Why I really hate kids' birthday parties!

[AlmiraGulch]

Last year I swore I'd not have parties for my kids anymore, but this year I got suckered back in. So, Saturday I'll be at the skating rink with a bunch of 4th grade girls.

 

Because people almost never RSVP, and because we've had issues in the past with people just not showing up, I over-invited so that even if 1/2 didn't show there would still be a decent enough turnout to make it seem like an actual party for my girl. Much to my surprise, and delight, nearly all the girls are coming.

 

Here's why I hate these things:

 

1. DH (bless his little heart) has NO concept of how much these things cost. I'm having a 3-hour party for about 15 girls at a skating rink, and he said "what's that gonna be, about $100?" Ummm...sure, honey. $100. Sigh.

 

2. While I'm really glad there will be a nice turnout, it's going to cost me a lot more than I'd anticipated because the party package only includes 10 kids. Not that big of a deal, but still...it seems like it's just impossible to plan for these things properly.

 

3. Before I swore off parties, I swore off goody bags. Guess who got suckered into goody bags? I have no willpower.

 

4. One of the mothers RSVP's via text for her invited daughter, but also for what I assume is her other daughter. Ummm...ok...she wasn't invited, but I'm not going to make an issue of it. I just find that odd, and I would never do that.

 

5. One of the other mothers RSVP'd for her daughter, and for herself. I have no problem if the parents want to stay. After all, they don't even know me, and it may just be more convenient. But now I'm faced with birthday party etiquette for the adults. Do I have to feed them, too, at the incredibly inflated skating rink prices? Do I have to pay for them to skate? Which brings me to my next issue....

 

6. The package includes skating for 2 adults. The kids like it when I get out there with them, so I was planning to, but am I expected to sit with the other adults instead? And if the package includes skating for only 2 parents, how can I offer it to any other ONE parent if more than one stays?

 

I really shouldn't be stressing over this. It's a party for 10 year olds, after all. Still, I am. Please give me your opinions on the following:

 

1. I think I'm going to skate with my kid and not offer the other free skate to another adult if more than one shows. After all, the party is about my kid, and I think that's where my focus should be. The parents can foot their own bills if they want to join in the fun, I think. What say you?

 

2. The skating rink offers a bottomless pitcher of soda. I think I'll pay for that, but if they (the adults) want to eat anything they should buy their own. The kids will already have soda and pizza included. Is that rude? Should I pay for a pizza for the adults?

[Miss Tick]

1. I think I'm going to skate with my kid and not offer the other free skate to another adult if more than one shows. After all, the party is about my kid, and I think that's where my focus should be. The parents can foot their own bills if they want to join in the fun, I think. What say you?

 

 

I agree with your plan. Think of those as being for you and dh.

 

 

2. The skating rink offers a bottomless pitcher of soda. I think I'll pay for that, but if they (the adults) want to eat anything they should buy their own. The kids will already have soda and pizza included. Is that rude? Should I pay for a pizza for the adults?

 

 

You are not being rude if you don't go out of your way to pay for food for people who weren't invited. Chances are they will eat the kids' pizza.

 

Don't sprain anything showing off your skating moves! ;)

[vonfirmath]

If I were a parent coming to the party to stay, I'd expect to pay for myself -- both for food and for skating.

[LibraryLover]

In our area you pay for the pizza (whole, not slices) and the skaters. If the parent doesn't skate, there is no charge. There always seems to be lots of leftover pizza, as the kids seem too excited to eat. If I had to buy an extra pizza, I would. I can always take the leftovers home. It sounds like it is only a couple of extra folks. That happens at parties sometimes; you never know who might be hosting an out-of-town guest etc.

[NotSoObvious]

At 10, I wouldn't expect parents to stay, so yes, they should be expected to pay for whatever they do/eat.

 

That said, we've now opted for family style parties. It just seems easier for us. We invite close friends and invite the whole families. We have a BBQ or go to the pool, but everyone is invited.

 

I'm tired of The Lord of the flies parties. I hate them too. Sorry. I'll never be a party mom.

[AlmiraGulch]

Good advice. And, thanks for validating me.

 

And also.....why, oh why, is everything I post so incredibly long?!?!? For those of you who did, thanks for reading. :-)

[AlmiraGulch]

 

 

Don't sprain anything showing off your skating moves! ;)

 

Maybe I should rethink the skating. I don't need the medical bills!

[AK_Mom4]

I finally learned my lesson on parties with my big kids. DD11 has only ever had a family celebration, held as close to her actual birthday as possible.

 

Then, I let her invite a friend or two over for some cool play time not associated exactly with her birthday, but more special than a regular visit. They get to make fun treats for themselves, play in yard, and make homemade pizza for dinner. It's been a hit so far.

 

Now, DD18 is the party planner. I am sure she will throw herself a big party while she is home from college (her birthday is in January) and probably one for New Years Eve, too. But all I have to do for those is provide a little kitchen support and then hang out and be an unobstrustive parent. It's great!

[mom2samlibby]

When did the mom who invited her other daughter along RSVP? I would simply text back and say something like, "We are glad to hear daughter 1 will be coming. Please note that the party package only covers the invited guests. If daughter 2 will be staying to skate, you will have to provide her skate and rink fees." But I am pretty to the point about things. :)

 

:iagree: You need to contact this woman and state this.

[AHASRADA]

I avoid most of these issues by doing the following:

 

1. Holding the party mid-day, mid-week with homeschooling friends. I know the moms well, the kids are fairly close friends, and they are all looking for social opportunities during the week, so they all show up

 

2. Since I know the moms well, I have no problem being straight-forward with them about what I will pay for and what I won't. The generally accepted practice among our group of friends is that the "invited" guests (friends of the birthday child) are paid for by me. Moms and siblings usually attend as well, but pay their own way.

 

3. We only invite 5 girls (and their siblings), so there isn't much "Lord of the Flies" issues going on

 

I currently have four extra kids in my house for ds's 16th birthday. They are all going to the Hobbit premier, at the IMAX, tonight. I paid for my own kids and ds's friends. Dd's 2 friends who are accompanying her (incidentally the sisters of ds's friends) are paying their own way.

 

I would suggest mentioning in the invitation that parents and siblings are welcome to attend, but are not included in the party package and will need to pay their own fees. I can't imagine anyone balking at that.

[Meriwether]

If I were going to someone else's party, I would expect to pay for myself.

 

If someone came to a party I threw, I would pay even if I hadn't invited them.

 

 

I have a lot of double standards like that.

[acablue]

I'm right there with you. Molly's turning 5(!) tomorrow, but we're doing a gymnastics party, so I really hope none of the parents want to join in. :D

 

1. That's exactly what I would do. At 10, there's really no need for the parents to skate. The mom who RSVPed for herself might have a reason to stay (allergies? daughter terrified of skating?) and just want to give you a heads up.

 

2. If the rink is providing slice or two of pizza for each kid, I'd let the parents buy their own. If they're supplying x number of pizzas, I'd order an extra for the parents and bring home the leftovers.

[AlmiraGulch]

Thanks for all the comments.

 

I'm going to skate with my daughter and not pay for anyone else to do so. I'm also going to furnish something to drink for the parents who stay, but not anything to eat.

 

I've decided.

 

As for the uninvited guest....I'll just let her join and I'll pay. It's not that much money and I don't want to cause an awkward situation. I still find it odd, though.

[Mom22ns]

 

The mom who RSVPed for herself might have a reason to stay (allergies? daughter terrified of skating?) and just want to give you a heads up.

 

:iagree:

Ds had food allergies and I stayed at parties he attended as a kid. I brought food and helped make sure he got it. I'd also help the mom serve and clean up if I could. I never expected anyone to buy me or provide me anything. I ate before I went and didn't even accept cake if offered. If there was a charge for getting in the place, I paid for myself unless I was specifically told they were under their quota.

 

Your job is to make sure your dd has a great time. Don't worry about entertaining parents, they aren't your responsibility.

[HomeschoolMamaOfTwo]

I would go with your plan, it sounds good.

 

We just had a party today for my daughter at an indoor bounce house place and I did the same thing about "over inviting" because usually half or less actually show up. Well I invited the majority of our small homeschool group plus a few people that DD knows from other places. We just had my sons party and I had invited the same people, only 7 or 8 families came to that one, so I was expecting the same for this. We had OVER 50 KIDS come today! I was floored. I did not expect that at all. I kept thinking people would cancel, etc. since that always happens. Nope. It turned out fine and my daughter had a great time, but that was a lot more kids than I was expecting. Of course, there were families. So some of them had 1 child, some had 4. All different ages, but all kids that my daughter plays with.

 

So, I feel you. I told my kids I will do parties every other year for them. On the other years, we will do something as a family like a special trip or place they want to go. I can't do this twice a year every year!

[Annie G]

In our experience, the mom who RSVP's for the invited kid PLUS a sibling will be the first to drop off at the party and the last to pick up. In between, she's out shopping, getting her hair done, or otherwise enjoying 'me' time while her kids are in your hands. After raising four kids, we've had that happen more than a few times.

 

I bet the party will be fun- especially since you're skating with the kids!

[QueenCat]

Although I wouldn't expect you to pay for me, the extra adult, I would personally pay for

everyone who showed up. To me, that is hospitality.

[Georgiana Daniels]

Last year I swore I'd not have parties for my kids anymore, but this year I got suckered back in. So, Saturday I'll be at the skating rink with a bunch of 4th grade girls.

 

Because people almost never RSVP, and because we've had issues in the past with people just not showing up, I over-invited so that even if 1/2 didn't show there would still be a decent enough turnout to make it seem like an actual party for my girl. Much to my surprise, and delight, nearly all the girls are coming.

 

Here's why I hate these things:

 

1. DH (bless his little heart) has NO concept of how much these things cost. I'm having a 3-hour party for about 15 girls at a skating rink, and he said "what's that gonna be, about $100?" Ummm...sure, honey. $100. Sigh.

 

2. While I'm really glad there will be a nice turnout, it's going to cost me a lot more than I'd anticipated because the party package only includes 10 kids. Not that big of a deal, but still...it seems like it's just impossible to plan for these things properly.

 

3. Before I swore off parties, I swore off goody bags. Guess who got suckered into goody bags? I have no willpower.

 

4. One of the mothers RSVP's via text for her invited daughter, but also for what I assume is her other daughter. Ummm...ok...she wasn't invited, but I'm not going to make an issue of it. I just find that odd, and I would never do that.

 

5. One of the other mothers RSVP'd for her daughter, and for herself. I have no problem if the parents want to stay. After all, they don't even know me, and it may just be more convenient. But now I'm faced with birthday party etiquette for the adults. Do I have to feed them, too, at the incredibly inflated skating rink prices? Do I have to pay for them to skate? Which brings me to my next issue....

 

6. The package includes skating for 2 adults. The kids like it when I get out there with them, so I was planning to, but am I expected to sit with the other adults instead? And if the package includes skating for only 2 parents, how can I offer it to any other ONE parent if more than one stays?

 

I really shouldn't be stressing over this. It's a party for 10 year olds, after all. Still, I am. Please give me your opinions on the following:

 

1. I think I'm going to skate with my kid and not offer the other free skate to another adult if more than one shows. After all, the party is about my kid, and I think that's where my focus should be. The parents can foot their own bills if they want to join in the fun, I think. What say you?

 

2. The skating rink offers a bottomless pitcher of soda. I think I'll pay for that, but if they (the adults) want to eat anything they should buy their own. The kids will already have soda and pizza included. Is that rude? Should I pay for a pizza for the adults?

 

Adults can and should pay for themselves!

 

I'm with you--hate parties. On second thought, hate might not be a strong enough word.

[idnib]

As for the uninvited guest....I'll just let her join and I'll pay. It's not that much money and I don't want to cause an awkward situation. I still find it odd, though.

 

It is odd, but unless I were in dire financial straits I would do the same thing and be gracious about it.

[ThisIsTheDay]

I'm going to skate with my daughter and not pay for anyone else to do so. I'm also going to furnish something to drink for the parents who stay, but not anything to eat.

 

This is what I would do also.

 

As for the uninvited guest....I'll just let her join and I'll pay. It's not that much money and I don't want to cause an awkward situation. I still find it odd, though.

 

Yes, I agree that it was odd. At the time the mom RSVPed for the children, I would have replied, "Oh, I'm so sorry! We've already planned out the guest list, and we don't have the room for any extra people!" But at this point, it is too late to say anything, and your plan is good to just include the other girl.

[Jenny in Florida]

:iagree:

Ds had food allergies and I stayed at parties he attended as a kid. I brought food and helped make sure he got it. I'd also help the mom serve and clean up if I could. I never expected anyone to buy me or provide me anything. I ate before I went and didn't even accept cake if offered. If there was a charge for getting in the place, I paid for myself unless I was specifically told they were under their quota.

 

Your job is to make sure your dd has a great time. Don't worry about entertaining parents, they aren't your responsibility.

 

 

Right.

 

My kids don't have allergies, but they are vegans. When they were young, I always touched based with hosting parents before they attended parties to discuss food stuff. I made it clear that we never expected the hosting family to do anything different or provide anything extra for my kids. However, when possible, I would offer to bring something for my kids to eat, trying hard to make it look as similar to what was already being served as possible.

 

Then, I would stay and help serve in order to make sure my kid go his or her food and was not in any way a burden to the hosting family. I'd end up handing out slices of pizza and napkins and drinks to the other kids right along with mine, and folks rarely realized what was happening.

 

I never considered myself a guest, never participated in the party except as a helper, and never asked or expected the hosting family to pay for anything for me.

 

My son has a friend who had multiple, severe food-based allergies whose parents handled things more or less the same way.