Leav97 Posted June 26, 2012 Share Posted June 26, 2012 I would love to fill the gap between my first and second. Heck I think my first would have benefited from having an older sibling. But, generally babies are how families expand. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hwin Posted June 26, 2012 Share Posted June 26, 2012 At the risk of being too blunt, I'll say I DO think about this. Having at one time been a young 20-something with six cats and two rabbits in a tiny apartment, I learned my lesson about furry little babies turning into furry big babies that make too much poop. Also, I over plan things, and both my kids were planned after a lot of late night discussions and trying to figure out what life would be like when said little one was 5, 10, 15. The kicker is...I never expected all of my kids to be planned :lol: I figured that with our "winging it" style of NFP, there would be a couple of surprises, but nope! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grateful for Grace Posted July 4, 2012 Share Posted July 4, 2012 When I say I want another baby, I mean, "I want another member of our family that starts out as a baby." I don't mean I want to add a teenager instantly. I've done that (foster to adopt) and it was the hardest thing I've ever done. I see the many benefits of the member starting as a baby in our family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted July 4, 2012 Share Posted July 4, 2012 When I see the many posts here about people wanting another baby, I often wonder why they don't say, "I was looking at my family and really want another toddler/middle-schooler/teenager." I hear of people missing the "baby" stage. They miss having a baby in the house. The baby stage, while sweet, is so short. Then these sweet babies grow up to be curious toddlers, arguing middle-schoolers, and busy teenagers. I think there are fantastic reasons to have more children. I question whether the love of babies is a great reason since it's such a short stage. If someone is wrestling with adding to their family, perhaps the better questions is, Do I want another teenager? or Do I want another junior high kid? Really, those stages last much longer than the baby stage. When I see threads like this, I can't relate. I enjoyed all four of my babies, even as I remember very well how much effort it was. However, when mine were babies, I had no idea how much effort the older ages could be. I've had three teenagers so far. I think they are fantastic. But, the thought of having lots more teenagers to come, is simply an exhausting thought. When someone is considering another baby, don't you think asking oneself if they want another teenager (or substitute another stage in here) is a better questions of whether it's a good idea for the family? I couldn't agree more. People asked me for a long time, "don't you want another baby?" Sure, but do I want to potty train someone else? Teach someone else to read? Teach someone else to drive? I think I have enough on my plate for me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrincessMommy Posted July 4, 2012 Share Posted July 4, 2012 When I see the many posts here about people wanting another baby, I often wonder why they don't say, "I was looking at my family and really want another toddler/middle-schooler/teenager." I hear of people missing the "baby" stage. They miss having a baby in the house. The baby stage, while sweet, is so short. Then these sweet babies grow up to be curious toddlers, arguing middle-schoolers, and busy teenagers. I think there are fantastic reasons to have more children. I question whether the love of babies is a great reason since it's such a short stage. If someone is wrestling with adding to their family, perhaps the better questions is, Do I want another teenager? or Do I want another junior high kid? Really, those stages last much longer than the baby stage. When I see threads like this, I can't relate. I enjoyed all four of my babies, even as I remember very well how much effort it was. However, when mine were babies, I had no idea how much effort the older ages could be. I've had three teenagers so far. I think they are fantastic. But, the thought of having lots more teenagers to come, is simply an exhausting thought. When someone is considering another baby, don't you think asking oneself if they want another teenager (or substitute another stage in here) is a better questions of whether it's a good idea for the family? I agree... it's one of the reasons we didn't have a 7th child. Sure, I'd love a baby (or a toddler), but the young-adult stage is emotionally hard - and my kids aren't rebelling terribly or falling off the deep end with life. I'll already be in my 50's & my dh will be in his 60's when our youngest hits this stage - I can't imagine doing as I get even older. But, the thing is... I don't feel I can adequately say something to young mom's who want a lot of kids. It just feels so anti-family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annandatje Posted July 4, 2012 Share Posted July 4, 2012 :iagree: I tolerated the baby stage, honestly. I like them better when they walk, talk, and don't need diapers. I thought it was so cool when ds and I started having real conversations. A conversation with this creature I helped create! Cool! Dh and I briefly considered adoption, but early on we felt our family was complete with one. I know people who have adopted functional adults who needed the emotional support of family. I wouldn't be opposed to that someday, maybe if the opportunity presented itself. I have enjoyed every stage of ds's life so far, even the teen years to date. It is refreshing to meet other women who are not hooked on infants. I mistakenly thought in my pre-kid years that I was not maternally oriented because I never had desire to hold and coo at a baby. We went on to have several kids of our own plus helped out other peoples' kids. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlsdMama Posted July 4, 2012 Share Posted July 4, 2012 (edited) But, the thing is... I don't feel I can adequately say something to young mom's who want a lot of kids. It just feels so anti-family. I think it's good you hold back. Each family's dynamics are so incredibly different and we're all wired so differently that your unique experience would not necessarily relate to theirs or be remotely the same, kwim? I've had some incredibly hard pregnancies. It would be unfair for me to say to someone - pregnancy is hard on your body. Don't do it. That was my unique situation. It would have been hard on me if I'd have stopped at four. It's just the way it is. Babies are physically draining. But, wow, those older kids! I wouldn't have missed out on this for the world. Funny, but my dad is even beyond that stage of life. They had three. All are grown, married, and have children of their own. I can't tell you how often he has said that he wishes he had had more. They had a hard time seeing past the stage they were in (all kids at home with all of the emotional, physical, financial stuff that entails) and seeing this stage in their life... He wishes VERY much that they had had more children. And that's not just emotional stuff. He was in the oldest half of eleven. He knows how much work family is. I tolerated the baby stage, honestly. I like them better when they walk, talk, and don't need diapers. I thought it was so cool when ds and I started having real conversations. :iagree: I barely tolerate the 0-2 stage. I do the best I can for their attachment and brain development - co-sleeping, nursing, wearing, etc., but it is incredibly draining for me. 0-2 is still rather blobby. But then they hit TWO and WHEEEEEE, the fun can begin. We start to really figure out WHO they are, rather than just being some random, cute baby in our home. Our current 2 year old is the most exhausting creature we've ever had. I'm loving it. (Well, except for serious lack of sleep!) Training stage (2-4) is just plain entertaining. 5-8 they are good... They're very nice and good for projects, but they don't get incredibly lit up about things like a 12 year old does. I have three in this stage right now. They're very pleasant but I'm waiting for about age ten. ;) Right before teens, they hit that PASSIONATE part where they have REAL, individual interests that run deep. Things they want desperately to do and they are their own ideas! But, teens, I think teens have to be the best of all. Now, granted, I have limited experience. But, they are fascinating critters. I can honestly say that I have loved every stage of our oldest, but NEVER have I enjoyed her as much as I do right now. And I can truly say the same about our 13 year old... And he's a boy, lol. I can't WAIT to get out of the baby stage with each child. DH is exactly the same as he doesn't really like starting over with a baby either! But we're pretty excited to get each new PERSON we're given. It is an amazing gift to be allowed to parent... Says the lady who got to wipe three bottoms this morning and none of them her own. Edited July 4, 2012 by BlsdMama Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barb_ Posted July 4, 2012 Share Posted July 4, 2012 I love teenagers! I worked in a public high school for almost 17 years as proof! I am not a baby person though. Working in the nursery? I might go crazy. And you sure as heck don't want me working with pre-schoolers! :D Dawn :iagree: I would love to raise a few more teenagers, but I'd have to get through the baby-toddler-preschool stage to do it. No thanks :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest sharkgirl Posted July 4, 2012 Share Posted July 4, 2012 I would LOVE to have another baby. My youngest is 3.5 and I've wanted another baby for about a year and a half. As I approach 42 that yearning gets stronger. I asked DH a couple of weeks ago if he would consider it and he gave a resounding NO! He will be 55 this year and we are probably collectively "too old" to be considering another baby (the doctors acted like I was going to give birth to a 3 headed monster when I had the first two because I was over 35 and DH was over 50). I feel like our family is not yet "complete." Who knows, if it is God's will, it will happen regardless of our plans. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FeFe Posted July 4, 2012 Share Posted July 4, 2012 I want a perpetual 2-5 year old little boy! :) Seriously though, I agree with you. I don't think I'll ever be longing for another baby because I know how much work each stage is. They're all special in their own way but we're content. But my husband and I really enjoy ages 2 through 5 or so and we've had one around for 15 years. But, our youngest is now almost six and I do find my self wondering what in the world are we going to do without preschoolers. They're so much fun! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
welovetoread Posted July 4, 2012 Share Posted July 4, 2012 We currently have all of the ages. Our baby is almost 1. My toddler is almost a preschooler. I have an almost 6 year old, 8,10 and 14. I'd take another teenager any day. My teen is great. Once a month she gets moody, but other than that, its fantastic. I always ask if we want another PERSON. Love the babies AND the teens Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tristangrace Posted July 4, 2012 Share Posted July 4, 2012 I guess I just assume that the people who say, "I want another baby" mean "I want another person in the family." Me, I'd like another person in the family, but I don't know if at 42 I can hack the pregnancy-through-age-three stage. I just wish we had been able to start earlier and squeeze in a fourth kid before the thought of a newborn sounded dreadful. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrsBanjoClown Posted July 4, 2012 Share Posted July 4, 2012 We are currently ttc #3. Our boys are 7 and 5. For me, it's more about wanting a larger family. I love my boys and would be content to keep things as they are, but I have always wanted about 4 kids. We may end up compromising on 3, but I have just always wanted a larger family. When I think about the future, I like to imagine a houseful at Thanksgiving and Christmas. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mimm Posted July 4, 2012 Share Posted July 4, 2012 (edited) My mother continued to have babies because she wanted babies. She did not, however, enjoy teenagers. She was a good mom to babies and even toddlers but once her kids started getting too many of their own ideas, she did not handle it as well. When she had a child go through the very normal phase as a young teen of separating himself from his mother, she took this very personally as if the child was rejecting everything about her personally. So, no, she did not want another teen. I wouldn't know how common this is. But when it does happen, it leads to an overly large family that the mother can't really handle because she finds teenagers difficult to deal with and she always has time consuming little ones on hand. ETA: My kids are not teens but I certainly enjoy them more the older they get. Aside from being raised in a large family and knowing that isn't at all what I want, the baby phase is a big deterrent to having another child. :) Sure, they're cute, in the middle of the afternoon, after a nap and a diaper change and a bottle. Babies are just lovely then. Can someone visit me when your baby is in a good mood? I'd love to hold him/her. :) Edited July 4, 2012 by Mimm Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barb_ Posted July 4, 2012 Share Posted July 4, 2012 Can someone visit me when your baby is in a good mood? I'd love to hold him/her. :) :lol: :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MistyMountain Posted July 4, 2012 Share Posted July 4, 2012 (edited) I want another baby and love the baby stage but I do realize they grow up waay to fast and that stage is just a blip. I don't love every stage but when I am thinking of adding to the family and having another baby I do think of the future too. Not only pre-teens and teens but I think of when my kids are all grown I would love to have more people in the family. I know the baby stage is fleeting but I still would love to experience it again as well as the toddler stage. I get a little sad when the kids leave a stage behind but I also like seeing them enter new phases and get older. If I could keep having babies then I get to experience the new phases but not have to leave the other stages behind but that just is not an option ;) Edited July 4, 2012 by MistyMountain Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tarreymere Posted July 4, 2012 Share Posted July 4, 2012 I feel 'done'. I'm at the stage of anticipating having a home where the only people who live there are me and dh. It'll probably never happen. Even now I have an adult daughter and her son living here (separating from spouse and going to nursing school), and another grandchild (long story). Already three other adult kids of mine are upset with us because we don't want their kids (our grandkids) over all the time........they'd love to drop them off for days on end and feel that their kids are 'missing out' on a 'real' grandparent experience because we just can't handle that. Honestly, my youngest is only five. I'm surrounded daily, and usually at least one of them is wearing a diaper. I'm tired. Our income isn't much either, dh is a social worker, so we just can't afford to even feed the people who live here (Army son-in-law is an E-6 and won't pay child support while his wife goes to nursing school, so we have to buy pull-ups as well as buy all groceries and pay rent and utiliities-yeah she could take him for support but she is afraid he will retaliate......the other grandkid living here has no income with him either) let alone pay for fun things with the grandkids. I'm 47, so I guess I could get pregnant again. Wow, that really makes me feel exhausted. I'm dreaming of an efficiency apartment in a senior high rise right now....... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sneezyone Posted July 5, 2012 Share Posted July 5, 2012 (Army son-in-law is an E-6 and won't pay child support while his wife goes to nursing school, so we have to buy pull-ups as well as buy all groceries and pay rent and utiliities-yeah she could take him for support but she is afraid he will retaliate... Not to pry or anything but I hope your DD realizes that failing to pay support is not an 'option' for active duty service members. All DFAS needs is a copy of the order to garnish his wages and send the check to her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tarreymere Posted July 5, 2012 Share Posted July 5, 2012 (Army son-in-law is an E-6 and won't pay child support while his wife goes to nursing school, so we have to buy pull-ups as well as buy all groceries and pay rent and utiliities-yeah she could take him for support but she is afraid he will retaliate... Not to pry or anything but I hope your DD realizes that failing to pay support is not an 'option' for active duty service members. All DFAS needs is a copy of the order to garnish his wages and send the check to her. We know, but she is worried he will destroy some baby pictures in his possession and a few other things. I just wish she would get a support order though, we really can't manage much longer if she doesn't. I've actually spoken to him and he has no problem letting us support his wife and son....what a jerk. I also applied for food stamps, which I'm not sure we'll get since they will ask about the child support situation and why she won't apply. Kids make you nuts even when they are grown..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted July 5, 2012 Share Posted July 5, 2012 But, the thought of having lots more teenagers to come, is simply an exhausting thought. I know someone who was still having regular cycles at 50 and got her tubes tied. "I wouldn't mind a baby now, but a teenager when I'm 65. Nope." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted July 5, 2012 Share Posted July 5, 2012 I tolerated the baby stage, honestly. I like them better when they walk, talk, and don't need diapers. I thought it was so cool when ds and I started having real conversations. Yes, I could have been the primary parent, it wouldn't have killed me, but I was rather glad to go to work every day, and to have someone else have to have the endless patience with a toddler. And I remember what JOY I felt the day kiddo was fussing, and I offered this and that, and finally just said "What do you want!" and he signed "milk". Joy of joys, I knew what he wanted!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovinmomma Posted July 5, 2012 Share Posted July 5, 2012 We are currently ttc #3. Our boys are 7 and 5. For me, it's more about wanting a larger family. I love my boys and would be content to keep things as they are, but I have always wanted about 4 kids. We may end up compromising on 3, but I have just always wanted a larger family. When I think about the future, I like to imagine a houseful at Thanksgiving and Christmas. This is so me!!! I grew up in a family with one sister who was much older. I often felt lonely or bored. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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