amy g. Posted September 4, 2012 Share Posted September 4, 2012 He did a good job at the birthday party, and has been as helpful as he is capable of being. We all had a good time with no drinking or drama at all. Now the visit is over, and I'm supposed to drop him at a bus stop downtown tomorrow. He has no home. My husband and sister think that this is a step in the right direction. He acted like an adult, and I'm treating him like an adult by dropping him where he wants to go without butting into his business or trying to fix anything. My best friend was pretty shocked when I told her the plan. She doesn't think family should just drop homeless siblings at bus stops. She offered for me to bring him to her house, but my sister and husband said no way. That would be a step in the wrong direction. If you have experience with alcoholic loved ones, would you be able to butt out and let them figure out their own solutions....or not find them? It is not going to be easy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julie Smith Posted September 4, 2012 Share Posted September 4, 2012 (edited) It's hard to be in your place. I can understand where you are coming from, and wish you and your brother the best of luck. Edited September 4, 2012 by Julie Smith Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shukriyya Posted September 4, 2012 Share Posted September 4, 2012 No advice just :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lawana Posted September 4, 2012 Share Posted September 4, 2012 I have a homeless brother. he's not alcoholic but he is mentally ill. And yes, after many, many efforts to help him, we've reached the conclusion that without his cooperation, there is nothing that we can do. :grouphug:It can be so painful. And behaviors that work in normal and mildly dysfunctional relationships do not work at all with the addicted/mentally ill, though many don't realize that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MamaT Posted September 4, 2012 Share Posted September 4, 2012 Oh Amy. I just wanted to say I hurt for you and :grouphug:. I probably would err on the side of helping too much. I'm not sure if that's a weakness or a strength. Lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melissad2 Posted September 4, 2012 Share Posted September 4, 2012 I have an uncle who can't stay out of prison and one who is effectively homeless most of the time. I have come to the conclusion over the years that you cannot help the unwilling...so I don't because I can't. It is hard to see them floundering but my own immediate family comes first. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jenL Posted September 4, 2012 Share Posted September 4, 2012 The hardest thing we can ever do as humans is to practice "tough love". In this case, I think it is the best thing you can do for your family and your brother. Praying for you, Amy. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
In the Rain Posted September 4, 2012 Share Posted September 4, 2012 No advice, just :grouphug:. I'm glad you enjoyed your visit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyof4ks Posted September 4, 2012 Share Posted September 4, 2012 :grouphug: What a hard situation. What a blessing that your friend has never been through this with anyone close to her, and I hope she let's this go so you can do what you need to do for your brother. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amy g. Posted September 4, 2012 Author Share Posted September 4, 2012 No worries. My friend would do anything for me. She will support my decision no matter what. She was just speechless when I told her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted September 4, 2012 Share Posted September 4, 2012 I can understand why your friend would be shocked, because she doesn't know the details, and she hasn't walked in your shoes. It's very easy to have a knee-jerk, "I would never do that to my brother" reaction, without realizing that her brother is not your brother. Chances are pretty good that, if her brother was a nice, well-adjusted guy with no addiction issues, you wouldn't drop him off at the bus stop, either. Then again, that brother probably has a job and a home of his own, so homelessness wouldn't be an issue. I think your brother is doing the right thing by trying to take responsibility for himself in his own way, without trying to mooch off of you or other family members. I'm sure that if he ever seriously asks for help in getting back on his feet and finding a job and a home, you will be there for him, but right now, I think you're doing all you can and should do for him. I'll pray for him, Amy. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne in CA Posted September 4, 2012 Share Posted September 4, 2012 My dh's youngest brother, M, was a homeless drug user for years. He would eat dinner with my SIL and her family sometimes and she was trying not to drop him off in the street one day when they went by a halfway house she had heard about. She saw there was some kind of line, she stopped and they got in the line. When they got to the front of the line a woman there helped M enter a different halfway house and quit heroin. Now he is married with three children and he is the sole breadwinner for his little family. There is hope, but M was wanting to make a change. SIL would not let a heroin addict spend the night in her house, and she was right. Amy, I think you have done the right thing.:grouphug: I'm sure it's still hard. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lmrich Posted September 4, 2012 Share Posted September 4, 2012 :grouphug: why is it that love is letting go?:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desert Rat Posted September 4, 2012 Share Posted September 4, 2012 :grouphug: I think you're doing the right thing. It's such a hard spot for you to be in. I hope he continues to take steps in the right direction. I wish my parents could be this strong with my sibling. For now, I have to be the bad guy, but get nowhere because I'm the only one standing up to him. Good luck to you, Amy, and your brother. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jelbe5 Posted September 4, 2012 Share Posted September 4, 2012 The hardest thing we can ever do as humans is to practice "tough love". In this case, I think it is the best thing you can do for your family and your brother. Praying for you, Amy. :grouphug: :iagree: I am on the other side . . . 22 years clean and sober. Trust me, as hard as it is for you to do this, this is exactly what is needed. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
besroma Posted September 4, 2012 Share Posted September 4, 2012 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garga Posted September 4, 2012 Share Posted September 4, 2012 I volunteered 3 times a week at a homeless shelter. There's positively nothing you can do for a person, until they do it for themselves. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denisemomof4 Posted September 4, 2012 Share Posted September 4, 2012 I volunteered 3 times a week at a homeless shelter. There's positively nothing you can do for a person, until they do it for themselves. :iagree::iagree::iagree: what a heart breaking situation.:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myfunnybunch Posted September 4, 2012 Share Posted September 4, 2012 :grouphug: You're doing the right thing. You're treating him like an adult who can make his own choices and live with the consequences. There's dignity and respect for him in that. I am so glad that the weekend has gone well so far. :grouphug: Cat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twigs Posted September 4, 2012 Share Posted September 4, 2012 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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