BlueTaelon Posted October 31, 2012 Share Posted October 31, 2012 (edited) If your spending a few weeks with family at Xmas and you know they probably won't get their kids decent Xmas gifts out of sheer laziness and you've been planning and preparing for your kids Xmas all year so they have an awesome Xmas what would you do? I can't afford to provide for her kids too. I will get them something they like but I feel bad my kids will get awesome, much wanted gifts. I have no idea if we will be spending Xmas with her or not but I need to start planning in case were still there come Xmas. ETA: yes, I'm sure its a combo of laziness and being cheap. She expects local service orgs to provide toys when she can afford them. They have gone without due to this:( Its one of the very few things we've argued about over the years. Edited October 31, 2012 by BlueTaelon Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AK_Mom4 Posted October 31, 2012 Share Posted October 31, 2012 If there was going to be a significant difference in gift "coolness", I would give my children their gifts separately. Give them something small to open with the group and then amaze them with totally unexpected Boxing Day gifts. I would do it that way because I would hate to hurt her kids' feelings. I don't buy into the "everything has to be fair" thing, but it would make a kid feel bad to get a cheesy jigsaw puzzle while they watched their cousin open an IPad, KWIM? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susan C. Posted October 31, 2012 Share Posted October 31, 2012 Have your Christmas at home before you go! Then "cheap" gifts all around when you go. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlueTaelon Posted October 31, 2012 Author Share Posted October 31, 2012 Have your Christmas at home before you go! Then "cheap" gifts all around when you go. We would be having Xmas a few weeks early then. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SonshineLearner Posted October 31, 2012 Share Posted October 31, 2012 I'd give them at another time... It's hard to watch my brother and his son open up computers, and my kids get... smaller stuff.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reflections Posted October 31, 2012 Share Posted October 31, 2012 Do you have to be there on Christmas? If I felt it would be a real problem I would avoid being there on that day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ccolopy Posted October 31, 2012 Share Posted October 31, 2012 I would give your kids their biggest gifts when you get home. Just let them know that they're going to get some gifts on Christmas and some a few days later. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susan C. Posted October 31, 2012 Share Posted October 31, 2012 Any way you can come home by Christmas, or leave the day after Christmas? One year, we had Christmas Eve at MIL's, Christmas morning at our house, then flew out to my parents for Christmas night. But I always had Christmas at our house. Because that is where Santa comes. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happi duck Posted October 31, 2012 Share Posted October 31, 2012 I'd give them at another time... It's hard to watch my brother and his son open up computers, and my kids get... smaller stuff.... Do you have to be there on Christmas? If I felt it would be a real problem I would avoid being there on that day. :iagree::iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fraidycat Posted October 31, 2012 Share Posted October 31, 2012 That's a tough one. Whenever we are spending Christmas with my bro and his family, we adults try to co-ordinate ahead of time so that the kids gifts will be somewhat "fair". But, it's totally different dynamic compared to the one you're describing (laziness & cheapness). In any case, Santa always goes to their house, so when they spend Christmas with us, my niece and nephew don't get their Santa gift until they get home along with any bigger things that Bro & SIL don't want to haul back and forth across the border. I think in this case, I'd probably have two Christmases. Family Christmas where the focus is on FAMILY with a small gift or two, then at home Christmas when you get home. It sounds like you have to travel quite a distance (??) since it's such a long visit, so it would make sense if you choose not to haul all of the gifts with you, just to bring them back home again. IMO, it's better to have it late rather than having it early, because the anticipation level gets to stay up and we all know that the anticipation of gifts is better than the actual gifts! :D When you get back from your family visit, you can have a quiet evening with Hot Chocolate and cookies or something cool like that while everyone opens gifts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted October 31, 2012 Share Posted October 31, 2012 We would be having Xmas a few weeks early then. Whether early or late, do the big bonanza some other time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AimeeM Posted October 31, 2012 Share Posted October 31, 2012 Well, most Christmases we do two. Not a similar situation at all, we just don't want to tote all the gifts on that long of a trip :D. So, we take a couple gifts per child with us to visit my FIL for Christmas, knowing they will end up with more from him and souvenirs from the trip; then we have another Christmas at home (like, the night we get home, lol). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted October 31, 2012 Share Posted October 31, 2012 If you don't know if you'll be there, does that imply you may have some choice in the matter? I'd leave before and have Xmas at home. I'm so glad we can't go anywhere for the holidays! :grouphug: for those who have to. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pippen Posted October 31, 2012 Share Posted October 31, 2012 It wouldn't matter to me if the differences in gifts were due to sheer laziness, or any another reason. I would either stay home for gift giving and join the rest of the family later--or if that's not possible--do big gifts at home with my kids at a different time. I spent too many Christmas mornings as a child watching friends and/or family whose parents had way more money than mine did. We would finish opening our gifts and then sit there and watch them open the rest of the pile. It wasn't fun. I'm not even one for making my own kids' gifts exactly equal, but I wouldn't ever put them through the Christmases of my childhood. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vonfirmath Posted October 31, 2012 Share Posted October 31, 2012 Have your Christmas at home before you go! Then "cheap" gifts all around when you go. This. Even when someone isn't lazy or cheap, difference in amount/apparent priciness of Christmas gifts can end up making people feel bad/awkward. I would do whatever you can to limit the opening of gifts "together" My sister and I do the "exchange between the two families" gifts and stockings together and the bulk of Christmas opening when our families are NOT together. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beth S Posted October 31, 2012 Share Posted October 31, 2012 We ALWAYS do open our kids' gifts at seperate time from our extended family. Opening our gifts to the kids (and vice versa) is just a private family time. There is NO way we could enjoy them while also dealing with those family dynamics. You will feel disappointed, especially if you've worked hard on orchestrating your kids' gifts. Even opening them up in front of the grandparents is too much for us. They have different budgets and values. PLUS it makes the extended family gift exchange much too big and long to be enjoyed by everyone. There will likely be some in the group that only get one gift. It can be a very discouraging time of comparisons. Last year, our BIL and SIL drove 12 hours to be with us. They had "Christmas in the Car" (opening gifts) with their 2 children--a fun family time, which made the trip more enjoyable. I personally have too much "juggling" to do to manage BOTH kids' gifts and extended family's gifts at once. Just look forward to the "Out of Town Christmas" as focusing on your extended family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Live2Ride Posted October 31, 2012 Share Posted October 31, 2012 I agree with the separate gift giving to your kids later. That said, my mom sort of instituted a rule when we were younger that our family did Christmas at home. We traveled or met up as a large family for Thanksgiving instead. Made Christmas that much more calm for our family. Dh and I decided to do the same when we had kids and it's been great. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyof4ks Posted October 31, 2012 Share Posted October 31, 2012 I would do the big gifts at home. We purposely do not spend Christmas at the homes of family, because my kids get cool stuff and family complains we spoil them. Not that it is any of their business, but anyway. It is what it is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Candid Posted October 31, 2012 Share Posted October 31, 2012 I'd probably not give gifts at her house or if you must, give my kids their smaller gifts at the visiting house and then get the nicer ones when you get home. I would not give the nicer gifts before unless they then stayed at home while you went on the trip. Think ahead, what happens if one of the other kids "accidentally" breaks one of your children's gifts or if one of your children's gifts disappears? This kind of disparity would drive some children to do things they might not if it wasn't in their face. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeacefulChaos Posted October 31, 2012 Share Posted October 31, 2012 If there was going to be a significant difference in gift "coolness", I would give my children their gifts separately. Give them something small to open with the group and then amaze them with totally unexpected Boxing Day gifts. I would do it that way because I would hate to hurt her kids' feelings. I don't buy into the "everything has to be fair" thing, but it would make a kid feel bad to get a cheesy jigsaw puzzle while they watched their cousin open an IPad, KWIM? This. Are the other people going to be around all the time? If not, you could even just do it when they aren't nearby/in the room. As a kid, I opened my gifts early every year because we travelled for Christmas. Usually it was around a week early maybe? All of DH's family lives nearby, and we don't travel to see my family for Christmas, so we don't get together with everyone until later in the day. So I can't imagine the scenario of multiple kids from multiple families all opening their individual gifts from their own family at the same time - it's just foreign to me. Not saying that in a bad way, I know it's the norm for some, but I guess I might not be much help because I can't imagine the scenario very well. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seasider Posted October 31, 2012 Share Posted October 31, 2012 We would be having Xmas a few weeks early then. Agree on a separate time, but if your kids can handle it, actually do it afterwards. Lets your kids go out of the Christmas season on a high note and eliminates the chance of any kid accidentally making another feel left out by spilling the beans about an awesome early gift. We have done big gifts on Jan 6, King's Day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommy22alyns Posted October 31, 2012 Share Posted October 31, 2012 Do you have to be there on Christmas? If I felt it would be a real problem I would avoid being there on that day. I agree with this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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