SOCIAL GROUP: Homeschooling a singleton

[Mergath]

I'm hsing an only, too! *waves* I would have liked to have one more, but between the epilepsy and the PCOS it's looking like that's just not going to happen. :( Oh, well. I'm thankful I got one, at least!

 

And really, there's a lot that I like about only having one. I can take dd in the bike trailer to go get groceries (or whatever) and have plenty of space to pack the bags in. We can schedule any extras without having to worry about overlap. We can spend (relatively) a decent amount for dd's curricula, because we don't have to spread it around between multiple children, and I can sell it right away when she's done.

 

I'd been thinking the other day that it would be great to have a social group for parents hsing onlies, so I was happy to see this. :) Is this going to be an actual social group, or is someone going to start an "official" one?

[Amanda's Mommy]

Homeschooling my only. Challenging because I know he does better in groups and he's so verbal it drives me nutty sometimes. But also easier in some ways because I only have one to customize materials for. I just wish I could clone myself so he'll always have someone to listen to his constant chatter.

 

 

This is my DD10.

[quark]

I really feel for the single moms/ widows with onlies. You guys have my respect and admiration. DH travels a lot for work so it's often just the two of us but DH is often back during weekends, also some weekdays in the month, and those are the days I hand DS over and try to stay out of the way. On the other hand, with DH away so much, I'm also fortunate there's only one kid to worry about when I'm sick or have a migraine. There's always pros and cons whichever way I look at it.

 

I have noticed that with my only kid, the hardest years with the chatter and constant attention-seeking were the ones from 0-8yo. Once he turned 9, he was able to do much more on his own, including entertain himself. And also listen/ understand when I plead for some quiet time lol.

 

Some days are really lonely for him though. It's a little better now that we have a dog but still, I know he craves company, especially someone to talk math with. Thank goodness for Skype and other online communication channels.

[jillian]

Quark I feel the same way, even when dh was gone for a deployment I knew he was coming back home and always when he's here he helps. I'll change the title and make this a social group :) This can be the official one.

[jillian]

Another thing about life in general that's easier with an only is finding a babysitter/keeper for her when I have to work before my husband gets home. My hours/weekly schedule changes every week, sometimes I work a long day Tuesdays, some days I work a long day Friday, some weeks I only work 2 hours during the day and the rest at night, sometimes 6 during the day and only a couple at night--such is the life of an unpaid counseling intern. It's easier for my friend to keep Little Miss for me during the days I work longer than if I only had one. Plus today I had to take her with me to the OB/GYN and I was able to minimize the problems with the iPad and snacks, so much easier to pack for one

[mrshomework]

I homeschool my one and only 9 yr old. I think it can be challenging but also much easier that since everything can be tailored to one child. I don't know if I would homeschool if I have more than 2.

[pitterpatter]

DD is our one and only! We don't plan on having any other children.

 

I'm kind of on the other end of the spectrum...I don't understand how people can homeschool more than one child, particularly those in multiple grades. I like that I can sink all of my time, money and energy into only one child's education. It allows immense flexibility. When needed, I act as DD's classmate, lab partner, etc. We split the workload a bit in those cases, but I usually end up working it so she's doing most of the thinking. She's young and doesn't notice the way I manipulate questions and/or act like I can't think of the answers or how to do something.

 

The only time I kind of wish DD had siblings is for PE/sports and music, but she can always take classes for those things.

 

My blog chronicles DD's studies, if you're interested.

[Woodland Mist Academy]

What a great idea! Thanks for starting this.

 

Count us in. :seeya:

 

DD is 11yo/6th grade.

[PachiSusan]

 

 

The only time I kind of wish DD had siblings is for PE/sports and music, but she can always take classes for those things.

 

 

This is me as well. I am in AWE of people who school more than one. One wears. me. out. sometimes! LOL

[TarynB]

Homeschooling my only. Challenging because I know he does better in groups and he's so verbal it drives me nutty sometimes. But also easier in some ways because I only have one to customize materials for. I just wish I could clone myself so he'll always have someone to listen to his constant chatter.

 

 

Same here!

[Woodland Mist Academy]

It is a different vibe when you only have one, I'd think. It's probably a little different even than if you have multiple kids and only homeschool one, because in that situation, 3:00 or 4:00 hits, the others come home, and they have someone else to interact with and they dynamic probably shifts. I will say it's really intense togetherness... most days it's great but there are days we both need our space!!

 

 

I agree that seems to be a different situation.

[SunnyDays]

It's definitely easier in customizing materials!! I'm in awe of moms of larger homeschooling families, how they manage to juggle so many ages.

 

Quark mentioned once they hit 9 or so it's easier because they are a little more independent.... I definitely think this is true. If I let him, mine would spend the entire afternoon on the computer playing Minecraft, LOL, and I'd never hear from him.

 

If anyone wants to share... do you have an only by choice or by circumstance? I see a lot of you saying you wished you had more, and I'm sorry for that. :grouphug: It's a combination of both here... we had a roller coaster of a long time trying to get pregnant, and in some ways my pregnancy was rough... I was kind of afraid to try and go through that again for a long time, and after a while I realized we were good where we are. :)

 

Glad we have a social group!! It'll be fun to chat with you all. :)

[PachiSusan]

If anyone wants to share... do you have an only by choice or by circumstance? I see a lot of you saying you wished you had more, and I'm sorry for that. :grouphug: It's a combination of both here... we had a roller coaster of a long time trying to get pregnant, and in some ways my pregnancy was rough... I was kind of afraid to try and go through that again for a long time, and after a while I realized we were good where we are. :)

 

Glad we have a social group!! It'll be fun to chat with you all. :)

 

We have an only by God's choice. We married late in life (33 for me and 35 for DH) and we waited a few years to strengthen and solidify our marriage and have time for just us. When we started to TTC, it just didn't happen. We were using they sympto-thermal method of NFP and I knew I was ovulating and we were timing things right, but nothing. We had 3.5 years of infertility. One night we sat on the couch in tears, prayed for God to take the yearning from our hearts if we were not meant to be parents, and to help us plan our lives. 2 weeks later, I was naturally pregnant and Melissa came along on Daddy's 41st birthday.

 

We have tried/never avoided since then. I am going to be 49 in June, so I do think the decision has been made. I'm at peace with it now, but it's taken a LONG time to get there. I wish so badly that Melissa would have a sibling or two, but it's not in the cards. We are trying to find a job for DH here in Nevada so that we can stay with family and she can be close to her cousins and have that support network.

[ebrindam]

I agree that seems to be a different situation.

 

 

Ok I won't post here then. :-)

[PachiSusan]

 

 

Have you looked into the Home Art Studio DVDs? We just got the K one (and the supplies from Jerry's) and it's pretty good. Might be a possibility to get some art time for your crafty girl!

NO, I haven't. We started Atelier Art and she tells me that while she loves what she's doing, it's no fun with just her.

[jillian]

Right now we have one only because we are dealing with secondary infertility. We are not preventing anymore and are still young so something might happen but I don't know if it'll happen. In a couple years we might adopt but it'll be awhile from now.

[PachiSusan]

Right now we have one only because we are dealing with secondary infertility. We are not preventing anymore and are still young so something might happen but I don't know if it'll happen. In a couple years we might adopt but it'll be awhile from now.

 

We had unexplained infertility, then got pregnant naturally, then secondary infertility. It is hard. HUGS

[jillian]

Thanks Susan. Strangely after all the heartache at this point I'm okay. I'm looking forward to adoption down the road (we'd start now but we don't know where we will be in a couple years post-military service)

[PachiSusan]

Thanks Susan. Strangely after all the heartache at this point I'm okay. I'm looking forward to adoption down the road (we'd start now but we don't know where we will be in a couple years post-military service)

 

I say God's grace is what's taken care of the heartache and the longing for another child. We are 48 and 50, so we are not likely to be considered for adoption either.

[elegantlion]

Homeschooling an only here, on our 9th year. He's an only by choice and chance. We're enjoying the ride.

[quark]

 

If anyone wants to share... do you have an only by choice or by circumstance?

By circumstance. Actually, due to health issues, I didn't even expect to conceive DS so he was a bit of a miracle baby in that sense. My pregnancy was very smooth but after DS was born, I had a stressful few years health-wise and emotionally too because he was a very high needs baby. We tried again afterwards but I couldn't get pregnant so we decided that an only it is. [...]

 

Glad we have a social group!! It'll be fun to chat with you all. :)

Ditto! :)

 

 

 

Homeschooling-wise, I do sometimes wish there was another child around for me to re-use all our books and curriculum with. :)

 

I have a question for you guys. Do you talk to your kids about possibly having kids themselves? If so, do you intentionally pluralize? I feel myself frequently and automatically telling my son..."when you have kids..." instead of "when you have a kid..." lol. Maybe I'm thinking too much into it but I wonder if I'm subconsciously trying to convince him to have more than one child.

[Woodland Mist Academy]

Homeschooling-wise, I do sometimes wish there was another child around for me to re-use all our books and curriculum with. :)

 

I have a question for you guys. Do you talk to your kids about possibly having kids themselves? If so, do you intentionally pluralize? I feel myself frequently and automatically telling my son..."when you have kids..." instead of "when you have a kid..." lol. Maybe I'm thinking too much into it but I wonder if I'm subconsciously trying to convince him to have more than one child.

 

 

It's just so common in our society to say kids/children as opposed to kid/child. I often find myself stumbling over such comments, though--not wanting to appear that I'm trying to sway either way. So you're not alone--I think (possibly overthink) about it too.

[jillian]

We talk about having a family however that looks. Dd is 5 but she is aware of our fertility struggles, and talks about being a mommy but she is happy being an only right now.

[jillian]

 

 

I say God's grace is what's taken care of the heartache and the longing for another child. We are 48 and 50, so we are not likely to be considered for adoption either.

 

You might surprised. Many countries have a 55 limit at time of application and some states are pretty liberal.

 

I prayed so hard to just find peace in some way regarding the situation. I woke up the next morning so content to be done with the poking and prodding and invasive look at my lady parts procedures.

[Woodland Mist Academy]

Homeschooling-wise, I do sometimes wish there was another child around for me to re-use all our books and curriculum with. :)

 

 

 

So true!! Then I wonder if it will be any use for grandchild/grandchildren---see? There I go with the wording. ;)

[Trillian]

Homeschooling-wise, I do sometimes wish there was another child around for me to re-use all our books and curriculum with. :)

 

I have a question for you guys. Do you talk to your kids about possibly having kids themselves? If so, do you intentionally pluralize? I feel myself frequently and automatically telling my son..."when you have kids..." instead of "when you have a kid..." lol. Maybe I'm thinking too much into it but I wonder if I'm subconsciously trying to convince him to have more than one child.

 

 

DS wants more than one kid and very much resents/regrets being an only. Honestly, it's my only regret about him being an only (he was by choice). I honestly don't think he would like siblings if he had them (and my friends and family agree), but he disagrees. It's also one of my only regrets about homeschooling, because it's so unusual to be an only child - we don't know any other hsing only children IRL. I think it would be more normal, although still not the norm, in a school environment.

[PachiSusan]

 

DS wants more than one kid and very much resents/regrets being an only. Honestly, it's my only regret about him being an only (he was by choice). I honestly don't think he would like siblings if he had them (and my friends and family agree), but he disagrees. It's also one of my only regrets about homeschooling, because it's so unusual to be an only child - we don't know any other hsing only children IRL. I think it would be more normal, although still not the norm, in a school environment.

 

 

This is us too. She longs for a sibling, but she truly doesn't understand what a sibling brings.

[quark]

I honestly don't think he would like siblings if he had them (and my friends and family agree), but he disagrees. It's also one of my only regrets about homeschooling, because it's so unusual to be an only child - we don't know any other hsing only children IRL. I think it would be more normal, although still not the norm, in a school environment.

 

This is us as well. He has a number of only children friends but we know only one other homeschooling family with an only.

 

Perhaps because he's an only, DS counts every single one of his friends' younger sibs as his friends as well. It was quite cute watching him count all of them, including the 3 and 4 year olds as his good buddies when we were making up a guest list for his birthday party last year.

[quark]

So true!! Then I wonder if it will be any use for grandchild/grandchildren---see? There I go with the wording. ;)

 

I'm a bit trigger happy about selling our books so to compromise (between my OCD and his sentimentality about books), we have set aside a bookcase for all the classics and other good books he wants to save for his kids. :)

[Dmmetler]

DD is an only by circumstance. I lost a baby before her, and had a tough time with her pregnancy, and simply haven't been able to get pregnant since. She says she's fine with it-specifically, babies are noisy and smelly, and she'd rather have a snake ;). DH and I would love another child, but I'm kind of resigned to DD being an only at this point.

[elegantlion]

My ds is only because I had complications stemming from a previous surgery. The doctor recommended we not have more. We were fine with that as one is enough and I was a horrible pregnant person. We considered adoption when ds was younger, but it never felt right. Several years ago dh commented on liking our family size as is, I was relieved. I'm not a baby/diaper stage type of parent. I like them self-sufficient and conversational.

 

Ds is quite fine with being an only. We have a cat and dog. The dog is like a perpetual toddler and recreates a bit of the sibling experience. Dh has a larger family, I have one sister and we don't get along at all, so we're all fine with life as it is.

 

I do save books that I might like to use with grandchildren. I want to have a nice library anyway, regardless of his family size, so I keep the good stuff. I do talk about when he has children (plural) but don't assume either, it's just phrasing.

[Penguin]

Ok I won't post here then. :-)

 

 

Well, I hope that those of us who are home with one can post here, even if we have multiple children. In addition to the 6th grader, I have one older boy who is at university and one boy who is graduating in May. I would love to chat with all of you!

[PachiSusan]

 

 

Well, I hope that those of us who are home with one can post here, even if we have multiple children. In addition to the 6th grader, I have one older boy who is at university and one boy who is graduating in May. I would love to chat with all of you!

 

 

I'm cool with you staying! :)

[pitterpatter]

By choice. DH and I waited six years into our marriage (to emotionally and financially mature) before trying. We miscarried once and then had DD. After a couple of years, we decided our family felt happy and complete. To be completely honest, though, DH was diagnosed with a serious heart condition shortly after we made our decision. Understanding that time may be keenly finite for him, we wavered in that decision. Having grown up a good part of my life without my dad and understanding the hardships of single parenthood, we ultimately decided one is for the best. So, I guess that is really a lot by choice and a little by circumstance.

 

If anyone wants to share... do you have an only by choice or by circumstance?

 

[Mukmuk]

We have an only as well. Gosh! Looks like I'm not alone with that non stop talking my ear off!! :001_smile: We have one, not by choice. It just wouldn't happen, even with IUL :(. So we're resigned. Ds says he plans on having 3 kids cos 1 is too lonely. He talks about homeschooling them too, cos school is just too awful. :lol:

[jillian]

Aww MukMuk. Our IUIs haven't worked either.

[GraysonsMom]

I am homeschooling an only. DS is 6 almost 7 and will always be an only. We just started this year with homeschooling. I do worry about the socializing. We get out and about quite a bit, but I worry about the lasting connections. Maybe it is a thing with single children, but DS is definitely a chatterbox!

[oneddmanybooks]

...

I have noticed that with my only kid, the hardest years with the chatter and constant attention-seeking were the ones from 0-8yo. Once he turned 9, he was able to do much more on his own, including entertain himself. And also listen/ understand when I plead for some quiet time lol.

 

...

 

 

I just want to say thank you for this encouragement! I think my dd (8) is somewhat amazed that adults need quiet time. :)

[oneddmanybooks]

We have an only by God's choice. ... 2 weeks later, I was naturally pregnant and Melissa came along on Daddy's 41st birthday.

 

...

 

 

Some of your story sounds like ours. Dd (after 14 years of marriage) was born just after her daddy's 40th b-day. :) I don't think I would say I was at peace about her being an only, more like resigned and well aware that it would be hard on me physically to have/take care of another child. I would love for us to know more families with onlies. We hardly know any.

 

We enjoy homeschooling for the most part. Dd (8) is advanced in some areas and keeps me on my toes. She is bright and very verbal. If she didn't love reading and (usually) learning, I don't think hsing would work for us. It can be fairly intense and I do not plan as many outings as I should (although I must say neither of us are too excited about going anywhere when it's 5 degrees). It's a delicate balance (almost impossible) to plan the right amount of activities and time with friends.

 

Some days, like today, we have great conversations about books, God, etc. etc. etc., and do fun things like start commonplace books. Other days are, well...not quite like that. :) Sometimes I wonder if she would love going to a school. She is absolutely certain she wants to homeschool until college. :)

[dsmith]

I'm homeschooling an only. He's mostly quiet, but once or twice a day has to have a really long talk about one of his interests. When that happens all I can do is listen because I often don't have a clue what he is talking about. He is at a good age now that we can have some really cool talks. He generally dislikes school, but still loves to be read to. He is not a reader like I am, but he did manage to read all of the Harry Potter books within 6 months, which is amazing for him. I originally wished for more kids, but I think he really needed to be an only, so I'm good with it. :)

[jillian]

Hey everyone!! What are you planning on using next year for curriculum?

[MrsMe]

I am as well! We have one dd, 12! I am curious though if you find them not as excited to do school work because they don't have another child there that has to do it as well? I was intrigued by the post of doing some of it with the child. They do theirs and I would do mine sort of thing. Just wondering.

 

For next year, jillian, I am using HOD Rev2Rev, CLE Math and a few things I'm not sure yet!

[Trillian]

We don't start things at the beginning of the year, just as we're done with things, we move n to the next, so we have all different start times for curriculum. So, for his literature program, which will continue, we started it in December, we're just about to start science, History has been going all year and is a multi-year program. I imagine it would be a lot harder to juggling with multiple kids, but it does spread the buying out :-). That said:

 

We'll be using LLLOTR, Earth Science using TC lectures, GEMs guides, field trips, various books (like Hard Road West, nonfiction novels related to Earth science, haven't picked them all out yet), Journey through the Ages with various other resources for history (at the rate we're going, we'll finish the book next year, but ancients and modern are the times we've done the most rabbit trails on in the past, so I can see us going off on rabbit trails for medieval and renaissance this time around), Bravewriter for writing with online classes, maybe Jump In! - I haven't decided - I need to re-read Writer's Jungle and decide if I need another resource to get him to the next level, Mapping the World by Art and Global Geography Puzzle with Google Earth, and MUS Zeta.

[winoelle]

Mine is an only by circumstance. I would love to have more and still hold out some hope for that. I was 8 months pregnant when I found out my husband of 8 years was having an affair. He told me that he didn't want me to leave but that he wouldn't stop cheating. I left, which was absolutely the right choice. I have been single 11 years now and on my own with my dd. I hope to eventually remarry and either have or adopt more but if not I am grateful for the one I have.

[jillian]

Oh Noelle I'm so sorry about that.

 

Next year:

We will be using MCT, history tied in literature, Oxford's History for Children, Mr. Q earth science, reading practice, SM 3 a/b, Latin and Greek and Spanish. Geography will be via stories and map coloring. Cursive for handwriting.

[Woodland Mist Academy]

I am curious though if you find them not as excited to do school work because they don't have another child there that has to do it as well? I was intrigued by the post of doing some of it with the child. They do theirs and I would do mine sort of thing. Just wondering.

 

 

We spend our entire school day together. I might occasionally attend to laundry or phone calls, but I try to have our school hours dedicated to studying. Well, that and being on here. ;) (That counts as studying, right?)

 

I try to alternate work we do independently with work we do together. In each subject we have on-level work she does independently and above-level work we do together.

 

Our days are rich and varied. We balance the intensity with properly prescribed doses of laughter and nonsense. :biggrinjester:

[MrsMe]

We spend our entire school day together. I might occasionally attend to laundry or phone calls, but I try to have our school hours dedicated to studying. Well, that and being on here. ;) (That counts as studying, right?)

 

I try to alternate work we do independently with work we do together. In each subject we have on-level work she does independently and above-level work we do together.

 

Our days are rich and varied. We balance the intensity with properly prescribed doses of laughter and nonsense. :biggrinjester:

 

Funny that I alternate boring vs fun, but not independence vs together. Great idea! I usually spend most of it with my dd as well, but there's still the factor of her being alone. I like this idea.

 

And yes, this counts as studying. :thumbup1:

[Doodle]

Doodle is my only child and will remain so by choice. I never wanted more than one. I love being able to devote all my time, energy, and attention to just him. It has been a joy. 😃 He is currently in 3rd grade. I have his 4th grade year planned and everything, except for math, already purchased and ready to go!

[jillian]

I do school at school time and then let her explore independently the rest of the day and try to keep her independent activities fun. I don't mind having me be the more taskmaster for school.

[Dana]

Ds is 10, only by choice. Most people who knew us were amazed we had him. My parents were literally speechless. They've been absolutely thrilled to be grandparents though.

 

We started homeschooling by necessity due to severe food allergies. It was really rough at first and we go through phases where it goes well & where it's pretty rotten. I actually went on strike for much of the fall and stopped teaching him. My husband chose to take over the teaching rather than using a public charter like K12. The break was good for both of us & I'm back to teaching again.