Penny_P Posted February 20, 2012 Share Posted February 20, 2012 My mil is like a mother to me. I love her dearly. She is a great support, and a lot of fun. Her daughter and my bil's wife want to take her to Vegas for her 60th birthday to meet up with mil's best friend (whose birthday is near as well) and her daughters. It would be a great girls' weekend out. The tentative plan is to drive there, stay in the Paris hotel, and generally have a jolly time. The cost so far, including paying for mil? About $450. That's a rough estimate for hotel, food, and gas, but doesn't include gambling, spa treatments, shopping, etc. Frankly, and I don't want to be a party-pooper, I'm going to be about 5 months pregnant (as is one of the sil's so I can't really use that as an excuse), and we have a lot of other things to spend this money on, like a car that will fit our whole family. I'm also sort of an introvert, so a whole weekend of socializing sounds exausting. Could we afford it? Yes, but grudgingly. I certainly wouldn't want my dh and I to appear cheap. He already has that reputation with his family, but, gosh, $450?! We've taken all of us (minus the toddler) to Disneyland for not too much more. I suggested a cheaper place to stay, but that idea was quickly dismissed. Paris is somehow significant for the two friends. Anyway, should I just bite the bullet and go? DH supports the idea, but isn't happy about the money. Or, try to graciously back out knowing that it will cost my sil's more and may reflect poorly on dh and I? Both SIL's have asked several times if the money is ok and if I'll be going. It just seems like a lot of money to spend on a weekend that I'm lukewarm about, but, of course, it's about my mil, and not me... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted February 20, 2012 Share Posted February 20, 2012 Offer to pay part of MIL's stay as her gift, but decline for yourself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unicorn. Posted February 20, 2012 Share Posted February 20, 2012 I wouldn't go. I would offer to chip in $100 or so to pay for mil, but would explain w/ the new baby on the way, you have to many expenses looming to join in for the whole weekend. Congrats on the baby! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Penny_P Posted February 20, 2012 Author Share Posted February 20, 2012 Impish, that's not a bad idea. How much would be reasonable? $100? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Penny_P Posted February 20, 2012 Author Share Posted February 20, 2012 Haha! Unicorn, great minds... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted February 20, 2012 Share Posted February 20, 2012 I'd go, but not because I love playing poker. ;) My mom has died. I wish I had taken every opportunity I could to spend time with her. (She was safe, healthy, a great mother to adult kids) I'm not a believer that life stops or gets put on hold for healthy, normal pregnancies. 5 months is not far along. I'm an introvert, also. But sometimes "suck it up" is what we have to do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted February 20, 2012 Share Posted February 20, 2012 Can you stay somewhere cheaper and meet them for activities and meals? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted February 20, 2012 Share Posted February 20, 2012 I'd go, but not because I love playing poker. ;) My mom has died. I wish I had taken every opportunity I could to spend time with her. (She was safe, healthy, a great mother to adult kids) I'm not a believer that life stops or gets put on hold for healthy, normal pregnancies. 5 months is not far along. I'm an introvert, also. But sometimes "suck it up" is what we have to do. It's the financial aspect that would have me stay home, not being pregnant or 'not my thing'. I personally just couldn't justify that much money for a wknd, regardless of who it was being spent w/, esp w/the family needing a larger vehicle, etc. But, I've always been tight financially, so my perspective may be different due to that. As for the $ amt to put towards MIL's gift, I'd let dh decide, but $100 sounds reasonable to me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Penny_P Posted February 20, 2012 Author Share Posted February 20, 2012 That's pretty much where it's at, Impish. When the cost was about $300, that's when I thought to "suck it up". But now that it's an estimated $450 I'm less enthusiastic about going. I don't just want to stand around and watch MIL play slots and SIL's shop or to sheepishly tell dh that I paid $50 to see a show because I felt bad about being left out. Of course, once again, it's not about me. Argh. And, yes, we CAN afford it, but it just seems like a waste of money that should go toward a double stroller or summer camps for the kids, etc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tex-mex Posted February 20, 2012 Share Posted February 20, 2012 I'd go, but not because I love playing poker. ;) My mom has died. I wish I had taken every opportunity I could to spend time with her. (She was safe, healthy, a great mother to adult kids) I'm not a believer that life stops or gets put on hold for healthy, normal pregnancies. 5 months is not far along. I'm an introvert, also. But sometimes "suck it up" is what we have to do. :iagree: Having just lost my dear MIL to cancer this summer, I agree. Memories are what are being created. When the family member is gone, people will look back on the event and the OP's attitude will reflect upon it. I say think of others and go. She can always take time for herself and get a nap or spa time. Do it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tex-mex Posted February 20, 2012 Share Posted February 20, 2012 Can you stay somewhere cheaper and meet them for activities and meals? :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tap Posted February 20, 2012 Share Posted February 20, 2012 I don't like to gamble. I don't like Vegas/Reno style trips. It is very boring to me and I wouldn't want to spend the money on it. If I went, I would make sure there were other things on the activity list and make sure everyone knew that I would bow out of that part of the evening. I would chip in $100 and if the declined the offer, then take MIL out when she gets back from her trip for a girls day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mama Geek Posted February 20, 2012 Share Posted February 20, 2012 Part of making memories with people is doing things with them that you will both enjoy. I would probably look for something special that your family could do with MIL and let this be their thing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
G5052 Posted February 20, 2012 Share Posted February 20, 2012 Part of making memories with people is doing things with them that you will both enjoy. I would probably look for something special that your family could do with MIL and let this be their thing. I don't like Vegas at all. I used to go there on business a lot, and it isn't a place that I am interested in going back to. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted February 20, 2012 Share Posted February 20, 2012 I think you're lucky to have a great MIL. This may be one of those 'people before things' deals. She WANTS to be surrounded by the significant women in her life and you're on that list. It's a once in a lifetime event for her. I'd go, and just take a nap if I got tired. With that many women, you probably won't HAVE to talk too much but would be fighting to get a word in edgewise. I'd say go and be part of that memory. Years ago we had to make a similar decision. Money was tight, but we flew to Vegas for BILs wedding. We'd never been, so didn't expect to enjoy it. Years later (when the money would be long gone either way) my family STILL talks about that trip. It comes up often when we're around our family and friends who attended. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
5kidsforME Posted February 20, 2012 Share Posted February 20, 2012 I think you're lucky to have a great MIL. This may be one of those 'people before things' deals. She WANTS to be surrounded by the significant women in her life and you're on that list. It's a once in a lifetime event for her. I'd go, and just take a nap if I got tired. With that many women, you probably won't HAVE to talk too much but would be fighting to get a word in edgewise. I'd say go and be part of that memory. Years ago we had to make a similar decision. Money was tight, but we flew to Vegas for BILs wedding. We'd never been, so didn't expect to enjoy it. Years later (when the money would be long gone either way) my family STILL talks about that trip. It comes up often when we're around our family and friends who attended. I agree. Go! I undersatnd the money situation, but unless this kind of stuff comes up all the time, I would go. Vegas to me sounds like absolute torture, ;) but it isn't about you or what you want necessarily, it's about your mil who you apparently not only get a long with but get along with quite well. That in itself is special. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Penny_P Posted February 20, 2012 Author Share Posted February 20, 2012 DH and I talked more last night. His mother is truly an exceptional and generous woman. Even though it's not how I'd like to spend that much money, I'm going to go ahead and go. I think she would be hurt if I didn't. I'm not at all close to my own mother, and she has fulfilled that role in so many ways. You all have made very good points, on both sides. You're right, I probably won't have to talk that much. Getting a place away from the group, although cheaper, would just be logistically and socially awkward, I think. Thanks so much for the advice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desert Rat Posted February 20, 2012 Share Posted February 20, 2012 Penny- Bally's is right next to Paris. See if you can get a cheaper room there. Many people come here as groups and stay in different hotels. Super 8 is right behind Paris, but please don't stay there. That's a rough one. Also, you can save a lot of money by looking around for food deals. I think you should go. I know it's not your cuppa, but your MIL only turns 60 once. It'll be special for her and you would have a good time. Save money where you can, but go. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elfgivas Posted February 20, 2012 Share Posted February 20, 2012 :grouphug: i'd go in a heart beat. (i dont' gamble). its this fabulous homeschooling opportunity where you can visit different times and places just by walking down the street. the gondola ride at venice is worth the trip. now, to money. we've approached it different ways. cheapest: buffalo bills at stateline, 40 minutes drive away. we have often gotten rooms for $15- each. but if my whole family were going to be there, i'd be haunting the bargain sites. we've stayed in the luxor for $60- a night twice. and we've stayed just off the strip (10 minutes drive away), with a complete kitchen and two rooms for about $60- too. regardless of which accommodation you choose, eating cereal/yoghurt/muffins in the room for breakfast will save a lot..... (although paris' breakfast buffet is charming. you could do a sunday brunch there for her that would cover two meals of the day?). and there are lots of free or almost free things to do. watching the penguin feeding at one of the hotels early in the morning is completely free and charming. the carnival parade at another is also free. and in the midevil castle, there are free puppet shows for the kids, etc.... :grouphug: ann Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ZeldaRules Posted February 20, 2012 Share Posted February 20, 2012 I went to Vegas 8 years ago when I was 4 months pregnant. Some waiter gave me pickles and ice cream there. LOL! It was for a Stamping' Up! Convention, so there was a lot to keep me busy. Although I enjoy a little gambling and dancing. We had good, clean fun. I really think you should stay in the hotel with them if you are all sharing rooms. It took me back to days of sleep overs in middle or high school. That is part of the (bonding) experience itself. I am glad you are deciding to go. I think you would regret it a little if you didn't...especially when the experience comes up in conversations. Enjoy the get away and the girls weekend. I'm jealous. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted February 20, 2012 Share Posted February 20, 2012 Enjoy. But realistically it will cost more than that if they haven't factored in their activities. It could easily cost a few hundred more if they are going to shows, spas etc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted February 20, 2012 Share Posted February 20, 2012 Part of making memories with people is doing things with them that you will both enjoy. I would probably look for something special that your family could do with MIL and let this be their thing. That's exactly what I was thinking. I know you've decided that you're probably going to go, but if Vegas isn't your idea of a great time, why not spend the money taking your MIL someplace special with your DH and your kids? It seems more important that your DH be part of the celebration, anyway, since she's his mom, after all. (And that could be your excuse for not going -- your dh wants to plan something special for his mom, and you can't afford to do both.) And you'll have anywhere up to $450 to spend on a great day with your MIL, which gives you a lot of options. (I'm not saying you have to spend that much, but you already know you'd have to spring for $450 for the Vegas thing, so anything you save by taking her out with your family is sort of "free money.") I think it's a win-win situation. Your MIL still gets to go to Las Vegas, plus she gets an extra bonus special birthday celebration with your family on a different day, as well. Also, $450 isn't going to cover your costs in Vegas. There will be extras, and you'll be stuck chipping in because you'll be embarrassed not to. There will be shows or extra meals or shopping or taxi fares, etc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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