Did you feel prepared to be a parent?

[Mrs. Readsalot]

Did you feel emotionally, physically and or financially prepared to be a parent when your first child was born.

I didn't become a parent until I was 30 years old. Even then it was a bit scary for me.

I had grown up in a difficult environment. My father died when I was 9, my mother was not really equipped in many ways to be a parent(this is really putting it nicely) I didn't have any younger siblings and had baby sat very little. I had never changed a diaper or even held an infant. So emtionally I was not sure for much of my 20's if I even wanted to have children. Then I met and married my wonderful dh. We decided not to even talk about children for 3 years. He had also had a difficult childhood. Then after we were married 2 years we met a wonderful family in our neighborhood. They homeschooled. They asked me to tutor their children in math and teach one of their children flute lessons. My dh and saw and discussed lots of wonderful things we saw in this family. We wanted to be like them. So we decided we would homeshool our child/children if the Lord blessed us with children. Well after making this decision we became pregnant very quickly. Being parents to our ds has been one of the greatest blessings of our lives. Yep I learned to change diapers and spent countless hours rocking him etc. I am sure I did lots of things wrong but we had lots of love. Our ds is a very secure, bright, thoughtful, young man. I can't believe he will turn 15 in the fall. We have seen all the firsts and I love being a mom. So for me the "big" issue was being prepared emotionally. We had the financial and physical well in hand. I guess I have several reasons for posting this. The biggest being that you can change the cycles of the past. I know many of you have also done this.

[Quiver0f10]

I was the baby of 5 and had only babysit an older child a few times so I was really inexperienced. After my DD was born the nurse asked it I wanted to hold her and I said NO! DH got to hold her first and I was a wreck when they handed her to me. I had no clue how to do anything and am thankful I had a nice older woman who lived next door to us. She was a great mentor.

 

I didn't really have a good relationship with my mom and she "left" when my DD was 18 months old and my DS was 3 months. Long story LOL, but I have worked very hard to be a good mom in part because of that. It has made me stronger.

[Ohio12]

I felt completely prepared. I am the oldest of three, very responsible, I was a teacher and had babysat a TON. I read a lot of books and wanted to be a mom.

 

As it turned out DD #1 totally blew my mind and it was MUCH harder than I had expected. I thought I would have much more control over the situation. God had a lot to teach me about growing up and living unselfishly.

 

Now, just when things are getting easier I have decided to homeschool!

[Vida Winter]

but to be honest I don't know *anyone* who is emotionally or physically prepared to be a parent. I was an only child who only babysat older children (about 4 and up) so had no experience with babies. I had no idea how to change a diaper! Lucky that is quickly learned. The worst for me was the lack of sleep. My first two babies had colic, fortunately my third one did not.

[swellmomma]

Yes and no. I was prepared to care for a "normal" baby. I had been working in daycare since I was 11 first as a volunteer then as paid staff. So I knew I could care for a child aged birth-12. I also knew that I could educate that child very well. I was not however in a stable relationship, nor was I financially prepared when I started out. I also did not count on having children with special needs. I have made a whopping load of mistakes along the way but they seem to be doing okay. However I was not prepared to deal with therapists appts for 2 children, Speech therapists for a 3rd and soon to possibly be OT, the stress and heartache that comes with learning your child is not "normal", the times spent at dr's or having your child admitted to the mental health ward. I was not ready for this emotional rollar coaster that is for darn sure, but then I think no one is, no matter how prepared they think they are. My parents did their best, especially given their childhoods, but certainly didn't give me a good example of how to handle frustration/anger over the children's bad behaviours, my mom was a yeller, and unfortunately so am I, this is a hard thing to overcome. Especially since I don't yell at other people's children, guess I hold mine to a higher standard or something.

 

When I added to my family as a single parent, I knew what I was getting into, I knew what life as a single parent was all about, I was about as financially ready as a single parent who can not work away from her kids can be. And GOd made sure that the last 2 babies I had were happy calm babies which made things so much easier.

[C_l_e_0..Q_c]

I had never held a baby in my arms.

I had never babysat not even once.

I used to be the kind of woman that would change rooms in order to avoid children (till they get to 14, I guess).

 

We were financially stable when we started. Emotionally, as close as we could ever be.

 

Then the mom who couldn't prepare a hotdog without burning the buns ended up with kids with multiple food allergies. I had to learn homemade cooking really fast.

[sleepy]

Goodness, no! I've been a parent for almost 14 years now, and I still don't feel prepared. :lol:

[genie]

I'm one of those people who knew in every fiber of my being that I was meant to be a mom. I was the youngest of my siblings, rarely ever got to be around babies, or children of any age for that matter. But mothering just came completely natural to me. I was one of the weirdos who loved every aspect of being pregnant, even the stretch marks. I loved getting up in the middle of the night for my baby. I never felt the need for alone-time. Even the scary times (she didn't nurse well and lost a lot of weight) I had a peace about me.

 

Financially, well, I certainly didn't get the opportunity to buy all the cute baby things I would have loved to buy. But I was blessed by a few good friends who had babies just a little older than mine and pockets far deeper than mine, so the hand-me-downs were so much nicer than anything I could have bought. So as far as necessities, we didn't do without. Of course, if you consider college savings a necessity, then we aren't prepared at all for that.

 

Being a single-income family is so hard in this day and age. So financially, homeschooling can be a huge burden. But you just can't put a price tag on the joy our lifestyle brings us, so for us, it's completely worth it.

[mcconnellboys]

Yes, I was 32 when my oldest was born. He will be 16 this summer. Physically and financially, I was fine. The emotional stuff is always the kicker, isn't it? Just as I think my own parents made a better life for us than they had themselves as children, I think my husband and I have tried to make our children's lives better than what we knew. I regularly speak with my children frankly about my many failings, and hope for them (and tell them so) that they will be better at parenting than I have been. And someday, if their children are better parents than they, and so on, perhaps we'll be a family of wonderful, almost perfect parents, who others will look to as a model for their own families (like your friends). I hope that it will be so. And I believe that we can will goodness into being....

[elegantlion]

Goodness no we weren't prepared in any fashion. We had agreed we didn't want children, and honestly that was a good decision for our lifestyle.

 

When people would show baby pictures at work, I'd show them the pictures of our dogs. I played with hot wheels, not dolls, as a child and I had zero maternal feelings.

 

Then God went to work. I had cancer and one course of tx would have left me unable to have children, so we took the other option, just in case. That took up six months of our lives, but still no real maternal feelings. Then we started praying for wisdom, having changed our lifestyle dramatically, and soon afterward I became pregnant. I say our son was the answer to that prayer. Not that I'm wise, but I've learned so much from the wisdom of a child. He's the joy of our lives.

[Jen500]

I felt financially prepared....but other than that I'm still learning as I go along.

[Mekanamom]

Yes. I babysat extensively as a teen, and had the wonderful opportunity of having many different parents tutor me in the art of child raising. I think my education further prepared me, as well.

 

That doesn't mean I'm a perfect parent, or that I don't make mistakes... it just means I felt confident and prepared when the kids were born... and that leaves a lot of room for not being perfect at it. KWIM?

 

My poor MIL was very irritated that DH and I felt confident enough to make our own parenting decisions. She wanted to give us advice and be our mentors. She was very upset with us for trusting our own instincts more than hers. :(

 

Now- I feel less prepared to parent teens. My oldest is 11.5, and we are getting closer. Yikes.

[Cindy in AR]

No, I wasn't prepared and I still don't know that I am prepared. Child rearing is hard enough let alone homeschooling on top of it. Oh, and don't forget the hormones! I guess God wanted to keep us humble with the hormones and all the mistakes we make with our children. I just pray that it's easier for my children to deal with the stress. I don't know how these women with several children do it. I greatly respect them but I just can't handle it. Maybe it's because I was the baby of three girls, mom did everything for us, and I was 30 years old before I got married. Too much freedom and laziness spoiled me for life. I joke about this but I know it's seriously not funny. Maybe I need some medication or something. The progestrone cream doesn't seem to be strong enough!! :)

 

Cindy in AR

 

dd-9yr

ds-7yr

ds-18mo and adopted

[Plucky]

No and I cried for the first 3 days after my ds's birth because of the enormity of the responsibility. After that we just changed our entire lives and became ready. We love being parents but we weren't ready right off the bat.

[Laura K (NC)]

I was clue-free. My oldest was a complete surprise. I never thought about having children. I never considered one little thing concerning having children. I didn't think about school much less homeschool. I didn't know how to change a diaper... they had to show us in the hospital. We didn't even name our son until he was 3 days old. We moved around a lot when I was having kids so I never had a baby shower, never had any friends who were having babies. And that was before I learned how to use the internet, lol.

 

I never really wanted kids when I was younger. Something happened when my oldest was born, though... I just couldn't take my eyes off of him and I couldn't put him down because he was so fascinating. When he was born I wanted 5 more just like him and I was disappointed I couldn't get pregnant before he was a year old. It was only after he was born that I really began to be prepared to be a mom.

[Kay in Cal]

I think we were well "prepared", but that doesn't actually mean it's easy, right? We were in our early 30s, had been married almost a decade, before we had children. We were prepared in that we knew it would be a huge lifestyle change that we couldn't predict, we wer willing to make whatever sacrifices being a parent takes, and we longed to welcome a child in love... isn't that really what it takes?

[Kathy in MD]

I was in my late 30's and my dh was in his late 40's when we started the adoption process. We were well set financially. We both came from good homes. We had sown our wild oats, ok, our highly domesticated and cultivated bluegrass :) We took adoption classes, researched agencies, collected our documents, had home studies, and psych studies (required by the country we adopted from), frantically got corrected documents, dealt with the state of VA, dealt with the State Dept and foriegn embassy. Through it all, I kept my cool (well, mostly). And then came the call -- "we have an 18 mo-old boy. Here's his picture. Would you like him?" And suddenly the enormity of what my dh and I were about to do hit. Finally I realized that I was about to become responsible for another human being. I panicked!

 

By the time the "adoption from h***" (as the adoption agency called it) was completed 2-3 years later, with a different child and an appeal to the Supreme Court of the country we adopted from, nothing could throw me. I could deal with anything! ;)

 

And then I fell down carrying my new ds while still abroad. I now know, even the most experienced can be panicked.

[ereks mom]

But NOW, I think I'm an excellent parent, thank you very much! :D

[sadiegirl]

I was not prepared for having a baby...no experience around kids of any ages most of my single adult life. So, when my husband and I married in our late 20s, it was new to both of us. Actually, looking back, I think we did quite well. In fact, sometimes I think I did a better job when they were small than with them now(ages 11 and 12). This time is a tough time to me as they see us for all we are--good and bad!!! I guess I feel less prepared for these years more than any age they have been.

[Karenciavo]

Emotionally - yes

Physically - yes

Financially - No, but a wise person said if you wait till you feel financially ready you will never have children.

[Miss Marple]

Yes, until I actually had the kids, then realized that NOTHING would ever prepare one for all parenthood entails. It's sort of "learn as you go". Some preparations make the stresses easier - or maybe just fewer stresses, but being a parent is just hard sometimes.

[Pretty in Pink]

i had just turned 18 when i had my first. believe it or not i was a pretty responsible kid, aside from the whole getting pg part, and very experienced with caring for little ones, changing diapers, cooking meals, doing laundry, and most all domestic challenges, because my parents were alcoholics and i pretty much raised my siblings.

 

having said that, i was so NOT prepared to be a good mom! i figured it was just like babysitting only all the time. emotionally and physically it was such a challenge.

 

i was the mom who figured its okay to go party every weekend as long as you have a good sitter. and i did go out a LOT those first three years of my eldest child's life.

 

looking back all i can say is its a good thing they don't really remember that far back, and also that children are so loving and forgiving, they only want to see the good in their parents when they are small and what a blessing that is.

[whisperam]

I am happy for your family.

[Kari C in SC]

I was nearly 17 when I had our first ds. My dh was 10 days away from 18. Honestly, I think I was pretty emotionally ready. I realize that sounds odd because I was so young, but I always wanted to be a mommy. We adored this baby and I spent my days just loving on him. I was physically ready to have him as well. I had my other two kids at 26 and 32. The first one was my easiest, the last was my hardest physically. Financially, I was not ready to have our first ds. We were so young and I guess dumb to plan to have a baby. Thank God, I had wonderful parents. They helped us and their help paid off. When I had my second child, my dad had just passed away. Because my parents helped us to get through college, save for a starter house, etc. - we were able to buy my parents house from my mom. She needed to downsize and we needed more room. So, at 26 with our second child, we were prepared emotionally, physically, and financially. Then there was our 3rd child. I was devastated with the sudden death of my sister-in-law. My dh thought I may crawl under a rock and never come out. His solution was to have that last child I kept thinking about. Maybe strange, but so sweet on his part. Emotionally, I was drained. Physically, I was drained. Financially, I was fine. It has all worked out though. I really believe God has a time for each and every baby to come for reasons we may or may not understand.

[Tammyla]

:iagree:

 

;)

 

Yes, until I actually had the kids, then realized that NOTHING would ever prepare one for all parenthood entails. It's sort of "learn as you go". Some preparations make the stresses easier - or maybe just fewer stresses, but being a parent is just hard sometimes.

[Heather in the Kootenays]

I was 35 - hadn't seen a baby in years (maybe decades). I had a fast paced high powered job and was so freaked out that I was convinced we'd all starve - despite the facts that I didn't quit my job and dh also made more than enough money. The only things I knew about motherhood was what I read in the 10 books I read about babies. I'm amazed we all made it but we did. Dd is now 16, just completed her first year of ps and did extremely well for a guinea pig.

[Guest Virginia Dawn]

I felt completely prepared. I am the oldest of three, very responsible....and had babysat a TON. I read a lot of books and wanted to be a mom.

 

As it turned out DD #1 totally blew my mind and it was MUCH harder than I had expected. I thought I would have much more control over the situation. God had a lot to teach me about growing up and living unselfishly.

 

QUOTE]

 

Yep!

[abbeyej]

Well, I'm 30 now. I got pregnant with #1 at 20. And I don't think I'd have been any more "prepared" had I waited till now rather than having my first then. I had a lot to learn. But I learned it by being a mother. I don't know that there would have been another way to do it.

 

But I was blessed with loving parents who, despite human mistakes and flaws, did a pretty good job of parenting me. Dh was blessed with the same. And while we had no money when we were first expecting ds, dh did have some "sweet skillz" that -- along with some kindness from friends, strangers, and even the government -- got us started and we had plenty with which to make do.

 

I've made mistakes as a parent. But I truly don't believe I'd have made many fewer if I had waited longer... If I'm ever blessed with another child, I'm sure I'll make plenty more. ;)

 

When I found out I was pregnant with ds, I was terrified. Panicked. But I think the timing was also perfect. And I was as prepared as I needed to be, as I ever would have been.

 

ETA: In terms of practical things, my sister was born when I was 12.5, so I felt like I'd had a fair amount of exposure to how to care for a baby. My mother gave me a book on nursing while I was pregnant with ds, and I'm very glad she did. I had basically assumed you just stuck 'em on and that was that, lol, and once ds was born, it was great that I had learned a little ahead of time. Otherwise, perhaps I would have panicked when things weren't quite as easy as I had assumed they would be. ... I also wish that I had known more about alternative birth options, but everyone I knew had babies in hospitals, and I was being pretty "alternative" to do Bradley birth classes, etc. But again, I'm not sure if that would have been different had I waited longer... In a way, it was a journey I had to make for myself, whenever that was going to happen...

[Kate CA]

Did you feel emotionally, physically and or financially prepared to be a parent when your first child was born.

I didn't become a parent until I was 30 years old. Even then it was a bit scary for me.

 

 

Heavens, no! I was 23 when we had our first baby and while I was really on top of the whole pregnancy thing, I was clueless about the baby! I will never forget that first week. After she was born I started nursing, but I was so clueless I didn't even know how to burp her. LOL The midwife said the next day, "You didn't expect me to leave you with a baby, did you?" It was so funny. We were just CLUELESS.

 

My dh had only recently found a full time job as he had been in school and working part time, I had just quit mine to stay at home and we were BABIES! Would I do it over? Absolutely. I sort of hope my own children have a little bit more money and schooling, but if they don't they will still make it. God is good to His children - He can help us break those cycles you were talking about.

 

Your post was a beautiful one. Thanks for sharing it. :)

[CactusPair]

No, I was none of those. But I took the plunge anyway. If I'd waited for the ideal situation, I'd never have a baby. Ever.

 

It's been a learn on the job kind of thing. I'm surprised that I like it that way, but I do.

[Jami]

I think I was pretty prepared. I had babysat and helped with younger cousins most of my teen years, I worked in daycare for a short time, so as far as physical care of infants I was pretty confident. My mom is a nurse and my sister had one child already and I'm very close to both so I had that support system. I had a dear mentor in college who had young children and I learned a lot by being around her, hearing her struggles, and having the chance to help her in her home from time to time. Add to that that I genuinely enjoyed babies and young children, I felt pretty ready when our first came along.

 

Emotionally--I think so. Dh and I married in college, waited 4 years, so we knew each other pretty well and were at a point in our relationship where we wanted to expand our family. Neither of us have/had much family baggage, so that certainly helps. We were in a fantastic church with good friends and teachers.

 

Financially--nah, probably not. Too many student loans and I only worked for a year after college before ds was born. Dh had a great job, but he'd only been there a year, so we hadn't saved up a lot or paid down our student loans significantly. But we had enough to buy our first home and live comfortably, but more savings and less debt certainly would have been nice. So in retrospect...I probably should have worked a couple more years and padded things before starting our family.

 

On the other hand, we're young, about to have our 4th (and probably final) and I'll have many years after I'm done teaching my crew to work and pad the bank account. And parenting has certainly worked on my character as much as anything else I could have imagined doing. I think it wouldn't have taken much for me to enjoy the fruits of a two-income lifestyle and the emotional rewards of a career enough to have postponed starting a family much longer than I would have thought.

 

Jami

[...................]

Yep, 100%.

 

Boy was I an idiot.