Handling 2 year old tantrum WWYD

[joannqn]

My youngest is nearly 3 and the "terrible twos" have begun. There have been a couple of instances where I've felt complete at a loss for how to handle her. She can be so stubborn.

 

Scenario 1

 

All of my kids have done this, but she is the hardest to manage. I'd given a warning that we'll be leaving in a few minutes, and now it is time to leave. She throws a tantrum and will not allow me to strap her into her car seat. She's screaming, kicking, fighting, arching her back, etc. She can't be reasoned with when she's like this. Spanking makes it worse. Trying to force her bottom into the seat and arms into the straps requires force that I'm afraid will injure her. The last time she did it, I had the rest of the kids go play (we were leaving a park) while I sat in the hot car listening to her scream for 20 minutes. She finally started yelling that she wanted her big sister, so I bribed her into her seat by saying I would have her come after she was strapped into her seat. But it took 20 minutes to get to that point. What if we have somewhere to be? Does anyone sure-to-work solutions?

 

Scenario 2

 

We walked to the playground 3/4 miles from our house with the youngest in the stroller. When it was time to go, she refused to come. We started walking away, and she followed screaming for us not to leave her. She refused to get in the stroller or walk with us and kept stopping, refusing to come with us, until we started walking away. In this manner, we got to a place where she had to be either in the stroller or holding my hand because we were crossing a 45mph street. She refused. I called DH to see if he could come help me get her home but he couldn't. I'm not able to carry her that far. His suggested that I carry her across the big street and then have her walk the rest of the way (small street with no side walks). I did that but when I put her down she started running ahead in anger far enough ahead that I wouldn't be able to stop her if she were to come in the path of a car.

 

Each time something like this happens, she can't be talked to and the only option appears to be to wait it out or carry her. She very much loves being out and about, away from home. She begs me not to leave her home, but I don't want to take her places either.

[Jean in Newcastle]

When ds and dd were that age I used a backpack harness/tether. It doesn't solve the tantrums or the car seat issue but it solved the running away into potential danger issue, which I consider the most worrisome.

[Kathryn]

Well, borh of mine have been like that and I've gotten over being gentle for fear of hurting them. They're tougher than they look!

 

1. If we need to leave, I push down gently but forcefully at the hips once I put him in the seat and strap him in while quietly and calmly talking to him about what he should be doing.

 

2. Monkey backpack/harness. If I don't have that, and he's trying to get away, I hold on to his wrist instead of his hand. If he slumps down and refuses to walk, I sling him over my shoulder with his head towards my back. It's the easiest way for me to handle his weight when he's fighting. Somehow it usually calms him pretty quickly and he will ask to walk and then do fine.

[Beth.]

We describe it as "vapor lock" on dd's brain. It started for us sometime before she turned three. The frequency and duration has decreased drastically since turning four. No advice, but you are definately not alone.

 

:bigear:

[UnsinkableKristen]

No advice, I'm just glad somebody else's two year old does this!! None of my others have and it is absolutely exhausting.

[Meriwether]

If my children do not come nicely when it is time to go, they lose opportunities. I would take the kids to the park again - no need to.punish the others - but hold the two year old the whole time. She'd probably throw a fit. When she was calm, I'd gently repeat as often as necessary, "You didn't come nicely last time so this time you sit with Mommy. Next time you will be able to play and you will come nicely to Mommy with no fits when I call you." The next time, we would practice. "Dd, you may play but first I want to see how nicely you can come when I call." If she comes, "What a good girl to come so nicely!" If not, "We'll sit until you are smiling and then we'll try again." I'm getting ready to go through this with Dd2. It isn't fun, but my others all learned with one lesson.

[LillyMama]

My daughter was like this at 3 and 4 and all I can say is that I think she outgrew it more than actually responded to anything I did.

 

One thing I was doing when the behavior was starting to wane was making sure I gave her certain things she was in charge of. I made sure she got to make specific decisions every day. Because I think the youngest child is often frustrated by the communication and control issue- she sees all her older siblings successfully advocating for what they want and need, and she just doesn't feel she can do the same. At this point, her only tools are screaming and the fits. So that's what she goes to. If I'm on the right track and your daughter is anything like mine, you'll soon be hearing a lot of "I never get to do anything I want!"

 

I try to use a lot of things from the Love and Logic method- giving choices, allowing natural consequences and trying to stay calm. For both my kids, I spent a lot of time saying, "I cannot give you anything you ask for in that tone. Try again." We still have the occasional reminders of that, and now we're at the stage of "You've used that whiny voice with me three times today, are you tired or hungry?" So we've laid the foundations for being in tuned with and accountable for their own moods and behaviors.

 

The other thing about leaving places- I made sure I would buffer all leaving times by five minutes. So if we needed to leave at 2, at 1:50, I would say, "We're leaving in 5 minutes!" Then at 1:55, I'd say, "It's time to go!" If my daughter would flip out, I would say, "Maybe you could try asking me that in a big three year old girl voice?" If she did, I would let us stay 5 extra minutes, meaning we were really just leaving when I intended to anyway. I know some people will think that breeds dishonesty, or gives in to bad behavior, but I felt it was best tool for both validating her feelings and helping her learn better tools to advocate for herself. We bought a big Time Timer clock and we still use it for all sorts of things:

 

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000J5OFW0/ref=pd_lpo_k2_dp_sr_1?pf_rd_p=486539851&pf_rd_s=lpo-top-stripe-1&pf_rd_t=201&pf_rd_i=B000JF4250&pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_r=0YTXKJJEY9A29QFCVERR

 

I spent a lot of time letting her have choices that weren't important to me- apple or banana, milk or water, pink socks or white socks... The more choices I gave her about mundane things, the more I was able to say, "I let you pick your socks today, now I need to be in charge of when we leave." This helped my daughter to feel not so helpless and out-numbered. It also helped her develop some independence and responsibility.

 

And then there were just those days when I carried her out of restaurants and sat outside until she calmed down. And there were days I had to lay across her to buckle her in. But they got further and further apart.

 

Overall, though, I think a lot of this will calm down with age and communication changes. Once she figures out her role in the family, she'll be more content.

 

Good luck- hang in there! At least you don't know too many 16 year olds who throw themselves on the ground screaming so you know it must go away eventually. ;)

[joannqn]

I've applied more than gentle pressure to her pelvis trying to get it into the back of her carseat so I could get that part buckled. Once that is done, it becomes an issue of getting her arms in without breaking them. She's REALLY fighting. Gentle pressure would be like blowing on a giant and hoping he'll fall down.

 

 

She gets a lot of choice, IMO. I don't even buy her clothes without her input anymore because she cares very much what she wears. She also gets to choose what she wears each day. If I choose, there's a good chance there will be a battle getting her dressed. If she chooses, she'll put clothes on without a fight. She also insists on putting her own socks and shoes on. In some ways, she gets so many choices that she's spoiled because we can't count on her listening when it is important that she just do what she is told. We're cracking down on that a lot. At home, it's easier to handle the tantrums. It's harder away from home where she's basically in control of whether or not. Fortunately it doesn't happen all the time, but when it does I feel so frustrated by having no options.

Edited May 28, 2012 by joannqn

[AndyJoy]

My son doesn't fight nearly as hard as your daughter with the car seat, but I'll post my method when he does just in case it helps!

 

We have a few toys that he loves that stay in car. When he sees one, he starts clamoring for it and I say, "Yes, you may have it after we get you strapped in." If he fights, I say calmly, "Oh, I guess you don't want to hold 'desirable toy' today." He'll get upset and say, "Yes, hold toy!!!!!" and I'll say, "Then let's get you strapped in," and he'll usually comply at this point.

[LillyMama]

I'm sorry. I think that's the worst part of the tantruming thing- doing everything "right" and still not getting the behavior changes you want. I wish there was some quick fix. Hang in there!

[SonshineLearner]

Honestly, one of my kids was like this. I'd suggest not spanking and using consequences. Little kids are SUPER smart!! You can "create" consequences to help them learn. If I had it to do over again... I'd act more like I did when I was a nanny :) I was extremely consistent, didn't spank & had REALLY good kids. (they weren't for their parents) 2 yr old was throwing a tantrum at the mall... fine, I picked up cookies for older and me... "Looks like children who behave get treats".... Bummer.... sorry you threw a fit.... Time out each time they didn't listen.... Not getting mad... (except VERY occasionally :)) And though I timed out the kids (and that was when the little one was really little, to seem "fair" to the older one) I also talked about how to behave. Practice, Practice, Practice. Little kids are NOT too little to practice listening. Not coming at the park?? Over and over practice about coming.... Throwing a fit on the way.... time out when you get there, while everyone else is playing. (And not starting to play till the screaming stops) etc.... That's why I think that spanking is really NOT good... Unless you believe that you should spank each time they misbehave, and then you're still gonna have to have a consequence to go along with it.... (So, when they throw a fit... no tv today/this am whatever... is still ok...) It's harder to consistently consequence kids... than to spank.... Just a thought :) (And yes... I did spank my kids... and now regret it :()

Edited May 28, 2012 by NayfiesMama

[joannqn]

My son doesn't fight nearly as hard as your daughter with the car seat, but I'll post my method when he does just in case it helps!

 

We have a few toys that he loves that stay in car. When he sees one, he starts clamoring for it and I say, "Yes, you may have it after we get you strapped in." If he fights, I say calmly, "Oh, I guess you don't want to hold 'desirable toy' today." He'll get upset and say, "Yes, hold toy!!!!!" and I'll say, "Then let's get you strapped in," and he'll usually comply at this point.

 

Oooh, this might work. She loves her "baby sister" (an old doll we have). I think we'll go buy her a new, special doll tomorrow.

[Lily_Grace]

How does she respond to playfulness? Transitions are hard. With my 2yo we make a game out of it. Currently he's into Goodnight Moon so we do "Goodbye swing....goodbye slide, goodbye boing-boing on which I ride.." and so on until we get back home.

 

Sometimes we play giants, taking huge steps. Sometimes we fly like the birds. Sometimes it's just a silly hop-hop-run-STOP! The only time it doesn't work is if I don't smooth the transition. If I wait until it's set in that we're leaving or doing something he doesn't want and THEN break out the game, it's too late. The game has to be presented first, and the leaving just a part of it.

[Kathryn]

I've applied more than gentle pressure to her pelvis trying to get it into the back of her carseat so I could get that part buckled. Once that is done, it becomes an issue of getting her arms in without breaking them. She's REALLY fighting. Gentle pressure would be like blowing on a giant and hoping he'll fall down.

 

I push his arm back at the elbow so that his upper arm is parallel with the seat, then fold his lower arm against his chest and am able to get the harness on. For the top part, you don't need to worry about them being seated, so you can use both hands. This is the hardest part. Once the chest clip is buckled, pushing against the hips enables the crotch strap to get buckled.

 

 

She gets a lot of choice, IMO. I don't even buy her clothes without her input anymore because she cares very much what she wears. She also gets to choose what she wears each day. If I choose, there's a good chance there will be a battle getting her dressed. If she chooses, she'll put clothes on without a fight. She also insists on putting her own socks and shoes on. In some ways, she gets so many choices that she's spoiled because we can't count on her listening when it is important that she just do what she is told. We're cracking down on that a lot. At home, it's easier to handle the tantrums. It's harder away from home where she's basically in control of whether or not. Fortunately it doesn't happen all the time, but when it does I feel so frustrated by having no options.

 

Our problems also increase when they have more choices. One thing I have done when I'm really not in the mood for a fight is try to think of something that he may look forward to upon leaving, be that a snack, a tv show or toy he would want to play with more than where we are, and I hype that thing.

 

Tantrums stop when audience is not paying attention. Load all other passengers. Put her in the vehicle if she doesn't go in voluntarily and tell her to get in to her seat. Hand out a small snack to all who are in their spot and safely buckled up. If she tantrums, wait without anyone giving her their attention. When toddler is in her seat and ready for buckling, praise her for being safe, buckle up, give snack, and move on. Snack is simple and small and something that does not create mess. If she starts with screams, stay in your seat and be the broken record - the car can't go if someone is screaming. We must be safe. The care can't go if someone is screaming. We must be safe....

 

My chldren's tantrums never depended on an audience. The tantrum is for them and their anger at the situation, not for someone else's benefit. I know a lot of children will stop when they aren't getting attention, but this has never stopped mine.

 

She does not go on the next outing. She has a refresher course in safe behavior and does not go on another outing until she can behave safely. If no one can be the sitter, and you have to go out, she stays next to the parent, holding hands until she can control herself well enough to unclasp. If she bolts, she goes into the stroller for all future outings and she stays there until she decides she is not a baby, but a big kid who can behave. Children that aren't safe don't get to leave the stroller.

 

That just doesn't work with a thrashing, tantruming toddler. A stroller is not meant to hold onto someone who is trying with all their might to escape it. And holding hands doesn't really work either if only one participant wants to do it.

[gingersmom]

Uggh. I'm having ugly flashbacks to when my son was like that.

 

One time (after about 999 similar episodes), I put him on the floor of the mini-van, slammed the door shut and drove home. When we got home he climbed into his car seat.

 

Then there was that time at the park he refused to get back in the stroller and it took every ounce of strength I had to force him in, hold him down and strap him in. He was a huge child!

 

I just stopped going places far from home.

 

:grouphug:

[nono]

A tantrum that doesn't cease when the audience is removed is not a tantrum. It is a meltdown. There's nothing you can really do with a meltdown other than keep the child safe..the nervous system is doing what it needs to do to cope. Food, water, and rest are needed.

 

I think this is true.

 

My ds really needed to be heard when he was melting down. I enforced a rule, though, which was that for me to hear him out, he had to stop fighting and talk quietly. I learned to build in an extra five minutes so this could all happen, and I wouldn't feel the pressure to be somewhere and try to rush him along. Oh, and as soon as he would get into a frenzy, I'd say gently, "Let's get steady so I can hug you and hear you out."

 

BTW, the kids use "Steady" on me these days when I'm about ready to freak out on something, so it's been useful all around! :)

[ma23peas]

Give her some control and reassurance..staying firm but not reactive...how's that for instruction! HA!

 

the first scenario...my quiver of arrows...

1. first sign of resistance..firm hard look that says this will not be tolerated.

2. second sign of resistance...remove her from the car..place her in a spot in the garage you will call a cooling off chair or something else...she must sit there while you get the other kids and other items. Here she has control of the issue...she must sit in this chair to regain the right to be in the car. If she gets up from step/chair she gets a swift spanking and is returned to the seat. All the while being calm but firm. She then learns there are consequences, mommy does not get upset...but she determines if it is better to sit on the garage steps or sit nicely in her chair.

 

second scenario...

1. A discussion with dad in front of her...(within a couple of hours after the incident so she still recalls it..and a nice "we will have a chat with Dad about this when we get home.") We would start out talking to Dad about what fun we had at the park, how we really enjoyed seeing xyz swing so high or slide down the slide..what fun! Even have her share her favorite part of going to the park...then say, "But Daddy, we also had a rough ending to the park, xyz ran away from us and we were very scared she would get hurt." Let Daddy be the strong voice of 3 year old reason and impress upon her the importance of staying with Mommy and xyz b/c children can become hurt...you love her and do not want that...if it happens again xyz will happen...no more park days for HER (other siblings can go...make sure this happens on a Saturday while Dad can be there to watch her and let. It only takes 1-2 instances to know that there are consequences...love her through them but be firm.

2. To gain control while she runs away, I would have run and picked her up and spanked her one swift spanking and a "NO"...then sit down with her with Daddy..she needs to be reminded that you take this very seriously, but that you love her dearly...and will not allow her to be hurt.

[MomatHWTK]

A tantrum that doesn't cease when the audience is removed is not a tantrum. It is a meltdown. There's nothing you can really do with a meltdown other than keep the child safe..the nervous system is doing what it needs to do to cope. Food, water, and rest are needed.

 

 

True, I have one who once he reaches that point, can't shut it down. It just takes time for the energy to leave the system. Sometimes soothing and cooing will help. It is really hard though when you are out in the HOT sun trying to get the car cooled off and moving!

 

We also had a lot of things that I said, "We aren't going because you won't let me keep you safe." It doesn't take long for the child to decide they want the "big kid" fun unless there's another underlying issue (impulse control, etc.) Pre-briefing also helps, lots of pre-briefings, "We are going to the park, if X happens on the way home, this is what will be the punishment. We don't want X to happen because it's not safe. What are we going to do when mommy says it's time to leave the park..." Role plaly at home too.

 

FWIW, I do have a few with underlying issues. For safety reasons, we had to wait out those stages.

Edited May 28, 2012 by MomatHWTK

[amo_mea_filiis.]

We never outgrew the tantrums.

 

They are very rare now, but about once each month i am thrilled to have ds's special needs stroller. Your tantrums sound a lot like our meltdowns, but a meltdown can start off like a tantrum.

 

I know you said that you did not want to hurt her, but you have to learn how to safely restrain her in the seat and stroller when ut happens. When mine was in a regular car seat i would get in the car and use my knee. It did not hurt hIm but prevented him from straightening out.

 

Now when he loses it, i just lock him in his stroller with a blanket over him and walk away from people.

 

He uses a booster seat on regular days, but otherwise i have a harness that i put him in and attach to straps in the car. Its easy to get 2 straps on, then i can hold him down for the other 2.

Edited May 28, 2012 by amo_mea_filiis

[amo_mea_filiis.]

Wanted to add- use transition tools. What works best for ds is when-then statements. "Ds, we have to leave the park in 5 minutes. When we leave, then you can have a snack." always transition to a decent activity, so do not say we have to leave the park to go do chores, even if you do. Put a middle activity like a snack or quick game.

 

If you need to just up and leave for some reason, state it, pick her up, and go. Do not let her know you're frustrated, do not engage her, just get her in the seat or stroller and go.

 

I take it she cant yet get out of her seat or stroller? If not, you should be planning for when she is able to.

[ktgrok]

For the carseat I keep something in the diaper bag to give her when she is buckled. A fun toy, a book, or orange tic tacs. the Tic Tacs always work. I suppose some would say bribery, but whatever. I doubt that I will still be giving her tic tacs to get in her carseat when she is 12. I think it just helps set the habit. I did the tic tac thing for a week and have only used them twice since. I'm a dog trainer, and when I train dogs I use treats, and then fade them out after a time. Same thing here. And at about 1/2 a calorie, I'm just not worried about that amount of sugar :)

[Dealea86]

Sounds like my daughter. I've had to practically sit on her to get her in her car seat before. We've had meltdowns so bad in public that strangers stopped to look and pulled out their cell phones. :(

 

My daughter doesn't stop her tantrums when she's ignored, btw. They can go on for 30-45 minutes while she's closed up in her room by herself. Recently she seems to be almost afraid of her own anger. She'll be in the middle of a tantrum and will scream at me (in her exorcist voice), "MAMA!! HELP ME TAKE DEEP BREATHS!"

 

Role playing and discussing expectations beforehand have had absolutely no effect for us. When she's calm, these things make sense to her and she's very insistent that she'll obey. But when she's in the moment, she can't control herself enough to do what's right.

 

So I don't have a lot of advice. Mostly I'm just surviving right now. ;) But we do have some strategies that have worked. Someone else mentioned saying goodbye to things. This has been a huge lifesaver for me. If I can get DD to say "goodbye slide" or "goodbye shopping cart" or whatever, she's much more likely to come without a tantrum. If at all possible, give her several warnings that it's getting close to time to leave.

 

But ultimately, I think I've decided that these meltdowns are the kind that "can only come out through prayer."

[intp4yhwh]

Spankings work with little ones if you're consistent and start little swats when they begin to throw their very first fits. If you start with a zero tolerance level for fits from when they're small, you won't end up with this problem later down the road.

 

If you feel guilty about it, fear to spank in public, or slack off for whatever else reason, it won't work. I personally know a couple with a young boy who throws fits, which morph into tantrums, then into meltdowns. They spank but are not consistent even though they think they are - I've seen it first hand more than once. So if you *think* you're consistent but aren't getting results (no matter what method you use - spankings or consequences), you need to take an honest, hard look at yourself to see if you truly are consistent. If you're not sure you can be objective with yourself, ask a close friend or your dh what they think - but be prepared for an honest answer that you may not like.

 

Some ideas:

If you're in a place where you need to leave and the child doesn't want to go ... simply tell the child matter-of-factly that it's time to leave. Pack your things, take the other kids if you have them, and leave. Act like you're ignoring the stubborn one. Walk off and leave him/her. At first they probably won't believe you that you're really leaving. Head to an area where they loose sight of you, but is still somewhat close. (Two parents working together on this one is easier.) Then you double back, or stop and wait out of sight of the child but close enough to 'keep an eye' on them. Let them panic - this is the very natural consequence because they didn't come. It won't work unless they think you really did leave. When they 'catch up' to you (allow them to), just matter-of-factly tell them that when it's time to leave, you're going, with or without them. With mine, they always knew I meant it, and we only ever had to do this once. (With each, of course.)

 

Whenever they would have their first stomping fit (it always happened at home), I'd make them stand next to me and stomp until I told them to stop. (And each stomp must be just as hard as the stomps they did during their fit - not just marching in place - but hard stomps.) If they stopped before I said to stop, they got a simple swat for direct disobedience. As a mom, you have to be tougher than they are, even if it tears you up inside. I always made them stomp until they were crying - and you know your own kids - if they're quick to cry, don't stop right when they start up the water works. You have to make them hate the stomping. Never had to do this more than twice with any of my 5 boys. This can be done with other behaviors also - my mom made me do this once when I stuck my tongue out at her when I was about 7 or so - not nice - boy, can your tongue get dry! And yes, that's where my inspiration for this came from. What can I say - be tough, be consistent, and it'll work.

[TXMomof4]

I've applied more than gentle pressure to her pelvis trying to get it into the back of her carseat so I could get that part buckled. Once that is done, it becomes an issue of getting her arms in without breaking them. She's REALLY fighting. Gentle pressure would be like blowing on a giant and hoping he'll fall down.

 

 

She gets a lot of choice, IMO. I don't even buy her clothes without her input anymore because she cares very much what she wears. She also gets to choose what she wears each day. If I choose, there's a good chance there will be a battle getting her dressed. If she chooses, she'll put clothes on without a fight. She also insists on putting her own socks and shoes on. In some ways, she gets so many choices that she's spoiled because we can't count on her listening when it is important that she just do what she is told. We're cracking down on that a lot. At home, it's easier to handle the tantrums. It's harder away from home where she's basically in control of whether or not. Fortunately it doesn't happen all the time, but when it does I feel so frustrated by having no options.

 

 

DD was exactly like this. She would get into the tantrum zone and I honestly didn't think anything would stop her for a while. This is what I found worked for her. It took time and patience, but it did help. We stopped whatever we were doing. I'd hold her in my lap and whisper in her ear and softly rub her back. When she'd calmed down sufficiently to hear me I'd tell her I was going to count to three and she needed to be done and it worked - 99% of the time she'd stop completely at that point. It did take some extra planning to realize that *if* she threw a fit I needed time to calm her down, but if she didn't we were early to whatever we were doing.

 

FTR, this is my dd who was dxed with anxiety disorder this last winter.

[happypamama]

Some random ideas:

 

-Go out on the weekend/in the evening with the other children, while she stays at home with your DH. "Sorry, DD, you do not like to get in your carseat, so this time you have to stay at home." She may or may not be too young to "get" this though.

 

-Go out on the weekend/in the evening with just her. Let her take all the time in the world to get in her seat. Maybe she would enjoy the time to explore the seat.

 

-Ask one of the older children to be her buddy. Maybe she'll think that's cool enough that she'll let them buckle her in.

 

-In warm weather, this is hard, but I have been known to close the doors to the car and just sit until the kids get buckled/stop making noise/whatever they're doing that's a problem. I don't engage them at all; if they ask why I'm not driving, I say, "it isn't safe right now." Yes, that's unfair to your older children, but so is having everyone stressed and on edge because of the tantrums.

 

-I like the idea of saying goodbye to the swings, etc. Some kids need more transition time than others. Maybe rather than giving 5 minute warnings, you can say, "we can go down the slide two more times" and then it's time to go. 5 minutes can be more nebulous for the kids, but they can understand when I tell them, "I'm going to do X, Y, and Z, and then it's time to go." And rather than try to round everyone up at once, I just tell them it's time to go, and I start heading toward the car. They know I won't leave them, but that shows them that I do indeed mean business.

 

-I will do a certain amount of sympathizing -- "Yes, the park is fun. It would be great to be able to spend the whole day here" -- but there's a limit to that. Sometimes my toddlers are more easily swayed by something to look forward to -- a snack/toy/music in the car, the promise of Daddy coming home, dinner, whatever. They also respond pretty well to something like, "We've had so much fun. . . we definitely need to come back with Daddy so he can see you do the swings." Promising for the future plus including Daddy equals golden at my house.

 

This time will pass. :) (And remember, the kid who is strong-willed now is less likely to be influenced by negative peer pressure later.)

[nova147]

A friend of mine used to call me when she couldn't get her daughter buckled. I would talk to the little girl, which distracted her from fighting her mother. :D

[Dealea86]

-In warm weather, this is hard, but I have been known to close the doors to the car and just sit until the kids get buckled/stop making noise/whatever they're doing that's a problem. I don't engage them at all; if they ask why I'm not driving, I say, "it isn't safe right now." Yes, that's unfair to your older children, but so is having everyone stressed and on edge because of the tantrums.

 

:iagree: This works for us if she hasn't already dissolved into a tantrum and you have some extra time on your hands. In the summer, you can roll down the windows or turn on the AC but don't put the car in gear. But if she's already dissolved into tantrum/meltdown, it doesn't do us a bit of good.