Talk To Me - did you ever fear you couldn't educate better than school education?

[atara]

Please tell me your story if you are a person whose biggest challenge was your fear of your child somehow becoming delayed or behind by not sending them to school. This is my biggest fear and would love to hear from those who overcame it.:):bigear:

[canadianmomtofour]

:bigear:

 

I am the same. Doesn't matter how many people tell me I am doing a good job, I still secretly believe they would do better in school.

[Jenny in Florida]

I hate to say it, but that was never, ever a fear we had.

 

Neither my husband nor I had what could be called a good experience in school, academically. So, we were certain from the beginning that we could do better for our kids by homeschooling.

 

Our concerns were more about the dreaded socialization things, but we quickly figured out that was not going to be a problem, either.

 

All I can suggest to help you get over your concerns would be to start looking around online for reading lists and syllabi and sample projects from your local public schools. That should give you a good sense of what is being taught there and a good basis for realistic comparison.

 

By the way, I am not one of those people who believes that any homeschooling is better than any school. I believe that most kids can get a great education in all kinds of different settings, as long as they have parents who care and are supportive and involved. But, if you want to get a feel for what's going on in the schools you have available to you, the internet might be your best bet.

 

Edit: I just thought of something else. Homeschoolers can also order standardized tests like the CAT and the ITBS and administer them to our students. I have found it helpful now and then (especially when we're not having a great homeschooling year) to test my kids and see where they rank nationally.

[Aelwydd]

I used to have some insecurities about that until I had a kind of epiphany this year, going through a virtual charter school.

 

After having to navigate through the morass that is the state's idea of education, and doing some reflection on my own educational experience, a light bulb sort of went off in my head. And it all sort of clicked.

 

There is no reason why education must look like twenty-something desks all lined up in a generic classroom, in an industrial building.

 

There is no reason why reading must include this list of books, but not that list.

 

There is no reason we can learn at this part of the day, but not that part.

 

There is no reason to believe tests are the best litmus for determining functional understanding.

 

And so on. These are just some of the many ingrained habits and impressions I had about what education should look like.

 

But what the real problem was that I had to be willing to let go of my own idealized memories of my schooling, when growing up. You see, even though I am hs'ing my son, I still felt like he was missing out on the experiences I had. And you know what, he won't have those experiences. But, he'll have different ones, and I hope, better ones.

 

That requires me letting go of my nostalgia and focusing on the reality that there is no school that looks like the memories I have. Because things change, and schools have evolved and they have a much more frantic rhythm and didactic tone than when I was kid or teen. I'm not saying there are no schools like where I went to anywhere. Just that they are not here, with the exception of a few private schools. And even they are going to follow a different schedule of academics, topics, and so forth.

 

This whole long post is basically saying that yes, I know I can educate my ds better than the schools, because I am no longer trying to compete with, or recreate, an idealized image. Instead, I'm going forward with a model that works for my son. One which the focus is on his individual experience of the world, rather than forcing him to experience the world through others' viewpoints (either mine, or a ps classroom's).

[MomatHWTK]

I don't think I can teach my kids to pass the standardized tests as fast and efficiently as ps could. I don't think I can teach my kids as much as in depth as some other homeschoolers do.

 

I have no doubt that in the end, my kids will have a better education than they would via ps though. This is not to say that a ps can't do a good job with some students. But simply because of the size of the classes and the need to homogenize the information, ps can't offer the same tailored education for each child that I can.

[almondbutterandjelly]

My child became delayed/behind by being sent to school, so, no, I have no doubt that I can do a better job.

[Zebra]

With everything available on the internet, it was never a concern of mine. An argument could be made that 30 years ago maybe you couldn't teach what the schools teach (again, an argument COULD be made) but now, you can find limitless amounts of curriculum/advice/encouragement. The same things your school is using, something written to homeschoolers with a script, an online class, you name it. It's out there.

 

Now as far as social issues (finding friends, learning to stand in line...:lol:) THAT I was initially worried about. But, it's proven to not be a problem, at all.

[bnrmom]

I worry about this constantly - our greatest homeschooling challenge is my anxiety. My oldest was unschooled k-3 and dropped into 4th grade without any issues, and we are no longer unschooling, so i shouldnt be so concerned. But honestly, I am tired and not all that organized. I keep them at grade level math, we read all the time, and they are getting a great science education (I outsource this). But I look back at the work they were doing in ps and I feel like it is a lot richer than what we are doing. We don't do formal literature response, any writing is like pulling teeth, our social studies is pretty "unschooled" and I have no idea if I'm doing enough/the right thing in language arts in general. (Our grammar blows away the ps though!)

 

However, in the end, lifestyle counts just as much as education. Even if I totally blew the academics (which I'm not) there is still much to be said for the time we have together as a family, and they participate in great enrichment activities we wouldn't have time for if they were in school.

Edited March 21, 2012 by bnrmom

[Riverland]

I originally enrolled my dd in public school because I thought they might know some teaching methods to help my dd that I did not. Nope. She is learning far better at home. We can go slow when needed (math), fast in her strong areas (foreign languages), and use interesting materials that she enjoys learning from (Cobblestone/Calliope history magazines). She is not necessarily learning the same things in the same order that public school kids are learning, but what she learns at home, she retains & enjoys much better.

 

Why?

Because we can use material that suite her learning style.

Because we are not on someone else's timeline.

Because we don't waste time on ridiculous homework assignments.

Because she can get adequate sleep.

Because she is not sitting in class with her stomach growling.

Because she is not worried that her shirt is not 'cool.'

Because....

 

The first 2 weeks after I pulled her from ps, I thought "What have I done? Am I going to ruin my daughter?" But, we found our groove and I stopped trying to imitate public school at home. I am so happy I chose this route.

[Aelwydd]

Thanks, Wendy. :)

 

 

I originally enrolled my dd in public school because I thought they might know some teaching methods to help my dd that I did not. Nope. She is learning far better at home. We can go slow when needed (math), fast in her strong areas (foreign languages), and use interesting materials that she enjoys learning from (Cobblestone/Calliope history magazines). She is not necessarily learning the same things in the same order that public school kids are learning, but what she learns at home, she retains & enjoys much better.

 

Why?

Because we can use material that suite her learning style.

Because we are not on someone else's timeline.

Because we don't waste time on ridiculous homework assignments.

Because she can get adequate sleep.

Because she is not sitting in class with her stomach growling.

Because she is not worried that her shirt is not 'cool.'

Because....

 

The first 2 weeks after I pulled her from ps, I thought "What have I done? Am I going to ruin my daughter?" But, we found our groove and I stopped trying to imitate public school at home. I am so happy I chose this route.

 

Right on.

[maddykate]

I did worry about being able to teach my children and keeping them on track when we first began homeschooling. However, it is not a concern for me at all now. I am sure they will have gaps in their education and areas where we may not be as strong as others, but I do know, without a shadow of doubt, that my dc know how to research information and teach themselves. They are not afraid to "get in the weeds" and educate themselves. They don't wait for me or someone else to spoon feed them. So, now, after our 7 years of doing this, I realize that by having rich life experiences and allowing them the time to investigate and research on their own, we are doing a better job than the public schools.

 

I will admit to some moments of insecurities, but overall, I feel very confident. In the grand scheme of things, I know that my dc will be productive members of society and able to educate themselves on anything they may need to know.

[Cassy]

I think I have a fair idea of what goes on in our local schools as my eldest has attended right the way through so far. We started homeschooling when DS11 was 8 yo, partly because of my concerns about the way he was being taught. I always thought I could probably do more for him at home than school could, partly because of his personality. DS7 seems to have inherited DH's dyslexia, so I also felt that it was better for him to be at home.

 

However, I have had my concerns. Sometimes I feel so exhausted being so responsible for choosing what we learn, how we learn it, organising it, and then feeding them, cleaning, taking them to activities ... At least at school all those responsibilities are shared. Some days we're less efficient than others, and don't get so much done, and I worry. Then I hear that the kids from DS11's old class are spending the day walking around the various churches in town, and I realise that they'll probably not get so much done that day either. I worry that DS4 and DS7 don't have as much fun at home as kids their age do in schools because I'm tied up teaching DS11 a lot of the time. They don't do so much art and craft, drama, games. But also, they don't have the tedious hours being required to sit still, not talk, line up for play time, line up to come in, line up for lunch, no talking at lunch time, etc. They don't have nasty kids making them feel cr@p either.

 

DS11 will be going to school in September. It's the same school DS12 goes to. It has wonderful, inspirational teachers, and gets excellent results. I do know at that point he'll be much better off there than at home. I don't know that either of us is all that happy about it though :sad:.

 

Cassy

[Butter]

I wouldn't say it was ever a huge concern, but it was in my mind, especially since my second child appeared to be dyslexic. Then we took him to the school to get tested and they said to me that I am doing more at home for him than they could do at the public school. Erased any doubts or fears I ever had!

[LinRTX]

I have always told new homeschoolers that the minute they think they are doing a great job, the probably aren't.

 

I have homeschooled for 22 years now, graduated 3, 2 of whom have now graduated from college with a very high GPA. I still have one at home and worry if I am doing the best educating her or if she would do better elsewhere. So I have never overcome the inadequate feeling -- but that is what keeps me searching for the best way to teach her and making certain I am giving her everything I can.

 

Does that make sense?

 

Linda

[Mandylubug]

I will be honest and say it is an ongoing struggle or fear in my household. However, I don't regret the decision to homeschool. One of the main reasons I chose to homeschool is the fact that my kids aren't on the same developmental chart that most public schools use. They are all immature and progress slower than many children at a young age in areas of math and reading but soar with understanding of science, hands on projects, communication, sports, music, etc..

 

It is hard to know that no matter what I have tried to teach my girls this year, that they just aren't going to be ready to move onto to 2nd grade work in August when in PS they would be moving forward. Some days I wonder if I had failed somewhere down the line. However, I do remember my boys being passed through the grades (we pulled them out end of 2nd) and I remember multiple scenarios of them just being passed on to the next thing in PS and was told that the next time they are taught that topic it may just "click"

 

Well, I am not a pass and come back kind of teacher and we are working towards mastery here. So yes, we are "behind" compared to the public school system. I don't think they have any developmental delays. My husband and son are ADHD and my husband swears I am as well. I struggled with math and reading myself in the early years of education and remember my father yelling at me in 2nd grade over homework; claiming I would never get into college with this level of work. YES 2nd grade college pressures!

 

So, even though I fear that I may cause my kids to be "behind" the ps schedule and learning: I hold firm in my decision to nurture, encourage and facilitate a stress free, fun loving environment that is exactly tailored to their needs. No 2nd grade college stress in this household!

[J-rap]

This was never a concern of mine, though I did accept the fact that probably they could be learning more in ps in sciences and math than I was able to teach at home. (I'm talking about high school, more difficult classes.) However, I wasn't teaching them at home so that they would get ahead in science and math. I was teaching them at home because I wanted them to learn how to really think, and how to think outside the box and NOT feel like they had to do everything a certain way. Also, I really believed that the home environment was all-around better. :)

 

So, they might not have had the best Chemistry and Trig backgrounds, but I do believe they are some of the brightest and most creative thinkers I know, for their age. :)

[Dmmetler]

I admit to such worries-and it's one reason why I do SAT-10 testing each year-it gives ME the reassurance that she's getting the skills that are focused on in public schools, to a level that she could go back and thrive. I also use online writing rubrics from PS settings to make sure her writing is up to snuff. The social and emotional skills are also a concern, and one that I can't reassure myself on quite so easily, so I do try to get DD into group settings so she has those experiences.

[mytwomonkeys]

YES! you bet that was my biggest fear! i still struggle with it from time to time! we've always homeschooled, and when i began looking into this several years ago i was freaking out. my biggest fear was that i would mess my kids up or fail them. how would they socialize? how would they learn? you know... every sterotype i could think of was flooding my head.

 

as i began to research homeschooling and the more i understood it though, i began to relax little by little, and continue to do so year after year. my scope & sequence is different than a public school and i know that if i choose to do things different -- well, my kids will be ahead in some areas and behind in others. their education is definitely going to look different than public school peers, ykwim?? what has helped me :chillpill: is to see the fruit of our labor. i can see my children are growing, learning, and really headed in the right direction. i thought i would never get over the hump of teaching reading, yet both of my kids read fabulous. i thought i would never teach my daughter how to write a complete independent sentence, yet she can write an essay now. all of these things have built my confidence. lastly, i have a support system. my husband is my rock in real life, and i have my forums online that i go to for support when i need direction, assurance, advice, or just a hug.

 

it's normal to be filled with doubt. this is new territory. it can feel overwhelming and scary. just hang in there. believe in yourself. remember why you want to home educate & persevere. :grouphug:

Edited March 21, 2012 by mytwomonkeys

[readinmom]

I never had that thought, not once. It was my dh that took the most convincing. He was worried about being held accountable, using the right textbooks, etc. He has since mellowed out, especially since he started seeing how ds stacked up against some of the kids he coaches at the same grade level.

 

To keep it in perspective, I teach in public school. 38+ students, all with the same learning objective and outcomes, not all on the same ability level. You get the opportunity every single day to see measurable results with your own children, whether you realize it or not. Multiply the 38 by 5, and that is what most teachers are working with today. Ask yourself: How much would your child grow every day by sitting in that classroom? Do you want them to grow at the rate of everyone else, or at the rate they were meant to succeed at?

[atara]

Thank you all so much for your thoughtful responses.

 

My son is still young and although he is learning things in his little preschool, I am not happy with how he is developing away from me.

 

I'm already seeing anxiety there, stress from authoritarian teachers, and learning to disconnect from me because that's what he is taught to do.

 

These things hurt my heart.

[Melissa in Australia]

Please tell me your story if you are a person whose biggest challenge was your fear of your child somehow becoming delayed or behind by not sending them to school. This is my biggest fear and would love to hear from those who overcame it.:):bigear:

 

I never completed high school, I left after year 10. I was so worried that I would not be able to educate my children up to a level for them to get into university.

 

My oldest Ds has Dyslexia, and found writing just about impossible. He regularly went on strike, and I despaired that I would ever get him educated.

Well this January he got into one of Australia's leading Universities, and is studying Aerospace Engineering.:party: And not only did he get into university, but he got a credit towards his degree for some of his previous work.:hurray:

 

The local high school ( which would have been the one that he would have had to attend if I didn't homeschool) had out of a graduating class of 40, 3 people qualify for university, and 2 more doing bridging courses to get into their field of study. true some chose to do other things apart form university, but the careers teacher at the high school told me that the majority didn't achieve grades high enough to get into university.

[catz]

I cured myself of this by sending my oldest to school for 2 years. He was ahead across the boards, and learned almost nothing. Our state requires standardized testing annually and that doesn't hurt either.

[LaxMom]

I had concerns for the first few years, both academic and social. The academic concerns were more for the future - I mean, I can read and do basic calculations, know shapes and colors, how could I possibly be unqualified for K? - but we've hit the middle years and I've found no great difficulty in challenging my 6th grader. She is tackling high-school and college level material in some areas and, while they do challenge her, they aren't out of grasp; she spent her elementary years learning to think and parse information.

 

My second graders are following right along, too. And, while they're all bright, I don't consider any of them to be prodigies. They just have different academic opportunities than their PS peers.

 

They regularly socialize with friends, my co-workers, teammates, and not only do I hear compliments from adults about how socially adept they are, but also observations about how nice they are, how willing they are to offer help, stand up and call a behavior wrong, encourage others when they're struggling... So I don't really have concerns there anymore.

 

Right now, we are working on encouraging the 11 yo to challenge herself. I don't see her as any more or less inclined to push outside her comfort zone as most adults I know, so I hope she will be in that habit and get a jump on it in adulthood.

 

One thing that has really left us, though, is comparing what we do and where we are to schools. It honestly doesn't cross my mind anymore. We just assess where we are according to our own goals. I think that both keeps us from complacency and from getting stressed out about "gaps".

[NanceXToo]

Well, when I first pulled my daughter out of school (toward the end of her third grade year, just over three years ago) I did have a little of the "I hope I'm not screwing her up" flutters.

 

But the schools around here really aren't good ones. Every year around here the standardized test results come out in the newspaper and when I see them, I feel better. My school district is the third worst in the area, and below state average ("on warning" last year, in fact). So whatever they're doing, they're not doing a great job (and there were SO many other things I didn't like about them aside from academics that I just KNOW my children are better off at home with me).

 

Here in PA we have a lot of home ed laws. I have to hire an evaluator each year and show him a portfolio and some of our work and so on, and my evaluator always seems happy and impressed with what we're doing, so that also helps me to feel confident. When I give my daughter a standardized test, she does well on it, so that helps me to feel confident.

 

But mostly I just go by the fact that when I interact with my kids each day, they are happy and thriving. They're enjoying childhood. We're having fun and spending time together. I can see that they are learning. I think they are getting a much better experience (academically but in so many more ways, too) than they ever could in public school, so, really, I just never worry. It feels right to have them with me.

 

Maybe when they get to be closer to high school age and if I still have them home with me then, I might start to worry about my "qualifications" then- or maybe I won't, I guess time will tell. We'll sort it out when we get there. For now, things are going great and all I can tell you is that while I can understand as someone who didn't start OUT intending to homeschool that it's a bit nerve-wracking making the initial decision to do so, once I made it, I never once looked back. My only regret was not having done it sooner. :)

[Heidi]

Not at all. My own ps education was a complete joke and a waste of time. It won't be hard to surpass it. That's why I homeschool.