Helping a deaf person enjoy family life

[Laura Corin]

We have an elderly relative to stay once or twice a year for a week at a time. She wears a hearing aid but finds it hard to understand fast/overlapping conversation. She understands fine one-on-one. She is mentally completely sharp.

 

I don't know how to make the family parts of the visit comfortable for her. The options I see are:

 

• We all speak slowly and separately - she would understand but the atmosphere would be rather stilted and sterile. This seems rather patronising somehow.
   
  
• We speak normally but I 'translate' for her. This also seems demeaning.
   
  
• Other???
  

I'm not setting this up as a poll because I'd really like to hear other people's ideas and experience.

 

Thank you

 

Laura

[milovany]

Laura, I obviously couldn't do all family conversations, but if there's a special/unique time together, I transcribe for HOH people for a living (via Skype). I'd be happy to talk with you if this would be something helpful or not. I'd do something like that for you for free. For example, I transcribed my mom and dad's 50th anniversary party last fall because my dad is almost deaf. He loved it! Anyway, let me know if there's something like that you'd like help with.

 

Other than that, I don't think there's usually any problem with translating. I also don't think it's too much to ask others to slow down in deference to your relative's situation. Or to ask that they make sure to have some one-on-one conversations with her sometime during her visit.

Edited April 5, 2012 by milovaný

[Starr]

I'm almost deaf in one ear and I love to have someone translate for me.

[FiveOaksAcademy]

Does she lip-read at all? I have a family member who is deaf and is great at lip reading. When we take turns conversing and make sure she can see our mouths, it goes a lot better.

[merry gardens]

Background noise may make it harder for her to hear. Turn off the tv & radio, maybe close the windows if you live by a noisy road, etc. during conversation. If one of her ears hears better than the other, position her accordingly. She might have problems hearing in higher ranges, (like children's high pitched voices) more than others, so be aware that some people in your house may be harder for her to understand than others.

 

My mom lost her hearing towards the end of her life. Enjoy the time you have with your relative.

[Jean in Newcastle]

By translate do you just mean summarize the conversation one-on-one for her or do you mean actually translate into sign language?

 

My mom is hard of hearing and has been going more and more deaf since she was in her 30's. She does have some distance from what is going on in the family because of it. A little bit of it is by choice - she's declined to learn ASL or to use TTY for the telephone or even closed captioning for the t.v. Most of it, of course, is not by choice.

 

We try to keep our faces towards her - esp. when talking to her because 80% of her hearing is actually reading lips. If I'm asking a question, I will sometimes summarize as part of the question, "Mom, since Cousin Sue said that she's getting married, she wants to know if you can come to the wedding in June." We try to have some conversation with her off to the side (where it is quieter) one-on-one. It is easier for me to ask her a general question and let her talk for a while on that subject. I've also learned that if I ask something and she smiles and says "uh-huh" that means she has no idea what I just said!

[myfunnybunch]

Your description fits my grandfather to a T. He was at least partially deaf for most of his adult life.

 

What my grandma (and others, when she was not around or after she passed) did was keep him in the conversation loop by summarizing and asking for his contribution. "We were just talking about dogs, dear. Dennis just reminded me of that beagle we had. What was his name?" And Grandpa would tell us about the dog. Usually he had the gist of the conversation, but Grandma caught him up on the specifics and gave him an opening to talk. She was so good at that.

 

This is also what we do for our exchange students who, while not deaf, sometimes have difficulty following fast and overlapping conversation.

 

Aw, now I miss my grandpa. He was such an interesting man, with a strong personality. He passed away last fall at age 93.

 

Cat

[Rosie_0801]

I don't know anyone who thinks translating is demeaning. Everyone I know would be pleased, either because you ought to be polite and do so, or because people aren't usually polite enough to do so and it's a happy change of circumstances!

 

Rosie

[happypamama]

My friend who is blind does not mind if you ask how/if you can help, so you might talk directly with your relative and ask her what makes it easier to participate in the conversation.

[Sara R]

How fast do you type? And how fast does your relative read? It would be handy to have a laptop out and a word processing program open, set to type in a big font. If a message isn't getting through, you can use the computer as a backup communication method, kind of like an online chat.

[milovany]

How fast do you type? And how fast does your relative read? It would be handy to have a laptop out and a word processing program open, set to type in a big font. If a message isn't getting through, you can use the computer as a backup communication method, kind of like an online chat.

 

 

:iagree: Sara's smarter than me, LOL. This is a great idea if someone types pretty quickly. We had a deaf friend over for dinner one night (along with a dozen or so other people), and I sat next to him with my computer and typed out any conversation directed at him. He really appreciated it.

[kalanamak]

One visit, I borrowed a lap top and had the font large enough so my father could see it sitting next to me. I madly typed away at what was going on, and my father really participated. He was sharp enough to read in a flash, add in some lip reading, and grab the ball and run with it.

[Laura Corin]

Background noise may make it harder for her to hear. Turn off the tv & radio, maybe close the windows if you live by a noisy road, etc. during conversation. If one of her ears hears better than the other, position her accordingly. She might have problems hearing in higher ranges, (like children's high pitched voices) more than others, so be aware that some people in your house may be harder for her to understand than others.

 

My mom lost her hearing towards the end of her life. Enjoy the time you have with your relative.

 

But we keep the house quiet anyway. We don't have radio/TV on and we live quietly in the country. Calvin has a lovely bass voice now and mine is a low alto, but Hobbes' voice is high and she does indeed find it hard to hear him.

 

Laura

[Laura Corin]

By translate do you just mean summarize the conversation one-on-one for her or do you mean actually translate into sign language?

 

She has been losing her hearing slowly and hasn't learn to read lips or use sign language.

 

Laura

[Laura Corin]

How fast do you type? And how fast does your relative read? It would be handy to have a laptop out and a word processing program open, set to type in a big font. If a message isn't getting through, you can use the computer as a backup communication method, kind of like an online chat.

 

I type pretty fast.

 

Laura

[Laura Corin]

Sorry for the late reply - I had a technology crisis just after I posted.

 

I'll ask her what she would like us to do, but with your suggestions I'll have some options.

 

Thanks

 

Laura

[Liz CA]

My grandmother was almost completely deaf. She could really only follow one person at a time and we enunciated very clearly because she often read our lips more than she actually heard the words.

She probably knows that she cannot hear everything but would be happy to speak to one person at a time if that person takes the time to focus on her.

[prairiewindmomma]

You've gotten some great ideas....I'll also add that you can always do activities that don't require a lot of hearing....playing games, baking, doing crafts, going on a nature walk....whatever she's up for.

[fhjmom]

Bless you for your concern and willingness to make the effort to keep her included in the family conversations! I have a profound hearing loss that started about ten years ago and I wear hearing aids, which do help some, but I still rely heavily on speech reading and group conversations are especially challenging.

 

Just some general things that really help me:

-eleminate as much background noise as possible. Not only TVs and radios, but other electronics such as computers, fish tanks, appliances, etc. often hum. If you can't move them or turn them off, make sure the Hoh person is sitting away from it. Close doors if children are playing in another room. Close drapes, which helps decease noise from he outside but it also reduces reverberation as well as backlighting (see below).

 

-reduce reverberation. If you are the host and your house has hard surface flooring and/or lots of window, consider adding some rugs and/or other soft surfaces to reduce reverberation, or echo. For a low tech way to tell if reverberation may be a problem, stand in the room and clap once sharply. If you hear any sound beyond the initial clap, you have some reverberation.

 

-reduce backlighting. A person that is relying on speech reading must be able to see a persons face clearly. This is difficult if they are sitting or standing in front of a light source such as a window.

 

-set up an environment that allows for smaller groups. It is much easier to follow a smaller group conversation than larger one.

 

-instead of just talking louder, talk slowly and enunciate more clearly. Many times people actually distor their speech more when they raise heir voice, and with many time of hearing loss it is discrimination that suffers more than sound awareness. Getting louder usually doesn't help me (unless the person is especially soft-spoken to begin with). Enunciating and emphasizing high frequency consonant sounds helps my understanding much more.

 

- try to indicate when there is a change in the speaker. The family can get in the habit of starting their conversational turn by some indication that they are going to talk. It doesn't have to be stilted just a bit of "well, you know what I think?" or "say, Fred, I have a question about what you just said...". This give the Hoh person time to figure out who is speaking before they miss any content of the conversation. Also, you could give a small signal by pointing discretely as someone new begins to speak. It is difficult to tell which direction sound is coming from with hearing loss/hearing aids.

 

-if a person doesn't understand, repeat it once the same way you said it the first time, but slow down and enunciate. If the person still doesn't understand try restating simply using a different word. I hate I when I ask for clarification because I simply missed one or two words and the person instead of saying the single sentence, launches into an explanation like I am an idiot and I don't understand the concept they we'd talking about. I just missed a word.

 

Have some place that is quiet the person can retreat to if they become too tired. Listening is hard work for a Hoh person and after a while they may just need a break away from noise and conversation. Don't make them feel bad of they need to get away from the group. They may be able to handle a one-on-one conversation easier, so maybe sit with them in a quiet room.

 

Restate the topic of conversation often. Instead of using pronouns, call the people being talked about by name. I often spend half a conversation just trying to figure out who we are talking about because names are so hard to glean from context. Also, try not to use contractions.

 

Okay, now that I have written a book, I hope that helps! I will be honest and say I would consider "interpreting" for her as a last resort. I hate when people do that for me because they often are more distracting and I miss what is going on as the conversation moves ahead. An occasional restatement isn't bad, but my mom makes a big deal out of announcing why she has to tell me what was said and that drives me crazy! I am also pretty good about asking if I need/want clarification so maybe let the Hoh person know you don't mind providing help if they need it but ask them to let you know when they aren't following. My DH knows "the look" that says "I need help! Tell me what they said!" so it doesn't even have to be a big conversation stopper.