Religious DD not participating in family activities

[DB in NJ]

Also..she previously explained to me that she feels so many children are spoiled and do not appreciate all they have. So, she abstains from everything on Sundays in a way to show that she appreciates it and does not have to have the material things to be happy.

 

From the sounds of it, she has been convicted in her sweet, young heart to honor God by keeping the Sabbath. If she were a grown woman, she would be free to do this in whatever way she sees fit. But she's not a grown woman; and it would appear that she's a fairly new Christian. Your daughter needs to be discipled by an older, wiser believer. Is she going to church? If so, what is their teaching on keeping the Sabbath?

 

As for the rest of the issue, please lovingly remind her that the Bible gives children two commands: 1. Honor your mother and father; and 2. Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. That's it. But please also know that Scripture also says "Fathers (parents) do not provoke your children to wrath."

 

You are in a position to lord over her simply because she is only 12 years old. You CAN insist on her keeping those 2 commands to children, but you need to be careful not to provoke her to wrath.

 

I haven't read the rest of the responses, so if I'm repeating someone else, I apologize. The REALLY important thing here is that your daughter needs to be discipled by someone who you know to have a mature living out of Scripture so that she may be taught.

[abbeyej]

As usual, a very creative and dramatic story.

[Jami]

I think you've received wise advice here. I particularly appreciated Aubrey, Kathleen and Angela's counsel to you. Your daughter has a conviction, wanting to have a day separate from others to worship is Biblical. And many are directed by their consciences to forgo things like eating out or going out to movies. If you don't feel adequate to guide your daughter spiritually because you have a different faith, perhaps you can make sure that she's worshipping in a balanced, Biblical church. I've heard very good things about the PCA (Presbyterian Church in America) church in Flower Mound, which is where you are if I remember correctly.

 

Jami

[ticklbee]

Wait, wait, wait! I think y'all are forgetting that OP's dd is 12. Remember 12? At 12, you're a self-righteous little snit no matter what! I remember. Kind-of like being hormonal, every once in a while, I'd get my head above water enough to *see* it for a second, & I'd be mortified. But also grateful to those who could love me through it.

 

A 12yo who's giving up fun stuff like movies w/ family AND friends should give a person pause. Is she right? Not necessarily. But if you feel like she's *using* this to one-up you, I'd bet quite a bit that she can tell you think that & is reacting to THAT w/ her disrespect. She may feel disrespected, too.

 

Sure, the attitude & door-slamming should be addressed, but I'd keep it gentle for now. I'd try to approach the Sabbath beliefs gently, too, because while her understanding of that may change, the effects of your reception or rejection of those beliefs will last a lot longer.

 

When I was a teen, I did not lie to my mother. I didn't listen to obscene music--in fact, I listened mainly to old hymns. I decided I didn't believe in dating. I was EASY, you know? So when she'd get upset w/ me about something, it was generally a misunderstanding. And I REMEMBER how unfair that felt. I knew what the other kids around me were doing, & I SO wished my mom would SEE how easy she had it. I wanted her to... I don't know, appreciate me a little.

 

Then my sis & bro became teens, & she had no idea what had hit her. She had to deal w/ sneaking out, drugs, smoking, s#x, etc.

 

My point is...try looking at it from the other side. Dd's conviction is frustrating, but what a wonderful problem to deal w/ compared to other 12yos! And if you handle it w/ grace, show her respect, you may be in for some peaceful teen yrs.

 

As far as how to deal w/ how her beliefs disrupt the family, talk to her about it. Tell her how you feel--that you really admire her convictions but that you also want to do fun things as a family. You don't want to leave her out. See what she suggests. You're not bound by her suggestions, but I'll bet she'll appreciate being asked, kwim?

 

As for vacations & trips to grandma's, again, I'd explain the situation to her, & see what she thinks. An example that might help w/ grandma's house at least is when Jesus' disciples picked grain on the Sabbath & when He Himself healed on the same day. He was criticized for this by the pharisees, but he pointed out that a man will pull a donkey out of a ditch on the Sabbath, that David's men...hmmm...they did something on the Sabbath...maybe it was them who picked the grain. Well, you get the idea. Jesus said there were exceptions. And those exceptions have to do w/ loving & honoring others.

 

Most of all, I'd try not to push her or pull the "honoring your parents" card (in order to make her see movies--for slamming the door, it's fine). As much as you can, be proud of her for *having* convictions, & when you get annoyed, just know that this age is annoying almost no matter what. It will pass!!

 

I hope that helps, & I hope I haven't been too forward or offensive. Ftr, mine are 7 & under, so my advice is purely on the teen age end of the experience. If I'm way off-base, it wouldn't be the first time. (Ask my mom! :lol:)

 

I can not agree with Aubrey more. I have a 12 yo dd and if I can just say that I am learning that I need to err on the side of grace more often. Sometimes it's easy to lose perspective. As Aubrey has so wisely pointed out - even though it may be frustrating, there are so many worse things your dd can be getting involved in.

 

If you don't make a huge issue out of this and just go about your life as usual, I would guess that she will eventually come around. And we do have the wonderful promise that God's Holy Spirit will lead us into all truth. So if she is wrong in this, God will reveal it to her.

 

When I was a new christian I was (unfortunately) legalistic in some things. My younger sister became pregnant and was marrying the father of the baby. She asked me if I would be her maid of honor. I said no because of the way the baby was conceived. To this day I regret it. How much better it would have been to support her and applaud her decision to do what was right and just cheer her on. I did what I thought was right at the time. But I grew and I learned and God showed me what His grace looks like.

 

Your dd will also grow and learn. Try to have patience with her as she works these things out. (correcting and disciplining when needed but in love and with understanding.)

[AuntieM]

I am fairly new here and perhaps missed some details, but it I gather that you are not religious as a family, just your daughter?

 

In any case, is there someone "mentoring" your daughter in spiritual matters? If so, I would be in direct and immediate contact with that person. If her mentor is legit and respectable, that person needs to talk to his/her students about the disrespect issue. If it is "okay" by the teacher's standards, I would remove my child from that person's authority.

 

If your daughter is trying to interpret the Bible on her own, I agree with the others who have encouraged you to seek a reputable religious leader to come alongside and mentor her properly, preferably with your participation. Bible Study Fellowship or similar classes may be a good option for her to explore her faith, you can google it for more info. As a mom, even if I did not share my dd's religious convictions, I would accompany her and participate with her as my proper parental role.

 

Twelve is such an impressionable age, old enough to make lasting decisions but not wise enough to consider the entire picture. I would have great concerns about who may be influencing her to feel/believe/behave as she is now doing. I don't believe you should permit the disrespect, but I would spend the bulk of my energy seeking the root cause of the behavior.

 

Just my opinion, hoping the best for your repaired relationship.

[CAMom]

I'm kind of surprised at how many would advocate "persecuting" a 12 year old for her convictions. I have my own 12 year old daughter and she has held some very strong convictions over the past couple of years that I do not share. But my dh and I try to gently instruct her if we believe that her doctrine is in error. We certainly don't try to exasperate her by telling her "we're the parents and you will give up this ridiculous phase!"

 

Also, I think we need to remember that countless very devout, doctrinally sound Christians do believe in keeping the Sabbath. They are not legalists (that is, they don't believe that they are earning anything from God by keeping the commandment) by any means. They are truly motivated out of love and a desire for obedience.

 

So, I don't think any of us should just dismiss this girl's conviction. I also think it's sad that so many would call her a hypocrite. Which of us is not a hypocrite? Seriously! Are we not allowed to hold one conviction unless we hold the whole lot of them without ever falling? Not a single one of lives a fully consistent Christian life. That is what sanctification is all about for goodness sake.

 

I would hope that all of us would do our best to honor our kids' convictions. If we push them and cause them to violate their own conscience, we are guilty of causing them to sin.

[Adrianne]

I'm kind of surprised at how many would advocate "persecuting" a 12 year old for her convictions. I have my own 12 year old daughter and she has held some very strong convictions over the past couple of years that I do not share. But my dh and I try to gently instruct her if we believe that her doctrine is in error. We certainly don't try to exasperate her by telling her "we're the parents and you will give up this ridiculous phase!"

 

Also, I think we need to remember that countless very devout, doctrinally sound Christians do believe in keeping the Sabbath. They are not legalists (that is, they don't believe that they are earning anything from God by keeping the commandment) by any means. They are truly motivated out of love and a desire for obedience.

 

So, I don't think any of us should just dismiss this girl's conviction. I also think it's sad that so many would call her a hypocrite. Which of us is not a hypocrite? Seriously! Are we not allowed to hold one conviction unless we hold the whole lot of them without ever falling? Not a single one of lives a fully consistent Christian life. That is what sanctification is all about for goodness sake.

 

I would hope that all of us would do our best to honor our kids' convictions. If we push them and cause them to violate their own conscience, we are guilty of causing them to sin.

 

 

I agree with Ronette here. It may not be convenient for you but supporting her convictions is important. If parents do not support their children, who will?

 

You can always gently and lovingly lay some ground rules that honor you as parents and a family but still allow her to have her religious beliefs.

 

Edited to add:

 

Could you find someone at church maybe the pastor or a church elder that can speak to her about respecting and honoring her parents while still allowing her to have her beliefs? This way you can still support and love her as her parents and encourage her growing as a Christian but address her behavior issues.

[beansprouts]

I'm kind of surprised at how many would advocate "persecuting" a 12 year old for her convictions. I have my own 12 year old daughter and she has held some very strong convictions over the past couple of years that I do not share. But my dh and I try to gently instruct her if we believe that her doctrine is in error. We certainly don't try to exasperate her by telling her "we're the parents and you will give up this ridiculous phase!"

 

Also, I think we need to remember that countless very devout, doctrinally sound Christians do believe in keeping the Sabbath. They are not legalists (that is, they don't believe that they are earning anything from God by keeping the commandment) by any means. They are truly motivated out of love and a desire for obedience.

 

So, I don't think any of us should just dismiss this girl's conviction. I also think it's sad that so many would call her a hypocrite. Which of us is not a hypocrite? Seriously! Are we not allowed to hold one conviction unless we hold the whole lot of them without ever falling? Not a single one of lives a fully consistent Christian life. That is what sanctification is all about for goodness sake.

 

I would hope that all of us would do our best to honor our kids' convictions. If we push them and cause them to violate their own conscience, we are guilty of causing them to sin.

 

I think the concern that has been expressed by other Christians here is that the child is cleaning the outside of the cup whild the inside is still dirty. In other words, while she is following a checklist of pious behaviors her heart is self-righteous and bitter towards her family. She needs to be reminded that Christ cares about the condition of our hearts more than visible demonstrations of our faith.

 

I share the concern that was shared by another poster about who might be exerting religious influence over this child. When I read the op, I wanted to ask what church/religious group this child had joined. If any of my children came home with a strange "conviction" I would be all over it, trying to find the source. It is far too easy for young people to fall under the influence of cults.

 

My final concern is the OP's attitude towards her daughter's faith, and Christianity in general. If she carries a grudge against the church, how will this affect her relationship with her daughter as she becomes a "Bible-thumper". Is the child really feeling "self-righteous" or is this merely the OP's perception. I know dh and I face similar attitudes with his family.

[CAMom]

I think the concern that has been expressed by other Christians here is that the child is cleaning the outside of the cup whild the inside is still dirty. In other words, while she is following a checklist of pious behaviors her heart is self-righteous and bitter towards her family. She needs to be reminded that Christ cares about the condition of our hearts more than visible demonstrations of our faith.

 

I share the concern that was shared by another poster about who might be exerting religious influence over this child. When I read the op, I wanted to ask what church/religious group this child had joined. If any of my children came home with a strange "conviction" I would be all over it, trying to find the source. It is far too easy for young people to fall under the influence of cults.

 

My final concern is the OP's attitude towards her daughter's faith, and Christianity in general. If she carries a grudge against the church, how will this affect her relationship with her daughter as she becomes a "Bible-thumper". Is the child really feeling "self-righteous" or is this merely the OP's perception. I know dh and I face similar attitudes with his family.

 

I hear what you are saying but keeping the Sabbath is one of the 10 Commandments! It's not like she's saying she's convicted not to eat hamburgers and french fries on Tuesdays. She's trying to uphold a very clear commandment.

 

Sure, we could debate whether or not Sabbath keeping is still necessary but it's not a "cultish" belief at all. My own pastor (an ordained OPC minister preaching in our PCA church) is convicted to keep the Sabbath. He is certainly not nutty or cultish. It is a firmly held conviction that every single person in the church respects even if we don't hold the same conviciton. Not one person hassles him about not joining us for lunch after church at a local restaurant.

 

Yes, the child must be instructed on parental respect while still holding her convictions but a parent should not be pushing a child to sin.

 

BTW, does this situation remind anyone else of Elsie Dinsmore and her refusal to read the paper to her father on the Sabbath?

[Adrianne]

I also don't see much discussion about the parents support their daughter's decisions. She is 12 and is starting to develop ideas of her own. If her parents are alienating her now by discouraging her opinions or outright outlawing them, what kind of precedent are they setting for her future relationship with them? Or what kind of example are they setting about relationships by trying to control her thoughts?

 

It seems her heart needs to be changed but this cannot be accomplished by telling her she is wrong or controlling her feelings.

 

She needs to be lovingly counseled by someone she trusts. Trying to approach the situation with angry confrontation will only push further into the hands of this other religiously feverent individual.

[Plucky]

Summer, are you going to come back and address any of these responses or are you just done with this thread???

[Brindee]

 

Summer, are you going to come back and address any of these responses or are you just done with this thread???

That's funny, I was about to write something like that too! :001_smile:

[Plucky]

That's funny, I was about to write something like that too! :001_smile:

 

Oh, good. It's not just my persnickety nature. :D

[Dawn in Ohio]

I hear what you are saying but keeping the Sabbath is one of the 10 Commandments! It's not like she's saying she's convicted not to eat hamburgers and french fries on Tuesdays. She's trying to uphold a very clear commandment.

 

 

 

:iagree:

[wagnfun]

My DD is 12 and on Sundays, she will not do anything that involves TV, movies, etc.

 

In case she is right, I do not want to be the one who makes her fall. Who knows, maybe God wants us all to lay down and play dead on Sundays,

 

I most definitely do not want her to convince her little brothers to do this shut down routine every week. Has anyone ever heard of a belief that means you cannot watch TV or movies or anything on the Sabath?

 

 

Yes to answer your question, I have heard and know MANY families that honor Sundays as the Sabbath & do not go out.

 

I haven't read ALL of the replys but enough to see I may be the only one that feels this way. I think you should help and honor your daughters convictions. First off, she isn't just trying to get out of family time and using Sundays as an excuse, she also didn't attend a few church youth events b/c she felt they broke the rules as well. You didn't mention shes trying to get out of family games or road trips, just activities that cause others to work. Dr. Dobson is this way in his life. He won't go to the store on Sundays, b/c the cashiers have to work. On vacations, they pick site seeing for the Sunday activity. Instead of say skiing on Sunday, they have a hike in the mountains or a family worship service or swimming and a picnic. Her slamming doors, & mouthing off is a mix of her immaturity, & frustrations of trying to do what she thinks is the right thing, and her age-- If you know she wants to keep this conviction- either make the movie date with the cousins on Saturday- or go without taking her, but give her the choice. I don't understand why you see a problem of "shutting down" once a week honestly. Back in the day- Sundays were for church & town potlucks- everything was shut down. Today, Chic-fil-la as a Christian business, and a business doing VERY well, shuts down every Sunday to honor God & family.

 

There was a time, we as a family boycotted Carls Jrs. at my then Jr Highers request. It killed my husband but he did it to honor her convictions.

 

Just my $.02

[Remudamom]

So..........

 

1. Is this a real thread?

 

2. Is summer under a bridge somewhere?

[beansprouts]

So..........

 

1. Is this a real thread?

 

2. Is summer under a bridge somewhere?

 

 

I think it is an interesting subject anyways. I am considering either starting a spin-off thread, or going downstairs to fold laundry...

[rwalizer]

maybe someone has already mentioned this. I have read that it is not uncommon for teens (and in this case tweens) to feel a need to do something that makes them feel in control of their own lives. I read this in reference to kids in this age group becoming vegetarian. Evidently it is a pretty common thing for them to announce to the family that they are now vegan or vegetarian. Maybe your daughter is adhering to these "beliefs" for the same reason, albeit unwittingly. She may feel a need to take control of something that seems important and meaningful to her.I think this age group really needs to feel respected and balancing that with obedience to parents is also important. I agree with the other posts that there is nothing wrong with letting her see that her beliefs are respected while insisting that she show you respect as her parent and that she show respect for the beliefs of the rest of the family.

[EKS]

As for beliefs that mean that you cannot watch TV or movies on the Sabbath, this is exactly what religious Jews do. The familiar part about not doing work comes from Exodus 31: 12-17 and is part of the ten commandments. But then later on in Exodus 35:1-3 after his interaction with God, Moses comes to the people and says to them (Forgive me, I don't have a standard translation. This is from the Everett Fox translation of The Five Books of Moses):

 

These are the words that YHWH has commanded, to do them:

 

For six days is work to be made,

but on the seventh day,

there is to be holiness for you,

Sabbath, Sabbath-Ceasing for YHWH;

whoever makes work on it is to be put-to-death!

You are not to let fire burn throughout all your settlements on the Sabbath day.

 

So not letting fire burn in modern times also applies to electricity and riding in cars. I am not an expert by any means and I don't know what differences there are between the Jewish and Christian interpretations of the rules set down in the Old Testement. But it seems to me that there is something to your daughter's anti-film/TV thing but that if she is going to be consistant she should probably not use electricity or ride in cars at all on the Sabbath.

[PameliaSue]

I have a couple random thoughts.

 

I remember when I first came to faith and at 11yo realized that my parents were headed to hell. That may sound harsh but that is exactly what was in my mind and I did some serious acting out. My parents were not anything like what I assume you are like Summer. They were smokers, drinkers and swingers. But regardless of the extent of sin in someone's life if you haven't any faith in Christ the Bible says you are going to hell. This may be really bothering your daughter if you do not share her faith. I basically instigated huge fights with my parents over the sin in their lives and tried to exert my will over them any way I could.

 

Second it may help to REALLY study the Sabbath. The Sabbath is Saturday and as Christians our family does not observe it on Sunday but on Saturday. Church is for the service of the Lord, furthering His kingdom and so going to church and working in a Sunday school class is breaking the Sabbath. We don't observe the Sabbath like the Jews but it is a day of rest for us and if we do anything it is a family activity.

 

Third I would get her involved in a Church that has "good fruit" in your community so that she can get some mentorship and teachings. She clearly needs some solid direction in interpreting the scriptures.

[SusanG]

I have a couple random thoughts.

 

I remember when I first came to faith and at 11yo realized that my parents were headed to hell. That may sound harsh but that is exactly what was in my mind and I did some serious acting out. My parents were not anything like what I assume you are like Summer. They were smokers, drinkers and swingers. But regardless of the extent of sin in someone's life if you haven't any faith in Christ the Bible says you are going to hell. This may be really bothering your daughter if you do not share her faith. I basically instigated huge fights with my parents over the sin in their lives and tried to exert my will over them any way I could.

 

So what's the solution to that? How did you and your parents work it out? Or did you? I've given this some thought after reading your post a while ago, and to be perfectly honest, if one of my kids, at 12, decided to be Christian, I'd be pretty mortified and have a great deal of trouble dealing with it. Of course I will need to respect their right to believe as they see fit, but if those beliefs are expressed in an arrogant, self-righteous way, and accompanied by disrespect, I wouldn't tolerate it. It does seem like the most fervent of Christians come from the most liberal of homes, so I'm a bit worried, lol. I get that kids will rebel, push limits, exert their individuality, but I wouldn't accept the behavior of the OP's daughter any more than I would accept my kids cursing at me, leaving home without permission, or otherwise being disobedient and defiant.

[MicheleB]

BUT... does your dd have OCD or anxiety issues? There *is* a form of anxiety/OCD called scrupulosity that causes people extreme emotional angst over religious issues. Could cause them to either confess constantly or make rigid rules of behavior, etc. Just a thought....

[Soph the vet]

So..........

 

1. Is this a real thread?

 

2. Is summer under a bridge somewhere?

 

I read all the posts and it may not be a real thead?!?:eek: What am I missing here?

[Ellie]

Persecution? I think not. A 12 year old is still a child. She still needs to obey her parents.

 

She also needs to have the grace to consider how her "conviction" will affect all the people in her family. When she is an adult, in charge of her own family, she may "observe" the Sabbath (which is Saturday in any case, not Sunday).

 

She is a 12 year old, immature child. She needs some direction, and that direction may include learning to obey her parents first, followed by a good Bible study. Hebrews would be a good place; that's where the writer points out that when we are in Christ, *He* is our Sabbath rest. We don't have to "observe" the Sabbath by abstaining from things, because He lives in us always. She might also be directed to understand that if she wants to keep The Law, she needs to keep *all* of The Law, not just the one she chooses.

[Another Lynn]

Wait, wait, wait! I think y'all are forgetting that OP's dd is 12. Remember 12? At 12, you're a self-righteous little snit no matter what! I remember. Kind-of like being hormonal, every once in a while, I'd get my head above water enough to *see* it for a second, & I'd be mortified. But also grateful to those who could love me through it.

 

A 12yo who's giving up fun stuff like movies w/ family AND friends should give a person pause. Is she right? Not necessarily. But if you feel like she's *using* this to one-up you, I'd bet quite a bit that she can tell you think that & is reacting to THAT w/ her disrespect. She may feel disrespected, too.

 

Sure, the attitude & door-slamming should be addressed, but I'd keep it gentle for now. I'd try to approach the Sabbath beliefs gently, too, because while her understanding of that may change, the effects of your reception or rejection of those beliefs will last a lot longer.

 

When I was a teen, I did not lie to my mother. I didn't listen to obscene music--in fact, I listened mainly to old hymns. I decided I didn't believe in dating. I was EASY, you know? So when she'd get upset w/ me about something, it was generally a misunderstanding. And I REMEMBER how unfair that felt. I knew what the other kids around me were doing, & I SO wished my mom would SEE how easy she had it. I wanted her to... I don't know, appreciate me a little.

 

Then my sis & bro became teens, & she had no idea what had hit her. She had to deal w/ sneaking out, drugs, smoking, s#x, etc.

 

My point is...try looking at it from the other side. Dd's conviction is frustrating, but what a wonderful problem to deal w/ compared to other 12yos! And if you handle it w/ grace, show her respect, you may be in for some peaceful teen yrs.

 

As far as how to deal w/ how her beliefs disrupt the family, talk to her about it. Tell her how you feel--that you really admire her convictions but that you also want to do fun things as a family. You don't want to leave her out. See what she suggests. You're not bound by her suggestions, but I'll bet she'll appreciate being asked, kwim?

 

As for vacations & trips to grandma's, again, I'd explain the situation to her, & see what she thinks. An example that might help w/ grandma's house at least is when Jesus' disciples picked grain on the Sabbath & when He Himself healed on the same day. He was criticized for this by the pharisees, but he pointed out that a man will pull a donkey out of a ditch on the Sabbath, that David's men...hmmm...they did something on the Sabbath...maybe it was them who picked the grain. Well, you get the idea. Jesus said there were exceptions. And those exceptions have to do w/ loving & honoring others.

 

Most of all, I'd try not to push her or pull the "honoring your parents" card (in order to make her see movies--for slamming the door, it's fine). As much as you can, be proud of her for *having* convictions, & when you get annoyed, just know that this age is annoying almost no matter what. It will pass!!

 

I hope that helps, & I hope I haven't been too forward or offensive. Ftr, mine are 7 & under, so my advice is purely on the teen age end of the experience. If I'm way off-base, it wouldn't be the first time. (Ask my mom! :lol:)

 

:iagree: :iagree:

 

I guess because I don't have a 12 yo yet either, I tend to look at this from the perspective of when *I* was 12. I would have been rather amazed if my family had expected me to go to movies I didn't want to go to for any reason - convictions or just preference. I'm sure I'll see it a bit different when I have a 12 yo and want to do things as a family. But the family I grew up in didn't do that much together (sh!!!! a bit dysfunctional - not to discredit my remarks, LOL). I can't imagine caring if my children don't want to go to movies on Sunday - in fact I would be thrilled if they were making that choice. I would deal with any disrespect gently.

 

My .02!

[ereks mom]

I'd say that some people must think the OP is a troll??? If so, I had no idea. But then, I'm in the same boat as Dayle, who said, "I'm kind of bad at remembering those things." So, as Jennifer in MI said, "Anyone want to fill me in?"

[Jennifer in MI]

I'd say that some people must think the OP is a troll???

 

I gathered that too. I keep coming back to this thread because it interested me, but now I want to know what's going on! OP seemed to have quite a few posts. I didn't think that trolls usually stuck around very long. Hmmmmm

[LisaNY]

So..........

 

1. Is this a real thread?

 

2. Is summer under a bridge somewhere?

 

No, she's still here. She posted on the afterschooling board.

[PameliaSue]

So what's the solution to that? How did you and your parents work it out? Or did you? I've given this some thought after reading your post a while ago, and to be perfectly honest, if one of my kids, at 12, decided to be Christian, I'd be pretty mortified and have a great deal of trouble dealing with it. Of course I will need to respect their right to believe as they see fit, but if those beliefs are expressed in an arrogant, self-righteous way, and accompanied by disrespect, I wouldn't tolerate it. It does seem like the most fervent of Christians come from the most liberal of homes, so I'm a bit worried, lol. I get that kids will rebel, push limits, exert their individuality, but I wouldn't accept the behavior of the OP's daughter any more than I would accept my kids cursing at me, leaving home without permission, or otherwise being disobedient and defiant.

 

You know it is such a hard thing, that is why I didn't really go to in-depth with advice. I agree that her dd's behavior is unacceptable and intolerable. And as many have said at the heart her actions are NOT Christian. There was so much advice on this that I just felt compelled to voice what hadn't been already said.

 

I did suggest getting her into a sound church because the dd would be advised to obey and love her parents. And further teaching of the scriptures would eventually lead her to peace on the issue.

 

In my own situation it wasn't resolved. There was a lot more at work than just differing lifestyles. My home was abusive and at 13 I went to live with relatives. I started to regularly attend a Baptist church with my relatives and did come to have peace because I came to have better understanding of the scriptures.

 

I also have to say that all the health classes I had in school compounded the situation. You learn that smoking, drinking, doing drugs and multiple sexual partners isn't healthy choices and then you go home to it.

 

I had a real fear that my parents were going to die from their lifestyle and go to hell. My father passed away before I was 21 due to his lifestyle.

 

I think another option would be as a parent to explore your child's curiosity and convictions. To attend church with your child if they are seeking. How is this any different from exploring a child's fascination with snakes? I know some of you are like... snakes... religion...:confused: but what I mean is that we encourage our children to seek and explore and this isn't any different. BUT because there are moral and spiritual convictions involved the knowing can be burdensome when undirected and forged alone. And if you can't agree with your child's conclusions you still have an obligation to them to direct them to a trusted, safe spiritual environment.

[CLHCO]

Has she read Elsie Dinsemore? Elsie about breaks her relationship with her father because of her convictions on the Sabbath.

 

What about Johnny Tremain? Remember what would happen to him if it was found he was "working" on the Sabbath?

 

What did Laura Ingalls say Sundays were like at her home?

 

She may be a very bright girl who looks at the world around her and sees how far we've fallen. She's in very good company, historically speaking, with those who believed as she does. Perhaps, in western society, most would agree with her and consider you the ones causing persecution on one of God's faithful. :p (I'm being over dramatic but I was very good at being 12 once and it took me a lot longer than a year to grow out of it!)

 

I'm not saying you are wrong and she is right. I'm also not suggesting those who have stated a different belief are *wrong*, but many young Christians, in their zeal, will take things to the highest extreme, not because they are legalistic, though at 12 you certainly have difficulty sometimes telling the difference, but instead out of a deep desire to do what is right in a world that has been falling off into what is wrong.

 

I'd respect her conviction and let her play this out herself. As others have said, she's 12 and you also need to be careful to not be the stumbling block on her either.

 

It could be a good time for the family to make sure they're clear on why the rest of you do what you do. Perhaps an honest evaluation can come up with a good compromise or at least understanding.

[threetreasurs]

The only thing my kids wanted to abstain from on Sunday was housework - so you must be doing something right!:)