What are your most effective consequences for misbehavior?

[yellowperch]

I'm looking for ideas that:

 

1) Don't really affect the other children or ruin my day (i.e. since I am often on my own on weekends with the kids having a child stay home form an outing is a bit unfair. I'll do it if the situation warrants, but would rather find other ways)

 

2) Quick and easy to execute. These are for small infractions. I am trying to reduce the drama around discipline by applying it more often to correct things like calling a sibling an idiot (for example), leaving the piano multiple times during practice, or excessive griping. There are other examples, some related to chores and mistreating each other, but that is the gist. I am much better at dealing with bigger issues, but these smaller ones too often get ignored, or passed over with a comment from me such as, "that's rude. you need to apologize," etc.

 

3) don't require "bookkeeping" on my part. No tallies or chits.

 

4) natural if possible, but I'm finding it difficult to have them always apply.

[jhschool]

Pushups?

Jumping jacks?

 

It makes them stronger and fitter.

 

The downside is that it might be

perceived as demeaning.

Edited January 12, 2012 by jhschool

[yellowperch]

My kids would think that was very funny. It might be just what we need sometimes!

[Halcyon]

I'm looking for ideas that:

 

1) Don't really affect the other children or ruin my day (i.e. since I am often on my own on weekends with the kids having a child stay home form an outing is a bit unfair. I'll do it if the situation warrants, but would rather find other ways)

 

2) Quick and easy to execute. These are for small infractions. I am trying to reduce the drama around discipline by applying it more often to correct things like calling a sibling an idiot (for example), leaving the piano multiple times during practice, or excessive griping. There are other examples, some related to chores and mistreating each other, but that is the gist. I am much better at dealing with bigger issues, but these smaller ones too often get ignored, or passed over with a comment from me such as, "that's rude. you need to apologize," etc.

 

3) don't require "bookkeeping" on my part. No tallies or chits.

 

4) natural if possible, but I'm finding it difficult to have them always apply.

 

 

When my children call each other names, they have to put a quarter in the other child's money jar. Also, younger has a tendency to scream when he feels he's being persecuted. For that, too, he must put a quarter in his brother's money jar. Personally, I think he should give ME a quarter. Heck, a dollar. :glare:

[Dustybug]

When my kids complain too much, I put them in the corner until they can change their attitude. They are free to remove themselves at any time, as long as they come back with an attitude adjustment.

 

When they call each other names, I make them hold hands facing each other and tell each other something they like/love about the other and then apologize. If they aren't sincere, then they stand holding hands for awhile to encourage "bonding." :tongue_smilie:

[Tap]

For dd5, right now, her behavior currency is losing her dessert after dinner. I am sure it will change next month, but for now, it works.

 

DD13 is loss of electronics.

 

Ds16 was a verbal reprimand. He hates to hear negative words about himself, so that is all it took.

[Dolphin]

I tell them to take 10. Modified time out, go stand against a wall, count to 10 and apologize to who ever needs apologizing for. Quick and easy.

 

I LOVE couch time if it is an argument between the 2 of them. They have to go to a couch (in another room) hold hands and stay on the couch until they are friends again. It can take 5 seconds or however long it needs to take. (It seldom lasts more than 5 min, and if it does I go in and remind them of some communication skills and walk out again.

 

With my dd4, I sometimes take away a doll for 24 hours, I go from least favorite to favorite until she stops.

 

Ds, my biggest one is to ban him from reading. He is such a bookworm. If he is taking a long time doing something, I tell him no more reading until it is done.

[grace'smom]

For the attitude problem- someone on here recommended something that really worked at our house. She said when they say something rude or nasty, or just not nicely, you just kind of say "rewind" and have them try again more nicely. If they can't think of a way to phrase it nicely you help them, they say it, then you move on.

 

Totally works over here, and it seems to be training her in better manners at the same time.

 

The other stuff I'm not sure about but I'm definitely :bigear::lurk5:.

[TXMomof4]

I second the idea of push-ups/jumping jacks for bad attitude. If I just have a verbal consequence it doesn't seem to refocus their mind. 10 jumping jacks gets their brain in a different place fast. Having them do 'wacky jacks' is even more fun.

[Spryte]

For the attitude problem- someone on here recommended something that really worked at our house. She said when they say something rude or nasty' date=' or just not nicely, you just kind of say "rewind" and have them try again more nicely. If they can't think of a way to phrase it nicely you help them, they say it, then you move on.

[/quote']

 

We do a variant of this, and it works well. We call it a Do-Over, and it works for almost anything... a door was slammed? Kiddo gets a Do-Over. Something was said with a bad attitude? Do-Over. If the Do-Over happens with a bad attitude, he gets to do it over until he's got a better attitude. We usually end up laughing.

[AngelBee]

Taking notes...

[Nan in Mass]

I tried to make small things match small things. The big things seldom actually had concrete consequences. They generally entailed shock on the parents' part and that was enough to bring the child to his senses. Or it was a mistake or misjudgement in the first place, in which case a simple explanation worked fine. The small things, like calling a brother stupid, were much more of a problem. If it was something mildly said, I would usually say, "You need to rephrase that and apologize." I taught them to say, "Oops. Sorry! I didn't mean that way the way it sounded." Or "I forgot." Or "I was mad because..." Or whatever. If it was something with more emotion behind it or something more physical, then I made them stomp up the driveway and back. I wasn't very patient about them dawdling over putting their shoes on, either. I generally encouraged them to take their socks off instead, not as punishment (they went barefoot all the time) but to keep the whole thing as short as possible. Often, we were all waiting for them. They didn't mind this very much, so it worked really well because they would do it willingly. Sometimes the whole thing was done with a sense of humour and they ran quickly up and back, and sometimes they were truly angry and very happy to leave and stomp up and down the driveway until they felt better. If they were still showing anger when they came in, I sent them to do it again. If they were truly out of control, I would suggest that they stomp until they felt better. It feels awful to be angry and this was a way of getting rid of the anger. I never had anyone refuse to do it. As adults, they tend to go for a walk when they are angry, so I guess I accidently taught them a coping skill as well.

Nan

[yellowperch]

Just bumping to hear some more ideas. Love especially the physical tasks. My kids will really respond to that. (Hi Nan!)

[~Tara~]

We do push-ups for attitude here. It helps. A steady 2 weeks of that and bad tones were practically non-existent. Then I got lazy and attitude crept back in (over the course of a few months). We're doing push-ups again this week ;)

 

Once I also told my boys if they were going to bicker like 4 yr old girls I was going to treat them in like manner. They got to lock arms for an hour. They saw how ridiculous they were being. The first couple of minutes they were mad at me, after that, they thought it was hilarious...trying to do things while attached to the other.

 

But mostly it's push-ups or sit-ups. :) The 3 yr old did at least 3 sets yesterday ;) (none today!)

[Little Nyssa]

Here's what works best for us:

 

Mommy: If you don't do X, you will:

 

Have a time-out in your room, [or in another room if there's an interesting object (like tons of Lego) that happens to be out on the floor in your room]. If it a public place, I can have them sit close by but alone, such as a different table in a restaurant, for a time out.

 

Lose your computer time. DS has screen-time scheduled at 4 pm, so I can use that to bargain with all day til then.

 

Lose your bedtime story, or 1/2 of it.

[Amy Jo]

Pushups or other exercise

Re-doing what was asked with a good attitude

Standing in a corner

Writing lines (not fast, but it is not disruptive either)

They get to do a chore of my choice

[fairfarmhand]

Why not for complaining have them write lists of things to be thankful for? This helped put my gripers in perspective. (I have also had to check my own attitude. If they are only seeing me be negative they are mirroring their example. )

 

For name calling, they have to think up five lovely names for the person they called the name. "Princess of Lovely Flowing Blonde Hair" "Prince of Karate-Awesome Coolness" etc.

[yellowperch]

love these ideas. princess of lovely flowing blond hair. love it.

 

Tonight some of these ideas will be tested. It's a mad scramble night with swim, a fast meal at the pizza place, a bit too much driving and one ds has a hard piano practice ahead, plus probably a good bit of homework....I'm ready though.

 

Humor might be my best ally.

[myfunnybunch]

For minor misbehavior:

 

I fine a nickel for not following directions the first time. I usually do this only when things get a little out of hand by announcing "Nickel Week." It lasts for only a week (though the kids are usually back in shape after a day or two), and the results last for several weeks. I haven't had to have a Nickel Week for a while, come to think of it. It's kind of fun, and the kids can do a small chore if they don't have a nickel.

 

"Grab a spray bottle and a rag." Clearly, you need to do something constructive to get yourself reset and back on track. I have the child do a 5-minute-or-less chore, like cleaning the back door or the hallway baseboards. It really does seem to reset their brains and makes it easier for the child to focus on what he needs to be doing or let go of whatever they're bickering about.

 

Ten push-ups. Kind of the same thing, it's just a quick reset.

 

:)

 

Cat

[Laurie4b]

We do push-ups, too, but also, especially if they are angry, they get sent outside to do laps around the house for a while. This gives them sunshine, fresh air, nature, and the exercise dispels the adrenaline hormone.

 

There are some things that can be said that earn a kid the chore of swishing the toilet. Yucky words, yucky chore. (It's the boys' bathroom. ahem.)

 

For offense toward a sibling, they serve the sibling by doing something like one of the sibling's chores for them, etc.

[~Tara~]

oh yes laps...how could I have neglected to mention laps!? We do that a lot for the older ones. The teenager, who hates work of any sort, especially *loves* laps. He *does* almost always come back in with a semi-smile on his face though. Attitude cleared. :)

[J-rap]

No computer.

[Harriet Vane]

I'm looking for ideas that:

 

1) Don't really affect the other children or ruin my day (i.e. since I am often on my own on weekends with the kids having a child stay home form an outing is a bit unfair. I'll do it if the situation warrants, but would rather find other ways)

 

2) Quick and easy to execute. These are for small infractions. I am trying to reduce the drama around discipline by applying it more often to correct things like calling a sibling an idiot (for example), leaving the piano multiple times during practice, or excessive griping. There are other examples, some related to chores and mistreating each other, but that is the gist. I am much better at dealing with bigger issues, but these smaller ones too often get ignored, or passed over with a comment from me such as, "that's rude. you need to apologize," etc.

 

3) don't require "bookkeeping" on my part. No tallies or chits.

 

4) natural if possible, but I'm finding it difficult to have them always apply.

 

For verbal misbehavior, I find "do-overs" to be very effective. Like so:

 

Child: Idiot!

Mom: It is rude to call your brother a name. Please try speaking to him again in a way that is polite."

 

*I also have do-overs for tone of voice or gestures such as eye-rolling as well.*

 

Also, if the verbal misbehavior is particularly malicious or the child spectacularly unrepentant, I might add some hard labor (chores with me) to the process.

 

For leaving the piano, I would add a further thirty minutes of practice for each time the child gets up.

 

Whining/complaining is always responded to with extra chores. If the child continues to gripe, I respond with something like, "I will keep adding to your work until you show me you have learned to stay quiet or say something nice."

 

My son is less compliant than my dd, so there are times that he has to do push-ups.

 

The important thing is to stay calm, address it immediately, and retrain the positive behavior. It takes time, even for small things.