my 7.5 yo first grader has never asked ANYTHING about where babies come from

[momma aimee]

?? my 7.5 yo (Theo) doesn't know anything about where babies come from.

 

he has never asked.

 

doesn't seem to care (CAP asks something and he is 2 years younger).

 

should i tell him? the 7.5 yo i mean, i answer the 5 yo when he asks.

 

is there a basic level of knowledge he should have at this age? I mean he doesn't believe any stork myths or anything he just has never asked anything -- should i bring it up or wait

 

(I think wait, but i don't want to be remiss)

[PentecostalMom]

No. I would not go over this with him just yet. This is what I would ask myself. Is he around other kids who know this already and would share it with him? Is there another venue that discusses these things where he would hear about them? If so, how in depth do they go?

 

To the best of my knowledge, the kids in this area in ps start learning about the details in about 5th grade. In that case he is a little young. He may hear bits and pieces here and there and ask you. If not, I would leave it alone until kids his age in your area are learning about it, then I would teach him. Otherwise he will learn from his peers.

[theYoungerMrsWarde]

I'm having a baby, we've talked about the baby growing and developing inside of me, and how they baby will come out (I've vaguely covered both vaginal delivery and c-section which I'll have to have) and my 6.5 yo STILL hasn't asked how the baby got there in the first place. He knows about Jesus's birth, so I'm guessing ds6 thinks it's like that with all babies. Ds4 the other day told me that he thought the baby got into my belly through my mouth and digestive system (I've been very careful to make it clear that the baby is NOT where my food goes.) When I told him that's not how the baby got inside me he asked "where's the beginning?" I panicked, hemmed and hawed a bit, and after he tried guessing my belly button I told him under my underwear area. He thought that was weird, and I'm not sure he believes me. :laugh:

[TracyP]

I have always just followed my kids lead, and honestly answered their questions. Because we've had lots of babies my 9yo and 7yo are incredibly well informed. Embarrassingly so, at times. :) In your situation, I would wait. I suspect this will come up as he is exposed to nature videos, etc. I wouldn't attempt to bring it up myself until he is 9-10. I would want to touch on it before puberty because I want it to be an okay discussion topic. My hope is that talking before puberty leaves out the inevitable embarrassment that will accompany this discussion as they get older.

[momma aimee]

thanks ladies, oh the things that pop into my head (things to worry about) when i am watching children in tubbie time

[momma aimee]

thanks ladies, oh the things that pop into my head (things to worry about) when i am watching children in tubbie time

[Farrar]

Well, I honestly would though not in a controntational, nitty gritty way but in a biological way. But I can't imagine it wouldn't come up in science. I mean, we cover basic reproduction - eggs, seeds, mammals (except for monotremes) give birth to live young, etc. etc. Or I would strew a book about it.

 

I don't think there's anything wrong with not bringing it up at this age. On the other hand, I think some kids don't ask and some parents don't say anything and then suddenly you have an 11 yo with a lot of strange misconceptions because no one ever really talked about any of it.

[Pen]

I would ask him if he already knows and if he says yes, make sure he does (not myths that he picked up somewhere already), and if not, ask him if he wants to know.

[momma aimee]

i just ordered: .

 

It's Not the Stork!: A Book About Girls, Boys, Babies, Bodies, Families and Friends (The Family Library) by Robie H. Harris Paperback $8.63

 

and

 

It's So Amazing!: A Book about Eggs, Sperm, Birth, Babies, and Families (The Family Library) by Robie H. Harris Paperback $9.35

 

off amazon.

[Farrar]

Those are excellent, clear, friendly books. :)

[Mallory]

My older boys are not question askers. Never have been, probably never will be. These are not the kids that said why 100 times.

 

 

That said I am sure they all knew about reproduction by 7 because it is hard to miss in our family (volunteer at pregnancy center/work as a postpartum doula/live on mini farm). I can't imagine the facts of reproduction not being a topic of conversation by that age, but it wouldn't have been because they were asking questions, just because it is something I talk about often.

 

On the other hand my younger two are question askers.

[Alice]

I waited for my son to ask but he never did. :) We talked about everything up to sex itself (he knew about “matingâ€, he knew about eggs and sperm, he knew where babies develop in a mother’s uterus, etc) but he never asked the BIG question. It was almost like he would stop himself from asking. He’s usually a pretty inquisitive curious kid, especially about science things. I don’t think I gave off an air of being embarrassed (because I wasn’t really) so I think there was just something innate in him that didn’t want to know yet. I’ve heard other people say the same thing. And know people whose kids asked very early so I really believe it depends on the kid.

 

Finally, we talked to him last fall right around when he turned 9. I don’t think there is a magic age but we wanted to make sure we were the ones who talked to him. He has mostly older friends and I just felt like if we didn’t do it some other kid was going to give him the information. It was fine, his response fitted his personality. “Hmm... that’s very interesting.†And that’s it. :)

[teeniebeenie6]

I would wait. I attended a Christian school and we had a big sex ed. class in 6th grade it covered everything from conception to how to pleasure yourself. Our class really changed from sweet and innocent to hormonal, different kids. I really wish I had learned things later.

[Mandy in TN]

My close friend has dogs and sheep and horses. Her son bred Jacobs sheep with 4H. Her dd who is just turned 13yo asked the other day how to tell a male cat from a female. lol seriously! It was a stare and blink moment. Granted, if they have been neutered, it is more difficult, but still- huh. There were mommas saying 2 holes female, one hole male, but don't try to hold down the cats to look. Those back claws are dangerous. lol

 

After reading this thread earlier, I brought up reproduction with my 10yo ds. He didn't look away from the computer or even stop typing. All he said was, "I watched a lion mount a lioness on BBC earlier, so I already covered mating today." Alrighty then, moving along.

 

I had a couple of thoughts after these two incidents. The first is that no matter how much implicit learning you think has taken place sometimes explicit teaching is necessary for a child to connect the dots. OTOH, after a child knows the details of reproduction, he may have no desire to discuss it repeatedly, especially when David Attenborough just covered the information. :D

 

Mandy

[Incognito]

If you really haven't talked about it at all, the Usborne Flip Flap Body Book is a good one that goes over gestation (and has a couple of other fun sections).

 

http://www.amazon.com/Flip-Flap-Body-Usborne-Flaps/dp/0794506186/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1367983255&sr=8-1&keywords=usborne+flip+flap+body+book

[Mom2TheTeam]

My oldest is 7.5 year old and has never asked either. I have a 6 month old. He knows babies grow in mommy. He knows they come out from our private area and even that we have to push them out and it hurts. He knows a lot of details but he has never asked for any details about how the baby gets there. He does know it takes both a mom and dad. He hasn't asked about any animals either even though we do talk about them "mating." He will sometimes wonder if two animals are going to get married and have babies, but it never goes any farther than that.

 

I've wondered the same about when it will be the time to tell him if he doesn't ask. I don't think he needs to know yet. He isn't in any real danger of finding out from someone other than us at the point. I figured around age 10 or so if he hasn't asked, we will tell him. At some point, I will worry that he would find out from someone else.

 

For now, I really enjoy his innocence and I thank homeschooling for it. :)

[musicianmom]

Dd7 asked one day about how the baby gets started. We were in the car (why do the hard questions always come up in the car?). I told her we would learn about that later in science, at which point she clearly lost interest. She certainly wasn't going to pursue a line of questioning that might lead to extra schoolwork! Horrors!

[PachiSusan]

We didn't have the talk until she was 10, and even then it was pretty new to her. I think it can wait awhile.

[Farrar]

I would wait. I attended a Christian school and we had a big sex ed. class in 6th grade it covered everything from conception to how to pleasure yourself. Our class really changed from sweet and innocent to hormonal, different kids. I really wish I had learned things later.

 

 

But talking about it in a formal context isn't what changed your class. Natural adolescence is what did it. It's likely it freed people up to talk about it among themselves, but I can promise that the majority of kids were wondering or had thoughts about this stuff anyway and the talking would have started very soon anyway. I mean, many girls have had their first period by that age and boys bodies have started to change too.

 

I think a lot of parents think that not talking about it equals not knowing or wondering about it. That may be true for a few kids, but not for most.

[skeeterbug]

We've just read through It's Not the Stork (mentioned upthread). We are having a baby so it was perfect timing for us. It's very good, clear, correct names, matter of fact, with a bit of humour. I'd recommend having it ready to read through when the time is right. I think you can see samples on Amazon.

[mathmarm]

To this day I have never asked my parents about where babies come from, sex or anything else of the like. I am now a college educated adult, happily married and pregnant so I wouldn't worry. I might buy a few age appropriate books and leave them lying around the house for him to find and read, that might help get the ball rolling if you want to discuss this with your child.

[Ariston]

I'm glad to know I'm not the only one with this "problem." My son has known that a baby starts growing when a sperm (from a dad) fertilizes an egg (from a mom) probably since he was five, but has never asked how they get to each other. I know when he was younger he thought first you had to get married, then you had to pray to god, then a baby grew (he came up with this theory on his own and I admit I did not disavow him of it.) But yesterday he went on a rant about how unamarried people can "have sex" with different people and have babies without being married, so I know his thinking has evolved. I find it so interesting that he is able to piece together bits of information, such as the phrase 'have sex' and to even know that it is responsiblem for making babies, but still not understand what it is. Ive asked hin before when he's used the word, and he seems to thing its just some sort of genereal being romantic...holding hands, kissing, etc. I think it is like the PP stated, that he almost doesn't want to know yet.

 

This is a kid who has had erotic dreams about girls/women kissing him and cuddling him, which really embarrasses him so I think the less technicalities he knows the better for now...I just plan on following his lead. He also gets really grossed out by any kind of anatomy lesson, so I think I'll focus on animals when the time comes and let him make the extrapolation because I think that's what he would want. He gets angry if it try to teach him anything about human biology!

[Ariston]

 

 

But talking about it in a formal context isn't what changed your class. Natural adolescence is what did it. It's likely it freed people up to talk about it among themselves, but I can promise that the majority of kids were wondering or had thoughts about this stuff anyway and the talking would have started very soon anyway. I mean, many girls have had their first period by that age and boys bodies have started to change too.

 

I think a lot of parents think that not talking about it equals not knowing or wondering about it. That may be true for a few kids, but not for most.

 

 

I think that's the problem with doing it in a group setting though...it's too late for some, and too early for others.

[WishboneDawn]

We live in the country and it's spring. Between the wild animals and the domestic ones we just can't get away from horny critters and the discussion of sex. Even when it's not spring the rooster is ALWAYS looking for a hen to jump on. Sex gets talked about a lot.

 

My kids are still wonderful sweet people and no "innocence" has been destroyed. Healthy and normal talk about sex doesn't taint kids.

[stripe]

But talking about it in a formal context isn't what changed your class. Natural adolescence is what did it.

I agree. I knew the idea behind intercourse when I was 7, and I also thought boys had cooties and had zero interest in reproduction. At some point, I became interested in my own development, but interest in boys was still extremely innocent when I was young.

 

I know people who were given much more detailed information than I was who grew up very morally guided. Ditto for anyone near a farm. My husband knew more about female puberty, menstruation, and so forth than I did about male puberty. My mom focussed a lot on female development, so I knew a lot about that, but non-reproductive aspects of male development, I probably knew nothing about until high school sex ed class, if then. I really am not kidding when I say I learned a lot about male anatomy from sculptures.

 

We had some sort of big assembly in sixth grade, and all I got out of it was that we were supposed to wear deodorant. The teacher emphasized this many times. I guess that's what impacted her the most!

 

I say, watch nature videos! Our Feathered Farm (about chickens) and City of Bees a both very sweet and include one or two really direct statements about mating as well as more general information about reproduction. They're also really cute. They are narrated by a child.

 

I do think I am going to take my own advice, by the way. Nature videos.

[Farrar]

 

 

I think that's the problem with doing it in a group setting though...it's too late for some, and too early for others.

 

I agree to a point. But by age 10 or 11 or so, I think all kids should have gotten some facts and a specific opportunity to talk. And I know this will take some flack on this board, but I don't think parents are always the best judges of the right time. Some parents seem to think that their 13 and 14 yos are just too innocent. Unless there are real developmental delays, parents who think that are really letting their fears about kids and s*x cloud their judgment.

[TracyP]

I agree to a point. But by age 10 or 11 or so, I think all kids should have gotten some facts and a specific opportunity to talk. And I know this will take some flack on this board, but I don't think parents are always the best judges of the right time. Some parents seem to think that their 13 and 14 yos are just too innocent. Unless there are real developmental delays, parents who think that are really letting their fears about kids and s*x cloud their judgment.

Yeah, I know someone who doesn't think her 14+ yo (I'm not positive, but I think he is 16) son is "ready" yet. She is convinced that he doesn't yet know about sex and doesn't want to destroy his innocence. :svengo:

[roanna]

I couldn't resist since I actually read this thread last night and this morning I overheard my 7 yr old son explain to my 3 yr old... First you get a girl dog then you get a boy dog and you keep them together for a little while and then you get puppies. That's about his extent of how babies are made. :)

[boscopup]

My almost 9 year old hasn't asked, but he reads a lot, and we live on a farm. He's seen goats born, and he knows where babies come out of humans also. I don't know how much he knows about the actual act that created baby, but he knows it takes male and female, and he'll probably get to the actual act while reading The Way We Work.

 

My 6 year old asked about babies when he was 5. I read a book to him, and he seemed satisfied.

 

My oldest is like me. My parents never talked to me about it, but just gave me books about it. I stayed innocent throughout my high school years. I didn't need my parents to talk about it or make it a big deal. Reading some books was plenty for me. If I'd had questions, I could ask my parents, but the books really answered any questions I had.

 

This topic reminds me of doing the Ellen McHenry brain study yesterday, and it was asking questions about our dreams. We got to the part asking if we dream about romance, and DS1 laughed and said, "No!" He's still in the girls have cooties stage. ;)

[MinivanMom]

Both my dd's have asked questions, which has made having talks an easy and ongoing process. Oldest ds has never asked a single question. We have had to provide information and lead the way to discussions. I think it's important to have these discussions while he is young and before he hits puberty and it becomes more awkward. If we waited for him to ask questions, then it would never happen.

 

I know families (within our religious community) who only answered questions as they came up (while not allowing their children to attend public school s*x ed). The result was that their girls were taught about s*x and maturation at home and their boys were not. I've known grown men who know nothing about the processes of conception and pregnancy (or birth control, std's, etc). Yes, boys will pick it up from friends, but they are picking up media attitudes and images. They are not learning anatomy, maturation, conception, etc, etc, (nevermind birth control or std's). I could tell some really appalling stories about adult male ignorance (not having any idea there was such a thing as a period or birth control, etc, etc).

[Walking-Iris]

My kids weren't (aren't) overly curious about it. But imho there's a huge difference between sex ed and basic biology. Sex ed is for teens or older pre-teens. Sex ed imo is learning about safe sex, pregnancy prevention, health related issues such as STD etc, and personal boundaries and respect for others, and the personal choices of abstinence etc. and experiences of puberty.

 

None of which I would talk about with a 7 year old.

 

With younger children I just talk about basics. And I always use proper terminology. No different than talking about pollination or baby chickens or baby cats. The process is the same. Watching nature docs or even a movie like Milo and Otis clear things up for kids quite a bit. Where Do Babies Come From is a cute little picture book. I'm candid about birth and breastfeeding etc with my young kids and how humans are the same as other mammals in that respect. I'm done having kids and I am sort of bummed that my youngest is my girl because I would love for her to have the experience of watching a pregnancy and breastfeeding experience like the first hand knowledge my boys got. As it is I'll just have to tell her.

 

But I only ever give as much info as they seem to want in that moment, or if it relates to our science reading. Kids don't want to be overwhelmed with more than a simple answer to a question regardless of what subject it is. And young kids aren't really ready for "The Talk", it's usually just a passing curiosity they have, to be quickly replaced the next moment with a question of how the cookies bake or why the sky is blue or what animals live in Australia and so on. Just a part of their constant questioning. And if they don't ask I wouldn't worry, but I would make simple basic mention of biology a part of science discussions.

[Mommy22alyns]

I approached it strictly biologically at that age. They know all about their birth stories. Rebecca has a little more info, but Sylvia doesn't yet.

[momma aimee]

Dd7 asked one day about how the baby gets started. We were in the car (why do the hard questions always come up in the car?). I told her we would learn about that later in science, at which point she clearly lost interest. She certainly wasn't going to pursue a line of questioning that might lead to extra schoolwork! Horrors!

 

 

this would be my son -- maybe that is why he doesn't ask LOL

[momma aimee]

Thanks ladies, as always a wealth of support and information

[Pen]

I was once in a situation where a short-haired intact male large dog was lying stretched out on his back, making it extremely obvious that this dog was male. A young adult looked at the dog and said how cute "she" looked stretched out like that. That the dog was a "he" was pointed out, much, I think, to the mortification of the young adult, who turned extremely red-faced. I do not know the details behind that not knowing, but I think it possible that there were assumptions made that the young person knew things more than were actually known. Particularly if parents are somewhat embarrassed themselves, I think it can be easy to think that maybe Attenborough or living on a farm obviously has the subject fully covered, when it may not.

[weederberries]

I wanted to open a line of communication with my daughter (9) and offered a very basic biological discussion because none of my kids had ever asked. We'd danced around all kinds of subjects that I thought would prompt the question, but as many said, they didn't ask because they weren't ready. "Why does the dog have to get spayed? She can't have puppies because she's not married!" I even volunteer with teen moms, but they don't ask about how the babies are made as much as why they aren't married.

 

Well, I read the book with her and it was too much for her. She accepted all of it except for the sex part. She asked "like a puzzle?" and then her face was clearly distraught. I had her tell me about some of the things she learned and she strategically left that part out. She wasn't ready for it, but I don't think we're any worse off, she's just kind of blocked that part. We've always been open to having discussions and we've offered more than they ask about, but I mainly, they don't ask what they don't want to know.