Next year's teacher - should I talk to her? Coach me.

[SKL]

So most of you know the drama of my dd6 and her 1st grade experience. I do think most of it boils down to the 1st grade teacher. She's very negative on my kid, and it would not surprise me if she's shared her negative views with all of the other teachers. Some folks (here) have advised me to move my kid out of that school, but for various reasons I would like to give 2nd grade an honest try. That said, I'm thinking perhaps I should have a private chat with the 2nd grade teacher. To feel her out, give her my view of my kid's strengths/weaknesses, and get an understanding of what we need to do to make 2nd grade a success. ... What do you all think? If you think this is a good idea, how and when would you go about it? What would you include in the discussion?

[Word Nerd]

Most of my kids' elementary teachers have sent home a form at the beginning of the school year that gives parents an opportunity to write down any questions about the class and share any concerns or other FYIs that they want the teacher to know about the student. Last year the teacher followed up with me at the first parent-teacher conference about something I had mentioned on the note about my issues with AR. She had also asked something to the effect of, "What can I do to help your child have a successful year?" Other questions asked were some general questions about the student like favorite type of book to read, favorite subject, strengths, etc. that helped her get to know them better.

 

Something like that might be useful for you and maybe you could follow up in person. You can find examples of parent surveys online. DD has a wonderful teacher, and I hope your DD can get one like her this time!

[SKL]

Most of my kids' elementary teachers have sent home a form at the beginning of the school year that gives parents an opportunity to write down any questions about the class and share any concerns or other FYIs that they want the teacher to know about the student. Last year the teacher followed up with me at the first parent-teacher conference about something I had mentioned on the note about my issues with AR. She had also asked something to the effect of, "What can I do to help your child have a successful year?" Other questions asked were some general questions about the student like favorite type of book to read, favorite subject, strengths, etc. that helped her get to know them better.

 

Something like that might be useful for you and maybe you could follow up in person. You can find examples of parent surveys online. DD has a wonderful teacher, and I hope your DD can get one like her this time!

I'm thinking it might be too late if I wait until the parent-teacher meetings, which occur around the end of the 1st quarter.

[Dmmetler]

Does your DD have an IEP (or the school's equivalent, since they're private)? If so, there should be a meeting with next year's teacher regardless, since she'd be the one implementing the plan. It seems very reasonable to request that the next year's teacher be in the loop on the testing, etc.

[SKL]

Does your DD have an IEP (or the school's equivalent, since they're private)? If so, there should be a meeting with next year's teacher regardless, since she'd be the one implementing the plan. It seems very reasonable to request that the next year's teacher be in the loop on the testing, etc.

No IEP, but she's been through testing with the school psychologist. The tests showed she's the picture of normalcy, with the exception of the teacher's evaluation of her behavior. :/ However, you do make a good point. Nobody should find it weird if I request a meeting to discuss my kid's learning issues, right? (She has been diagnosed and is in therapy for some issues the school didn't test for.)

[Dmmetler]

I think if you approach it that way, no one can object ;)

[jennynd]

Before school started, I sent by DS teacher email about my DS strength and weakness. I left out the "afterschool" part since I don't know how she will react to that. ds was transferred from a private school so I just described what grade level he worked in that school, what I thought was missing, what book he had read,.. I got very positive feedback and my DS teacher and I have a great relationship.

 

[Uff Da!]

nm

[SKL]

What do you think of sending her an email first?

[Uff Da!]

If you are more comfortable going the e-mail route then do that. At this point, if I have a lengthy amount of information to hand over I want to do it in person. I want to be able to smile and say "that the specialists gave me a ton of information and I found it helpful" and then quickly flip through it with the teacher. I think a surprise long e-mail could seem like an ambush -but that's me! So my advice is, go the e-mail route if you are most comfortable with it but if you have a lot of information for her-print it off and bring it in.

 

ETA: Whether you go the e-mail route or not, this is a busy time for teachers. I would acknowledge that and thank her for her time.

[jenbrdsly]

I would say no. My guess (as a former teacher) is that you are already marked as "a problem parent". I think you should stay low-key and friendly. Anything else is going to make you look intense. That's probably what they are saying about you in the teacher's lounge already.

 

Edited to add: I'm not trying to be mean! I'm in your corner!

[Uff Da!]

That's a good point Jen.

 

I would feel like I was waiting for next year's train wreck if I were in SKLs shoes and want to avert it. Good luck SKL with your decision. Maybe hold off until closer to fall?

[regentrude]

I would not. I would not want to come across as a difficult parent who wants special treatment for "special snowflake" or who feels the need to tell the teacher how to do her job.

I would give the teacher the opportunity to get to know your children without any preconceived notions and would bring up any issues after about six weeks. That is what I always did with my kids' teachers; after six weeks we had the first round of parent teacher conferences. By that time, the teachers had usually found out on her own how my kids tick, and we could discuss their issues on a more factual level instead of me being the "difficult mom". Treating the teacher like a professional whom I trust to do her job well worked great and always got us lot of cooperation.

[SKL]

LOL! Well, I *am* intense at this point, but that's not how I normally roll! I feel like I'm getting ready to throw my kid into the deep end without swimming lessons. Which is kinda what I did last year, but I was too naïve to realize it then. Is my kid a special snowflake? I dunno. I think she deserves a little consideration for her known learning barriers that she is working on. I think she deserves a fresh start vs. having to remain labeled/punished for stuff she did around her 6th birthday. I think she should be allowed to eat lunch *every* day and go to recess. I can understand wanting to give the 2nd grade teacher the benefit of the doubt as a professional, but after what I've just been through with a very experienced teacher and parent, I am skittish. I guess I need to give it some more thought.

[Alessandra]

I've followed your posts about your dd's toxic teacher. I think it is important to start a conversation with the new 2nd grade teacher, but keep it very low key at first, so you don't come across as the ""problem.""

 

No IEP, but she's been through testing with the school psychologist. The tests showed she's the picture of normalcy, with the exception of the teacher's evaluation of her behavior. :/ However, you do make a good point. Nobody should find it weird if I request a meeting to discuss my kid's learning issues, right? (She has been diagnosed and is in therapy for some issues the school didn't test for.)

 

 

You don't say if your dd's learning issues affect her schoolwork. If you are able to get her an IEP -- I can't tell from your post if your dd would even remotely qualify -- that could provide you & dd some good protections/safeguards. If you wanted to pursue that route, you could arm ypourself with private evals and request an eligibility meeting.

[SKL]

 

You don't say if your dd's learning issues affect her schoolwork. If you are able to get her an IEP -- I can't tell from your post if your dd would even remotely qualify -- that could provide you & dd some good protections/safeguards. If you wanted to pursue that route, you could arm ypourself with private evals and request an eligibility meeting.

I'm sorry, I'll try to be more clear. This past month, the school psychologist tested my kid in IQ, achievement, and visual-motor integration. This was at my request because the teacher was constantly giving us a hard time and I wanted to isolate the problem and deal with it. The tests showed her to have an IQ of 104, achievement scores mostly above average (max score was 92%ile), and MVI overall was pretty normal. The psychologist's conclusion was that dd should have no trouble performing in class. ... However, as I had informed the teacher and psychologist, my dd was diagnosed with significant vision problems at age 3.5, did vision therapy, and has been scheduled to do more VT in the coming summer since she still has vision issues. She's also receiving therapy for auditory processing problems, and for retained primitive reflexes which impact her vision, listening skills, sensitivity to stimuli, and consistency of performance. In short, she has some challenges that make it understandable that she doesn't always follow along in class. But this didn't come out in the school testing. ... Now in my mind, she's going to be a lot better come fall, because the current courses of therapy should be completed by then. But she may still have some deficits in listening and vision. Unfortunately getting a traditional diagnosis of anything other than ADD (which I don't think she has) is not really feasible at her age. ... I don't know what is needed for IEP eligibility. I would guess she doesn't qualify because her achievement level is above average.

[Dmmetler]

Your DD has exactly the type of DXs that lead to difficulty in a classroom, but testing just fine 1-1. Do you have an independent living center or some other advocacy group? They may be able to help you get a 504 plan in place for her medical diagnosis. 504's aren't school-specific.

 

 

The downside is, though, it's a private school. Unless they're receiving federal funding, they have a perfect right to say "This is what we offer, take it or leave it".

[SKL]

Your DD has exactly the type of DXs that lead to difficulty in a classroom, but testing just fine 1-1. Do you have an independent living center or some other advocacy group? They may be able to help you get a 504 plan in place for her medical diagnosis. 504's aren't school-specific.

 

 

The downside is, though, it's a private school. Unless they're receiving federal funding, they have a perfect right to say "This is what we offer, take it or leave it".

They do say in their handbook that they don't have the resources to meet all special needs, and if a kid has needs the school can't meet, the family should look elsewhere for a school. That said, I know they have some other kids with problems worse than my kid's.

[Alessandra]

I'm sorry, I'll try to be more clear. This past month, the school psychologist tested my kid in IQ, achievement, and visual-motor integration. This was at my request because the teacher was constantly giving us a hard time and I wanted to isolate the problem and deal with it. The tests showed her to have an IQ of 104, achievement scores mostly above average (max score was 92%ile), and MVI overall was pretty normal. The psychologist's conclusion was that dd should have no trouble performing in class. ... However, as I had informed the teacher and psychologist, my dd was diagnosed with significant vision problems at age 3.5, did vision therapy, and has been scheduled to do more VT in the coming summer since she still has vision issues. She's also receiving therapy for auditory processing problems, and for retained primitive reflexes which impact her vision, listening skills, sensitivity to stimuli, and consistency of performance. In short, she has some challenges that make it understandable that she doesn't always follow along in class. But this didn't come out in the school testing. ... Now in my mind, she's going to be a lot better come fall, because the current courses of therapy should be completed by then. But she may still have some deficits in listening and vision. Unfortunately getting a traditional diagnosis of anything other than ADD (which I don't think she has) is not really feasible at her age. ... I don't know what is needed for IEP eligibility. I would guess she doesn't qualify because her achievement level is above average.

They do say in their handbook that they don't have the resources to meet all special needs, and if a kid has needs the school can't meet, the family should look elsewhere for a school. That said, I know they have some other kids with problems worse than my kid's.

 

Usually for an IEP, the learning issues have to be something that impacts school performance. But since your dd is doing so well, it would probably not be easy to get an IEP. But there is also something called a 504, which covers more physical impairments. With your dd's vision, that might be something to look into. Btw, an above average IQ score would not be a barrier to an IEP, but a high achievement score might.

 

With IEP/504, you do not necessarily need to ask for services (which I understand your school may not be able to provide), but you might be asking for accommodations. That might mean something as simple as preferential seating, extra time on tests. A lot of kids in my dc's schools have 504 for diabetes.

 

From what I understand, it can be difficult to diagnose auditory processing disorders in very young children, but an audiologist would have more info. Private evaluations often pinpoint lds that school eval never even mention.

 

If I were in your shoes -- your situation is complicated -- I would look for an special education advocate. Autism networks are often the best source for getting suggestions, even if your dc is not AS. I would find an advocate first -- s/he would have a good handle on whether or not to pursue other evals and what type to get.

 

Btw, some states will fund certain therapies in private schools. It's a help to know the laws of your state, as school might not tell you (extra paperwork for them).

[Spy Car]

I would. I'd ask for a meeting at a time that is convenient to both parties. At that meeting I would acknowledge that this was not a great year for your daughter—without slamming the current teacher—and work on building a positive relationship with next years teacher.

 

If the meeting goes terribly, at least you have advance warning that finding another school—while not your first choice—may be a necessity. I can't say what I would include or exclude from the conversation, other than making clear you are a parent who is attempting to do her best for both her child and the school, and is looking for the input and advice of next years teacher on how to make a better future.

 

Bill

[mathnerd]

I would wait. I wanted to talk to my child's teacher on the first week of school. Though we met, the meeting was not productive as she said that she prefers to get to know the child for 4-6 weeks before going into the specifics of each child. She recorded all my inputs and told me she would bear them in mind.

We did have a follow-up meeting later on when she had a good understanding of my child and that meeting went well with something constructive coming out of it to benefit my child.

 

I know that you have problems in 1st grade now, but you have no idea at this time how the next year is going to turn out for her (maybe much better?) and how the next teacher is going to deal with your child. I think that you could wait until the beginning of the term in Fall and then email the teacher that you have some issues and concerns that you want to discuss with her (a brief summary of the diagnoses and therapies and the problems that you suspect she is facing) and ask for a meeting. Meanwhile, I would prepare a list of topics that I want to cover in the meeting.

 

Interestingly in my meeting with my child's teacher, I also put forth a list of possible solutions to my child's problems (including parental contribution to the solution) and the teacher picked one which involved the parent (which I am very happy to comply with) because that would be the least effort for her as she is overloaded as it is.

[kiwik]

hugs. There doesn't seem to be a right approach just a variety of wrong ones.

[Greenmama2]

hugs. There doesn't seem to be a right approach just a variety of wrong ones.

 

This.

Bill also had very sound advice. I hope following up the 504/advocate thing gives you some leads. I really REALLY hope your DD has a better school year next year!

[Lecka]

My oldest son maybe did not hit it off with his Kindergarten teacher. I think she liked him and did well with him, she just thought he was behind and she had a lot of trouble understanding his speech, and bc that, he kind-of gave up on talking to her.

 

She recommended he be retained in K and told his new 1st grade teacher ahead of time that he would have a hard time.

 

However -- b/c he was considered a struggling reader he got the best 1st grade teacher for reading, the one who is known for helping kids a lot with reading.

 

So fast-forward...... I worked with my son a huge, huge amount that summer. He started private speech therapy and went to private speech all of 1st grade.

 

The 1st grade teacher had a "helping the underdog" attitude, and the bad report from the K teacher, if anything made her want to prove the K teacher wrong, and/or prove she could help him. So it was not harmful at all I think, though I had worried a lot about that. I think just b/c the 1st grade teacher's character, though.

 

Anyway -- with my work with my son and help at school, he got out of the lowest reading group before Christmas, and at the parent-teacher conference in about November the 1st grade teacher told me she disagreed with the K teacher about him not being able to have success in 1st grade.

 

Here is the thing ---- my son really does have some issues that have not gone away. I am not doing him any favors by not addressing them at home, but also for the teacher to know, it does help the teacher. This year in 2nd grade he has some informal accomodations. He has an IEP. His teacher this year likes him too, but that does not mean he has no problems, or that he does not do differently than other kids. But it is okay. But anyway --- I had thought that the teacher was the only problem, I had not looked at my son's part. And --- that is hard with the teacher overblowing things. But now I would say -- she had a point.

 

But I think his K teacher sounds worlds better than this teacher. This teacher sounds horrible.

 

Oh -- the 1st grade teacher let me replace all his homework with doing a reading program with him at home. She thought it was great, she could see improvement. She was like "what you are doing at home works, please keep doing it." She also asked that he focus on reading and not math at home. Well this year he got 97% on math in MAP testing but he is having problems with his math facts, he is only part-way through subraction. Meanwhile a lot of kids already learned addition and subtraction facts last year, and are already on mult. and div. facts this year. But this summer I am going to work with him on additon and subtraction a lot, and hopefully some mult. fact families. But he is grade level in reading and very good at math outside of math facts. His teacher this year is not too down on him about the math facts, she knows it is very hard for him. She keeps it separate from the rest of the math curriculum for him.

[Heathermomster]

Speak with the headmaster and discover whether they can assign an advocate for you. Perhaps a guidance counselor or reading specialist. DS attended a private school for 8 years. From 2nd grade on, we always sat down with his teachers and discussed his diagnosis and accommodations. I always arranged the meeting in July, and my son's Wilson tutor advocated for us. DH and I both attended the meetings with the teacher and tutor. The headmaster and elementary principle were always appraised.

 

It's just better to address situations early and keep in close contact with the teacher. Here's praying your DD's next teacher has a servants heart and is flexible.

 

Honestly, I'm shocked by how certain people enter teaching when it's so overwhelmingly evident that they don't have a heart for children.

[kiwikate]

Just a side note- don't assume that all the teachers will make assumptions about you and your DD based on one teacher's experiences and comments. Sometimes, you might just find a teacher who sees things entirely differently than her colleague and who is going to be willing to work hard with your child to prove it. Just because teachers work together and are friendly doesn't mean we all have the same philosophy or approach, and it doesn't mean we all believe everything we hear about other students and parents. I might be inclined to wait at least for a couple of weeks, just to allow the new teacher time to make her own assessment of the situation.

[Spy Car]

Just a side note- don't assume that all the teachers will make assumptions about you and your DD based on one teacher's experiences and comments. Sometimes, you might just find a teacher who sees things entirely differently than her colleague and who is going to be willing to work hard with your child to prove it. Just because teachers work together and are friendly doesn't mean we all have the same philosophy or approach, and it doesn't mean we all believe everything we hear about other students and parents. I might be inclined to wait at least for a couple of weeks, just to allow the new teacher time to make her own assessment of the situation.

 

I think you are absolutely right that one should not assume next year's teacher will automatically judge you and your child based on the comments and experiences of this year's teacher. Teachers can (and do) have independent minds.

 

But assuming it is the case that the new teacher is open-minded, then meeting with an eye towards letting the new teacher see you are a caring and reasonable parent who wants a good experience for her child (and the teacher) next year, and is willing to put in the time and effort needed to help it happen, is only a positive.

 

And, if the teacher is one who is "influenced" strongly by comments from this years teacher, this is a chance to present a different impression on the next teacher.

 

Either way, I don't see the downside. On the odd change the meeting is a disaster, it is better to know it now, rather than next fall (when one might be stuck).

 

I would operate under the assumption that the new teacher is open-minded (until proved otherwise). Most teachers want to teach, and appreciate parents who work with their children to make a more positive school experience.

 

Bill

[kiwikate]

 

Either way, I don't see the downside. On the odd change the meeting is a disaster, it is better to know it now, rather than next fall (when one might be stuck).

 

I would operate under the assumption that the new teacher is open-minded (until proved otherwise). Most teachers want to teach, and appreciate parents who work with their children to make a more positive school experience.

 

Bill

 

Good points, I agree.

[readinmom]

I would drop a note to say how excited you are for the coming school year, and to see if there are any classroom supplies you can help out with during the summer sales. I would keep it light, professional, absolutely nothing personal about your daughter right now. It doesn't matter how nice you are...it just gives credence to the "crazy parent" syndrome.