MedicMom Posted October 25, 2012 Share Posted October 25, 2012 I recently(last July) took a new job. We very much needed the money and I wanted to help out DH, who was working 80-hour weeks. When a position came open at his company, they offered it to me out of the blue and I accepted. I then went full time in September. I hate it to the point I have panic attacks just thinking about work. I have never had anxiety issues in my life up till now. I cry on my days off because I am going to have to go back(I work two 24 hour shifts a week). I am seriously, seriously miserable. The issue is that I am a female in an all male company. There is s*xual harassment but it is done in such a way that I can't file a complaint--just comments about how women can't lift as much as men, women are slower than men, things like that. Vague enough that I know it is directed at me but that I can't make a complaint. I can't quit, no matter how much I play with the budget. My old job, which I loved, will take me back but there is nothing open right now. DH doesn't understand at all where I am coming from or how I can be so unhappy at a company he loves working for. He knows about the comments but thinks I am overreacting. I am headed off to work now and almost physically sick. I could really, really use some prayers and thoughts today. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted October 25, 2012 Share Posted October 25, 2012 :grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted October 25, 2012 Share Posted October 25, 2012 I'm so sorry. I remember going back to work, at a lovely preschool, when I put dd into school for the first time (3rd grade). I cried on my way to work every single day. I really did! I remember it, because I actually kept track. So I know how the wrong fit in a job can truly affect you (not comparing my easy, wonderful job with your environment--just the feelings). It helped when I made a plan and could see the light at the end of the tunnel. Feeling powerless was awful. Can you do some searching? Take out a home equity loan? Find something else? Move? Take your vacation NOW? Take a sabbatical for health reasons? What would it take to stop working there? Tons of :grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted October 25, 2012 Share Posted October 25, 2012 (edited) :grouphug: Try to learn to joke back. That is the language they are using. I've worked with a lot of men in my time, and while that stuff bothered me when I was 17, it didn't bother me much longer. Quip back. Tease back. ("Women can't lift as much because they spend their time exercising their brains!") Personally, I'd rather work with in your face men than catty knife in the back women any day. Edited October 25, 2012 by kalanamak Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted October 25, 2012 Share Posted October 25, 2012 :grouphug: Try to learn to joke back. That is the language they are using. I've worked with a lot of men in my time, and while that stuff bothered me when I was 17, it didn't bother me much longer. Quip back. Tease back. ("Women can't life as much because they spend their time exercising their brains!") Personally, I'd rather work with in your face men than catty knife in the back women any day. Some good advice above... I wouldn't call what you are experiencing sexual harassment. Have some good comebacks, and you'll be laughing with them. And women can be so much meaner, in a mostly women environment. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Punks in Ontario Posted October 25, 2012 Share Posted October 25, 2012 :grouphug: Try to learn to joke back. That is the language they are using. I've worked with a lot of men in my time, and while that stuff bothered me when I was 17, it didn't bother me much longer. Quip back. Tease back. ("Women can't life as much because they spend their time exercising their brains!") Personally, I'd rather work with in your face men than catty knife in the back women any day. :iagree: Sometimes they just need to be teased back and put in their place. Not nastily though. On the other hand, there is a time to find a plan B. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dana Posted October 25, 2012 Share Posted October 25, 2012 :grouphug: Feeling trapped is horrible. I hope you can find some ways of coping. Thinking of you today. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
speedmom4 Posted October 25, 2012 Share Posted October 25, 2012 I'm so sorry you are going through this. I would start looking for another job ASAP. Prayers coming your way! :grouphug: Elise in NC Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted October 25, 2012 Share Posted October 25, 2012 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Live2Ride Posted October 25, 2012 Share Posted October 25, 2012 :grouphug: Try to learn to joke back. That is the language they are using. I've worked with a lot of men in my time, and while that stuff bothered me when I was 17, it didn't bother me much longer. Quip back. Tease back. ("Women can't lift as much because they spend their time exercising their brains!") Personally, I'd rather work with in your face men than catty knife in the back women any day. :iagree: thicker skin will help in this case. While their comments seem a bit rude, I too don't find them sexually harrassing comments. Men are just different. They joke in a different way, not saying that it is correct for them to be just commenting, but I think if you had quips in return, they might actually stop or it might lighten it up. They might look at you differently if you bantered back and maybe it will seem like you are more of a coworker then. It's weird, but that's how they are sometimes... I personally wouldn't have an issue with it, but I banter and tease my friends so that's probably why. And quite frankly I know that I'm a woman and can not do a lot of what men can do, but there is A LOT that I can do and they can't, lol. Dig in for a while, banter back if you can and I think you may feel a little better about it. And start looking for someting else if you can't. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted October 25, 2012 Share Posted October 25, 2012 :grouphug: Try to learn to joke back. That is the language they are using. I've worked with a lot of men in my time, and while that stuff bothered me when I was 17, it didn't bother me much longer. Quip back. Tease back. ("Women can't lift as much because they spend their time exercising their brains!") Personally, I'd rather work with in your face men than catty knife in the back women any day. :iagree:Deflect the nonsense and turn it back at them. From what you said in your op it sounds like typical guy nonsense. It took me a while to figure out the guy-speak when I was with the PD/FD. Also realize that you could be being tested to see if you'll fit in and be one of the guys or not. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dandelion Posted October 25, 2012 Share Posted October 25, 2012 :grouphug: Try to learn to joke back. That is the language they are using. I've worked with a lot of men in my time, and while that stuff bothered me when I was 17, it didn't bother me much longer. Quip back. Tease back. :iagree: Having worked with a lot of guys during my career (often being the only woman on the staff), this is what I would recommend too. Their jokes probably have less to do with you personally, than just the fact that they're adjusting to having a woman on the team (and they're probably feeling at a loss as to how to integrate you). You'll be doing yourself and them a favor by joking back - because they know how to deal with that (but they're generally, IME at least, not good at dealing with female emotions and feelings in the workplace). Adjusting to a new job can be tough. I hope you're able to figure out a way to make this work, since it sounds like quitting is not an option right now.:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted October 25, 2012 Share Posted October 25, 2012 :grouphug: Try to learn to joke back. That is the language they are using. I've worked with a lot of men in my time, and while that stuff bothered me when I was 17, it didn't bother me much longer. Quip back. Tease back. ("Women can't lift as much because they spend their time exercising their brains!") Personally, I'd rather work with in your face men than catty knife in the back women any day. :iagree: :iagree:Deflect the nonsense and turn it back at them. From what you said in your op it sounds like typical guy nonsense. It took me a while to figure out the guy-speak when I was with the PD/FD. Also realize that you could be being tested to see if you'll fit in and be one of the guys or not. :iagree: I grew up with 2 brothers and my dh has 2 brothers. No sisters for either of us. We deal much better with this kind of stuff than women catty junk. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brehon Posted October 25, 2012 Share Posted October 25, 2012 (edited) :grouphug:Try to learn to joke back. That is the language they are using. I've worked with a lot of men in my time, and while that stuff bothered me when I was 17, it didn't bother me much longer. Quip back. Tease back. ("Women can't lift as much because they spend their time exercising their brains!") Personally, I'd rather work with in your face men than catty knife in the back women any day. :iagree: I've worked as a medic for almost 15 years and in that time have learned a thing or two. When either my male colleagues or FFs give me lip I look at them and say, "Here's a quick reminder - brains [pointing at myself]; brawn [pointing at the offender(s)]. Got it? Good." I know it's hard being the only female in a station full of guys. The best way to defuse this type of situation is with humor, preferably using gallows humor. And like Kay I find the guys easier to deal with than catty females. Edited October 25, 2012 by brehon Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted October 25, 2012 Share Posted October 25, 2012 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted October 25, 2012 Share Posted October 25, 2012 I know it's hard being the only female in a station full of guys. It can actually work for the better, with both you and "the guys" ending up happier and more broad-minded. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elinor Everywhere Posted October 25, 2012 Share Posted October 25, 2012 Yep, comebacks are what you need while they get to know ya. Can't lift as much? That's why tools were invented. Slower? Slow and steady wins the race. It sounds like they are just working out how to have a female on the team. Probably can't pass gas and make as many crude jokes. :lol::lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
readinmom Posted October 26, 2012 Share Posted October 26, 2012 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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