Is it just me, or is our society too "busy"?

[lea_lpz]

Like many of you, we live in a metropolitan area and so there is so much to do that many parents are over scheduled and it's hard not to want to sign up for all the awesome stuff, but I need to repeat, the good is the enemy of the best.

[BearWallowSchool]

We are way too busy! I don't like it at all. Most of it s due to my husband preaching at several different congregations a month. I'm always tired of lugging everyone around from place to place.

[Ghee]

Where we live right now, there is nothing to do. I mean NOTHING. No AHG troop within driving distance, Scouts are out my husband works away from home and is never there for meetings and campouts, they have all but cancelled anything except the "sport of the season" at our Recreational department.... so I worry that my kids don't get out enough.

 

We are looking at moving after the first of the year. I looked up the town resources and, wow!!, we have an AHG troop nearby, a Scout troop nearby, their parks and rec department has sooo many programs going - gymnastics with bars and beams (ours has only ever been floor work up to back handsprings, you had to travel if you wanted more than that), martial arts.... I looked at what our schedule "could" become - Scouts on Monday evenings, Gymnastics and Martial Arts on Wednesday evening (back to back at the rec center), AHG every other Friday. For me, that is a lot. I don't mind getting out, but I detest "commitment" type things that it's every ____day at X o'clock for what feels like the rest of my life ;) I will probably do it, my kids are far more extroverted than I am and want to see kids more often, but I know it will be a shock to my system.

[Sisyphus]

We live in the D.C. Metro area and seriously the people here are crazy. No one seems happy. Everyone has stuff and meds.

 

This cracked me up- so, so, so true! "stuff and Meds" is about right. Nothing is "fun", it's all a competition to be the best gymnast/swimmer/artist/drummer/student. Preferably several of those things. No dabbling round here...

[JumpyTheFrog]

Never in history the running of a household consumed this little time; so we do have lots more hours available than our Great-grandmothers that we can fill with meaningful activities.

 

Maybe the reason that so many people feel over-scheduled, despite having more free time than people a hundred years ago, is that they have to drive to all these activities. Trying to get the kids (or spouse!) to hurry up and get in the car...sitting in traffic...getting stuck at every red light...hoping the class won't run over because you have to be somewhere else right after...

 

Also, it can be easy to join activities and be around people, but never really connect with them. Maybe everyone isn't like this, but I have to spent a significant number of hours with someone before I feel connected to them at all. If I see someone for one hour per week, it will probably take two or more years before I feel like we might actually be friends and not mere acquaintances.

 

If I had real friends at every activity I drive my kids to, then it would be much more enjoyable for me. Even better would be activities we could do together, like the homeschooling moms and kids running class we did in the spring. Perhaps much of the frustration moms feel is that they spend so much time driving their kids around that they have little time or money left to pursue their own interests.

[lea_lpz]

If I had real friends at every activity I drive my kids to, then it would be much more enjoyable for me. Even better would be activities we could do together, like the homeschooling moms and kids running class we did in the spring. Perhaps much of the frustration moms feel is that they spend so much time driving their kids around that they have little time or money left to pursue their own interests.

 

I feel this way too and that's why I chose to stick with AHG and AWANA. Our AHG troop is entirely ran by homeschool moms, although we have girls in the troop who are not homeschooled. I am a leader so we have monthly leader meetings, we get to really know each other. The children are well mannered and the mothers encouraging. The kids and mom interact and get to know each other. That's why this was probably what they also said was their favorite activity. Even my little boy who is obviously not an AHG girl, but loves the be in daycare while we do meetings. We have 2 moms who watch leaders children during meetings for boys and girls under 5 and boy siblings. He loves playing with all the little kids and the older boys who are just really good Christian boys. You can tell they are homeschooled. They're so good the little kids, always including the little boys in the "boy games."

 

AWANA is fun for my Sparkie and Cubbie, but is mostly my time :)! I have a women's bible study and enjoy this time of fellowship and being able to do something for me. I sometimes feel guilty, like should volunteer in Cubbies since I do AHG forum dd, but ultimately, am happy with getting a break Thursday evenings :)

[LaxMom]

To answer the original question: yes. Our society has shifted its value from "being" to "doing" over the past century or so. We (as a society) no longer seem to value leisure, solitude, or quiet contemplation. Unproductive time is "wasted" time.

 

I have no idea why that is.

[Danestress]

If you are talking a about society in general

 

I wonder how much of the perception that we are too busy is the result of how we use down time. I think many of us, if we kept track of our time, would find that they would have a few extra hours a day if we stAyed off the computer, the television, the iPad, the cell phone. People are so often not truly present in what they are doing.

 

 

[MissKNG]

I tend to be busy mainly because I don't like to sit still. There is always something that could be done around the house, for example. Plus I have two highly, highly active children that keep me going too and they don't require a lot of sleep. We stay busy with daily life not so much with extracurricular activities. Big girl is in 4-H now and participates in soccer and recreation in the summer.

 

Part of my "busy" is in the kitchen. I'm not a fan of processed foods and try to make as much from scratch as I can. Lots of Americans are busy with other things that they rely on fast food....different kinds of busy here.

[regentrude]

Our society has shifted its value from "being" to "doing" over the past century or so. We (as a society) no longer seem to value leisure, solitude, or quiet contemplation. Unproductive time is "wasted" time.

 

To what time period do you compare?

What pioneer woman had time to sit in leisure and quiet contemplation? Running a household and taking care of the farm was an all day job, dawn to dusk, and the evening hours were spent working inside the house, sewing, mending, knitting, weaving.... No central heat, no running water in the house, no electricity - this all required a large amount of work just to take care of basic necessities. In contrast, we have many hours during which we do not have to work, hours our ancestors did not have available.

Those moms did not HAVE the luxury of sitting idly by the soccer field or at gymnastics and chatting; they were too busy working. And their kids were probably too. They did not need to be driven to exercise classes several times a week because they were helping to work the farm.

 

I do not know what kind of idyllic image you have of life one hundred years ago. They had far fewer hours of leisure available than every single one of us does. They were actually truly BUSY.

[Katiebug_1976]

Yes, I do think a lot of people in society are way too busy! But, no, I don't feel guilty because that kind of lifestyle is just not for us! I would rather be calm and not stressed out all the time than trying to get my kids here and there and be 4 different places at once all of the time! UGH!! That would wear me out (not to mention my kids)!!!

[HollyDay]

I've been thinking a lot about this lately. There are so many different sides and shades to the busy lifestyle. Some of it is a season. That can be a literal season, as in "basketball season" or a stage as in "busy toddler season". Some folks are busy because they love what they are doing, have the energy to do it, and their familes are thriving. But, I've also seen families who are busy striving to keep up appearances and they are run ragged. I think there has to be a balance. You can't be all things to all people all the time. You can't be multiple places at the same time. Logistics play a huge part in the busy scene. If you have carpools, helpul extended family and friends, or older teens who can drive to their various activites, then it makes the running around a lot easier. But, if you are the only driver trying to get multiple dc to multiple places, and homeschool, and do all the household requirements (groceries, cleaning, appts, etc), then it is difficult.

[Cassy]

To what time period do you compare?

What pioneer woman had time to sit in leisure and quiet contemplation? Running a household and taking care of the farm was an all day job, dawn to dusk, and the evening hours were spent working inside the house, sewing, mending, knitting, weaving.... No central heat, no running water in the house, no electricity - this all required a large amount of work just to take care of basic necessities. In contrast, we have many hours during which we do not have to work, hours our ancestors did not have available.

Those moms did not HAVE the luxury of sitting idly by the soccer field or at gymnastics and chatting; they were too busy working. And their kids were probably too. They did not need to be driven to exercise classes several times a week because they were helping to work the farm.

 

I do not know what kind of idyllic image you have of life one hundred years ago. They had far fewer hours of leisure available than every single one of us does. They were actually truly BUSY.

 

Mmm ... Not everyone a hundred years ago was a pioneer woman. There were many different classes of people, lifestyles and amounts of leisure time. Also, time spent sitting sewing, mending, weaving and knitting was also a potentially 'relaxing' time when these people could chat and enjoy the company of friends and family.

 

ETA I think there's also a subtle difference between being 'hard-working' and being 'busy'. I know a number of people I consider to be very hard-working, who work quite long hours, but who don't seem to engage in the same kind of frantic 'busyness' that I've observed in others.

[LaxMom]

 

 

To what time period do you compare?

What pioneer woman had time to sit in leisure and quiet contemplation? Running a household and taking care of the farm was an all day job, dawn to dusk, and the evening hours were spent working inside the house, sewing, mending, knitting, weaving.... No central heat, no running water in the house, no electricity - this all required a large amount of work just to take care of basic necessities. In contrast, we have many hours during which we do not have to work, hours our ancestors did not have available.

Those moms did not HAVE the luxury of sitting idly by the soccer field or at gymnastics and chatting; they were too busy working. And their kids were probably too. They did not need to be driven to exercise classes several times a week because they were helping to work the farm.

 

I do not know what kind of idyllic image you have of life one hundred years ago. They had far fewer hours of leisure available than every single one of us does. They were actually truly BUSY.

 

 

Wow. I'm not sure what I've done to invite your derision. I certainly do not have, nor did I imply, an idyllic delusion of life on the prairies being lush and langorous. In the mid 19th century. Which is, if we do some very elementary arithmetic, not the era I mentioned. At all.

 

And what I am saying - since you are choosing to be obtuse so you have something to rail on about - is that families in past eras have not spent their days being chased by a clock, having scheduled 18 hours of the day solid in 15 minute blocks. I don't think it really challenges our abilities to think beyond our daily existence to see that, when laundry is a hands-on, all day proposition, there is quite a lot of time to reflect. There was time in an evening to listen to music or recitation, or discuss all manner of topics while one darned socks or mended clothing. There used to be time built in to the afternoon for "visiting", between dinner and supper if one was rural, or lunch and dinner if one lived in town and the husband worked in an office.

 

American culture has changed in what is valued. We are now living in a time when space is only valued for what we can stuff into it, whether that is objects, activities, or noise, and often all three at once.

[regentrude]

Wow. I'm not sure what I've done to invite your derision. I certainly do not have, nor did I imply, an idyllic delusion of life on the prairies being lush and langorous. In the mid 19th century. Which is, if we do some very elementary arithmetic, not the era I mentioned. At all.

And what I am saying - since you are choosing to be obtuse so you have something to rail on about - is that families in past eras have not spent their days being chased by a clock, having scheduled 18 hours of the day solid in 15 minute blocks. I don't think it really challenges our abilities to think beyond our daily existence to see that, when laundry is a hands-on, all day proposition, there is quite a lot of time to reflect. There was time in an evening to listen to music or recitation, or discuss all manner of topics while one darned socks or mended clothing. There used to be time built in to the afternoon for "visiting", between dinner and supper if one was rural, or lunch and dinner if one lived in town and the husband worked in an office.

 

 

I am not being obtuse. I think of my grandparents' life. My great-grandmother (whom I still got to know, as she lived to be 96) worked in a textile factory. She had 1.5 hour walk on foot to get to work, and the same to get back. That was about 90 years ago. Her husband was killed in WWI, she was raising her daughter as a single mother while working full time. Water had to be gotten from the village pump. Coal and wood for the stoves had to be carried. She cooked on a coal stove. She took in sewing to earn some extra money.

My grandmother was running a business, working full time, while raising her child - because her husband was killed in WWII.

My other grandmother was raising three children with a husband who was working out of town (they were an educated, upper middle class family); she was a refugee, fleeing across the country several times with teenagers and toddler. When she was done raising her children, she was raising several sets of grandchildren (while her daughters and DIL worked full time), running a household where coal had to be carried for heat and warm water, diapers boiled in a pot on the stove (my diapers- 40 years ago). Yes, she sat down to sew in the evening - after a day full of work.

 

True, they did not have a schedule in 15 minute increments. But they also did not have the hours of leisure and contemplation. If life in the US was like you describe a hundred years ago - wonderful for them. It just has not been my family's reality in Europe.

 

ETA: One reason why people feel so "busy" here is that children do not do anything without their parents. If anything is different nowadays, it is the attitude that children must be supervised at all hours. THAT certainly was not the case one hundred years ago. They played ball outside somewhere - without coach or moms watching from the sidelines. While their mothers went about their daily business.

[mama2cntrykids]

There are so many good thought on this! Of course everyone is different in what they are comfortable with as far as "busyness" is concerned. I just choose to be on the less busy side b/c I get way too stressed otherwise. I guess, sometimes, I feel like I'm not living up to what "others" think I should be doing. Like everyone else around me is doing MORE, so maybe I should be too. Maybe I'm missing out? Maybe not. In the end, I think it's important that I'm not stretching myself too far. And with a toddler and dh being gone everyweek, that can happen very easily :).

[Carol in Cal.]

To what time period do you compare?

What pioneer woman had time to sit in leisure and quiet contemplation? Running a household and taking care of the farm was an all day job, dawn to dusk, and the evening hours were spent working inside the house, sewing, mending, knitting, weaving.... No central heat, no running water in the house, no electricity - this all required a large amount of work just to take care of basic necessities. In contrast, we have many hours during which we do not have to work, hours our ancestors did not have available.

.

 

They had seasonal downtime, though, and they spent more time together at home.

When the crops were in, they could hunker down and weave, quilt, spin, embroider, etc. together at home. Leather work, rope making, etc. were part of everyday life that time of the year, but also part of FAMILY life, together. They tended to mostly be up and around during daylight hours, so they got more sleep in the winter also. To me that seems kind of natural.

 

I have often thought that even living in a cold climate would produce more downtime for us. If we expected not to have yard work in the winter, and figured that every so often we would get snowed in, we probably wouldn't attempt as busy a schedule as we do now.

[besroma]

I work very hard to stay unbusy. I'd rather be ever so slightly bored than overwhelmed.

 

This is how we live. It allows us to follow rabbit trails and allows the children to learn how to find interesting things to do themselves (rather than being entertained, kent busy, etc.).

[Halcyon]

This is an interesting topic.

 

I grew up in NYC, and we lived there until 3 years ago. Go go go. Everyone very competitive, money very important (we lived in Manhattan), lots of activities that were challenging to get to (no car, subway everywhere, lugging kids' stuff, snow, rain, you name it). It was, for me, very exhausting. It was also exciting to have so many opportunities for learning. Going to the Met and having your kid taught by a true expert in his field? Yep, I was going to be there. Having the national TKD champion teach your kids TKD in a small class, but he required attendance at least 3 times a week, and my son LOVED IT and learned discipline and so forth? Yep, gonna do it.

 

But man, was I ever tired. I am an introvert, in the sense that while I do like being around people, and doing things, I get very tired afterwards and need a lot of time to recover. And I never got that in NYC. It was go go go all the time.

 

Now, we live on 2 acres in south Florida. The first couple of years here were hard. It was so......SLOW. People weren't rushing around from activity to activity. People WERE TAKING THEIR TIME AND CHATTING WITH THE STARBUCKS BARISTA!!!! (I need my coffee, lady!!!! Move along move along!) Suffice to say, it was a culture shock. And I was miserable.

 

But now, after 3 years, we have found a quiet rhthym. Some people, shockingly, still consider our family to be VERY busy. But considering what we came from? Nope. THis is mellow. I have time to relax, work out, bake, clean my house. I work part time, and I enjoy it (rather than it being a huge stressor like it was in NYC). We go to the beach every week, and run around with the dogs, or just watch the ocean. The boys still do activities: hockey twice a week, piano, and yoga. But we make the activities fit OUR schedule, not the other way around. My older was doing TKD down here but it was 3 x a week at 6 pm and you know what? I wanted to have dinner at home, and I wanted to be able to read to the kids for an hour after dinner, without yelling at them to "hurry up and get into bed!!!!!!" So we quit. We also quit tennis, even though my older was really good at it (and let me tell you, for a nyc-raised mom who basically BREATHED the atmosphere of competitive parenting daily, this was at first a hard one), we stopped. He told me he just didn't care either way about tennis, so we saved ourselves another day out of the house, and a chance to hone our muffin-baking skills.

 

My house is cleaner and homier than it has ever been (I like cleaning, but totally get that this isn't everyone's bag) because I have more time to just be here. That said, we do get out of the house 5 days out of 7 for activities, but we are not stressed. We are happy.

[Halcyon]

double

[Critterfixer]

Some people overload on activities and run around like crazy - but OTOH, the average American adult watches about five hours TV per day. That is not being busy or using time wisely.

 

Define busy as having a great deal to do or to keep occupied and I'd qualify as busy. I have a great deal to do: I work part-time outside the home Friday and Saturday, I homeschool Sunday-Thursday, I keep chickens, dogs, cats and kids; and I live the life of the single parent Monday-Friday every week and have for the last few years. I am busy.

 

But I am not distracted or stressed by busy. I've learned how to manage the time I have to provide for the housekeeping, the educating and the exercise and reading I need to do. I don't miss sitting in front of a computer for hours. I also don't miss wasting time with books that don't have a whole lot of value. I don't miss busting my backside trying to do major cleaning all at once--there's some things I just don't do because the return on the time investment is too low. Baseboards come to mind. We don't watch TV all that often. On the other hand the boys have a lot of time to read books and ride bikes and run.

 

So it's about priorities and how to manage time for us.

I don't think society is as much "too busy" as it is too distracted to focus well.

[scrapbookbuzz]

It's interesting that you should bring this up. I was just thinking tonight ( for the umpteenth time ) about what I could possibly NOT do. I know we're not crazy busy but it feels too busy to me.

I did tell the kids that there would be no sports in the spring. I need some extra time somewhere. We'll see where I can fit it in!

 

Yes, I do think many families are TOO busy these days. Some wouldn't know, 'though, what to do with "down time".

[mom2scouts]

 

I have often thought that even living in a cold climate would produce more downtime for us. If we expected not to have yard work in the winter, and figured that every so often we would get snowed in, we probably wouldn't attempt as busy a schedule as we do now.

 

 

No, then you spend the time shoveling snow every day. Our city has a law that requires all residents to keep the snow shoveled and it's almost as bad as summer yardwork!

[AdventureMoms]

No, then you spend the time shoveling snow every day. Our city has a law that requires all residents to keep the snow shoveled and it's almost as bad as summer yardwork!

 

 

No kidding! The winter the twins were born we had snow.every.day. With newborn twins, a 2.5yo, nursing/pumping every 2 hours around the clock and doctor's apts. every week, we had to go out and shovel or snowblow (often both) every single day. It took at least an hour a day, more if there was ice. In the summer we can do all the yardwork in maybe 2-3 hours a week. And if we're really in a bind we can only mow the front bit and be done in 1/2 hour or so. In the winter if we leave the snow it turns to hard-packed, then to ice, and then it takes 3x as long to clear if you need to get out to get food or something. It also becomes rather treacherous if, say, an ambulance has to come in because the baby stopped breathing. Plus the town requires sidewalks at least to be cleared by the homeowner. So yeah, snow removal is a lot more work and a lot more mandatory.

 

I don't know about the busy-ness thing. I'm an introvert, and we are definitely busier than I'd like to be, but I feel like that's the only thing keeping me sane a lot of the time. At least one of my kids is an introvert (maybe two - the twins are too young to tell), but we all seem to do better when we are busier. If I stay home all day with the children I'm usually ready to shoot someone by 4pm. I need some peace and quiet, but ironically I'm more likely to get 10 seconds to think if we're at the mall play area than if we're at home. Plus then my house doesn't get completely destroyed before noon. If I can keep the house from destruction by keeping the kids out of it all day, then I can relax in the evening (like now) instead of having to find the house again. So again, I get more quiet alone time when we are busier than when we stay home. It's a season thing, but people are CONSTANTLY telling me things like "it's ok to just hang out at home" or "enjoy your time at home while your kids are young" or "why do you do so much with such little kids". I can't for the life of me figure out why people with multiple young children would want to hang out at the house while the kids scream and swing from the rafters and make messes for you to pick up after they go to bed. The twins at least are calmer out of the house. And other parents take pity on me and catch my boys when they escape the play area. At home I find myself catching one while the other climbs over my back to get onto the counter - it really is not restful.

[texasmama]

I am currently busier than my comfort level allows. I wish I were not. Please enjoy your non busy state. :)

[Jenny in Florida]

yes and no. It depends on the people.

Some people overload on activities and run around like crazy - but OTOH, the average American adult watches about five hours TV per day. That is not being busy or using time wisely.

 

 

Exactly.

 

When my kids were younger, I used to get all misty thinking of how homeschooling would allow them all of this lovely, unstructured time to play at the park, sit in a tree and dream, explore their world, etc. And they did do a lot of that.

 

But, as they got older, it became more and more clear to me that they really needed more than that kind of life. My daughter is a driven, focused person. She's perfectly capable of amusing herself (by color coding her bookshelves or planning and re-planning the kitchen she'll have someday or re-writing her five-year plan). However, she's happier when she's out and about doing what she perceives as real things in the real world.

 

My son is an extrovert, big time. He's never happier than when he's working a room, high fiving folks and being useful. And, although he'll still happily spend an hour or two a day mucking about in the backyard with PVC and duct tape, he gets crankier and crankier with each day he is forced to spend at home without something "real" to do.

 

So, my personal preference for passing quiet hours watching them play in the stream had to give way over the years to facilitating their own interests and passions. And, consequently, we're busy. I didn't set out to be this busy. I don't feel more important than anyone else because we are. I don't think anyone else who isn't busy is "wrong" (unless they are holding back kids who don't share their love of a slower life). I don't plan to be busy forever. But right now, in this season, with these particular kids, it's what works best for us.