Family's young kids running wild in neighborhood, trespassing in yards

[unsinkable]

 

 

I will be 55 on Sunday, and you guys are ruining by birthday :D

 

Bill

 

 

Happiest of birthdays!

[nmoira]

I will be 55 on Sunday, and you guys are ruining by birthday :D

 

Bill

 

Ha! You're not old enough to be *my* dad. :D

[8circles]

I have two things I would like to address. First of all, it is pointless to argue with Bill over this, he and his wife both work and send their kids to ps and Bill seems to assume, although I might be wrong, that he believes that if most of us did the math on our incomes we would make the same choice. I did the math on the income and decided to invest my time with my kids. He does not share the same views on the level of parental involvement that many people on the board have. I believe that letting a child as young as six run through the neighborhood is not as dangerous as some things, but is not good parenting. Bill does not believe that, and in America he has a choice to believe what he wants, but I see evidence of the paradigm he lives in. The world was structured differently at the time he was allowed to run free and kids were taught a level of common sense at a young age that children today are not allowed to develop. A nine year old would be different, but a six year old could have gotten hurt playing with wires for the fish pond. It simply isn't safe and the parents are refusing to deal with anyone in the neighborhood so the "helpful" suggestion to talk to them is pointless.

 

What?????? This is rude, irrelevant, & presumptuous.

[SpecialClassical]

Honestly, if you can't resolve this very soon I would drain the pond and re-home the fish. It would cost less than a fence and you could refill it as soon as you are confident the children won't be playing near it unattended.

 

If the oldest is 6, is the youngest a toddler? That is what I am imagining and a toddler can't be expected to act in a safe manner around a fish pond.

 

I hope you can resolve this soon for the sake of those children and your peace of mind.

[FaithManor]

I will be 55 on Sunday, and you guys are ruining by birthday :D

 

Bill

 

Happy birthday Bill!!!!

 

Faith

[SKL]

Kids playing around my pond would freak me out. I'd talk to the kids, and to the parents. I'd tell the kids that if they kept coming in my yard, they would be put at hard labor like raking leaves or something. I love kids, but drowning is a big fear of mine. If they didn't stop coming, I'd probably drain the pond until they got older or moved away. The potential consequences are just too serious. ... If I thought kids that little didn't have a parent or other caregiver at home, I might call the cops too.

[Jenny in Florida]

Fair enough, and your neighborhood kids are lucky to have you around. :) I'd hope that the OP would have spoken to the children kindly, had they not run away each time they saw her (which to me indicates they know they shouldn't be there); however, not everyone wants to be so accommodating as you with their time and their property, and not everyone should have to be.

 

Bingo.

 

Look, I'm an introvert, and because I happen to be raising a couple of very social, very busy kids, I'm out in the world interacting with people all. the time. It's exhausting for me. It's not that I don't like people. I do, in small doses.

 

Once I'm home, on my own property (or, in my case, on the property I rent), I think it's perfectly appropriate to assume I can be off the clock, in terms of having my attention demanded by other people, particularly by other people's children.

 

If I choose to make my house and yard the hang-out place for the neighborhood kids, that's wonderful.

 

If I want a break from people and need peace and quiet when I'm in my own home on my own property, that's entirely reasonable.

 

I, personally, would not want to have to host fishy play-dates with random kids. I would find it stressful and an imposition on my life. Call me a curmudgeon, but it's the truth.

 

I like to think my first step would be to try and seek out the parents. But if I've spoken to both the kids and the parents -- or tried to do so and found them unavailable or unwilling to follow through -- I would have no problem making a non-emergency call to my local police.

[Spy Car]

 

 

Not really. What is the OP expected to do? The three children under six are out and about, the parents have not been home.

 

I'd suggest talking to the parents when they are home. Or calling them on the phone. This is not so difficult a problem to overcome.

 

Again you admit that your perception is coloring your view. What *assumption* are you accusing me of making?

 

Yes and no. Everyone's perceptions colors their views. I am fully aware some police departments have a more community-minded policing model than the LAPD, whose history I'm assuming you must not fully appreciate, but even with a friendlier police force it would not be my first move (barring the possibility that an Andy Taylor type officer lived on the block).

 

You like to make insinuations. I find it highly insulting.

 

Nobody said it should be a first move.

 

That is not so.

 

It would not be the OP's first move, if she called them now. She attempted to talk to the children (who ran away) and attempted to speak to the parents (who were not home).

 

If you don't succeed the first time, you try again. It really can be that hard to reach a neighbor.

 

Bill

[Murphy101]

She attempted and that's good enough for me. She is under no obligation to drop everything when these kids enter her yard. She has her own kids to parent. (Never fails this stuff happens to me when I am least able to drop everything and run out to deal with it. Putting a baby down for a nap. Cooking. Kids in tubs....)

 

She is certainly under no obligation to repeatedly try to inform them about their own kids.

[SKL]

Oh, and I believe in the free-range kid movement. My kids are 6 and they have been allowed to play outside "alone" for years. However, someone is always present at home base (or near the kids). And free-range or not, little kids lack judgment when it comes to attractive nuisances. It's natural. Even if they were the best kids to the best parents, they need to be away from that pond when adults are not supervising.

[Mrs Mungo]

I'd suggest talking to the parents when they are home. Or calling them on the phone. This is not so difficult a problem to overcome.

 

How is she supposed to guess when they will be home? How do you get your neighbors' phone numbers when you have never spoken to them? Most people I know have unlisted numbers or only use cell phones.

 

Yes and no. Everyone's perceptions colors their views. I am fully aware some police departments have a more community-minded policing model than the LAPD, whose history I'm assuming you must not fully appreciate, but even with a friendlier police force it would not be my first move (barring the possibility that an Andy Taylor type officer lived on the block).

 

You like to make insinuations. I find it highly insulting.

 

You are outwardly stating that I don't know anything about the LAPD. I do. But, the OP does not live in LA, so it has no bearing on the issue. You have yet to describe what insult, accusation, insinuation or assumption I have made against you. You like to accuse people of insulting you, when there has been no insult.

 

If you don't succeed the first time, you try again. It really can be that hard to reach a neighbor.

 

It really can be that hard to reach people who are not interested in communicating with you.

[kitten18]

Oh, wow, this made me laugh!

 

"You are older than my parents."

 

It strikes me as funny. Anyone else? Just me?

It totally struck me as funny. As if pointing out how "old" and "out of touch" he is. ;)

 

 

 

I'm 40 and my siblings are 52, 56, 60, and 62. So, 55 really doesn't seem all that old to me.

 

 

 

Happy Birthday Bill!!! :party: :cheers2:

[Catwoman]

Happy birthday on Sunday, Bill!!!

[Spy Car]

 

 

How is she supposed to guess when they will be home?

 

Look to see if their cars are home. Look to see if the lights are on in the evening. That sort of thing. Not rocket science.

 

How do you get your neighbors' phone numbers when you have never spoken to them?

 

They are realtors. Souldn't be hard to get a realtor's phone number, I should think.

 

Most people I know have unlisted numbers or only use cell phones.

 

See above.

 

You are outwardly stating that I don't know anything about the LAPD. I do.

 

I have know idea what you know about the LAPD.

 

But, the OP does not live in LA, so it has no bearing on the issue.

 

So here my local circumstances may color (slightly) what I might do. But even with a friendly "community-based" police model it would not be my first move (unless, perhaps, if I lived in Mayberry).

 

You have yet to describe what insult, accusation, insinuation or assumption I have made against you. You like to accuse people of insulting you, when there has been no insult.

 

I will have to go back and look up your exact verbiage, but you accused me of being hostile towards police, and noted some WTM members have spouses who are police officers (as if they ough to be offended). Be real.

 

Bill

[nmoira]

It totally struck me as funny. As if pointing out how "old" and "out of touch" he is. ;)

 

I'm 40 and my siblings are 52, 56, 60, and 62. So, 55 really doesn't seem all that old to me.

 

 

Maybe because it's not. Sheesh, some people are acting like Bill recently came out of suspended animation à la Austin Powers (he might be young enough to get that reference :tongue_smilie: ) and thinks he's living in the 60's.

[Catwoman]

 

It totally struck me as funny. As if pointing out how "old" and "out of touch" he is. ;)

 

 

 

I'm 40 and my siblings are 52, 56, 60, and 62. So, 55 really doesn't seem all that old to me.

 

 

 

Happy Birthday Bill!!! :party: :cheers2:

 

 

I wish 55 seemed old to me, because that would mean I was much younger. ;)

[nmoira]

I wish 55 seemed old to me, because that would mean I was much younger. ;)

 

Just the other day I was lamenting my 45ness until my husband, umm, kindly pointed out that I'm 46.

[Spy Car]

 

 

Maybe because it's not. Sheesh, some people are acting like Bill recently came out of suspended animation à la Austin Powers (he might be young enough to get that reference :tongue_smilie: ) and thinks he's living in the 60's.

 

Do you remember the line in Austin Powers, "Your spy car is a MINI?" eh! ;)

 

Bill (who misses the 60s)

[nmoira]

 

LOL

 

I thought he was one of those talking heads in a jar like on Futurama.

 

But then again, how do we know he isn't?

[Violet Crown]

If it were me, and I were worried about the legal issues, this is what I would do.

 

1. Drain the pond. Now.

 

2. Send a certified letter to the parents' address, nicely, briefly, and clearly explaining what happened. Go back over it before I sent it and remove any remarks that aren't facts. Not have a lawyer draft it - that sort of thing just makes it look like you're the neighborhood crazy - no ranting.

 

3.

I would leave a review on the parents real estate website regarding the fact that their kids run wild while their parents are selling real estate. I would get all the neighbors who would to write similar reviews until the problem was resolved. They are ignoring their kids to make money. If their treatment of their children hurts their income they will get a babysitter.

For the love of Pete, don't do anything like this. This is what harassment and defamation suits are made of.

 

*I am not a lawyer. This is not legal advice.*

[nmoira]

Bill (who misses the 60s)

 

Or is that just the drugs talking?

[Spy Car]

 

 

Or is that just the drugs talking?

 

What's the difference? :D

 

Bill

[Spy Car]

Like I'd drink Best Light :D

 

Bill

[nmoira]

 

true

 

I mean Bill could be this cat:

 

 

 

Or this one:

 

[poppy]

So why is the OP obligated to stalk the neighbor's house to see when they are home, but the neighbors are not obligated to not let their preschoolers run amok?

Weird world we live in.

If it weren't for the pond, I'd shrug it off.

But I don't think the OP must get rid of her pond or install a fence just because of trespassers. The way to deal with trespassers is to have them stop trespassing.

[nmoira]

Maybe you prefer Guinness?

 

*spit*

 

Or this classic:

 

[Spy Car]

So why is the OP obligated to stalk the neighbor's house to see when they are home, but the neighbors are not obligated to not let their preschoolers run amok?

Weird world we live in.

If it weren't for the pond, I'd shrug it off.

But I don't think the OP must get rid of her pond or install a fence just because of trespassers. The way to deal with trespassers is to have them stop trespassing.

 

Looking for a neighbor to be home is "stalking"?

 

Weird world we live in, is right.

 

Bill

[Spy Car]

Maybe you prefer Guinness?

 

 

Much better.

 

Bill

[Spy Car]

 

 

*spit*

 

Or this classic:

 

 

I once had me one of those, and was probally a tad shy of the legal drinking age.

 

Call the authorities!!! :D

 

Bill

[Miss Peregrine]

 

 

Looking for a neighbor to be home is "stalking"?

 

Weird world we live in, is right.

 

Bill

Right?

And when the children are spotted outside, isn't that a good indicator that 'someone' is home?

 

Bill, my husband was hired by LAPD in the wake of Rampart. I am glad he declined the offer.

[poppy]

Looking for a neighbor to be home is "stalking"?

 

Weird world we live in, is right.

 

Bill

She did look for the neighbor to be home, I think you were the one who suggested that what she'd done wasn't nearly enough.........

[Spy Car]

 

She did look for the neighbor to be home, I think you were the one who suggested that what she'd done wasn't nearly enough.........

 

I do not think it is difficult to tell when neighbors are home (without being a stalker). So I don't think it is difficult to go over to a neighbors house when one sees they are home. Heck, my neighbors and I do this all the time.

 

Otherwise they are Realtors, a profession that lives and dies by using the telephone. Call 'em if they are not home. Why is this being painted as some huge burden to be overcome?

 

Bill

[poppy]

I guess because OP indicated that her trusted next door neighbor says "they don't respond to complaints about their children." And have also been "endless trouble" in the neighborhood. If these neighbors have already earned a reputation for difficulty AND have shown themselves to be the kind of parents who don't know/care that their 3 very young kids are causing problems and headaches for neighbors, that is -- perhaps you will admit --- a disincentive to trying to work things out with them. I'd certainly try to call them or catch them at home. I might even make it my life's mission to do so if I repeatedly caught their kids vandalizing my yard. But if those same kids were repeatedly playing near a body of water in my yard, that would make me nervous enough to not wait until I caught them at home.

[Spy Car]

I guess because OP indicated that her trusted next door neighbor says "they don't respond to complaints about their children." And have also been "endless trouble" in the neighborhood. If these neighbors have already earned a reputation for difficulty AND have shown themselves to be the kind of parents who don't know/care that their 3 very young kids are causing problems and headaches for neighbors, that is -- perhaps you will admit --- a disincentive to trying to work things out with them. I'd certainly try to call them or catch them at home. I might even make it my life's mission to do so if I repeatedly caught their kids vandalizing my yard. But if those same kids were repeatedly playing near a body of water in my yard, that would make me nervous enough to not wait until I caught them at home.

 

I would not call the authorities on people because they have "a reputation" or because some people on the block think they got too good a deal when buying their home.

 

If I spoke with them, and the problems persisted, I might take other measures. But I would give them a chance first. That's just me.

 

Bill

[poppy]

I would not call the authorities on people because they have "a reputation" or because some people on the block think they got too good a deal when buying their home.

 

If I spoke with them, and the problems persisted, I might take other measures. But I would give them a chance first. That's just me.

 

Bill

Who said anything about calling due to their "reputation". She's calling to report little kids breaking the law, several laws actually.

 

 

Maybe the kids will not sneak into her yard again. That would be good.

[indigomama]

It totally struck me as funny. As if pointing out how "old" and "out of touch" he is. ;)

 

 

 

I'm 40 and my siblings are 52, 56, 60, and 62. So, 55 really doesn't seem all that old to me.

 

 

 

Happy Birthday Bill!!! :party: :cheers2:

 

 

I did not point it out to say how "out of touch" he is, but to make the point that his childhood was in a totally different time than what our children are living in. My kids and their grandparents are living in different times, would not anyone say the same thing. Yes, my mother grew up with much more freedoms to explore her community. But her town was wayyyyy smaller than it is today, less traffic, less people, and with a lot more of adults around during the daytime hours to share in watching out for neighborhood children. And even then, she was not allowed free roaming at ages younger than 6.

 

I meant no disrespect, but he is older than my parents. Happy Birthday btw, Bill.

[MissKNG]

How about—and here's a really wild idea—you invite the neighbor kids over to see the pond (to satisfy their curiosity, and while they're there you let them feed the fish with proper fish food?

 

While they are visiting you explain you don't want them jumping the fence and going into your yard (and why) and that while it isn't good to throw people food in the pond if they want to come back in a few weeks and feed the fish again when the family is home they can knock on the door. Explain they can't come everyday, because your children have school at home, but of they want to come over every one-in-a-while while you're home, they can knock.

 

How's that?

 

Bill

 

LOL! That's like feeding the stray neighborhood cat once and expecting it to never return! Those kids will return and return and return over and over and over again. They are small kids! They won't remember all of the explanation much less reason amongst themselves as to when "every once in a while" is!

 

Then the OP will have to start another thread asking advice on how to gently get rid of them!!

[Spy Car]

 

 

LOL! That's like feeding the stray neighborhood cat once and expecting it to never return! Those kids will return and return and return over and over and over again. They are small kids! They won't remember all of the explanation much less reason amongst themselves as to when "every once in a while" is!

 

Then the OP will have to start another thread asking advice on how to gently get rid of them!!

 

Really? Because I found the little girl next door trying to "sneak" into our yard one day (she'd heard we had baby chicks and was curious to see these, and our tortoises). So I showed them to her. I explained nicely that going into our backyard without asking was something she shouldn't do, but she could come back and see the chicks sometime if she wanted.

 

I think she came back one time with a little friend who was amazed to see the chicks. I though it was nice, and it did not dispute our lifestyle to extend a little kindness toward a child.

 

Bill

[Catwoman]

 

Just the other day I was lamenting my 45ness until my husband, umm, kindly pointed out that I'm 46.

 

Would you like me to start a new thread, asking people to chip in for a lovely floral arrangement for the funeral?

 

Or would you prefer to have some of us drop by your house to help you dig the shallow grave?

 

Remember, I'm always here to help. :D

[Murphy101]

I do not think it is difficult to tell when neighbors are home (without being a stalker). So I don't think it is difficult to go over to a neighbors house when one sees they are home. Heck, my neighbors and I do this all the time.

Otherwise they are Realtors, a profession that lives and dies by using the telephone. Call 'em if they are not home. Why is this being painted as some huge burden to be overcome?

Bill

 

This is getting pretty ridiculous Bill. These are not the OP's kids. They are her neighbor's kids and her neighbors need to pull their heads out and get a clue about their preschool children.

 

So no, she shouldn't have to stalk their house to catch them at home or hunt down their work phone numbers in hopes of them picking up or returning the call. She went over there and they weren't home. So no, she is not obligated at all to become some investigator of their home schedule and work info. That's something the cops can handle.

 

For my own part, I don't think any of my neighbors have any way to contact me or any clue what we do for a living. And I'm okay with everyone keeping their crazy indoors and to themselves. :p

[Murphy101]

LOL! That's like feeding the stray neighborhood cat once and expecting it to never return! Those kids will return and return and return over and over and over again. They are small kids! They won't remember all of the explanation much less reason amongst themselves as to when "every once in a while" is!

 

Then the OP will have to start another thread asking advice on how to gently get rid of them!!

 

Ha! That's exactly how it was when we had a huge koi pond. I had to padlock our gates!

 

We are putting in an above ground pool and I've already laid down the law that absolutely no neighbor kids are allowed to swim in it or be over while we swim in it. The end. If that makes me a party pooper then that's too bad. I do not want to be responsible for anyone else's kids in our pool and I do not want to ever give the impression that I'm okay with them taking a dip in it.

[albeto]

Not sure if you realize this but the police are likely to talk to the parents, not the kids..........................

 

Anyway, part of getting into mischief is getting caught and having to deal with the consequences. Kids back then certainly didn't ring doorbells and run or throw food into a decorative pond or wreak havoc without at least getting yelled at.

 

Goodness, what kind of boring deprived childhood did you have?

 

;)

 

signed,

 

albeto, former ding-dong-ditching, creek wading, lawn trespassing, can kicking, other-person's pet feeding kid.

[Murphy101]

I guess I think it's weird to watch and see when people are home.

 

It took me over 6 months to notice we had had neighbors move out and new neighbors move in next door.

 

And dh didn't know for 2 years that a coworker had moved in across the street. And neither did his coworker notice us across from him! LOL

[albeto]

nevermind

 

:)

[Galatea]

I don't understand how calling the police for unsupervised toddler/preschooler/kindergarteners is some kind of extreme measure. When I worked at the public library, the policy was to call the police if someone 14 and under was left alone at the library at closing. Is it really more unreasonable to call the police if there's a five year old roaming with no supervision?

 

I say this as someone who had a VERY free range childhood and I'm in my early 30s, so not really all that long ago. BUT we had older children and teenagers with us, we roamed in large groups, we never went on other people's property without permission and there is no chance we would ever have damaged someone's property. A five year old wandering alone, damaging property and doing things that are unsafe at an age where they aren't developmentally able to make good decisions about their own safety is not the same as a normal, responsible free range child, not remotely. Calling the police would be HELPING that child, not hurting them.

[MissKNG]

Really? Because I found the little girl next door trying to "sneak" into our yard one day (she'd heard we had baby chicks and was curious to see these, and our tortoises). So I showed them to her. I explained nicely that going into our backyard without asking was something she shouldn't do, but she could come back and see the chicks sometime if she wanted.

 

I think she came back one time with a little friend who was amazed to see the chicks. I though it was nice, and it did not dispute our lifestyle to extend a little kindness toward a child.

 

Bill

 

That's a good experience but based on how the OP described the wild kids as (in the first post and thread title), It seems like you are comparing "apple" wild kids to "orange" little girl.

[Shahrazad]

I'm just baffled that you wouldn't call the police on unattended children UNDER 6 (so we're looking at toddler/preschooler age) being left unattended (home alone?) and doing such dangerous things. I mean, by all means, go down to the parents' house first (although I really don't know how you could let preschool/toddler age roam the streets like that?! That is VERY young to be alone playing unsupervised with the parents' having no idea where they are) and talk with them but if they aren't home when this is happening, that is reason enough to call police ASAP and if they are, they better convince you that it will not happen again. If they were a bit older, I'd say ok with the inviting them over and such if OP wanted to do that but if they are so young, then it is completely inappropriate for them to be unsupervised.

[unsinkable]

I guess I think it's weird to watch and see when people are home.

 

It took me over 6 months to notice we had had neighbors move out and new neighbors move in next door.

 

And dh didn't know for 2 years that a coworker had moved in across the street. And neither did his coworker notice us across from him! LOL

 

I think there is a middle ground between oblivious and Mrs. Kravitz.

 

[SKL]

I wouldn't have the first idea how to call any of my neighbors. It's not like they post their phone numbers on their front doors. Come on. If the parents are not home, and the kids under age 6 are roaming, something is VERRRRY wrong IMO - and I'm the crazy nut who sent her kids walking a mile "alone" (together) to the park at age 6.

[Murphy101]

I think there is a middle ground between oblivious and Mrs. Kravitz.

 

Sure there probably is. I just don't think being oblivious is particuliarly a bad quality and for those who are oblivious, it's a PITA to track down the parents of preschoolers to inform them of their own child's whereabouts.