can tell her that you are done answering questions at times. I would get some of those science books of the Q and A type and read them aloud to her and then have her narrate to you about it!

[sparrow]

I think it's reasonable to set a limit. Maybe have a little notebook she could jot questions down in when it's not question time.

 

I'm afraid I may have been that kid. My poor mom. I'm still an information junkie, but luckily, the internet can answer most of them now ;) .

 

 

ETA: I see she's 5. Jot down to the best of her ability :) .

[Robin M]

My kiddo is like that and has always been like that since he learned to talk. You just have to set limits and let her know quiet time from here to here and no questions during that time. Just say enough questions for now and save them for later. When she gets old enough, you can point her in the direction of encyclopedias. :)

[PrairieSong]

I don't think there is anything wrong with telling her right now is Quiet Time...no questions. Does she sometimes just need a hug? Or a story to be read to her? Another form of attention? I would also have a heart-to-heart talk with her, even though she's young, reassuring that you care about her but that sometimes there are just too many questions. It's an overload for you. Nothing wrong with setting some gentle, but firm, boundaries.

 

Bless you for doing foster care.

[gardenmom5]

you can say you don't have time right now. I'm happy to let me son talk to me in the car, but there are times he has to be quiet (and not just for my sanity - but because I need to focus.)

 

couple ideas:

1) she's asking a question she cannot properly verbalize so it comes out as something else. when you answer that, it doesn't really answer the question because she doesn't have the vocabulary to ask what she really means.

2) (a friend swears her son did this) she doesn't want to have to think. sometimes turning the question around and getting them to think about it will turn their little minds on.

3) make sure you have story time, or time she get's you every day. as she starts to look forward to that, it might help with reducing her needing you every second.

[mathmarm]

My sister was like that. I wanted to cut her tongue out a couple of times as a kid.

 

My mom gave her a schedule book to plan her days out and know her week at a glance. When she wanted to know what was happening that day, Mom told her to check her planner. (She got 1 for every birthday from 5 to adulthood.)

 

We weren't a library-visiting-type family, but I'd recommend some kid encyclopedias, some "Did you Know" type stuff for kids and setting a limit.

[Monica_in_Switzerland]

My DD4 never stops talking. Ever. If I want some peace, I tell her that I can't talk right now, but that she can write or draw her question and I will answer it later. (No, she can't write). She will usually go and scribble away.

 

When she asks the same question multiple times, I tell her I've already told her the answer, and won't repeat it, and so she'll just have to wait. She usually then magically remembers the answer. I will also sometimes say that if she asks the question again (i.e. Can I have a chocolate after lunch) my yes will turn to a no. This stops those sorts of questions.

 

And when I can, yes, I answer her. I try to look her in the face when I'm answering her questions so that she knows I'm taking her seriuosly.

 

BUT having said all that, it is EXHAUSTING! You have my sympathy. :-)

[Monica_in_Switzerland]

Oh, and yes, you can tell her no more just now, but she will feel most assured if you tell her, "I will answer any questions you have during your bath tonight/while we make lunch together/at 4pm" and then DO that. Just putting them off does not work in my experience!

[plansrme]

One of my kids did this because she could not figure out another way to interact with me. I started having her help with whatever I was doing--making beds, carrying laundry, reading, etc., when I could. When I was trying to work or could not talk for some other reason, I had to be more creative, but she did get over it after a while. In her case, it was a need for interaction or attention, not true curiosity about the world.

[OrganicAnn]

If it is the same question, then I would ask her "what do you think?" or "what do you think X would say" X being DH or some character (book or cartoon).

 

I would also try to give her attention when she is not asking questions. "I love to sit quietly with you." "Or let's listen to what we can hear" (if sitting outside).

 

It is okay to ask for a break now and then, especially at the end of the day. It is also okay to explain to her gently why you need a break. But I would try to answer honest inquisitiveness.

[Joanne]

As you've intuited, her questions serve several important psychological functions.

 

But there is no harm, and many reasons in support of boundaries.

 

I believe I'd tell her some form of: "Sweet foster child, Foster mom has only a certain number of answers a day for your questions without getting grumpy. When I know I am almost out of answers, I am going to say the word "jellyfish" and that means no more questions until (lunch, breakfast, bedtime)."

[Ottakee]

I HAD TO LAUGH AT THIS ONE................

 

Our oldest came to us at 7 1/2 years old through foster care. He was more like a 4-5 year old in many ways. He had NO STOP questions-----from a boy that hardly talked when they removed him. I am serious, it was NON STOP questions.

 

One night I was tired and done answering questions so at bedtime I told him he could ask 1 more question and then it was bedtime and I was done......................his question was..................."in the morning may I have more questions?"............how do you answer that???

 

Really no answers for you but I would just start putting some limits on foster child. Part of their life was likely lived with NO limits of any kind and they need to learn reasonable limits and good manners, etc.

 

We are working with our foster boy and the cookie line at church. He is 11 and very very overweight---over 200# so he doens't need extra treats. The first week before I caught him he had been through 3 times with 2 cookies and 1 lemonade each. We have said ONE time through the line and 2 cookies and 1 juice and that is it.

[Pamela H in Texas]

Most likely, it is her way of seeking attention, connection with another person, figuring out life (esp if she's "out of a box"), etc. Does she have any other attachment disorder signs? When it seems like a legitimate question by a curious five year old, we answer. When it is obvious it is attachment disorder, we give a crazy answer like "jellyfish" mentioned above though most of ours are about flying creatures :) Kiddo has actually handled that very well. I think he *wants* limits.

[violamama]

My 5 yo son is like this, and my 7 yo to a slightly lesser degree. I usually love it, but sometimes my husband and I joke about our ears bleeding...

 

Sometimes if I'm tapped out, I tell him it's time for him to just tell me a story with no questions in it (if I can handle that). Or I say, "What's the answer?" when he is asking something again. Or I put some headphones on HIM and play him a story or some music (this works best if he does a crafty activity like coloring or cutting/pasting at the same time). I get the sense that my kids just need aural interaction sometimes, and I can't always provide it without losing my mind.

 

It's good to stretch their ability to wait, but it must be hard to know how much to do that in a sensitive situation like yours.

 

Very quiet hugs to you both!

[poppy]

She sounds like a great kid. I agree with the PPs, telling her you need some quiet time is totally acceptable.

When we do it with my daughter, I usually put a reason behind it. "No question right now, I'm [doing whatever] and need to concentrate" or "No questions right now, I'm really tired, I promise we'll talk later."