Remudamom Posted November 5, 2012 Share Posted November 5, 2012 Remember I finished with sil after she cussed at me over mil's doctor visit? She didn't like the way I handled it. She refused to attend even though she was very close by. Friday mil fell and fractured her hip. My dh, ds and I went into the ER with her and sil showed up later. She was ugly to the poor woman who takes care of mil during the day and then gave dh and I orders as to what she wanted done for mil. We just walked out and let her rant. A couple of family members have since told me that she's bad mouthing me and complaining about how I won't help her. (because you know, I'm a sahm and she's an important PS teacher who actually has a life, my words, not hers, but that's how she treats me.) Dd and I went into town today and spent five hours at the hospital with mil then left when sil got there. She spends every night there with her at the hospital. Anyhow, I'm just grumping. I'd help (and I will go in whenever I can and sit with mil) but I won't be ordered around. Sil has alienated several family members, her three siblings, nieces, me. But in the end she's just hurting her mother. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted November 5, 2012 Share Posted November 5, 2012 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
********* Posted November 5, 2012 Share Posted November 5, 2012 Sorry Remudamom. I unfortunately currently know all too well what you're talking about. Dad's been in the hospital 2 1/2 months now. Longest of my LIFE. Seriously. (There is a REASON that I only saw my mother a few times a year, people. A very, very REAL reason. :tongue_smilie:) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
celticmom Posted November 5, 2012 Share Posted November 5, 2012 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lmrich Posted November 5, 2012 Share Posted November 5, 2012 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remudamom Posted November 5, 2012 Author Share Posted November 5, 2012 Sil has POA and is in complete charge of mil's everything. Mil is sick to her stomach at the hospital but sil is refusing to let her have something for the nausea. How can she do this, even if she has POA? Couldn't mil's wishes and doctor override this? This is one of the reasons I'm so mad about this. What harm could some meds do? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
speedmom4 Posted November 5, 2012 Share Posted November 5, 2012 After reading your post I have a sudden urge to hug my SIL! :grouphug: Elise in NC Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted November 5, 2012 Share Posted November 5, 2012 Sil has POA and is in complete charge of mil's everything. Mil is sick to her stomach at the hospital but sil is refusing to let her have something for the nausea. How can she do this, even if she has POA? Couldn't mil's wishes and doctor override this? This is one of the reasons I'm so mad about this. What harm could some meds do? You'd think they could. That's completely bizarre, not to mention cruel. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DusksAngel Posted November 5, 2012 Share Posted November 5, 2012 As long as your MIL hasn't been ruled to be unable to make her own decisions, she should be able to request medication. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RanchGirl Posted November 5, 2012 Share Posted November 5, 2012 Sil has POA and is in complete charge of mil's everything. Mil is sick to her stomach at the hospital but sil is refusing to let her have something for the nausea. How can she do this, even if she has POA? Couldn't mil's wishes and doctor override this? This is one of the reasons I'm so mad about this. What harm could some meds do? Have you asked a doctor while at the hospital with MIL (in her presence) about this? I think that would be the fastest way to get answers. Maybe your SIL has your MIL convinced she can't ask about this? Or maybe your MIL isn't giving you the full story. The only way to know is to ask with both MIL and the dr there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brehon Posted November 5, 2012 Share Posted November 5, 2012 Sil has POA and is in complete charge of mil's everything. Mil is sick to her stomach at the hospital but sil is refusing to let her have something for the nausea. How can she do this, even if she has POA? Couldn't mil's wishes and doctor override this? This is one of the reasons I'm so mad about this. What harm could some meds do? RM, this might be state dependent; however, in my state a POA (medical & durable) *only* kicks in when the person is declared mentally incompetent (and the bar is set fairly high for this) or is otherwise unable to express his/her wishes (a coma, for example). Someone holding the MPOA/DPOA can't just dictate what will or won't happen. So, yes, where I live your MIL's wishes (assuming she hasn't been legally declared incompetent) would override your SIL's power play. Sorry you and MIL are going through this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liz CA Posted November 5, 2012 Share Posted November 5, 2012 Crazy. What if it was a life and death emergency? Are they waiting for this woman to make up her mind? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remudamom Posted November 5, 2012 Author Share Posted November 5, 2012 It's unbelievably frustrating. Mil picked this daughter to be in charge of her affairs. And yes, this sil (my dh's sister) makes me REALLY appreciate the lovely women my two brothers married. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remudamom Posted November 5, 2012 Author Share Posted November 5, 2012 Have you asked a doctor while at the hospital with MIL (in her presence) about this? I think that would be the fastest way to get answers. Maybe your SIL has your MIL convinced she can't ask about this? Or maybe your MIL isn't giving you the full story. The only way to know is to ask with both MIL and the dr there. No I haven't. Sil is always present to deal with the doctors. I didn't even see a doctor while I was there today. Dh tells me I have to stay out of it, mil made her decision about who was to care for her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted November 5, 2012 Share Posted November 5, 2012 Couldn't mil's wishes and doctor override this? Could and should. Can you whisper in the nurses ear? Some doc buckle to the loudest family member for fear of being sued. Can you discuss this with the head nurse present (and SIL not). Ask your MIL to tell the head nurse she is nauseated and really wants something for it, and could they please page the doc right now if there is no prn ordered. They have VERY good anti-nausea meds now that are very well tolerated. It is a lot more than dramamine now. The drawback? MIL wouldn't be so dependent on SIL if she got better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted November 5, 2012 Share Posted November 5, 2012 Could and should. Can you whisper in the nurses ear? Some doc buckle to the loudest family member for fear of being sued. Can you discuss this with the head nurse present (and SIL not). Ask your MIL to tell the head nurse she is nauseated and really wants something for it, and could they please page the doc right now if there is no prn ordered. They have VERY good anti-nausea meds now that are very well tolerated. It is a lot more than dramamine now. The drawback? MIL wouldn't be so dependent on SIL if she got better. :iagree::iagree::iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twigs Posted November 5, 2012 Share Posted November 5, 2012 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unicorn. Posted November 5, 2012 Share Posted November 5, 2012 RM, this might be state dependent; however, in my state a POA (medical & durable) *only* kicks in when the person is declared mentally incompetent (and the bar is set fairly high for this) or is otherwise unable to express his/her wishes (a coma, for example). Someone holding the MPOA/DPOA can't just dictate what will or won't happen. So, yes, where I live your MIL's wishes (assuming she hasn't been legally declared incompetent) would override your SIL's power play. Sorry you and MIL are going through this. :iagree: Sil can't deny her anything. Someone needs to let the nurse know that mil is requesting nausea meds. Your sil is a witch w/ a capital B! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remudamom Posted November 5, 2012 Author Share Posted November 5, 2012 :iagree: Sil can't deny her anything. Someone needs to let the nurse know that mil is requesting nausea meds. Your sil is a witch w/ a capital B! I did talk to the nurse. Nurse called sil. Sil said "NO nausea meds". Nurse told mil that her dd said she couldn't have the meds. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seasider Posted November 5, 2012 Share Posted November 5, 2012 As long as your MIL hasn't been ruled to be unable to make her own decisions, she should be able to request medication. :iagree: As well as change her POA. Many people have separate POA and Medical POA's (MPOA). If she is observably clear-thinking and there is no potential for problems if she has something for nausea, and medical staff concurs, your MIL should get what she requests! Go up the chain to the charge nurse/doctor if necessary (he he he while your SIL is away and busy with her "real life," of course). :grouphug: You just be sweet to your MIL and try to not focus on that other one. Remember, in the end she is the one you're serving, not really SIL. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seasider Posted November 5, 2012 Share Posted November 5, 2012 I did talk to the nurse. Nurse called sil. Sil said "NO nausea meds". Nurse told mil that her dd said she couldn't have the meds. Is there a valid reason your dh isn't intervening? Perhaps I am interpreting this incorrectly, but is he staying out of it for the wrong reasons? I cannot for the life of me think of any reason your MIL should be denied anti-nausea meds. If she is lucid, why is the nurse calling your SIL? Something stinks here. Sounds like she has totally bullied the nursing staff. That, personally, would have me donning my flame retardant suit and doing what I could to set things straight. Or at the very least, get some real answers out of the medical staff. I am sorry you are dealing with this. I find myself wondering who will be caring for dear SIL in her advanced age... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brehon Posted November 5, 2012 Share Posted November 5, 2012 (edited) I did talk to the nurse. Nurse called sil. Sil said "NO nausea meds". Nurse told mil that her dd said she couldn't have the meds. Does your MIL *want* anti-nausea meds? Does she know she can have them? Again, check your state's laws on this. In TX that nurse could (and would where I am) be brought to book - hard!! - for doing that. She should NOT be calling SIL for permission if MIL isn't incompetent. Methinks there is some JCAHO violations happening there, assuming your state's rules on POAs is similar to TX's. Edited November 5, 2012 by brehon Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denisemomof4 Posted November 5, 2012 Share Posted November 5, 2012 Sil has POA and is in complete charge of mil's everything. Mil is sick to her stomach at the hospital but sil is refusing to let her have something for the nausea. How can she do this, even if she has POA? Couldn't mil's wishes and doctor override this? This is one of the reasons I'm so mad about this. What harm could some meds do? This is strange. Dh was medical POA but couldn't act on it until his mother was no longer able to make her own decisions. Same with my sister and my mom. And what is the reason for your sister refusing meds to help her? She is suffering enough. Go out and buy some fresh ginger, chop it up, boil it to make tea, then strain it. It DOES work for nausea and doesn't need a prescription. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unicorn. Posted November 5, 2012 Share Posted November 5, 2012 I did talk to the nurse. Nurse called sil. Sil said "NO nausea meds". Nurse told mil that her dd said she couldn't have the meds. :grouphug: I know your dh loves his mother. I know he doesn't want to deal w/ sis, and that she has POA. However, he needs to go postal on his sister, and the nurses! He needs to have his mother ask the nurse for the meds, w/ him in the room. He needs to let the nurses know, that sis doesn't make the decisions, his mother does. Period. Unless she is unable to make those decisions, sis doesn't have the right. I've been down this road w/ parents, grandparents, and an aunt. If I were there, I would go all Remudamom on your sil! And I'd throw in some Imp, and Swellmama too! :glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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