I'm a bit shaken up about something that happened today, just need to get it out.

[KnitWit]

I was flabbergasted. I then lost all politeness and yelled back "We are pedestrians and have the right of way. Maybe you need to get your eyes checked you hag"

 

I know I shouldn't have stooped to calling names, but the thought of my sweet, kind daughter being in a cast from hip to toe or worse was too much.

 

 

I think the OP admitted up front that she didn't feel she was *right* in what she said and certainly wasn't asking us to side with her on it. I'm pretty sure most of us can understand that when you have been given a good SCARE with your child, you may do the same and like the OP, regret it later.

 

And, I have to say that people FLY through parking lots where I live. I can picture the incident at our Michael's. It is NOT uncommon for someone to turn into the drive and floor it. I'm imagining that it all happened very fast and the point that the OP was acting on *right of way* without being careful to watch would be moot.

 

I got the impression that her reaction was just that...a *reaction*, that after the fact she knows was not the best.

 

...or not. :lol: Just saw OP's post before mine. LOL!

Edited June 26, 2012 by MSPolly

[LeslieAnneLevine]

I didn't walk over to her car. We had walked to OUR car and she drove behind OUR parked car, so I yelled my initial phrase of "You should be more careful, you almost hit my daughter"

 

I really don't give a flying fig what Dr. Phil would think of me. If someone almost hits my kid because they are too busy to pay attention to where they are driving and then have the nerve to blame my kid, they deserve to get a hollar from me.

 

After reading it over and over, I change my mind I'm not sorry I said it.

 

Yeah but calling her a hag has nothing to do with what she did. If you'd called her a jerk (or something similar, even something perhaps not printable here) I would understand, but a hag is based on her age and gender.

 

That aside, I totally understand why you were upset. I am always amazed when I see parents not paying attention to where their kids are in a parking lot. I've seen even little kids walking several paces behind and the parent is looking forward. You were paying attention and I'm so glad your dd is fine.

[LibraryLover]

I get it was a horrible experience to grab your child by the arm so she isn't hit by a car. I've done that many times. Moving cars and walking children are a dangerous mix, no doubt! Grabbing is heart-stopping. I get that.

 

I simply can't find it in myself to say that it's OK to scream sexist names at a person when you have your 10 yr old child with you (or ever). We can argue that it's unkind, but we can also argue it's dangerous. You saw she was an old lady, so you felt ok yelling names. That's a bad message to send to a child. We have to be more thoughtful. Our kids are watching and learning from our behavior. If she seemed impaired, you need to call the police or Walmart (or whatever) security. It's not ok to scream names in public and put your child at risk, or let her think what you did was ok.

Edited June 26, 2012 by LibraryLover

[Forget-Me-Not]

Good grief, I think all of us have lost our cool in a scary/high pressure situation and done/said something we later regretted. She expressed regret in her OP. Let's lay off the lectures now.

[PollyOR]

My 'favorite' insaniy is people going to the gym and trying to get some sort of prime parking spot. I can't believe that you are going to fight for a spot closest to the entrance, but then run on the treadmill for 30 minutes. People really can be crazy.

 

:lol:

[soonermomma]

I had the same sort of thing happen with my dd6 as we were leaving Michaels. In our situation it was two women who looked to be late 20's early 30's and they were looking down at a phone or radio or something. I screamed at them (the window was down) to watch what they were doing and she yelled back accidents happen, that's why they are called accidents. :001_huh: I had to hurry to the car at that point because I was crazy mad!

[LibraryLover]

Yeah but calling her a hag has nothing to do with what she did. If you'd called her a jerk (or something similar, even something perhaps not printable here) I would understand, but a hag is based on her age and gender.

 

That aside, I totally understand why you were upset. I am always amazed when I see parents not paying attention to where their kids are in a parking lot. I've seen even little kids walking several paces behind and the parent is looking forward. You were paying attention and I'm so glad your dd is fine.

 

It was sexist, but it was also wrong no matter how you slice it. The age and gender of the person made the OP brave. (Just as it made those children on the school bus brave.) If the person had been a younger, tough-looking guy, or perhaps a man of different race than her own, the confrontation would probably not have happened. It's more likley that she would have called store security or even 911. Or ignored it all together, and been glad her child was fine.

 

The fact it was an older woman (who are among the least likely to do harm) played into the altercation. The OP felt 'safe' to spew. She made an assumption that her confrontation and yelling wouldn't end in harm to her or her child. The lesson for the child wasn't a great one, but I assume the OP will explain to her child that she was nervous and scared. If I let loose, I would apologize to my child, explain how wrong that was, and tell her that behavoir is never ok.

 

But again, I understand the fear of your child almost being hurt. We have all been there.

Edited June 26, 2012 by LibraryLover

[LeslieAnneLevine]

Good grief, I think all of us have lost our cool in a scary/high pressure situation and done/said something we later regretted. She expressed regret in her OP. Let's lay off the lectures now.

 

She said she's not sorry one bit she said it, that's the post I replied to and it wasn't to lecture her. I just wanted to explain why that type of term is a problem. It's one thing to call someone (even crudely) on their behavior and another to call them something based on their age or appearance or religion or ethnicity, etc. It bothered me when I read the OP, but didn't feel any reason to mention it until the OP's update.

 

I'm not really worried about what she might be teaching or dd or whatever-- it's not my business and I'm just glad her dd is OK.

[GailV]

My 'favorite' insaniy is people going to the gym and trying to get some sort of prime parking spot. I can't believe that you are going to fight for a spot closest to the entrance, but then run on the treadmill for 30 minutes. People really can be crazy.

 

I'm with you on most of your post, but DH goes to the gym BECAUSE walking is quite painful to him some days -- he's alternating the whirlpool with the cold pool to help the lymph drainage in his leg as well as other issues. So, yes, he wants the spot closest to the entrance, but he refuses to get a handicapped sticker for his car, because "those are for people who have REAL problems".

 

Sorry to sidetrack, but that little blurb just set me off.

[LeslieAnneLevine]

It was sexist, but it was also wrong, and the age of the woman made the OP brave. If the person had been a young man, or perhaps of a different race, this would not have happened.

 

 

I'm saying this as OT, not regarding the OP, but I think women in general, regardless of age, are victims of this kind of discrimination. I just recently saw a man yell something to a woman driver about her parking job that didn't even affect him-- it had mildly inconvenienced a driver who was long gone by then. There's no way he would have done that had it been a man who had come out to the badly parked vehicle. As Lupe Fiasco would say, "don't that ---- there make you mad?" Yes, it does! (even if I hate when people park like cr@p)

[kitten18]

 

After reading it over and over, I change my mind I'm not sorry I said it.

:D If it makes you feel any better, I would have just called her a **tch and not felt one bit bad about it.

 

Again :grouphug:.

[crazyforlatin]

It was sexist, but it was also wrong, and the age of the woman made the OP brave. If the person had been a young man, or perhaps of a different race, this would not have happened.

 

The age of the woman played into it. The OP felt 'safe' to spew. She made an assumption that her rudeness wouldn't harm her or her child. That's all kinds of ways wrong.

 

But that's what will happen to all of us one day. There will be people who will call us hags and demean us because of our gender and age. And really what can we do? That's why I would rather use the foulest swear words. I've witnessed men calling older woman gender-based names, and I want to explode with anger. Men do it to demean women. It is just so wrong. Why can't they just use good old fashion swear words? Because that wouldn't strike to the core of an older woman.

 

OP, I'm not saying you were trying to do that or anything. But I bet that driver will be more careful next time.

[LibraryLover]

I'm with you on most of your post, but DH goes to the gym BECAUSE walking is quite painful to him some days -- he's alternating the whirlpool with the cold pool to help the lymph drainage in his leg as well as other issues. So, yes, he wants the spot closest to the entrance, but he refuses to get a handicapped sticker for his car, because "those are for people who have REAL problems".

 

Sorry to sidetrack, but that little blurb just set me off.

 

 

I thought I put something about a handicapped sticker? I looked, but I see I do not. I meant to. Sorry.

 

ETA: But I see he doesn't want one. I understand that, but I am assuming he's not going to fight someone for a closer spot. :) Without the hang tag, he has to take his chances with the rest of us. Which is a pain, especially in the rain. Blerg.

[LeslieAnneLevine]

But that's what will happen to all of us one day. There will be people who will call us hags and demean us because of our gender and age. And really what can we do? That's why I would rather use the foulest swear words. I've witnessed men calling older woman gender-based names, and I want to explode with anger. Men do it to demean women. It is just so wrong. Why can't they just use good old fashion swear words? Because that wouldn't strike to the core of an older woman.

 

OP, I'm not saying you were trying to do that or anything. But I bet that driver will be more careful next time.

 

There are people who demean others based on their ethnicity, skin color and religion, but I don't think the fact that those insults will stick with them better is any kind of reason to do that (and the idea that demeaning insults will result in changed behavior seems dubious).

[Scuff]

We've almost been hit twice in a parking lot. (Aldi's so it wasn't a big store.) The first woman can inches from hitting dd3- would have it I didn't move her and yell stop. i *wish* I had said something more. (thiugh perhaps not hag) I get angry after the fact. At the time I was so shaken up that I just stood there dumbfounded as she drove off.

[nukeswife]

It was sexist, but it was also wrong no matter how you slice it. The age and gender of the person made the OP brave. (Just as it made those children on the school bus brave.) If the person had been a younger, tough-looking guy, or perhaps a man of different race than her own, the confrontation would probably not have happened. It's more likley that she would have called store security or even 911. Or ignored it all together, and been glad her child was fine.

 

The fact it was an older woman (who are among the least likely to do harm) played into the altercation. The OP felt 'safe' to spew. She made an assumption that her confrontation and yelling wouldn't end in harm to her or her child. The lesson for the child wasn't a great one, but I assume the OP will explain to her child that she was nervous and scared. If I let loose, I would apologize to my child, explain how wrong that was, and tell her that behavoir is never ok.

 

But again, I understand the fear of your child almost being hurt. We have all been there.

 

Again bolding is mine.

When did I ever say that I said what I said just because she was old. If it had been a man I would have probably called him a Jack a$$ or something of the like. Trust me her age had nothing to do with the fact that I called her a name or that I felt it was ok to do.

[LeslieAnneLevine]

We've almost been hit twice in a parking lot. (Aldi's so it wasn't a big store.) The first woman can inches from hitting dd3- would have it I didn't move her and yell stop. i *wish* I had said something more. (thiugh perhaps not hag) I get angry after the fact. At the time I was so shaken up that I just stood there dumbfounded as she drove off.

 

I can completely relate to that. I wrote upthread that I was amazed by parents who let their little ones trail behind in a parking lot but I also don't get people who drive recklessly in a place where, by defintion, there are going to be lots of people walking around!:glare:

[LibraryLover]

But that's what will happen to all of us one day. There will be people who will call us hags and demean us because of our gender and age. And really what can we do? That's why I would rather use the foulest swear words. I've witnessed men calling older woman gender-based names, and I want to explode with anger. Men do it to demean women. It is just so wrong. Why can't they just use good old fashion swear words? Because that wouldn't strike to the core of an older woman.

 

OP, I'm not saying you were trying to do that or anything. But I bet that driver will be more careful next time.

 

 

No matter. I won't be one to demean. Just because 'everyone does it', doesn't mean I will, or let my children think it is OK. We all need to make our own choices about how we will behave and react. Calling security is fine, taking down her plate and calling 911 is also appropriate. A showdown in the Target or Walmart parking lot with your child at your side? Not so much. It was a mistake and we all make mistakes. Talk to the child and move on. Civil disobedience is one thing; rudeness and crudeness is quite something else.

 

I am not calling for a public medieval stockade and the throwing of cabbage, or anything. :)

Edited June 26, 2012 by LibraryLover

[Michelle My Bell]

First, I'm sorry you had to go through that. It is awful to think of loved ones being hurt.

 

While pedestrians usually have the right of way in these kinds of situations, and especially when you're already in the road, I always employ defensive walking. I never assume someone will stop for me, even if they should. I watch and wait to see them actually slow down. I don't know if that actually applies to your situation since you were already in the road, but whenever possible, that's what I do.

 

I can understand your yelling, that was really intense! And I can understand that woman's defensiveness. She probably knows she screwed up but in the moment did not respond appropriately.

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

[LibraryLover]

Again bolding is mine.

When did I ever say that I said what I said just because she was old. If it had been a man I would have probably called him a Jack a$$ or something of the like. Trust me her age had nothing to do with the fact that I called her a name or that I felt it was ok to do.

 

 

I don't believe that you would have picked fight with a stranger in a parking lot, with your child by your side, with someone younger, male, or who looked more threatening than a 60 -something year old lady.

 

You made a mistake. The driver made a mistake. It doesn't make you a bad person. It doesn't make her a bad person (although maybe she is). You had a crappy day, and I'm sorry you did. It's all over now. Tomorrow is another day. It's ok.

[melissel]

Good grief, I think all of us have lost our cool in a scary/high pressure situation and done/said something we later regretted. She expressed regret in her OP. Let's lay off the lectures now.

 

Seriously. I can't believe there's a single person on this board who hasn't lost their temper or had a moment of thoughtlessness and said something stupid before their brain could register it. I cursed loudly in front of my children when some idiot deliberately turned in front of me the other day and I nearly broadsided him (he waved at me as he went by :cursing:). I didn't think to myself, "OK, here I go, I'm about to let fly with the worst curse word I can think of. Hmm, which to choose? Oh, that one sounds good!" It happens before you can stop yourself, or before you've even realized you've said it. Is it ideal? Of course not! But it's not like she made a choice with an uncivil comment. It was the heat of the moment. To berate her for it now is ridiculous.

 

I also can't believe there are people here who are digging Kel for being in the MIDDLE OF THE ROAD and assuming she has the right of way. Yes, of course people have to walk defensively, even if it means forgoing right of way. But at some point we're going to be in the middle of an action where we can no longer defend ourselves, and that's when the other person has to take some responsibility. The driver in this scenario seemed to believe she bears none.

[Lisa R.]

I get what many are saying about not calling names, and I am sorry I let myself get there, but it was her response and tone that really made me snap.

 

This sounds like it translates like, "I'm sorry I got mad, but she made me do it."

 

I know we're getting off topic here, but this might be the bigger lesson here. Of course you can't change this lady's behavior (although you did try and enlighten her, prior to the name-calling, so perhaps she'll reflect later) but you can change your own.

 

Hopefully, you'll not dig your heels in here but realize that you made a mistake too. You lost your cool and were rude. Now you're blaming her for your action. If we're trying to teach our kids to take responsibility, we should model this behavior ourselves.

 

Just something to think about...

 

(I am glad everyone's ok.)

[melissel]

This sounds like it translates like, "I'm sorry I got mad, but she made me do it."

 

I know we're getting off topic here, but this might be the bigger lesson here. Of course you can't change this lady's behavior (although you did try and enlighten her, prior to the name-calling, so perhaps she'll reflect later) but you can change your own.

 

Hopefully, you'll not dig your heels in here but realize that you made a mistake too. You lost your cool and were rude. Now you're blaming her for your action. If we're trying to teach our kids to take responsibility, we should model this behavior ourselves.

 

Just something to think about...

 

(I am glad everyone's ok.)

 

This thread is taking such a weird turn :001_huh: Boy Kel, I bet you're sorry you looked for commiseration here!

[KnitWit]

I don't believe that you would have picked fight with a stranger in a parking lot, with your child by your side, with someone younger, male, or who looked more threatening than a 60 -something year old lady.

 

You made a mistake. The driver made a mistake. It doesn't make you a bad person. It doesn't make her a bad person (although maybe she is). You had a crappy day, and I'm sorry you did. It's all over now. Tomorrow is another day. It's ok.

 

Really? You have never *reacted* to a situation? I hardly call that picking a fight. Your posts are quite shocking. You are attributing things to the OP's *character* which you really have no knowledge of.

 

Perhaps you are mistaken.

Edited June 26, 2012 by MSPolly

[Heatherwith4]

This thread is taking such a weird turn :001_huh: Boy Kel, I bet you're sorry you looked for commiseration here!

:iagree:

[LibraryLover]

You mean me. My oldest child is 23. I have never screamed at someone in a parking lot, and there were times I was tempted. I have never called an elderly woman a hag. I have never sworn at someone in a public place (I have said the F word in my car!).

 

Given the outrage about the children verbally abusing an elderly bus montior, I am shocked people think it's ok to verbally abuse folks in parking lots with your child by your side.

 

We need to teach our kids to be better than this, even if we lose our temper/get scared. We *are* better than this.

 

I am not 'lecturing'. But we can't on one hand complain about young kids being rude, but let capable adults off the hook for verbal-sexist abuse.

 

 

We can call security, we can call 911, we can walk away, and tell our children that it's never OK to fight in a parking lot over something like this

 

 

 

Seriously. I can't believe there's a single person on this board who hasn't lost their temper or had a moment of thoughtlessness and said something stupid before their brain could register it. I cursed loudly in front of my children when some idiot deliberately turned in front of me the other day and I nearly broadsided him (he waved at me as he went by :cursing:). I didn't think to myself, "OK, here I go, I'm about to let fly with the worst curse word I can think of. Hmm, which to choose? Oh, that one sounds good!" It happens before you can stop yourself, or before you've even realized you've said it. Is it ideal? Of course not! But it's not like she made a choice with an uncivil comment. It was the heat of the moment. To berate her for it now is ridiculous.

 

I also can't believe there are people here who are digging Kel for being in the MIDDLE OF THE ROAD and assuming she has the right of way. Yes, of course people have to walk defensively, even if it means forgoing right of way. But at some point we're going to be in the middle of an action where we can no longer defend ourselves, and that's when the other person has to take some responsibility. The driver in this scenario seemed to believe she bears none.

Edited June 26, 2012 by LibraryLover

[Guest submarines]

Seriously. I can't believe there's a single person on this board who hasn't lost their temper or had a moment of thoughtlessness and said something stupid before their brain could register it. I cursed loudly in front of my children when some idiot deliberately turned in front of me the other day and I nearly broadsided him (he waved at me as he went by :cursing:). I didn't think to myself, "OK, here I go, I'm about to let fly with the worst curse word I can think of. Hmm, which to choose? Oh, that one sounds good!" It happens before you can stop yourself, or before you've even realized you've said it. Is it ideal? Of course not! But it's not like she made a choice with an uncivil comment. It was the heat of the moment. To berate her for it now is ridiculous.

 

I also can't believe there are people here who are digging Kel for being in the MIDDLE OF THE ROAD and assuming she has the right of way. Yes, of course people have to walk defensively, even if it means forgoing right of way. But at some point we're going to be in the middle of an action where we can no longer defend ourselves, and that's when the other person has to take some responsibility. The driver in this scenario seemed to believe she bears none.

 

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

[crazyforlatin]

No matter. I won't be one to demean. Just because 'everyone does it', doesn't mean I will, or let my children think it is OK. We all need to make our own choices about how we will behave and react. Calling security is fine, taking down her plate and calling 911 is also appropriate. A showdown in the Target or Walmart parking lot with your child at your side? Not so much. It was a mistake and we all make mistakes. Talk to the child and move on. Civil disobedience is one thing; rudeness and crudeness is quite something else.

 

I am not calling for a public medieval stockade and the throwing of cabbage, or anything. :)

 

Oh no, I didn't mean that just because everyone does it, that it's ok. Completely the opposite. I won't have my son or daughter growing up calling people names based on appearance. I mean, I don't think any parent would want that. I can't stop others; I can only begin with my own children. I wish more moms would instruct their sons to respect women, especially older women. I don't believe that there is absolutely no self-control in the midst of anger. If you observe an angry man, he will spew certain obscenities based on the target. But it also depends on whether he's the type to demean a woman. Some men will swear up and down at you, but won't discriminate against your appearance as a woman or as an older woman.

 

OP, sorry, I think this should have been a different thread because I seem to be focused on men versus women.

Edited June 26, 2012 by crazyforlatin

[Lisa R.]

Seriously. I can't believe there's a single person on this board who hasn't lost their temper or had a moment of thoughtlessness and said something stupid before their brain could register it. I cursed loudly in front of my children when some idiot deliberately turned in front of me the other day and I nearly broadsided him (he waved at me as he went by :cursing:). I didn't think to myself, "OK, here I go, I'm about to let fly with the worst curse word I can think of. Hmm, which to choose? Oh, that one sounds good!" It happens before you can stop yourself, or before you've even realized you've said it. Is it ideal? Of course not! But it's not like she made a choice with an uncivil comment. It was the heat of the moment. To berate her for it now is ridiculous.

 

 

The question isn't, "Who here hasn't lost their temper?" The question is, "Are we responsible for our actions?" Yes, we can commiserate with the OP that she was stressed. Perhaps she reacted in a way most of us would've reacted. The point is that if most of use reacted in an inappropriate way, then most of us would be wrong in doing so.

 

I happen to think we're responsible for our actions stressed or not.

 

You say she didn't make a choice with her uncivil comment? :confused: Really?

[melissel]

You mean me. My oldest child is 23. I have never screamed at someone in a parking lot, and there were times I was tempted. I have never called an elderly woman a hag. I have never sworn at someone in a public place (I have said the F word in my car!).

 

I mean every poster on this thread who is lecturing Kel on something she snapped and said without thinking about it first. Sometimes, in a heated situation, your words are not a choice. They're an accident. If you've never, ever had a moment where you spoke without thinking first, then you are blessed. But many of us have had moments where our mouths were miles ahead of our brains. It happens. That's why it's called "snapping." You don't plan it. You realize what you said afterward and feel like a jerk.

[KnitWit]

I mean every poster on this thread who is lecturing Kel on something she snapped and said without thinking about it first. Sometimes, in a heated situation, your words are not a choice. They're an accident. If you've never, ever had a moment where you spoke without thinking first, then you are blessed. But many of us have had moments where our mouths were miles ahead of our brains. It happens. That's why it's called "snapping." You don't plan it. You realize what you said afterward and feel like a jerk.

 

:iagree:

[melissel]

You say she didn't make a choice with her uncivil comment? :confused: Really?

 

Um, yes. If you've never had a moment where you said something without thinking and then realized what you said later, then be thankful.

 

And I never said Kel wasn't responsible for her actions. I said things like that happen to almost all of us, and that she already realized that what she said wasn't right and didn't need lecturing on it. She actually said that in her first post, so hammering on her about it really wasn't necessary or kind.

[LibraryLover]

Really? You have never *reacted* to a situation? I hardly call that picking a fight. Your posts are quite shocking. You are attributing things to the OP's *character* which you really have no knowledge of. QUOTE]

 

 

I'm a little worried that it is shocking to anyone that some of us have never participated in a verbal/sexist altercation in parking lot.

 

I did once have nut job guy side- swipe me, but several people came to stand by my car to protect me and my kid from the maniac. A guy came to my driver's side window to shield me from the profanities. He told my kid to sit on the floor of the car. Multiple people called 911. I didn't say a word, except for thanks. I wasn't born yesterday.

 

How can confronting and arguing with a stranger in a parking lot even be safe, espeically with a child in tow?

Edited June 26, 2012 by LibraryLover

[Danestress]

and I am pretty close to achieving "hag" status. Also, I am not a perfect driver, so there but for the grace of God go I. I can imagine getting hit, hitting, not paying enough attention both as walker and as driver. Life can be going along so nicely, and then hideous things can happen, and they can be my fault, or yours, or hers, and our lives can change soooo suddenly.

 

I am sure you are quite shaken up. The old hag probably is too.

 

I personally would be pretty upset with my son if he called an older woman a "hag" in this situation, so I would hope I wouldn't do it myself, but I understand people do things in anger that they shouldn't. I'm just glad no one was hurt.

[annandatje]

I agree that it is upsetting, but screaming at people and calling them names doesn't help anything. I hate parking lots, and hang on to even my oldest kids (much to their chagrin). You never know when someone will back out and not see you. I am always careful to check, but so many times, people have just darted out. It's not their fault, and it is up to drivers to move very slowly, just in case, which is the rule rather than the exception. People always have the right of way, but they don't always pay close attention, as your dd was not. But you were, and you saved her from injury. I am sure it was terrible!

 

We all have make some mistakes when driving; the sun is often blinding, the baby is screaming, the mirrors not always angled perfectly, but most of us get lucky that it ends ok. It doesn't sound like great speed was an issue. Parking lots demand that pedestrians be aware. It's just common sense. You were aware, and everything was fine. The woman might have been defensive and nervous, but she didn't call you names, so I think it was wrong to scream at her in front of a 10 year old. Civility in these situations might be diffucult, but it's helpful.

 

:iagree: All of us make mistakes at one time or another. Depression and anxiety can cause driving errors too; my very careful ran a redlight the day she learned of her sister's death under suspicious circumstances. Fortunately no harm was done.

 

I am sure the driver was shaken enough to where she will watch more closely in future. I am an extremely cautious driver but have made a few mistakes which fortunately did no harm to anyone.

 

Of the course the woman left without getting out of her car. In my city, people have been murdered for parking what was deemed too close to another driver. With someone yelling at her and name-calling, she probably was frightened of potential physical altercation and felt that leaving scene was the prudent thing to do.

 

Frankly I am surprised that so many here stated they would call the driver worse names than "hag."

[kitten18]

This sounds like it translates like, "I'm sorry I got mad, but she made me do it."

 

I know we're getting off topic here, but this might be the bigger lesson here. Of course you can't change this lady's behavior (although you did try and enlighten her, prior to the name-calling, so perhaps she'll reflect later) but you can change your own.

 

Hopefully, you'll not dig your heels in here but realize that you made a mistake too. You lost your cool and were rude. Now you're blaming her for your action. If we're trying to teach our kids to take responsibility, we should model this behavior ourselves.

 

Just something to think about...

 

(I am glad everyone's ok.)

Wow. :001_huh:

[LibraryLover]

I mean every poster on this thread who is lecturing Kel on something she snapped and said without thinking about it first. Sometimes, in a heated situation, your words are not a choice. They're an accident. If you've never, ever had a moment where you spoke without thinking first, then you are blessed. But many of us have had moments where our mouths were miles ahead of our brains. It happens. That's why it's called "snapping." You don't plan it. You realize what you said afterward and feel like a jerk.

 

 

I don't think you're reading carefully enough.

[KnitWit]

 

I'm a little worried that it is shocking to anyone that some of us have never had an alteration or sworn at anyone in puiblic, or participated in a public altercation in parking lot.

 

Don't be worried. That is not what is shocking to me.

[Guest submarines]

I mean every poster on this thread who is lecturing Kel on something she snapped and said without thinking about it first. Sometimes, in a heated situation, your words are not a choice. They're an accident. If you've never, ever had a moment where you spoke without thinking first, then you are blessed. But many of us have had moments where our mouths were miles ahead of our brains. It happens. That's why it's called "snapping." You don't plan it. You realize what you said afterward and feel like a jerk.

 

I know there are people, like my DH, for example, who can't comrehend the bolded. He's always had this extreme, almost scary self control, and he'd never snap.

 

I, on the other hand, know only too well how it feels to snap, and then to feel like a jerk. I work hard on myself and nowadays these are rare occurrances, in times of unexpected stress, like the OP described.

 

I wonder if these are personality differences. Sometimes DH makes me feel (not on purpose) that I'm abnormal for snapping. Maybe I am...Sigh...I haven't snapped in a long time, though, but I can totally relate to the OP.

[melissel]

I don't think you're reading carefully enough.

 

Heh. And I don't think you're considering someone else's state of mind enough, simply because her personality isn't exactly like yours.

 

I think it's kind of funny that we're talking about taking personal responsibility, yet people are defending a driver who nearly hit a child and then claimed that the child wasn't watching where SHE was going by saying that the driver simply made a mistake and was probably shaken up herself. How are people not giving the same consideration to the OP? :confused:

[annandatje]

You mean me. My oldest child is 23. I have never screamed at someone in a parking lot, and there were times I was tempted. I have never called an elderly woman a hag. I have never sworn at someone in a public place (I have said the F word in my car!).

 

Given the outrage about the children verbally abusing an elderly bus montior, I am shocked people think it's ok to verbally abuse folks in parking lots with your child by your aide.

 

We need to teach our kids to be better than this, even if we lose our temper/get scared. We *are* better than this.

 

I am not 'lecturing'. Aljthough I get I am making a public statementin the name of civility. You can't on one hand complain about young kids being rude, but let capable adults off the hook for verbal-sexist abuse.

 

 

We can call security, we can call 911, we can walk away and tell our children that it's never OK to fight in a parking lot over something like this

 

I've never even given the finger to another driver. Although civility is important, I consider it more a matter of safety. When I pulled into a shopping center parking space years ago with my three kids, a man walked up to my vehicle as we were getting ready to exit. He started pounding on the window red-faced yelling that I had pulled into "his space." This was a regular parking space, not a reserved spot or a handicapped spot. Quickly I locked the doors and was fumbling for my cell phone when a big burly good samaritan intervened. Still I was so shaken that I left after thanking the man.

[elegantlion]

This thread is taking such a weird turn :001_huh: Boy Kel, I bet you're sorry you looked for commiseration here!

 

Perhaps if you had used Klingon you could have said worse words, adding a bless your heart at the end and she'd think you'd done her a favor. :glare:

 

Now, we're going to compare Kel to the bullies on the school bus? She said one word that might have not been so polite. Not egging on for minutes. If that bus monitor had turned on the kids and called them names many would have supported her because she was in defense mode.

 

Kel operates a single mother at times while her dh serves our country and she thought her dd was in danger. I don't know about you, but I've always been on high alert about safety when my dh wasn't home. I don't blame her one iota for having a response. I've had a near miss with an elderly woman and the only reason I didn't confront her was because she had me in tears. Cars are not toys and people sometimes need a reminder that driving through a parking lot requires use of all faculties. Better she has to think about one comment made by a rightly upset mother than to face charges of hitting a child with a vehicle.

 

The Internet, unlike life, has an edit button.

[melissel]

Although civility is important, I consider it more a matter of safety.

 

While I do agree with this, I also believe that letting the driver know she nearly injured someone in the parking lot is pretty important, and that it was noticed and not ignored and not OK. Maybe it will make a difference to the way that woman drives in the future.

[crazyforlatin]

I'm sorry, but no one can force me to use an ethnic slur even if I'm extremely angry. Maybe because I've never actually used those words, so it would be weird to have it come out in anger.

 

Not that hag equals anything like that....

[Lisa R.]

Ok, so now that the thread is completely derailed and not even about OP anymore...

 

The questions isn't "Do people snap?" Of course they do. They do all the time. The question isn't even, "Should we judge people who snap?"

 

I think the question should be, "If we snap, are we responsible for what we say or do?"

 

Some here say that since (almost) everyone snaps once in awhile, we're not responsible for what we say or do because w'ere pushed to the breaking point.

Also, since almost everyone has done lost control at some point, it also makes it alright.

 

Really?

[Slartibartfast]

DD and I were out for our normal fun time after vision therapy. She asked to go to Michael's since she still has some money left on a gift card she got for her birthday. As we were leaving the store and headed to our car she was almost hit by a lady not paying attention.

 

We were in the area where cars would drive in front of the store but not to the parking spaces. We started to cross because there were others crossing from the parking spaces to the store and should have had no issues, but as we got near the lane of driving closest to the parking spaces a lady, looked to be in her early to mid 60s, pulled into the parking lot from the road that runs along side the store (the store is on a corner) I saw her pulling in and then realized she wasn't going to slow down to let us finish crossing to the parking spaces, so I grabbed my daughter's arm and yanked her back. Now my dd is 10.5 and only about 4 inches shorter than I am (I'm 5'3") so it's not like we're talking a misbehaving toddler or anything. After missing us by about 2-3 inches she looped around the parking lot, we had made our way to our car and I yelled at her "You should be more careful, you almost hit my daughter" Her window was part way open so she stopped put down the other window and yelled "What" I repeated myself and her response was ...

"Well she wasn't watching where she was going"

 

I was flabbergasted. I then lost all politeness and yelled back "We are pedestrians and have the right of way. Maybe you need to get your eyes checked you hag"

 

I know I shouldn't have stooped to calling names, but the thought of my sweet, kind daughter being in a cast from hip to toe or worse was too much.

 

I really couldn't believe that was her thinking. Am I wrong, do we not have the right of way when crossing from a store into a parking lot, especially if we started to enter this area before she pulled into the lot.

 

Thanks for letting me get it out. I needed to get it off my chest as I'm still shaking about it and it happened about 2 hours ago.

 

 

 

:grouphug:

 

I would have done the same. She was in the WRONG and needs to pay attention to the road, not blame someone for nearly running them over.

 

Distracted driving is a huge problem.

[LibraryLover]

Heh. And I don't think you're considering someone else's state of mind enough, simply because her personality isn't exactly like yours.

 

I think it's kind of funny that we're talking about taking personal responsibility, yet people are defending a driver who nearly hit a child and then claimed that the child wasn't watching where SHE was going by saying that the driver simply made a mistake and was probably shaken up herself. How are people not giving the same consideration to the OP? :confused:

 

 

All of my posts show sympathy to both parties, but more to the OP. I expressed my concern as a worried parent several times.

 

While I think it's dangerous to have a confrontation in a parking lot, and name-calling older folks sets a bad example for a 10 year old, I am not letting anyone 'off the hook". I think calling security or 911 would have been appropriate. It's not the end of the world, as I have previously stated, but it is an opportunity to rethink how we might deal with certain situations in the future.

Edited June 26, 2012 by LibraryLover

[Slartibartfast]

nut job guy

 

How is calling someone a "nutjob" better than calling someone a hag?

[melissel]

Ok, so now that the thread is completely derailed and not even about OP anymore...

 

The questions isn't "Do people snap?" Of course they do. They do all the time. The question isn't even, "Should we judge people who snap?"

 

I think the question should be, "If we snap, are we responsible for what we say or do?"

 

Some here say that since (almost) everyone snaps once in awhile, we're not responsible for what we say or do because w'ere pushed to the breaking point.

Also, since almost everyone has done lost control at some point, it also makes it alright.

 

Really?

 

No, not really. No one said, "Way to go, Kel, you tell her!" or that she was not responsible for her words. People said that it happens, particularly when you are adrenaline loaded, in mama bear mode, and the person who nearly hit your kid really doesn't seem to give a rat's patoot when you point it out to them.

[Danestress]

Unless the woman is clearly drunk or erratic, it's such a waste of resources to call 911 and tell them someone wasn't paying enough attention in the parking lot and someone could have been hurt but wasn't.

 

Leave the 911 lines free for real emergencies, please.