WWYD?

[AlmiraGulch]

My husband announced last week that we'd be going to Florida one weekend in December to visit his family for the holidays. It's a short trip (Friday through Monday).

 

I'm considering not going.

 

I want to support my husband and understand he wants to see his family (and wants his immediate family with him). However, I have some concerns:

 

1. I just started a new job. I can get the time off (I've been with the company long enough before this role) but I'm not sure it's appropriate for something that wasn't previously planned.

 

2. For the first time EVER, my DD16 is actually liking (and doing well in) school. She has said it would be difficult to make up two missed days of school, because two of her classes have practical exams (not written) every Friday. Both are group projects and not individual.

 

3. DD9 has a goal of getting perfect attendance this year. I'm not a big fan, as I think it encourages people to let their kids go to school when they're sick, but it's important to her.

 

4. We didn't plan for the expense, and it's right before DD's 10th birthday, Christmas, and DSD's 9th birthday.

 

For what it's worth, none of these is a hill I'd die on. I CAN get the time off of work. DD16 can most likely work around those two days. DD9 won't be getting perfect attendance for the year anyway because we already have a pre-planned day off in April. We can likely swing the money, but I'll have to move some stuff around. Basically, it's just a big fat inconvenience.

 

I told him to go without me (taking just my step-daughter), and he will, but he wants us to go.

 

Would you stay or would you go?

[Carol in Cal.]

I'd insist on a different schedule. It is just not reasonable to take high schooler out of school that late in the semester.

 

FWIW, this year we might be doing that at Thanksgiving. DH wants to go out for the week and go hunting with his Dad. He has not hunted for decades, and his dad is so frail that he has a permit to shoot from the car, so that should be interesting. DD has school MTW, so for us to go we have to travel on Wednesday. We might do just that. Frail relatives do not last forever, and we need to get back there as a family. But I dread flying the day before Thanksgiving, so much.

[Lolly]

I would go. I would probably let dd16 stay home to attend school.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I would go. I would probably let dd16 stay home to attend school.

 

:iagree:

[elfgivas]

could you go over thanksgiving? that way, no one missing anything? (i'm guessing you would have the time off, too).

 

or pick a weekend where the monday or friday is a holiday? or depending on when school gets out, the weekend before christmas?

 

hth,

ann

[LostSurprise]

I would negotiate not leaving until Friday evening or have the girls take a half day (if 16 year old's class is in the morning). Then I would suck it up and go.

 

Its not much to ask, especially if dh's parents are getting frail. Let them see the kids.

[athena1277]

I would negotiate not leaving until Friday evening or have the girls take a half day (if 16 year old's class is in the morning). Then I would suck it up and go.

 

 

 

:iagree:Her test is important, but so are grandparents. I would try to negotiate when you leave.

[happyhomemaker]

Is there a particular reason to go in December when the kids do not have off? Why is it that he can't wait for a school break to go? If it were my dh, I would present him with some dates that would work for the whole family to go. Then we would discuss. Personally, I wouldn't have a problem taking off work to see family, but I would try to work around the 16yr old's schedule as much as possible.

[AlmiraGulch]

I'd insist on a different schedule. It is just not reasonable to take high schooler out of school that late in the semester.

 

QUOTE]

 

I forgot to mention that DH's schedule is not particularly flexible. He works in retail (Sales Manager at a piano store). Weekends in general are nearly impossible, so the fact that he could swing that one is a big deal.

[AlmiraGulch]

I would go. I would probably let dd16 stay home to attend school.

 

I hadn't even considered this. I guess I just thought instantly that she's too young to be alone for three nights, but she really isn't She'd do just fine on her own.

 

My sister lives not too far in case of emergency.

 

Not sure why I didn't think of this before.

[AlmiraGulch]

:iagree:Her test is important, but so are grandparents. I would try to negotiate when you leave.

 

I agree that grandparents are important, but these aren't really her grandparents. DH and I just married in April and these are his parents. They're wonderful people, but not particularly close to my kids at this point. If it were my parents, I'd insist.

 

On the other hand, they ARE family....

[*********]

My husband announced last week that we'd be going to Florida one weekend in December to visit his family for the holidays. It's a short trip (Friday through Monday).

 

I'm considering not going.

 

I want to support my husband and understand he wants to see his family (and wants his immediate family with him). However, I have some concerns:

 

1. I just started a new job. I can get the time off (I've been with the company long enough before this role) but I'm not sure it's appropriate for something that wasn't previously planned.

 

2. For the first time EVER, my DD16 is actually liking (and doing well in) school. She has said it would be difficult to make up two missed days of school, because two of her classes have practical exams (not written) every Friday. Both are group projects and not individual.

 

3. DD9 has a goal of getting perfect attendance this year. I'm not a big fan, as I think it encourages people to let their kids go to school when they're sick, but it's important to her.

 

4. We didn't plan for the expense, and it's right before DD's 10th birthday, Christmas, and DSD's 9th birthday.

 

For what it's worth, none of these is a hill I'd die on. I CAN get the time off of work. DD16 can most likely work around those two days. DD9 won't be getting perfect attendance for the year anyway because we already have a pre-planned day off in April. We can likely swing the money, but I'll have to move some stuff around. Basically, it's just a big fat inconvenience.

 

I told him to go without me (taking just my step-daughter), and he will, but he wants us to go.

 

Would you stay or would you go?

 

If you don't want to go, I see no harm in letting your dh and your stepdaughter go by themselves. How old is your stepdaughter?

[AlmiraGulch]

could you go over thanksgiving? that way, no one missing anything? (i'm guessing you would have the time off, too).

 

or pick a weekend where the monday or friday is a holiday? or depending on when school gets out, the weekend before christmas?

 

hth,

ann

 

I wish we could go over Thanksgiving, but it's impossible for my husband to have that weekend off (he works in retail).

[AlmiraGulch]

I would negotiate not leaving until Friday evening or have the girls take a half day (if 16 year old's class is in the morning). Then I would suck it up and go.

 

Its not much to ask, especially if dh's parents are getting frail. Let them see the kids.

 

His parents aren't frail. They are both just 60. 1/2 day might be a good option, but leaving at the end of the day just isn't. DH doesn't see well at night to drive, and I have a hard time staying awake at night to drive. Bad combination! :001_smile:

[happypamama]

What about having your 16yo stay with her aunt or a friend for those couple of days? That way she can stay but not be alone.

[Lolly]

I hadn't even considered this. I guess I just thought instantly that she's too young to be alone for three nights, but she really isn't She'd do just fine on her own.

 

My sister lives not too far in case of emergency.

 

Not sure why I didn't think of this before.

 

I agree that grandparents are important, but these aren't really her grandparents. DH and I just married in April and these are his parents. They're wonderful people, but not particularly close to my kids at this point. If it were my parents, I'd insist.

 

On the other hand, they ARE family....

 

Given the above, I might be tempted to ask my sister to watch the kids and take the trip with just dh. :D

[AlmiraGulch]

If you don't want to go, I see no harm in letting your dh and your stepdaughter go by themselves. How old is your stepdaughter?

 

That's what I think, and he will go without us, but he just doesn't want to.

 

DSD will be 9 in January.

[AlmiraGulch]

What about having your 16yo stay with her aunt or a friend for those couple of days? That way she can stay but not be alone.

 

Thanks for the suggestion. I suppose she probably could spend Friday and Saturday night with my sister, potentially, and just come home Sunday afternoon. One night alone won't kill her.

 

Staying with a friend isn't an option (she doesn't have any...Asperger's, just back in PS, etc).

[AlmiraGulch]

Given the above, I might be tempted to ask my sister to watch the kids and take the trip with just dh. :D

 

I'd like that! My 8 year old stepdaughter will be going anyway, though, so I wouldn't get the adults-only trip. Makes sense that I'd take the 9 year old, too. It would be more fun for them to be together.

[trlt]

I agree that grandparents are important, but these aren't really her grandparents. DH and I just married in April and these are his parents. They're wonderful people, but not particularly close to my kids at this point. If it were my parents, I'd insist.

 

On the other hand, they ARE family....

 

Maybe your husband wants his parents to become closer to your kids? Maybe they want to get to know your kids better? If he really wants you all to go then why not? If none of the "issue" really were things that you were dead set on then I would go so you and your kids can get to know your in-laws a little better.

[AlmiraGulch]

Maybe your husband wants his parents to become closer to your kids? Maybe they want to get to know your kids better? If he really wants you all to go then why not? If none of the "issue" really were things that you were dead set on then I would go so you and your kids can get to know your in-laws a little better.

 

Yeah, I've though of this, too. I really do want to honor my husband's wishes. I just need to balance that with my own needs/desires and those of my kids. Well, really my oldest. It has been such a struggle, but I want to do what's right by her, too.

[Caroline]

Is your dd on a block schedule? That is getting close to the end of the semester, if she is on a block. You may want to check if she has any classes that have EOCTs. You can check the dates of them on the testing calendar on the county website. They come up quick in December.

[AlmiraGulch]

Is your dd on a block schedule? That is getting close to the end of the semester, if she is on a block. You may want to check if she has any classes that have EOCTs. You can check the dates of them on the testing calendar on the county website. They come up quick in December.

This is an excellent point. Yes, she is on a block schedule, and she'll have two EOCTs this semester. I'll look at the calendar now.

[thebacabunch]

Am I misunderstanding? Your dh announced? DOn't you guys decide those things together? If my dh announced that we were going to visit the in laws there would be big trouble. We make those decisions together.

[Anne in CA]

I would try and make it happen, but I would leave the 16yo with your sister or a friend if she really needs to attend school. Cementing a new family together takes shared memories. If you are not making new memories with a new family, you are not growing, ime. I know you are probably doing lots of other things to make memories, but trips are extra bonding.

[AlmiraGulch]

Am I misunderstanding? Your dh announced? DOn't you guys decide those things together? If my dh announced that we were going to visit the in laws there would be big trouble. We make those decisions together.

 

Yeah, he did. :glare: That's why we're having an issue. I'm of the "Really? That weekend doesn't work for me and you should have talked about it with me before you cemented this" ilk. At the end of the day, he has to go that weekend, whether I do or not (work schedule). Plus, he's accustomed to me having a very flexible schedule, but it didn't occur to him that I may not have that with my new job.

[AlmiraGulch]

I would try and make it happen, but I would leave the 16yo with your sister or a friend if she really needs to attend school. Cementing a new family together takes shared memories. If you are not making new memories with a new family, you are not growing, ime. I know you are probably doing lots of other things to make memories, but trips are extra bonding.

 

This is why I'm struggling. We take a lot of trips, do a lot of things together and hang out a lot, but I do think these things are important for a family.

 

My sister will be out of town, I just found out, so that's not an option. And she can't go, because I saw that she has EOCT tests on Monday. I'm not particularly comfortable leaving her alone for 4 days, so I doubt if I'm going now.

[Chris in VA]

I would try very, very hard to work thru the testing issue with your 16yo's teacher(s) and go as a family.

 

Life's too short. In two years, she may be off and on her own a lot more (don't know when the moving out/college thing works in your family). Give her the chance to make a memory with you AND your husband.

 

And show your new in-laws how rock solid you are. (Part of me says, too, score bigtime points with them by going, so you can make a withdrawal later, should you need to...:D But I don't really work that way...just sayin'...)

[AlmiraGulch]

I would try very, very hard to work thru the testing issue with your 16yo's teacher(s) and go as a family.

 

Life's too short. In two years, she may be off and on her own a lot more (don't know when the moving out/college thing works in your family). Give her the chance to make a memory with you AND your husband.

 

And show your new in-laws how rock solid you are. (Part of me says, too, score bigtime points with them by going, so you can make a withdrawal later, should you need to...:D But I don't really work that way...just sayin'...)

 

I really like my in-laws, and they maintain their distance so everything is good there. :-) I'd really like to see them, actually.

 

Unfortunately, there is no working around the test dates. They're county-wide, and it's a formal testing period (not specific to one class or one teacher). Unless you're ill, there is no make-up.

[Chris in VA]

Well, then that is a hard one. At least you can explain that to your in-laws--it's an absolutely understandable excuse.

I would go, then, and leave the 16 yo with relatives or at least have her go over for dinner or part of the day. Oops--just saw your sis is OOT.

Are you church-goers? Could a family friend have her over for dinner one night? Can you Skype?

 

I still would TRY to work it out, but yeah, it looks like it may not work for you. That's too bad.

 

Perhaps there will be another time soon.

[Parrothead]

I'm sorry the whole "announced we'd be going" thing would bug me to no end. That kind of trip is not something that one plans for other adults without their input.

 

If it were me and my dh, he'd be going by himself. Not in a mean or spiteful way, just a fact that his timing does not fit with the everyone's needs.

[Parrothead]

 

Unfortunately, there is no working around the test dates. They're county-wide, and it's a formal testing period (not specific to one class or one teacher). Unless you're ill, there is no make-up.

Well, then there really is nothing to be done by dh to go without your and dd. Perhaps he could take the other children who are not already committed.

[AlmiraGulch]

I'm sorry the whole "announced we'd be going" thing would bug me to no end. That kind of trip is not something that one plans for other adults without their input.

 

If it were me and my dh, he'd be going by himself. Not in a mean or spiteful way, just a fact that his timing does not fit with the everyone's needs.

 

Yep...I'm right there with you on this. I wanted to ask "Um....do you know me at all? I don't work like that."

[AlmiraGulch]

Well, then there really is nothing to be done by dh to go without your and dd. Perhaps he could take the other children who are not already committed.

 

Others have suggested that I let DD stay home alone. I thought about it (I regularly stayed home for weekends alone when I was 16) but I just can't get comfortable with it. Maybe I'm being too protective....

[Catherine]

If it was important to my dh, I"d work very hard to make it happen. Inconvenience isn't enough for me to not participate in something that my dh has classified as "important" to him, though to be fair, few things meet this standard for him.