Live2Ride Posted February 3, 2013 Share Posted February 3, 2013 I have my third student...meds are needed for various things. Having her homeschooled has been good for helping to monitor changes as they are made and what not. That said, the parents, I think, expect me to perform some sort of miracle, but I've had to speak to them many times about how to help her-what to do. Many kids, split family, and lots of stuff that goes with that is at play here. I'm thinking I may need to have a conference with all of them...I'm getting a little frustrated by some things that are happening that I think wouldn't have to, if they were a little more involved with helping her besides just driving her to appts. She is a prickly pear a times I know, but she does need some extra attention. She does not often have homework here, but when she does, its not a large amount, some math corrections or reading questions. Sometimes there will be a paper due, but she's known about it all week and reminded of it. The items I send home are not getting done. A parent was supposed to sign the homework book I started as a help for her. The parents always said that 'she hated homework' anyways and never did it. One parent tells me, "oh, I don't know if I can make her do her homework"... So now parents are saying that she does 'forget' to do things, that's she's spacey because of her meds...well, teens get like that without meds so I'm sure part of that is true, but that's where they come in. I explained that they need to ask her to bring her work before she does other things...so that they know what's done and what's not-I write it down to make it easy for everyone. It seems if that job is going to get passed onto the childs older sister. Seriously?! It was also asked of me if I would slow down and not rush her just because she's behind...they don't want her stressed, but on the other hand, they wanted me to help her get caught up. I was almost offended at first because I told them from the get go that she might not be capable of 'catching up' by the end of this school year. That her progress will go on as she is capable, just like my children. I homeschool for that very reason. I am surely not rushing her and I'm surely not going to. I'm just not sure what to do? Do I hold her at school until she's done each day and not send any work home? That just makes my family time suffer and I have lots that is required of me after school. Besides that just leaves the parents without having to push her to do things...sort of letting them off the hook with her. What about when papers are due? She's supposed to do those on her own after I explain what the assignment is. I already have her 8 hours a day... The parents, I feel, have to play a big role in this as well for her to become successful in school... Oh and I wil say that she gives me no problems here at home. She is pleasant, mostly tries to work diligently and is fun to have. She has a daily schedule and has no issues getting work done during the day. She rarely forgets anything. I honestly feel that she is mainly left alone while at home to avoid dealing with her and thus nothing gets done because there is a lack of parental oversight... What does the hive think? I am open to suggestions. Thanks :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flowing Brook Posted February 3, 2013 Share Posted February 3, 2013 If the girl is not having problems at your house and is at home. It sounds to me like the parents are the problem. From what you are saying it sounds like it is not going to get better until the parents step up and start being responsible parents. If you talk to them and they won't change your hands are tied. The only other option is for you to talk to the girl yourself and maybe offer incentives (reward) for completed homework assignments. Maybe having a talk with her about being responsible for her stuff on her own might help. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
athena1277 Posted February 3, 2013 Share Posted February 3, 2013 If the parents are not going to do their small part in making sure she does her assignments, I would tell them that I could no longer be her teacher. You can't do everything. It's not fair to you or your family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted February 3, 2013 Share Posted February 3, 2013 I have a donkey student, he likes to balk at assignments and deadlines. On some days it's draining and he's my child. Without the parents accepting your authority and your decisions on how to structure the schooling, I wouldn't be able to continue. I assume you are volunteering your time or being paid, either way they are asking to use your time, but not allowing you to use your expertise. The motivation at some point has to come from the student. If the parents aren't supportive of gently pushing a bit, then it makes sense your efforts are fruitless. As far as keeping the child in school, I don't know. It might depend upon her age. Some kids really do have a stopping point where nothing else will be accomplished. If she's that type of child, they may have to step up and provide some work at home or realize she's not going to catch up by the end of the year. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted February 3, 2013 Share Posted February 3, 2013 I think I would schedule a meeting with both parents. I would have a program of study prepared thi options showing what would be required for each option. Example entries: 1. Complete course work to be considered on track to graduate (or finish x grade) with the class of 20xx by June 2013. Courses to complete are: aaa, bbb, ccc, ddd, eee. This will require 30 minutes homework daily for aaa class and 2 hours weekly for bbb class in addition to in school work. 2. Complete course work to enter Y vocational program on . Courses needed ...... Homework involvement ..... 3. Complete course work at pace set without any homework. Predicted change in graduation date will be ..... I would make clear plans. I would state that the student would have to follow through with the plan whichever was chosen for the student to actually finish. I would ask parents and student to sign acknowledging they understand the plan they are choosing and acknowledging that the student has some responsibility. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CupOCoffee Posted February 3, 2013 Share Posted February 3, 2013 If it were me, I would draw up a contract of sorts for all parties involved. It is NOT your responsibility to do everything for this student. I don't know why you have this extra student, but I will search for other posts. In the contract I would clearly outline each person's responsibilities and if ONE party breaks that responsibility, you will no longer be her teacher. It really sounds like the parents here just want to dump her education all on you, and are not willing to do their part in helping the arrangement or their daughter succeed. I wonder if they thought this would be an "easy out" rather than having to deal with the public school (if that is where she came from). Good luck with whatever you decide to do. ~coffee~ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AK_Mom4 Posted February 3, 2013 Share Posted February 3, 2013 I'm going to give two answers since I can't find where you said how old.... If this is a young teen - 15yo or less, I would assume that you are going to have to guess that the homework will not get done since she has no parental support. You know how it works - it's not necessarily spaciness so much as it is immaturity. You may have to give over part of the 8-hour day to paper-writing when papers are due, or the last 30 minutes each day to finish up corrections and such that were left undone earlier. Sort of a Study Hall concept where she can do her "homework" under your watchful eye. I remember when my older kids were junior high age, the teachers used to break up the essays and have a piece due each day (outline, keywords, introductions, etc) so that the project wasn't so overwhelming. Maybe that would help? If this is an older teen, then I would try to enlist her cooperation to get the homework done herself at home. Maybe let her call you if she has questions (don't know if that would work)? An older teen can/will do it if they can see a reward in it for themselves, so it may call for some creativity ("You're doing so well on this, I want you to try more independent blah-blah-blah"). If you can get her buy-in that the homework and papers are somehow a Good Thing, maybe that will counteract the anti-homework messages she may be picking up other places. BTW - the contract idea is probably a good one, but expect the parents to NOT hold up their end of the deal. I think it's important to make sure that the student is responsible for things that they can actually control...... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amy in NH Posted February 3, 2013 Share Posted February 3, 2013 I really hope you already have a contract with the parents so that you aren't setting yourself up to be sued by them when their dd doesn't perform due to their own negligence. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted February 3, 2013 Share Posted February 3, 2013 It sure sounds like a problem but all I see a meeting doing is telling them how to parent their child. Don't be surprised when they aren't agreeable. I'm sure there are teachers in schools that have the same problems dealing with parents. It's a mess. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted February 3, 2013 Share Posted February 3, 2013 It sounds like the parents are the problem. Make sure your girl has a written assignment list each day that you have checked to make sure it is accurate and detailed. If she has a larger assignment that is due in a week or something like that, help her break that assignment into steps, and assign those steps to different days. You might also ask her, specifically, when exactly she is going to do her homework. At what time. Another option is to make an agreement with the parents for a specific homework time. Do not slow down or compromise. Just smilingly hold the line that you are not rushing her, and that homework is a part of life and she will need to do it. Period. Smile and repeat, repeat, repeat. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unsinkable Posted February 4, 2013 Share Posted February 4, 2013 If she is working 8 hours a day already, spacey bc of meds and gets stressed when pushed, she might not HAVE any more energy left to do homework after she goes home. I don't know what her special needs are but consider she might be already giving her all. This won't be a popular POV on this board, given the super achievers that are the norm here, but it's a possibility. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Live2Ride Posted February 4, 2013 Author Share Posted February 4, 2013 If she is working 8 hours a day already, spacey bc of meds and gets stressed when pushed, she might not HAVE any more energy left to do homework after she goes home. I don't know what her special needs are but consider she might be already giving her all. This won't be a popular POV on this board, given the super achievers that are the norm here, but it's a possibility. I still appreciate your response. Thank you! I thought that this might be an issue, but I'm not entirely sure that it's the main problem. I will try to address things posters have inquired about without getting too personal for her own protection. She is JGirl in my signature line. She was not doing well in school due to medications needed for mental issues, picking the wrong crowd to hang with, using over the counter meds to 'escape', and having some health issues (partly due to her diet). She missed a lot of school and of course was going to be failed at that point. Plus she was giving the school a bit of trouble because of the above issues and I think was close to being asked to leave anyways. I was approached about possibly homeschooling her as the parents wanted her to be better monitored for her own safety and in hopes to remove her from her environment. She is a smart kid. Most kids like this are, but she is also immature. She has a somewhat morbid fascination with death/bones/blood, but I'm attempting to channel this into a career path instead-which she is interested in so that's good. She is sweet when she is here. Never gives me trouble. Says she wants me to do things to help her, but it seems to fall apart when she arrives home. I think that it is too chaotic there for her. She stays in her room most of the time from what I gather....she loves to draw and is pretty good at it, but tends to stick to one type thing so I'm helping her branch out with an art program I've put together. I have already told the parents I want a conference next week. I will be taking the advice of a previous poster and laying it out for them. I want to do this for her. She even made the comment that in school no one would care about making sure she was learning much less awake. She said they never noticed when she was high on OTC meds... I'm going to chat with her tomorrow morning while we work with the horses (she enjoys being out there with them). I want to know what she thinks she and I should do to help her be more successful. I honestly don't have an issue with her being here the next four years if need be, but this year will tell me if that will happen or not. Especially if the parents don't get their act together. She has enough challenges to face each day with her issues. I want school to be a success for her, but she's going to have to put the work in as well for her own growth. Oh and though she's here 8 hours a day, we break to feed the horses and groom, lunch, have outside time (bike, walk, etc), take a snack break, etc. When I see she's getting too tired, we head outside again if need be and do something active...it helps her to wake and then it's back to work. Thank you so far for your advice and insight. It's helpful to get others thoughts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lmrich Posted February 4, 2013 Share Posted February 4, 2013 I work with students as well at my home. It is so frustrating when the homework is not done. For a high school student, the issue is so serious. Could you continue schooling her into the summer to give her enough time to get the coursework done? I assume you are getting paid...and this would mean you get paid extra for the extra time. Or you can make it clear she can not come back if her grades do not improve. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Live2Ride Posted February 4, 2013 Author Share Posted February 4, 2013 She will actually have to school through the summer as it is, but my kids school most of the summer (its too hot to do anything else!). We take off time when its nice out to make up for it. I actually think i will start charging them extra if she has to stay later because of missed assignments not done at home. That might get them into gear...and yes i am getting paid, but its not as much as one probably should get paid for practically being a private teacher 5 days a week. My kids are pretty self motivated for the most part. i just check in regularly through the day, talk with them and grade their work. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom0012 Posted February 4, 2013 Share Posted February 4, 2013 If she is working 8 hours a day already, spacey bc of meds and gets stressed when pushed, she might not HAVE any more energy left to do homework after she goes home. I don't know what her special needs are but consider she might be already giving her all. This won't be a popular POV on this board, given the super achievers that are the norm here, but it's a possibility. Yes, this is what I was thinking. Eight hours a day seems like it should be enough to get all her work done and if she takes her meds in the morning, she may not be able to focus in the evening. ETA: I see you said she's taking lots of breaks during this time. I don't know the girl, so maybe it's not possible, but if she's on meds, you've got her during her most productive hours. I would slowly try to cut back on the breaks and get her to be more productive during the time you have her. I can see where it could be a problem for you, though, with your own kids if they are able to get their work done and they enjoy the breaks. Not sure what I'd do about that. It sounds like a tough job. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bzymom Posted February 4, 2013 Share Posted February 4, 2013 You are in a difficult position with this girl. But I also feel for her. If her home life is chaotic, with nobody particularly interested in her schooling, it must be difficult to have the self-discipline to carve out time, space and peace to complete homework. Some teens are greatly self-motivated (and some are very much not, as I have learned :willy_nilly:) but if your past experiences are all about getting by with minimal effort and minimal supervision, it will take some time to change. I think channeling her interests into creating a bigger picture of her life as you have done will be key to capturing her interest. Good luck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Live2Ride Posted February 5, 2013 Author Share Posted February 5, 2013 Thank you all. I will say that the recent change in meds has made things a bit easier for her. She is taking one med around dinner time and the old dosage was making her sleepy until almost 11 am the next day! Waaaaay too much and I let both families know. It was not working for her good. There has been some adjustments and they seem to be working much better. She has been upbeat, awake and working well. Most days she finishes all her work with gentle prodding along the day. We had a good chat today about how she feels about school with us and the work load. It's not a lot. She even commented that it was much worse in school. I will actually see her mother tomorrow and we'll be chatting a bit. I was told recently that she feels I give her too much work....I don't see how the mother can even form an opinion about tihis as she has rarely seen any of the work the girl does since she sees her so infrequently during the week. You can look at my sig line and see that she's not really got a lot to do...she's not even doing Spanish right now because I don't think she's ready for that yet. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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